I hate New York.  

Wait, I’m lying… I love New York.  New York is the kind of place that you can love and hate at the same time for many different reasons. Currently I was ready to murder everyone standing between me and Mitch.  I'm not really sure what my plan was exactly, but I would figure it out when I saw him, at least that was the idea.

First item on the agenda was googling directions to the coffee shop I’d seen on Mitch’s facebook. It was a cute little corner cafe’ in Soho. It didn’t look like much but that wasn’t really important. Once inside I headed up to the main counter and was met by a super pale girl with bright green hair she must have died herself because it was streaky and messy and cheap looking black lipstick.  

Wow way to judge.

I immediately felt bad for my previous assessment when the girl turned out to be quite nice and cheery despite her appearance and she let me know that Mitch was indeed going to be playing later that night. She was excessively flirty but I think she quickly realized her efforts were lost on me.

“So are you a friend of Mitch?’

“He’s my b-” Nope.  Not your best friend in this hell. He probably has no idea who the hell you are.   “Um…I’m  just a fan of his voice.”  

She raised an eyebrow with a smirk and I knew my face had turned bright red.

“Mmmhmm. Well, he’s very talented and veeeeeeery cute.”  

Oh, Jesus Christ. Why isn’t it more bussssyyy. Don’t you have customers or something?

“Yeah.” I nodded rubbing the back of my neck, beyond uncomfortable. 

“I’m Mara. Hope you’ll be back for the show.”

I nodded and hurried back out with a few hours to kill.

Time to fix this monstrosity of a wardrobe.

An hour later and I finally felt somewhat like myself.  My body in this life needed some serious work. I was way too skinny. It was like I’d decided not to change anything about myself once I hit 18.  Shopping was … not fun as I tried to figure out this new body. I didn’t go expensive, mostly because I had no idea what my budget really was, but something was better than nothing and once I had changed I felt much, much better. 

I still had quite a bit of time to kill so I grabbed a quick bite to eat from a street vendor and then stopped into a bookshop. I wasted a bit more time wandering around before the nerves began to kick in again. I found a couple of books that I thought would help keep my mind busy and instead of wandering around the city and being anxious, I took my purchases back to the coffee shop.  

Mara shot me a grin when she saw me again and gave me my first cup of coffee on the house.  I made myself comfortable at a little table off in a corner with a soft cushiony chair that was ideal for reading and also perfectly placed where I would still be able to see Mitch when he got there.

The coffee actually wasn’t too bad, and the book was rather interesting as well and I easily let myself get lost in it. Mara was excellent at keeping my cup full and updating me on the time so I made a mental note to tip her well.

I got so lost in my book that it took me awhile to realize there was a familiar voice mingling in with the conversation and background noise. 

I looked up to see him talking to Mara, both of them smiling as he leaned forward with his elbows on the counter.

It was a weird moment as I took in all of the changes and differences between this Mitch and my own. This Mitch wore his hair the same way he’d had it in high school, and he was ridiculously skinny and not in a healthy muscley way like mine was. He was pale, clean shaven, and the most staggering difference…   not one tattoo was visible. His arms were clear of ink, even his Jiji and Aphex twins tattoos were nowhere to be seen.

I didn’t know what to do with the differences. It was weird and I kind of hated them.

What happened to you?! 

I realized I must have been staring when his eyes turned to meet mine and he quickly turned back to Mara, blush coloring his cheeks. I turned away, realizing I probably looked like a creep or a stalker, but I kept stealing glances from the corner of my eye.

This is ridiculous! It’s Mitch! Your best friend! You know him like the back of your hand! DO SOMETHING! 

I was about to take my almost empty coffee up to the counter to get a refill, but while I had been giving myself a mental peptalk Mitch had relocated over to the little performance area and Mara had plopped herself down in the seat next to mine and placed two large coffees on the table between us.

She grinned up at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“So I never got your name.”

“Scott.” I was still sending quick glances in Mitch’s direction, and imagine my surprise when he pulled out an acoustic guitar. I guess he  actually went ahead with those guitar lessons he kept saying he was going to take and never did. Guess I took up too much of my Mitch’s time .... 

