(don't worry i'm wrapping it up #soon) 

~

Mitch was oddly surprised when he wasn't faced with his best friend the moment he walked through the door. In fact the apartment was eerily quiet as stepped into the living room.  Scott's bedroom door was closed and while normally he wouldn't have any reservations about knocking, the events of the past few days and too many revelations had him scared and maybe irrationally insecure. 

Was Scott having second thoughts?

He slowly moved to stand in front of the wooden barrier, raising his hand to knock but letting it fall again as he tried to think of what he would say. Maybe Scott just wanted to be alone... but then why would he have texted him to say he could come home? What if he was just telling him to come home... but not to him? 

Why do I overthink every.single.thing.

He was still pondering when the door suddenly opened and he was face to face (well... face to chest) with his best friend. He expected the man to wrap him up in his arms and bury his nose in skin, but that didn't happen. Scott just stood there, his eyes red and puffy from crying, a few unshed tears still glistening along his lashline. 

"I heard the front door. I guess I figured you'd just come in." Scott's voice was off and the quiet sniffle at the end made Mitch want to shift into comfort mode, but he wasn't sure if that was okay ... and that bothered him.

"I wasn't sure you wanted me to."

Scott awkwardly shifted a bit, both of them still hovering in the doorway but neither knowing which way to go.   "I want to kiss you right now, but I can't. It doesn't feel right yet."

"You kissed me before you broke up with him. You feel guilty about doing it now?" Mitch's brow furrowed as he let that realization sink in. He was the 'other woman'. 

Scott winced at the truth. "You know what I mean."

Mitch wanted to argue that no he didn't know what he meant, but the sadness in blue eyes just twisted his stomach into knots and he managed to bite his tongue. There were a few breaths of silence before he quietly asked, "Is it... ok if I hug you?" He felt foolish for asking to do something he used to do at least once a day without hesitation, but the embarrassment was more than worth it when he was wrapped up tight in those strong arms. When he heard the quiet inhale, he pressed his face to Scott's chest, finding his own comfort in the rhythm of his heartbeat and the rise and fall of each breath.

It wasn't long before he felt the tremble of Scott's body and knew his friend was crying again. His arms tightened around him, fingers clinging to Mitch's shirt.   Deep inhales he would never have noticed before knowing the truth now made him feel needed but only for a microsecond. 

 Scott's voice was quiet and a bit muffled as he spoke into his skin.  "I know it was the right decision and I know that you're what I want.... but I still loved him. He cried so hard and he begged and it hurt so bad..."

"I'm sorry... " It was all Mitch could manage to mumble as he fought back his own flood of tears. Why had he let things change? Why did he have to press Scott for the truth in the first place? Why couldn't he have just left things the way they were? If he had just trusted him then Scott would still be with Alex and he wouldn't be this crying mess in his arms. "It's my fault."

"Don't. Don't say that.  I know it's better this way, but I just ... I need time for my heart to say goodbye to him."

"I know, babe. I know." He looked up as Scott pulled away and took his face in his hands. 

"I know how you are and I know you're going to try to second guess everything and worry, but please don't. Not this time. You know I love you and you know I'm not going anywhere.  You're all I've ever wanted.  All I'm asking for is a couple of days."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Scott was usually barging into his room and interrupting whatever he was doing to talk about any and everything when he had something this heavy on his mind. He knew he probably shouldn't ask, not with this subject anyway, but he just wanted Scott to smile again. 

The hands that had been cradling his face fell and Scott's gaze moved to the floor as he began to fidget."I can't... not with you." 

He'd expected that answer, but it still hurt.  "Ok." 

Scott's expression scrunched in a bit as he realized how it sounded and his eyes met Mitch's once more. "You know I didn't mean it like that. I just don't think it's fair to either of you."

Mitch forced a nod. "So I guess I'm sleeping on my own tonight."

"As much as I want to hold you... I just need to miss him for a little while."

"I understand."

"It's just for a few days. I need to do this.. not just for him.. but for me."

"No worries. I get it."

"I love you."

Mitch didn't know what to say. Scott couldn't kiss him because of guilt or whatever, but he'd said those words without problem, his voice smooth and tender. It sent his brain into a bit of a tail spin again.

He decided to change the subject to stop the brain tug of war. "How's the anxiety? You ok on that front?"

"Yeah. I'm not freaking out or unsure or scared... i'm just sad. The meds are doing their job."

Guess you don't need me then. "That's good. Did you eat something?"

"I made a sandwich earlier."

