Bit o naughty in this one - if you want the PG version there is one in the separate book but i'm not posting it here. K? K :)

___________

Everything will be fine

Everything in no time at all

Everything

.

So here he was, at a loss. For once he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do with his life. He felt vulnerable, and unsure and lost.

He’d, inevitably, pulled away from Alex and it had been no surprise when Alex had decided it was time to move on. Scott's thoughts were always somewhere else and he was always gone so it shouldn’t have been that big of a blow, but it was… because now he really was alone.

Not really, but it felt that way most of the time.

Mitch was gone and he blamed no one but himself. He had done everything wrong and he couldn’t figure out why.

Had he changed? Yes, he’d changed a lot. He’d become dependent on someone and he loathed the fact that he’d given in to the thought that he was nothing without the other man.

Isn’t that true? Look at yourself. You’ve holed up in an apartment, pushed everyone away and decided to just exist. What is wrong with you? You don’t need this. You don't need HIM. YOU are Scott Hoying and will do just fine without him. Everything happens for a reason and this will only make you stronger.

Maybe today was the day he’d get over him. Maybe today would be the day he’d smile and actually mean it. Maybe today he’d forget his brunette heartache and start over.

Maybe…

He had almost convinced himself.

.

Hold your own

Know your name

Go your own way

.

He showered, dressed, ate breakfast and thought about what he could do today. He could call Kirstie and, if she answered, they could do something. Maybe something outdoors.

Yes. That sounded good. He looked for his cellphone. He hadn’t even turned it on in a couple of weeks. That had to be a new record.

He finally located it on the charger and turned it on. He sat on his bed, mentally preparing what he would say to his friend, when the number 37 glared back at him. 37 missed calls and 24 voice messages. 29 Text messages. He sighed not wanting to go through all of them. He made his way to the voicemails and skimmed through the names, listening on speaker to ones from his family and work related ones first. Most were just trying to coax him out of hiding, trying to make sure he was ok. Then he spotted his name. He wanted to just delete it without listening, but found himself pressing play instead.

“Hey… Scott, its Mitch. I just…” there was a pause as he hesitated and cleared his throat..

Scott tensed, completely not ready to hear whatever he was going to say. He went to push pause, but when Mitch's voice continued he couldn’t bring himself to actually make it end.

“I want to say I’m sorry about the way things ended. I never said goodbye. I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve that, I just- there were a lot of things I hadn’t told you and we… things with us get complicated. I was scared to wake you and I didn’t know how you’d react and things would have just gotten messy all over again. I just wanted you to know that I miss you and once this has all blown over, we’ll be fine again. I just need to find myself, know that I can breathe without you. We’ll find each other again, I know we will. I know it…”

There was silence… a sigh… a soft sniffle and then it was over.

Scott could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks, but he refused to break down. Mitch was right. They needed to find their own paths, realize who they were, and then maybe they could be… something.

Somewhere in the pit of his stomach he knew that his way was whichever way Mitch was going and that’s what hurt the most. He tried not to think about it too much.

He slid his finger to move to the next message which was from Kevin, but stopped when he realized there was another from Mitch. He hit play.

“I lied. I lied and I miss you and I hate the things we’ve said… I hate that I’m not there and I hate that I just left because I was afraid of losing something that didn’t even mean anything at all.” Mitch's voice began to ramble at full speed in a way that only Mitch could. Scott could picture him in his mind with his fingers pulling at the fabric of his shirt, his eyes searching the air for words to say even though they were pouring out of him with no constraint in a jumble of thoughts.

“I was with someone. I am with someone and all I can do is think of you. I wonder who you’re with right now and what you’re doing, what you’re thinking and are you still singing? I haven’t heard anything from you and I just worry, Scott. I’m so worried about you. Kirstie said you won’t talk to her. Alex said you never call, Avi and Esther said you wouldn’t answer the door. Are you ok? Please call me. Please… I just need to hear your voice. I need to know you’re ok. Scott, I…”

..hesitation… a pause…

Scott held his breath. Say something. Please...

“nevermind”  

He exhaled as the disappointment settled over him, the weight settling on his heart all over again.

He wondered what he would say if he could find the courage to call him. No, he couldn’t call him because it would be awkward again and that just made things worse. He hated knowing they couldn’t speak freely with each other anymore, knowing they had to dance around what they really felt and really wanted to say.

But he wanted to.

He picked up the phone and clicked the call back button before he could chicken out..

Sooner than he was ready the phone began to ring.

He felt a swell of hope in his chest, rising at the thought of talking to Mitch. Not just hearing him, but connecting and knowing he was there on the other end.

