My head was still a mess of too many thoughts clashing around like a brass band as we found our way back out into the chilly New York City night air.

“Thanks for dinner. It was really nice.”

“Thank you for not thinking I’m a complete lunatic.” I forced out a laugh but when he responded with a genuine chuckle of his own I relaxed just a bit. 

“Well… the jury is still out on that one.” 

Here comes that awkward date thing where you decide what comes next.

Mitch was beginning to fidget and pick at his fingernails. I knew he was more than likely going to suggest that we go our separate ways for the night, but I wasn’t ready to lose sight of him just yet.  Call me clingy and dependent, but I spend 95% of my life with that man. We exist in tandem and we’ve pretty much established that I need him.  It is what it is.

Need.

Such a strong word 

“Walk with me?”

I could tell he wasn’t quite on board, but I was confident I could convince him.

“Scott, it’s like 11 o’clock at night!”

“And? C’mon. Isn’t Central Park pretty at night?” 

“Yeah, if you want to get mugged!”

“Really?”

“Ok, it’s not that bad but maybe we should just stick to the more populated areas.”

“How about a bar?”

“I don’t drink.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Since when did Mitch Grassi not drink!???

He laughed, probably at the disbelief written all over my face. “What!? I'm a singer. I have to take care of my voice! Plus its easy to get in trouble in New York if you’re not careful, so I try to be responsible.” 

Well color me surprised.

“Ooook. So where would you like to go?”

“Umm...why don’t we just walk a bit and see where we end up.” He headed off down the sidewalk stopping a few steps away and glancing back with just a hint of a flirty smile over his shoulder as he waited for me to catch up. 

Looks like shy little Mitchy is starting to come out of his shell.

I kept stealing glances at him as we headed off in a random direction with Mitch leading the way. I know that I'd technically just met him that day, but I was honestly surprised by just how unsure I was of myself. I mean it was Mitch and I could hardly remember ever feeling awkward around him, but there I was ..completely unsure of what to do or say and worrying that every action or word would cause him to run the other way.

It was weird and uncomfortable at first… 

Just like every first date ever. 

...but once we fell into step we also fell into a comfortable conversation that we both seemed to relax into and things got much easier. The usually packed sidewalks weren’t too ridiculously crowded once we were away from 7th St. It was a rather comfortable back and forth as we talked and reminisced about high school and Arlington. It was strange yet familiar at the same time which seemed to be the theme of this new friendship… relationship.. thing. It was nice..    easy.

“Hey Mitchy?”

He smiled at the nickname and tilted his head a bit to look up at me. “Yeeeess?” 

“Can I… hold your hand?”

Why are you being so weird and awkward. Just be normal and stop with the freakshow!

He stopped and looked at me with a shake of his head. I knew I was blushing, but his smile was worth my embarrassment. “You are too adorable.” He held out his hand and I took it with a sheepish smile. It was such a ‘teenagers on a first date’ kind of move, but the urge to touch him had just been too much for me to ignore and just reaching out to take his hand again like I had in the restaurant seemed a bit much.

And really… it doesn’t hurt to ask right?

Finally things were beginning to feel like normal again. It felt like the thousands of times we’d walked down the street hand in hand or with my arm wrapped around his shoulders.

That ache was there again, that missing piece of my heart that might never find its way back home leaving a pulsing wound in its wake.  If this were my Mitch we’d be singing by now or he would be complaining about his feet or the chill. What I wouldn’t give to hear his voice…  

Mitch was Mitch, obviously, but this Mitch’s voice was not the same.  It was deeper, less flamboyant. I wasn’t sure if it was just a matter of different influences or if it was a lack of connection with himself and knowing who he really was.  

OK stop comparing him. He’s not going to be your Mitch so just try and accept him for what he is.

I fought to turn off my brain and my heart as we made our way over to look down at the Prometheus fountain in Rockefeller Center. Mitch shivered a bit as a small breeze ruffled his hair and I wanted to run my fingers through it. Instead I decided to be a gentleman and I released his hand to remove the jacket I was wearing and drape it over his shoulders. It wasn’t anything super heavy, but it was better than nothing, and I got to see those dimples again so I considered it the right move.

“Thanks. I hope we didn’t get too far from your hotel. If you want we could go hang out there instead of wandering around?” He immediately closed his eyes, cheeks on fire.  “I didn’t mean like- I mean I wasn’t- I’m not that easy, I swear!” I grinned as he covered his face with both of his hands.  “Oh my God”

I couldn’t stop laughing at first but that laughter quickly waned when I realized… oh yeah… I didn’t HAVE a hotel room for us to even hang out in.

