OK I don't recommend anyone read this. I dont know what is wrong with me that made write it, but apparently I'm a really messed up individual. This is basically one giant trigger. Don't shoot me, I'm warning you now to turn back so if you read it - it's your own fault. 

again - warning warning warning 

i suggest u rethink this - and turn back now.  I'm sorry.

_________

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.” 

He’d regret that decision in the future. 

Scott just gave his boyfriend a defeated look. Almost two years together and now suddenly things were different.  Why? 

“Why is it so crazy that I think we should live together?!” 

“Scott….” 

“I just want to know what I did. What did I do that was so horrible that somehow you just can’t stand to spend time with me anymore.” 

“Nothing. You didn’t do anything,  I just need my space right now.” 

Mitch was slipping away.

He was helpless to stop it and it was tearing him apart. They’d had this argument countless times over the past couple of months. Mitch would get defensive immediately and he didn’t want to push too hard so he’d eventually back down.

Now here they were about to go out to dinner and somehow it had started up again. 

“You’re just so clingy all of a sudden.” 

This was new…

“Clingy?” 

“You’re just always around, I swear its like you’re everywhere I turn…” 

He said it like being near Scott was just the worst thing ever. 

The hurt was immediate and obvious on his face and Mitch’s fell as well as he realized what he’d said and how. 

“Baby, I didn’t mean-” 

Scott held up a hand to stop him.  “I’m not hungry anymore.” He got up and grabbed his coat. 

“Come on, you know I didn’t meant it like that.” 

“No. What I know is that you meant it exactly like that. You’re tired of me.” 

Mitch rolled his eyes a bit as if Scott had overreacted and was just being dramatic.

“If you’re trying to push me away, Mitch, it’s working.” 

Mitch sighed after the door slammed. 

He didn’t know why he was acting this way. He just knew he wanted space. He wanted everyone out of his personal space.

He loved Scott with all of his heart and he knew there was no one else he would or COULD ever want more. He just couldn’t help feeling overcrowded sometimes. He liked his independence. Sometimes it was just too much.

Two things were about to happen. Mitch’s personal space was about to be more than invaded and Scott would soon be the only person he wanted near him.

The thought of being without him, being left alone, would be absolutely terrifying. 

~

Mitch was exhausted as he stepped inside of his apartment. 

He dropped his bag right inside of the door and headed straight to the bathroom to take a shower. His body was sure to be sore the next day, his muscles full of stress and tension from his workout. 

Well that and Scott hasn’t answered any of your phone calls in the past week. 

Not that he’d tried to call him that many times, once or twice a day at least, but still.  He wanted to hear his voice, just a little. 

He adjusted the heat of the water in the shower and stripped quickly and stepped inside. After a much needed shower he headed into his bedroom, towel draped around his waist. 

He made his way to the dresser and sifted through the drawers looking for a pair of sweats. 

He should have noticed it, felt it. 

Something was different. 

He spotted the shadow a second too late and a pair of arms flew around him and held him firmly in place. He tried to fight against the person restraining him, but this stranger was much stronger and far bigger than he. 

He should have screamed, maybe someone would have heard him, but he panicked. All he could think was fight. escape. run. 

His body was pressed roughly between the dresser and the mystery man who used his arm to press Mitch's chest roughly against the top of the piece of furniture, bending him over it. A hand held his cheek pressed to the smooth wood as he fought harder than he’d ever fought for anything. 

He tried to turn away, tried to see his assailant, but a needle was plunged deep without care. 

He opened his mouth as he finally remembered to scream, but nothing came out as he slipped into the void. 

__

What the hell…

Mitch opened his eyes only to find himself still in darkness.

He was blindfolded. It all came rushing back. He was still half out of it, his body relaxed.

He tried to sit up but it was impossible, not only because his body was still partially sedated, but mostly because he was tied, positioned like the Vitruvian Man, tied at each wrist and ankle to a bed. 

He pulled against his restraints but nothing gave even a slight bit. 

The panic rushed forward again and he began to writhe and tug with every bit of force his anesthetized body could give. The bed groaned and creaked but gave no sign of giving in. 

He let the horror sink in. He was terrified. 

What did this person want with him? What were they gonna do to him? 

“You’re awake.” 

He froze momentarily as a deep voice confirmed that the man hadn’t just left him there like that. He felt a dip in the bed as that someone sat down next to him. 

Frozen in fear. That’s what Mitch was. He was too terrified to move, his brain still not fully functional, his heart racing inside of his chest, his breathing shallow. 

A hand reached out and caressed his face and he turned his head away, attempting to shrink back into the bed and away from the foreign touch. 

He started to open his mouth to protest, to scream, to anything, but realized it was taped shut. He made a few noises behind the tape, but that was the extent. 

“Love don’t move around so much, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” 

The man had called him love, but was most certainly NOT Scott. 

He knew every single inch of Scott. He knew this man’s hand was much bigger than his, his skin rougher.

With just that small touch he knew that this was nowhere near Scott. 

Scott. 

What if I die? What if I never get to tell him I’m sorry? What if I never get to say I love you again….?

The thoughts renewed his spirit and he began to fight his restraints again, the sedative slowly wearing off. 

“Baby, baby now what did I just tell you.” 

Strong hands grabbed him and pressed down on his chest halting his flailing, but he still pulled at his legs. 

“Now you listen to me, it’s not gonna do you any good to whip about like that. So just be a good boy and calm yourself.”

He could hear annoyance in the man’s voice. 

He inhaled sharply and shrank away again as a finger touched his hip lightly and trailed upwards. 

No…

His brain finally registered… 

There was nothing between him and that finger. He didn’t feel anything but the comforter beneath him. 

