"You gave me a life, but you didn't allow me to live," she picked up the torn pieces of her sheet music, pushing out her words as stable as she could.

"Whatever I'm doing is the best for you."

She exhaled a teary laugh and drifted her mother's cold gaze to the crumbled papers in her hands. "B—best? You never know what I want, nor do you want to know."

"Being a pianist in Malaysia is the same as digging your own grave!" Cracks of her knuckles from her shivering fists echoed in the air. "Thanks to that silly dream of yours, our family will never be perfect again."

The word pierced straight into her heart. Shannon rushed back to her room and locked herself within. Her eyes sored staring the broken piano at the corner. She couldn't fix it. It was the only thing her dad left for her before he bid her his last goodbye. Smell of burns were still lingering around the surface no matter how hard she tried to erase it away. Black and white keys left with only tiny bits, ruined in the fiery blaze two years ago set by her very own mother.

Walking over to her table, sight of Science books arranged neatly on the nailed shelves dropped a heavy burden on her shoulders. She felt the weight. The weight of becoming a good doctor, dentist, accountant, anything Science-related.

Is this how you going to live your life, Shannon? she asked herself. Dad sacrificed himself to get back your piano. Are you willing to let it go just like that?

"Shan!" The knocks on her sliding door followed repetitively.

"Ah Li?"

"Let me in!" The taps continued.

Shannon leaped over her bed and released the click behind her lacy curtains. "I know you're weird, but I didn't know you're this weird."

"Eh! Excuse me," she jumped into her room, patting off the dried leaves stuck on her white tee. "Here is so much nearer than walking to your main entrance lah! Have you finished the Chemistry yesterday—" gasping, she rose her brows at the music scoresheets and pulled them over, flattening. "Oh my sis. What happened?"

Silence crawled in the air.

"Your mom... did this, isn't it?" She was careful with her tone.

Drip by drip, her tears rained the papers. When she heard footsteps approaching behind her door, she immediately ran her hand over Cherry's mouth. But they faded soon after. She didn't want her mom to know how her friend ended up here. Ever since the passing of her dad, they rarely talk. Even if they did, it was always about studies and success.

Shannon turned her swollen eyes away, no longer able to withstand the amount of concerns Cherry pouring from her worried ebonies.

"This is your dream..." she muttered the moment Shan removed her hand. "How could she shatter it like this?"

"Ah Li... what if my mom is right? That I'll never be a successful pianist in this country."

"I don't know. But if you give up now, then your mom is definitely right," Cherry cupped the sides of Shannon's head and tilted them up. "You have an overwhelming love for music, Shan. Don't throw it away just because nobody else acknowledge it."

For the past sixteen years of living, her dad was the only one who kept her dream beating. Now that he was gone, the courage of believing in her artistic passion was slowly losing its hold.

Sighing, she looked past her window. What laid in front was the sight of the hectic, busy streets of Kuala Lumpur. Moody knobby clouds moved with the cooling breeze, shielding the dimming rays from hitting the ground. Hons of cars registered clearly in her ears. Bantings of different advertisements – Education Fair in Midvalley, promotion sales in NSK Trading, were pasted on the poles. Pigeons flew past the Jalur Gemilang hanging along the electric cables. They chirped a harmonious melody, enjoying the most freedom she once imagined of owning. 2020. This was supposed to be the year she competes in the International Grand Piano Competition.

"You hear me or not, Shan?"

"I understand what you're trying to say." Frowning, she slumped her weight on the bed. It creaked. "But there're times that I have no choice but to feel hopeless, tired... Everything just seems so tough. And I... I..."

"Okay lah. Honestly speaking, though I'm an idiot when it comes to music. I still have a bit of senses to differentiate between a good piece of song and a bad one." Cherry squatted, picking up the little wooden box sliding into the view from the bottom of her bed. "These are your treasures. Don't hide them away."

"They're burnt, Ah Li," she pressed open the numbered lock, exposing a strong stench of smoke into the air. The ruined sheets were barely one-quarter of the whole and none of them was in a good condition. "These are the only shattered flakes I could save."

"Wow," Cherry popped her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't know she'd go to this extent..."

"Come on lah, if she can burn my piano, what more she wouldn't do?"

"But why? I don't understand, Shan. Why is your mom so against you chasing after the path as a pianist?"

"As simple as, she sees no future of it. And her hatred doubled when dad passed away for trying to save my dream."

Their conversation was interrupted by two heavy knocks on the door.

"It's time for your Biology tuition. Bring your Chemistry books along. I've called the teacher to make up for the class you missed last week. I'll be waiting for you at the carpark." the voice said. As cold as ever.

Shan leaked her tears, voice thick with mucus. "See? That's the only life she approved of me living."

She chucked the books into her backpack, draped it over her shoulder and paced away without seeing her friend leave.

Her life was never hers to control.