“Hey, it’s me. If you don’t know who me is then you frankly shouldn’t be calling me. Leave a message and, if you’re lucky, I’ll get back to you.”

As quickly as it had risen, his hope was shattered and Scott felt alone again. 

“Hey. It’s um... It’s me, Scott. I just wanted to let you know, I’m ok. I didn’t die or anything so there’s no need to worry. It was good to hear from you..” He felt so formal. He’d never left a message like this for Mitch. It felt wrong and impersonal and he couldn’t do it, so he simply hung up.

Then he lost it.

This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be. Things could not have been meant to happen like this. They weren’t MEANT to be miserable were they? Mitch had sounded miserable, and Lord only knows he was miserable.

If only one of them had the strength to do something about it.

His heart pounded yet again as his fingers pressed the redial button. It rang once, twice… He pressed his eyes tightly closed, praying for Mitch to answer now while he’d found courage, adrenaline coursing through his veins, but again the voicemail picked up. As soon as he’d heard the beep he let it all spill forward, all of the words coming out before he even had a moment to think about them.

“I lied! I’m not ok. I’m BEYOND not ok. I don’t know what to do anymore Mitch. You broke me and my heart and I know that I’m partially at fault, ok mostly, but I need to know that we’re going to be ok. You bring out the best in me and I need you here. I can’t be me without you. I don’t know how! I just need us to be ok. Alright???? DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU GAVE ME HOPE AND THEN YOU JUST… "

He had to take a moment. He clenched his jaw and his eyes shut as he took a breath to calm himself. Still the tears slipped from beneath his eyelids and ran their course down his cheeks.

"I need you back here. Please just come back, even if its just to say goodbye. I need you to at least say goodbye. Ok? Just… please come back… please…”

He hated the way he sounded. He hated that he was begging and crying and sounding like an obsessed psychotic ex on Mitch's voicemail, but he was overcome. It took him a moment to realize he was still holding the phone and hadn’t ended the call. A beep in his ear brought him back to reality and he realized the time on the message had expired.

“I love you…so much…” he whispered to nothing and ended the call, dropping the phone, and curling into a ball on the bed. He allowed himself to really cry for the first time since Mitch had left him without so much as a goodbye.

.

Hold your own

Know your name

Go your own way

.

4 months… 1 week… 3 days… 4 hours and 23 minutes

He turned over making a face as his hand searched to end the horrible buzzing sound that radiated from his alarm clock. After a couple more seconds of trying to fall back into sleep, he realized the light from outside would keep him from doing so.

So with a sigh he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and trudged to the closet, laying out his clothes for the day before heading to the bathroom to shower.

He sang to himself a bit as he poured his cereal and turned on the tv to watch cartoons. He smiled as he sipped his coffee.

His new philosophy – enjoy every moment, live as if it was your last breath.

So started another day…

.

Are the details in the fabric

Are the things that make you panic

Are your thoughts results of static cling?

.

Finally he lived again. He decided to rejoin society and found that he was strong and he could live without Mitch, even if he didn’t want to. He kept himself busy with singing, friends, family, but they didn’t fill the gap that Mitch had left behind. He wasn’t sure he’d ever find anyone like Mitch, but his life wasn’t over. Hell, he was young and he had plenty of time for love. Why let the wonders of the world pass you by? That’s how Mitch had always lived, embracing the new and unknown. Enjoy what you have while you have it and jump into life and don’t be afraid to be yourself.

He'd been that way once and he intended to be so again.

Mitch had taught him a lot and he’d learned so much just by knowing him. He’d come to terms with the fact that he was gone and was with someone else.  But, even though he’d told everyone he had, he most certainly had not let go. He wasn’t sure he was capable of letting go of it, of him.

It was getting easier to live and forget, but he still clung to the memory of “Scomiche”

He clung to the maybe... the hopefully.

He knew he would eventually have to come off of his self  created PTX hiatus and he would have to see him again, but he hoped things would be ok. He hoped. He always hoped.

.

Are the details in the fabric

Are the things that make you panic

Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

.

He made a face as he walked in and dropped the keys on the kitchen counter. The house phone was ringing obnoxiously loud. He barely caught it before it went to the machine.

“Hello?”

Silence.

“Hello….?” He waited but a click and a dial tone was all he got.

He rarely got calls to that phone that weren’t business related so it was probably just a wrong number.

He quickly showered and threw on some clean shorts and a tee before looking through the various menus he had in search of dinner. His cellphone ringing brought him out of his search.

“Hello, luv”

“Hey sweetpea!! I’m swinging by the Chinese place and coming over. I found this really cool anime movie! I’ll be over soon!”