He was naked. 

Realization of what was about to happen flooded him and he refused to give this up. 

No. He would not let this man do this to him. He wouldn’t let someone who wasn’t Scott violate him like this. 

He felt a weight as the man crawled on top of him and laid out. 

His breath quickened. He felt tears form and absorb into the fabric covering his eyes. He struggled still. 

There was no way he would just lay there. He was not going to make this easy.

The man straddling his hips only groaned as Mitch writhed beneath him, bucking up against him trying to throw him off of him.

He stopped as he heard the moaning. He was turning this guy on. He didn’t know whether to keep going or to stop. He had to get away, but he didn’t want to make the situation worse. 

The guy was saying sweet things to him as if he was Mitch’s lover, whispering softly to him, caressing his body as if it was familiar. 

“I saw you. I saw you at the club last weekend and I knew I had to have you. You were meant for me.”

He tried to make noise behind the tape, tugged at his wrists, they were burning from his fight.

He prayed. He prayed this man would just kill him before… 

Lips were on his neck. He cried behind his blindfold. Hands were all over his body. He tried to move away. 

His heart fractured as a mouth surrounded him. 

He tried to separate himself. He thought of anything else, ANYTHING except the heat that consumed him. 

He thought of his parents, his sister… his family… his friends… 

He imagined Scott’s face when he found him, because he knew it would be him who would show up full of worry, an apology at the ready, and just walk in to find him like that…tied to a bed, used and defiled. 

He felt the bile rise in his throat but was forced to swallow it back down. He felt the cool air on him again,  but it wasn’t over. He knew it wasn’t. 

It was far from over. 

He didn’t think about what the man was doing to him with his mouth, his tongue, his hands, his fingers. 

He forced himself to think about his music, tried to think about that vacation in Barbados with Scott.

His love had looked so beautiful in the sunlight. He never stopped smiling while they were there, not once. They had romped around in the ocean for hours, loving every second of the sun, the water and mostly just each other. 

He regretted pushing at him.  If he hadn’t then maybe he would have been there with him, he would have saved him.  

But no, if someone had hurt Scott… 

The thought was interrupted as a hand closed around him. He had lost track of the man’s motions as they weren’t doing anything too invasive for awhile, but he tried to shrink back again, to move away as the man lowered himself onto Mitch.

Mitch struggled harder than ever before. 

The man worked to hold him down but Mitch was determined, full of adrenaline and resolve. 

Strong hands closed around Mitch’s neck, closing off his oxygen. Mitch struggled for a moment but stopped as his head felt full of pressure. 

“Baby you gotta stop. I’m trying to make love to you, but you gotta stop being so rough.” 

Mitch thought the serenity of darkness was going to find him, but the hands were removed before he could find peace.

He sucked in air through his nose, coughed behind tape. 

The man moved harder, faster, his lips kissed Mitch’s through the tape. 

He just lay there. 

He mentally said his goodbyes to everyone he loved as this man fu¢ked himself on top of him. 

When he was through using him, surely he’d kill him. He was lost in his own thoughts as a needle forced its way into his neck again. 

“Sleep beautiful, sleep” the man caressed his face. 

Finally.

It all disappeared and he went under. 

-

He didn’t want to open his eyes, didn’t even want to try. He lay there for almost 10 minutes without moving an inch, too afraid he wasn’t alone. Finally he dared to and looked around his room. 

Everything looked normal. 

He sat up and realized that he actually could. A blanket was covering him, but he was no longer restrained. He rubbed at his wrists that were raw and bruised and bleeding as were his ankles. 

He looked around warily, listened for the sound of another human being. 

When he heard none he jumped out of the bed and grabbed his phone, fingers frantically dialing the one person he needed. 

Please…. Please answer…. 

It was almost 2 in the morning but he had to see him, to hear him. He needed him to protect him.

“Hello?” Scott sounded so far away.

“Please come. I need you.” he was crying so hard it was a feat to even force the words out. 

He fell to his knees.

“I’m on my way!” he heard the dial tone. 

He hurried to the bathroom just in time to empty his stomach.

~

Scott held him, demanding that he call the cops, but Mitch would have none of it. 

He didn’t want people knowing, looking at him as if he were just another sad victim. He didn’t want to end up as tabloid fodder, he would rather just forget. 

If his mother found out...his father...? It would destroy them. 

Scott protested but after a few desperate pleas he digressed. 

Mitch didn’t want to stay at his own apartment. He never wanted to look at his bed again, so Scott packed him a bag quickly and got him dressed before he took him back to his apartment. 

Scott helped him shower and change into some clean pajamas before he curled up on the bed.

He didn’t want Scott out of his sight even for a second. He panicked when the blonde got up to turn off the lights.

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere” he tried to reassure him. 

Mitch saw tears in his boyfriend’s eyes as he looked at him, they mirrored the distress in his own. 

“leave them on?” 

Scott nodded and made his way back to the bed and held Mitch close to him. 

Watching Mitch like this broke his heart.  He wished he could take all of that pain away... 

but he knew that this would bring them closer together.

_

The weeks passed quickly. 

Mitch bought a house with Scott, afraid to be alone, afraid to be without him. 

He wasn’t as afraid these days with Scott by his side.  Living together made things easier, but he still didn’t want to be without the man he loved as close as possible. 

Scott was loving every second that he was with Mitch and knew that even though it was an absolutely horrible thing for Mitch to go through, it was for the best ..for both of them. 

At least, that’s what he told himself…

He threw the checkbook into the fireplace of their new home. 

The last check written an obscene amount of money to a stranger. 

The memo simply said… 

For Mitch.