“He’s single, by the way. Just saying. Also very shy so if you’re hoping he will talk to you first you’ll be waiting a very very long time.”

I knew my face was on fire again, but before I could say anything Mitch’s voice broke through.  

Now, first off…  let me just say I don’t take any credit for Mitch’s voice being the amazing, heavenly perfection that it is, but clearly our constant back and forth, our random song writing or singing hang outs… and all of the singing lessons that I came back and told Mitch every single detail of…   had paid off in my world, because this Mitch, while still amazing, wasn’t nearly as refined as mine.  He was still really, really good and I found myself getting a bit lost in the words of a song I was pretty sure he hadn’t written, but he was still raw and that’s when I really began to see the differences in his performance.

This Mitch was nervous, eyes closed, hiding behind a guitar that he played surprisingly very well. When one song ended and everyone clapped, he was timid in his thank yous and kept the talking to a minimum before starting up another. 

I was silent as I watched him, my heart longing for a man who didn’t exist in this world.

This wasn’t my Mitch. 

I quickly wiped away a tear that had fallen, but Mara was watching me from the corner of her eye and turned to look at me. “You ok?” 

I nodded and looked back at Mitch, wishing more than anything that I could take back those words, but I couldn’t. They had already been said, the damage had already been done. This was the personal hell I had created for myself.

My Mitch was gone.

I began to stare off at nothing, my thoughts a swirl of what ifs and what nows.  I guess I was beyond distracted because by the time I looked up it wasn’t Mara next to me but instead a very quiet Mitch, swirling a spoon around his coffee mug.

He smiled a bit, though I could still see that shyness in his eyes. “You still look the same as you did in high school.”

The statement made me laugh a bit, but the fact that he at least knew I wasn’t a crazy stalker helped slow the pounding of my heart. “I’m surprised you remember me.”

There was an immediate blush to his dimpled cheeks and he stared into his coffee. “I guess I’m just good with faces.” 

I nodded a bit, knowing that wasn’t the case at all, but there were too many things I wanted to say to even question it.

I tried to think of the best order to go in, but while I was thinking Mitch began asking his own questions instead.

“So … what brings you to New York? Mara said you were looking for me?” 

It was my turn to blush this time and I stared at my coffee. “Um, I just… heard you were performing here and just… wanted to see how you were doing.”

He raised an amused eyebrow, lips sliding up into a lazy smirk. “I didn’t even know you knew I existed.”

“Of course I did. You’re m-” I had to stop myself again, momentarily forgetting that this wasn’t my Mitch, he was someone else. I slid my lip between my teeth as I tried to search for a change of subject. “Anyway, you seem to be doing ok here. You make a lot of money doing this?”

He burst out laughing. “Um, no. I wait tables over at TGIFridays and also work the ticket booth at the Gershwin sometimes. There’s a really good Chinese restaurant that I run deliveries for on weekends when they need me and I’m available. Also there’s a club I DJ at sometimes, but only if they’re really desperate.” He laughed a bit, but I could tell it was forced.

“That sounds like a lot.”

He shrugged. “It’s not so bad. The life of an artist, I guess.”

No. This was not his life. His life was laid back and happy and spending hours on tumblr and spending money on frivolous things that for some reason were important to him, at least at the moment. Granted sometimes it was a lot of work, but it was work doing what he loved not running himself into the ground just to stay alive. His life was success and praise and hugs and love and friends and fans and - 

“Are you ok? You seem upset…” 

“Can I take you to dinner?” I immediately regretted blurting out those words, but he just seemed surprised. 

“Um… yeah, I guess. I mean, yes. I’d like that.”

Well, he was still awkward, that was for sure.

“Did you want to meet somewhere or we could go now or…”

“Well, where did you have in mind?” 

“Wherever you’d like.” 

He laughed but gave a small nod. “Okay, umm Applebees?” 

I smiled. There was my Mitch.  “That sounds perfect.”