Scott laughed to himself. Kirstie was notorious for inviting herself over without asking, but at least that solved his dinner dilemma.

“Alright, Kit, but make sure you get extra soy sauce this time.”

“On it!!”

Scott smiled as he hung up the phone and put away the menus. He’d almost made it to the couch when there was a knock on the door.

Damn that was fast…

“Coming…” He called out as he hurried to the door, his socks sliding a bit on the hard floor.

“Why’d you even bother calling if you’re –“ He cut off as he opened the door and it was not Kirstie standing in the doorway.

He was too stunned to breathe.

.

Are the things that make you blow

Hell no reason go on and scream

.

“Hey” Mitch chewed on his bottom lip, shifting from foot to foot.

“Hey” Scott finally managed to breathe out once his heart had started up again. His posture had unknowingly straightened- wary, alert and questioning.

“Can I…” Mitch looked anywhere but at him as Scott stood aside letting him in.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment as Scott shut the door and turned to face him, but after a moment of looking him over, Scott broke into a smile.

“You look really good.”

Mitch blushed and grinned looking away nervously.

“You too.”

“Well I did get new socks” Scott grinned adorably modeling his tube socks that Esther had given him.

"They are nice.” Mitch laughed, feeling the familiarity come back.

“So, what brings you over to this side of town?” He was almost afraid to ask, hoping for a lot but expecting nothing short of disappointment.

“I was um… I just…” The smile slowly left his lips as he tried to keep his composure as he tried to choose the right thing to say. "you..."

Mitch was a sensitive creature and normally he let his heart lay out on his sleeve, but he’d become a master at hiding the truth of his feelings, his heart since Scott.

That is, he was until he was standing there in front of him. His mind swam, trying to sort out what he wanted to say, but nothing seemed right or nearly enough. How do you say i'm sorry for hurting you? How do you say I miss you more and more every moment of every day? How do you say I was wrong, but I want to fix it? How do you say I never stopped loving you...

“I miss you.” Scott broke the silence after seeing the conflict, the tears in the other’s eyes.

“I miss you too” Mitch looked up into the face of the other man and both sets of eyes met nothing but a cry for forgiveness and love.

Scott swallowed, the large lump moving painfully down his throat. His arms tingled, wanting to encircle the man in front of him but he remained still.

“Can we start over?” Mitch asked in a small voice.

“No. I don’t want to forget what we’ve had. Ever. We can continue.” Scott reached up, unable to stop himself and wiped a tear from the cheek of his obsession. He knew that Mitch just meant friends, but he never wanted to forget what they had once shared. It was too special to him. He had been the idiot to let him go, but that didn’t change the fact that the memories of the two of them were the most precious things he had.

Mitch angled his face, nuzzling into his touch and his eyes shut, just basking in the feel of Scott again. He didn’t even realize how natural it was to simply just feel and enjoy the closeness. He’d almost forgotten how he and Scott had always just been drawn to each other like magnets and without thought they’d always come together.

Seeing Mitch respond was enough to give Scott a moment of bravery. He let his hand spread to caress the softness of that cheek. He hadn’t forgotten anything. He knew the soft skin, he knew the sparks and the want and the need so well.  Now his feet moved forward closing the distance.

He could practically feel Mitch's heartbeat against him. When brown eyes turned upwards to meet his, he just knew...

“Is this what you want?” he had to ask. He couldn’t take another morning after…  alone. He’d rather hear him say no than to feel that way again.

“Please…” Mitch's eyes pleaded right along with his voice and he moved in to kiss Scott, but two fingers on his lips stopped him and, for a moment, his heart.

“Are you going to leave again?” Scott sounded more vulnerable than Mitch had heard before- even more than he had on that message that he’d listened to over and over, every day since he’d received it.

“Not unless you send me away” He relaxed against lips that pressed harshly against his own, barely letting him get out the remainder of his sentence… a body crashing against him.

So much frustration and longing led to that moment that it seemed never to end. Mitch's legs wound around Scott’s waist and his arms held tight around his neck as Scott backed him into the wall.

Both wanted more but there was a hesitation to cross that line and so their mouths remained welded together. Eventually needy, hungry kisses gave way to softer, more loving kisses and finally their foreheads just lay against each other, eyes closed, noses nuzzling every so often.

“I missed you so much” Scott whispered, placing feather-light kisses over Mitch's jaw line.

“You have no idea” Mitch smiled and kissed the tip of Scott’s nose.

“You’re such a girl” Scott smirked, his eyes alight with a sparkle that had been missing for too long.

“You’re such a-”

Mitch was cut off as a knock came at the door.