“Well, you see... funny story...  I kind of haven’t booked a hotel room yet.”

He dropped his hands and shot me a look of disbelief. “You’re joking.”

“I told you it was a last minute moment of spontaneity. If I had stopped to think about it I would have chickened out and I wouldn’t be here right now.” It was my turn to blush and I shifted my eyes away to look at anything but the searching gaze of the man by my side.

He was quiet, more than likely trying to decide whether to run or not.   

“You really did just hop on a plane and come here looking for me, didn’t you.” 

I chewed on my lip, my silence giving him his answer as I toed sheepishly at the sidewalk. 

“I don’t know whether to be terrified or seriously flattered. I still just can’t wrap my brain around a guy that looks like you doing something like that for someone like me.”

I turned to face him while trying to really understand. That was the second time he’d said something like that and it took my heart back to another time and place.

The Mitch in my world… MY Mitch... had taken quite the hit to his confidence after his last serious relationship had ended on a rather toxic note. The entire debacle left him with a lot of self doubt and it had taken me ages to boost him back up again. I remembered how bad it always hurt every time I’d see him look in the mirror and I’d see that look in his eyes, that sadness and darkness that would cloud over his expression for just a moment before he’d put on a smile for the rest of the world so they didn’t see his struggle.   

This Mitch reminded me of that darkness and all I wanted to do was bathe him in sunlight. I just wanted him to see how amazing and beautiful he was. I wanted him to smile for me.

“You really need to have more confidence because honestly you are beyond worthy of grand gestures and huge declarations and more. You’re gorgeous and flawless and-”

Well that certainly took an unexpected turn.

It was a strange thing being kissed by my best friend.  You know how everyone always obsesses over Mitch’s lips? I mean let’s face it ...those lips are practically their own category of sin. Gay - straight - or whatever category you identify with those lips are beyond tempting.

Well let me just be the one to tell you that kissing them is everything you imagine it would be and more. I’m not really sure what I was thinking or if I just couldn’t even process a thought, but when he pulled away I do know that I just couldn’t stop staring at him. He blinked a few times, his long lashes and wide eyes giving him an air of frightened innocence that was somehow breathtaking.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over m-”   

Okay, so I MAY have gotten a little bit excited and eager and gone in for my own kiss, pulling the tiny body close against me. He melted into it and suddenly I just couldn’t seem to get enough. He was timid and shy, and I led the kiss, trying not to push him too far, but I just couldn’t make myself pull away.  

I mean it was MITCH. I should have been freaking out, but I really wasn’t. It was good… really good if I was honest with myself. I don’t know that I can truly give it the right words.

By the time he pulled back, his eyes closed and that bottom lip full and completely bitable, I was nearly breathless.

That just happened.

When he finally opened his eyes is when it full on hit me. This wasn’t my Mitch. My Mitch would have probably slapped the absolute shít out of me… or maybe would have freaked out but still thrown caution to the wind and jumped right in like it was perfectly fine.  Then afterwards he would have a complete meltdown while he panicked about the future of our friendship. Maybe I would kiss him again to calm him down and then tell him that the risk was worth it.

This isn’t the same man, but he is… or he can be. Maybe it’s time someone showed him how to be. Maybe things can be different…   maybe we can be different. 

“We should see if we can find a hotel that’s willing to book you a room at 11 pm.”  He was smiling, but he was also intermittently gazing around and away from me. I wasn’t sure if it was him trying to be coy or just simple shyness. Somehow I think it was the latter. 

He blushed again as he realized his words. “I swear I didn’t mean it like that.”

I laughed and took his hand in mine again as we began our search.

~~~

It didn’t take too ridiculously long. New York is a different kind of world and soon we were watching spongebob reruns on Nickelodeon and laughing in the ridiculously tiny room. The bed was comfy though and before too long I realized that Mitch had fallen asleep next to me. 

I probably should have woken him, but the idea of him walking around the city alone at night did NOT sit well with me. Instead I turned off the tv and managed to maneuver him enough to get his shoes off and get him under the covers.  I managed to get somewhat comfy on top of the blankets so he wouldn’t freak out when he woke. I stared at his face in the dim lamplight for the longest time, hoping and praying that when I opened my eyes again there would be a different Mitch waiting for me.

It took a couple of hours, but finally I let myself fall into a restless sleep.

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Hi kittens! First things first - I realized I have 585 followers which is so strange to me that that many people care about what I have to say and create. So I got to thinking... maybe when I hit 600 I'll write a private one shot just for my followers as a way of saying thanks! I may or may not have an idea in mind. We shall see

Also major apologies for this chapter - I know it was a mess :/ but I'll try to make it up to you