The Situations Life made us go through!

Nothing remains the same. Once you're Cheated and Hurt, Everything Changes. Even the Best relationships that promised a forever, fades away with time. I smothered away the dampness of my cheek with my finger tips sadly as I cried, "Not again!" and stepped outside of Stefan's home, fighting back my tears and the anger that welled up because of the hurt.

Why has it kept happening to me? I thought sadly. Because I learn to let go, move on, and give someone a chance by trying to trust them again? Trust a good-for-nothing jerk who would, at first, show what a perfect model of excellence he is, only to reveal his true colors later.

"Why am I so stupid and not accept that they are all the same and sooner or later they will show their real sides?", I asked myself angrily. This is what I learnt after getting my heart broken. After, my infamous and unsuccessful first love.

At times, such as this, one would wish that rain would fall and all the hurt and anger will be washed away, but today was the day when my lady-luck went for a trip, leaving me alone to face the worse day of my life. I was not only bearing the hurt that I was feeling inside, but also the scorching heat of the sun that was poking on my body as I stepped out of his house, reminding me of how cruel things could get. Saying it was hot would be an understatement. It was worse than that and my body was literally burning. Inside and out. In different ways and for different reasons, but burning nonetheless.

I'm definitely what my friends call me - "Naive" – I accepted feeling ashamed for trying to make things work between me and Stefan when he clearly had proved that he has ended it from his side by keeping quiet and ignoring  me for a month. Trying to fight back my tears, remembering my dad's word that I am too innocent and expects everyone to be like me, which sadly is a myth and now I know it better. But, I disagreed on one thing as I walked hastily, fighting back the painful emotions that was crunching inside, I agreed in a bitter voice, "No matter what Dad says, I know that it's not "innocence". I'm sick and tired of that word. To put it plainly, it's a polite way of saying "dumb". Yeah, I know now that I'm "dumb"

The words made me grimace and cut deep into my  heart and it felt like someone sprinkled salt on my wounds. A tear took birth in my eye, but I hid it, straightened myself, looked ahead, and walked gracefully out of this God-forsaken place. It was getting on my nerves to breathe even a moment more, over here.

I didn't just walk out of his house, but also, walked out on him and his life - Forever. It was hard, especially when I gave all I could to show how much I love him and when things began to go hard, I tried and tried for months to understand him, make him understand and work towards our relationship but it was like banging my head on the wall. Stefan was changing slowly, but for worse, he just didn't cared like before. He did try to make things right, but then he just was a changed man, someone I didn't know. And today. He was faking. He really has changed but yet I wanted to try as I was unable to accept the change in him and the changes it was bringing in my life. But today, I have accepted it. It hurts but at least now I know the truth and the fact that I had tried, at least, will not make me won't feel sorry and guilty for giving up. There was nothing I could do anymore. Everything's over, dead, and can never be fixed. Today, like his, my heart too gave up on this relationship. But the pain that I felt, was enormous.

Tears stung in my eyes as I recalled how things began to fall apart. They had been having differences about a few and even though I was trying my best to take time out for him, he was not very understanding about the situations,  I was caught up in. He was hurting her for a long time now and there were times, I felt like my heart would burst and bleed inside because of the pain. Yet, I kept my patience, tried to understand him and gave things time because I loved him. It wasn't easy for me to just end things like that, knowing too well that I can't live without him. I was not able to understand this change in him.

I had tried to talk with him several times and then he would be fine for sometime but again, some thing or other happens and he just goes back to being that changed self. It used to hurt me so damn much to be treated like that,  but I kept  telling myself  that I  will not give up so easily. I gave him a chance again, always making up after the fights we had but what I saw in the club shook out every bit of trust I had in him. And now I know where I stand in his life. I’m not going to take all of this anymore. Telling myself, "I love him, yes, but I'm not his doormat to be treated like this”, I headed towards my car.

I sat in my car, crying. Memories have a very bad timing. Even though I was being very positive and confident about my decision but my mind and heart has its own jobs to do and I had a tough battle to fight as my  mind flashed the memories I had with Stefan, of the times we were happy, of the times we were weaving dreams, of the times he was beginning to change and of the times when I was left alone and helpless. Everything that we shared was replaying in my mind like some movie clips, making me see things, I blindly over-looked before, confirming to me that my decision is right but it only made me hurt and cry nonetheless.