Scott sighed and lay his forehead down on Mitch's shoulder. “Kirstie.”

“Tell her to go away” Mitch instructed and squirmed a bit between the wall and Scott, reminding him what he wanted. Scott lifted his face to look him in the eyes.

“I can’t. I already invited her over, sort of."

“So uninvite her…” Mitch pouted.

Scott swallowed a bit, already riled and ready, but Kirstie was his friend and maybe it would be good to start slow with Mitch.

Yeah, just keep it slow and ease into this. Maybe that’s where we went wrong in the first place…

“We can hang out with Kirstie and just enjoy each other’s company. It’ll be good for us.” Scott voiced although his body wasn’t on board with this plan.

Mitch also wanted more than that. Hanging out was just not good enough right then. At least that’s what the horny, irrational side of him thought.

He sighed as he slid off of Scott and stood on his own.

“Right…”

“Scott, I know you’re in there, buddy! Do you want food or not!?” Kirstie called from the other side of the door.

Scott looked at the door then at Mitch and cracked up.

Mitch's eyebrow cocked. “Can I help you?”

“You look like you just got ravaged. Your hair is all messed up and your lips..” Scott giggled adorably, his nose wrinkling with amusement.

Mitch smirked and walked closer to him, his tone dropping an octave, his eyes narrowing with a sex appeal that could only be mastered by him…

Scott nearly choked on his own giggle as he swallowed and blinked at the man in front of him.

“Make her go away and I’ll show you ravaged…” Mitch licked his lips, his eyes watching Scott's own lips as they parted slightly.

“Scooter, come on!!!!!”Kirstie called from outside.

It took every bit of self control within him, and a bit of mental counting to help bring him down, but Scott managed to reign in his hormones with an extremely deep breath.

“We can wait another couple of hours.” He pointed out as he made his way over to the door and opened it before he could change his mind.

Kirstie burst inside. “Jeez, it took ya long enough! What the hell were you doing? I know I didn’t interrupt anything that-”  She cut off as she spotted the brunette “important…”

“I hope you don’t mind, I invited Mitch to join us. We always have enough food for a small army.” Scott smiled brightly. His entire demeanor changed now that Mitch was nearby. He bounced on the balls of his feet and he could feel the twitch of movement in his limbs. He felt that electricity again and he prayed to whatever God above that he’d never lose it again.

Kirstie was completely at a loss for words. “I… um… sure…”

Mitch gave a half-hearted wave as he turned to the mirror on the wall and began fixing his hair in it. Scott’s fingers always had a way of winding into his hair and ruining it thoroughly. It was annoying.

He’d missed it horribly.

“So… how about that movie!???” Scott smiled as he started pulling out the containers of Chinese food.

.

If you’re shocked it's just the fault

Of faulty manufacturing

.

The time went quickly, the jokes came naturally and the glances were second nature. Scott was glad he’d made the decision to just hang out and get back into the swing of things. It was everything he’d missed and he was reminded that much more of all the small things that he adored about the other man.

Mitch's laugh was so obnoxious and the way he contorted his face was hysterical. He came up with the oddest things to say, his eyes naturally rolled when he was annoyed or thought something was less than brilliant. He shifted constantly in his seat, moving his feet beneath him, crossing his legs, moving sideways. He couldn’t talk without his hands flying about him just to reiterate the point he was trying to make.

He judged everything, his jokes were taboo, the things he said were hysterical and sometimes the corniest things Scott had ever heard.

He was intellectual. He was childish. He was judgmental. He was the sweetest person alive. 

He was beautiful.

He loved all of it.

.

Everything will be fine

.

“Drive safe!” Scott called out the door after Kirstie as she finally left the apartment. He’d barely closed the door and turned around when he stumbled backwards as Mitch had hurled himself right at him, wrapping his legs around his waist and locking his feet together at the ankles.

“I thought she’d NEVER leave” Mitch smiled as Scott grinned at him.

“Well hello to you too!” he chuckled.

“Kiss me!!” Mitch shifted even now as he held onto Scott, the excitement shooting through his body and refusing to let go of the energy.

“What if I don’t want to?” Scott smiled as he wrapped his arms under Mitch's bottom to support him.

Mitch put on a pout.

“Does not work on me.” Scott shook his head.

Mitch pushed his lip further.

“Still doesn’t work.”

Mitch grinned and ground his hips against Scott, making sure that Scott could really feel just what he did to him.

Scott’s gaze faltered at the feel of Mitch's excitement pressed hard into his stomach.

“How about now?” Mitch smirked momentarily, but it was kissed right off of him as Scott’s mouth sought his again.