Another awkward silence hung between them. It was one of the few times Mitch had ever felt unwanted in his own apartment... like he just shouldn't be there. Funny.. all of the times he had felt that way had involved Alex and almost all had occurred in the past few days. Jealousy and insecurity are vicious little bitches. Still... it was Scott was blocking the doorway, keeping him from entering the bedroom. Logically he knew his best friend wasn't doing it just to keep him out ... not really, but it didn't make Mitch feel any better about the situation.

"So...." He took a couple of steps back, part of him still hoping Scott would change his mind, but the tears were still falling down his cheeks and he remained still. "...I guess this is goodnight then." He felt the awkwardness in his movements and words as he turned and headed to his own bedroom. Scott's voice made him pause just as he reached for the knob.

"Mitch? Don't forget who has my heart. I know I'm messed up right now and I'm probably being selfish but I want my head on straight before we start this."

"Maybe not quite straight." Mitch tried to joke and he heard the small chuckle behind him. It eased the tension in his heart if only a tiny bit.

"I love you."

Mitch still couldn't bring himself to say the same. Sure he'd said it before when the meaning wasn't quite the same, but things were different now. People tended to throw those words around as if they'd lost their true power... but they still meant something to him. He knew Scott really meant them but he wanted to say them because he needed Scott to know how much he meant to him... not because he felt obligated to say them back.

"Goodnight, Scott."

He felt cold as he entered his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Maybe the space would be good. It would give him more time to sort through everything and come to terms with the changing relationships surrounding him.

Or give me more time to second guess everything and work myself up into a desperate panic.

It had only been a couple of days since his world had been tossed into a blender.  Maybe he was still a little freaked out by it all.  

Ok, not really. Sure it was a lot to risk and things would absolutely change, but if Scott was the light at the end of the tunnel then all of his weird sniffiness and requested seclusion was worth it. He just hoped Scott wouldn't change his mind. Sure he'd been on his meds consistently for over a week (even if it was because he'd been angry at Mitch) but what if he stayed on them long term and he realized he'd confused love with obsession. Maybe Connor was wrong and Scott would think he'd made a mistake!? 

Only time would tell. 

~

He lay in bed that night unable to turn off his thoughts. The longer he was alone the louder his brain began to scream doubts he'd already reasoned were pointless but couldn't seem to dismiss. So many times he'd nearly gone running to Scott, desperate for reassurance and comfort, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't just show up in Scott's bed and burrow into his arms like the other boy had done to him so many times, no matter how much he wanted to.

How the tables had turned. 

It was nearly 1 am when he finally gave in and texted Connor. It wouldn't be the comfort he was looking for, but that sweet boy had a way of distracting him and also keeping him from making really dumb decisions.

That invitation to use your guest room still open?
Just for a couple of nights?

The minute he sent it he had a brief moment of regret. He was so used to running to Scott for every little thing that now he wasn't sure how to function without someone telling him it would be ok. Maybe he was using Connor as a surrogate for Scott, and maybe it was completely unfair of him, but he couldn't bring himself to take it back. Besides, Connor was probably asleep as he was usually in bed by 10. It took 2 minutes of phone silence before he put the device back on the charger and reached for his laptop. There was no way he would be able to sleep with all of that cerebral noise going on.

He had just powered on his Macbook when the responses came.

Miss me that much ;-P

Seriously you're welcome anytime. 

Do I need to plan an elaborate act of revenge on Scott? 
Because I will if he hurt you.

Need me to come get you?

Leave it to Connor to be the nicest human in existence. Mitch's gratitude and relief outweighed any thoughts of guilt and he was out of bed and grabbing his duffle to start packing after sending back a couple of texts.

TY. I'll drive over.
I'll explain everything when I get there.

No revenge plotting needed

After making sure he had everything he'd need, he grabbed a notepad and quickly wrote a note explaining his whereabouts 

Went to stay at a friends. I guess we've spent so long attached at the hip that I don't know how to be in the same apartment as you and manage to stay away.  This doesn't change anything, I'm just trying to give you the space you asked for without driving myself to insanity. It's only been a couple of days of this roller coaster and I know you need space, but I really need someone to talk to.  I need someone to help me sort my thoughts and since you said that can't be you right now, and Kirstie wouldn't understand, I went back to Connors. Don't overthink it, he is (ironically) #1 on team Scott.  You know if you need me I will be here. 

Mitch

He quietly tiptoed to the kitchen and put his note on the fridge and put a bunch of "DONT PANIC NOTE ON FRIDGE" scraps in other various places so Scott would be sure to find it first thing. He took one last look at Scott's bedroom door before heading out.