Things were broken, falling off of walls as they crashed into things, hands and mouths hungry for the other and neither caring where they were or what was damaged in their fray. Mitch dismounted as Scott’s fingers clawed at his shorts and Scott’s arms flew up as Mitch roughly pulled impatiently at his shirt.

The light switch was hit, but the illumination of the city, the moon gave their eyes enough light that they were still able to feast greedily on the form in front of them.

Mitch groaned as he was forced onto a counter top, the granite cold beneath his naked bottom. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs as Scott’s mouth didn’t waste a moment in taking him in, and he’d had every intention to, but his mouth simply hung open as his brain and voice had lost connection. His head dropped back, his eyes rolling about in his head. His upper half dropped back onto his elbows, weak from desire. All comprehension left him as he could do nothing but feel and exist.

~

Scott hissed as Mitch pressed his front into the wall of the hallway and twisted him enough that he could press intruding appendages inside of him in preparation for what was to come. Mitch bit down gently on his shoulder as he pressed and stretched. It didn’t take long for him to tire of coddling and teasing and no sooner than Scott had been left empty, he’d been filled again mercilessly. Scott slammed his hand against the wall and his fingers clawed at it as he drew them into a fist. He grimaced a bit as Mitch was less than gentle, pressing him hard and all thought shattered as he pressed his palms into the wall wanting to grasp at something to keep him anchored. He grunted, moaned and completely submitted as Mitch claimed him, marked him. The shy boy he’d once been had long since disappeared around Scott and the words he breathed into Scott’s ear would have made even the Devil blush.

~

Mitch held fast to the cushion of the couch as Scott shook him to his core, pressing him harder and harder into the arm he’d been bent over. He arched and mewled, howled and pushed back meeting the sharp precision of the hips behind him. Scott gripped at his hips, slid a hand up his back to pull at his shoulder, needing more… NEEDING to be deeper inside... harder, faster. He’d adjust his stroke and Mitch would cry out and Scott reached forward, forcing his head roughly to the side and swallowing the sound with his own mouth. He would stop suddenly, remaining inside of the man. Mitch rocked… pressed and tried every maneuver to get him to continue…ANYTHING to make him move until he resorted to begging in sharp, breathless words. He gasped as Scott pulled at him, wrapping an arm around his chest and tilting him so that he was mostly standing and he had never felt closer to Scott as they moved together languidly.

~

They tumbled into the shower, the mood light and airy as they lovingly cleaned the sex and sweat off of each other. They tossed the washing cloths at each other, sprayed water at the other, until Scott had wrapped him up in his arms, kissing his face, looking down at him, the tips of his eyelashes laced with small droplets of water and the sweetest grin on his lips.

He was glad they were in the shower because the water dripping down his cheeks wasn’t just coming from the shower head. Mitch didn’t notice, but his own cheeks hurt from the immensity of his smile.

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too. I never stopped.”

They made love again right there in the shower… face to face, foreheads, noses, mouths all connecting at some point. This was how it was meant to be, able to look into each other's eyes, to see what they were doing to each other. Their movements were slow and passionate, their words were quiet and loving…every motion mending the broken bits of their hearts.

.

Everything in no time at all

.

Scott snored quietly behind him, his arm lazily draped around Mitch’s waist. Mitch was still fighting the sleep, fighting just to bask in the glow and enjoy the moment. He had never been content lying next to anyone else before, but Scott had always been different.

His eyelids drooped and he yawned, thoroughly spent. He spotted his cellphone he’d retrieved before they had finally fell into bed. He gracefully reached for it, with as little movement as possible, but even still Scott’s arm tightened ever so slightly and he shifted behind him, still under the spell of his dreamworld.

Mitch grinned to himself as he settled back next to him and pressed the button for his voicemail.

He closed his eyes as he listened to Scott’s distressed voice through the receiver.

“Just… please come back… please…”

Mitch held his breath… waited through the small sniffles and the silence. He waited until he heard the whispered…

“I love you…so much…”

Those words had torn through him the first time he’d heard them. It had taken some time, but hearing that was enough. Those words told him that everything would be ok again. Those words let him know that everything would be fine.

He turned off the phone again and maneuvered it back onto the nightstand.

Scott tensed gently around him again as he’d reached away from him. He snuggled against the warm body, gloriously exhausted and sure to be so sore the next day.

But it was worth it.

All the small bumps had brought them to this moment and he wouldn’t have changed a thing just to lie with this man and to feel this love this strongly.

Maybe things really did happen for a reason.

He held onto that, and Scott’s hand, as he drifted off with no plans of disappearing ever again.

.

Hearts will hold…