 Love? How easily people make use of that one word to get what they want, however, caring-less or nothing about the other person! And Dumb people like her, gets fooled, I accepted inwardly saying out loud,"See, Isn't me dumb!? Elena Gilbert is dumb”, I said again to myself, with a bitter laugh and then, giving in to the hurt and letting tears fall down on my face miserably.

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"No! You aren't dumb. Stop saying that." Caroline says, concern in her voice when I reached her place to be with her. Sharing everything with my best friend as I cried my heart out accepting to be dumb.

I couldn't help my tears. I could have had if i was allowed solitude. I would have cried for a time and gone hard but what I can't help is people, especially the ones I care about, keep hurling questions at me and make me answer, talking about things I so want to forget. I never get it anyway. People want you to forget things and move on, yet they question and talk about it. I don't mean bad, I understand they are concerned. They want to know so that they can help out but I wish it could have been less torturing. 

I look up at Caroline with teary eyes and say, "You're my friend. You wouldn't believe it but it's true. I'm dumb. I could have seen it coming but I trusted him blindly, like a fool and now here I am...crying because of my.... See, dumbness fits best."

"It doesn't Elena. He lied to you, he's been playing you. That's hardly your fault."

"He did a lot of things. Faked and pretended, not just lied, and I was dumb enough to not see it all before," I said, trying to prove my point, that I am dumb.

"You were in love... You trusted him... Anyone would have done the same in your place. We all feel like a fool because every one of us thought he was a good person," she consoled, hoping it will help me understand but it doesn't. I feel like I'm to be blamed for my hurt. I trusted him against all reasons and alerts my mind was sending to me. I ignored my mind and trusted my heart, trusted what I felt for him, what we had for so long. So dumb!

"That too, because I pictured him like that to everyone and let him cheat all of us," I croaked with regret creeping inside me.

"Listen, that's enough of this self criticizing now. It wasn't your fault. He is wrong. You are human, you can't see beyond what he or anyone chooses to reveal through words and actions. Except if they give you reason enough to doubt them."

"He played well than," I say and a throaty-cry escapes my mouth. Sitting on a couch, I hide my eyes with both my hands and start weeping.

Caroline comes by my side to comfort me. I welcome her hug and cry. "Cal, why did he do this to me? I loved him and he played me."

"No one can tell you why, Elena. Except him. We can all come up with assumptions that would lead to one thing that he did because he isn't as nice a person as we thought. He didn't deserve your love. Get over him." She said that simply, as a matter-of-fact way but I know seeing me like this was affecting her too. She is the only one I can open my heart to. My only friend who understands me and supports me. Always.

"I ended everything. I'm not going to even see his face ever," I stammer, my voice thick with emotion. I was feeling like my whole world has crumpled down. Everything that i planned for us, dreamed and wished for , was hoping to come true just took its final breathing and died. It felt like someone stabbed my heart and cut away the part where i treasured all these feelings, leaving a hole there. And, the Scars. My eyes full of tears, were now giving a burning sensation.

I could see Cal eyes go wet too, I knew she was being strong for me. "Good for you. But stop thinking about him too much or it will be useless and please stop blaming yourself. You. Are. Not. Wrong, you get me?"

"Hmmm," I began weeping.

"Elena, I know it will be not easy. Loving someone so much, for so long, and then it's all gone. I can understand how hard it can be and how much you are hurting. But try..."

I can't help but cry harder when she says that and I clutch onto her. She hugs me and says, "We love you. We want to see you happy. Take your time but try to get over it ASAP. Please. He made you suffer enough. It's good you ended it. He's not worth you."

I keep sobbing for who knows how long. My phone rings and I see it's my dad. I try to sound as normal as I can to talk with him. He informed me that he is on the way home and asked if I want him to pick me up.

"No dad. I brought the car with me. I am on my way anyway," I say in a calm voice, fighting these waves of hurt engulfing me.

He says 'okay' and I hang up the phone. I hurriedly pick up my bag and look at Caroline, who has been eyeing me quietly.

"I have to go, Cal. I will be fine. Don't worry."

"I hope so. Take care."

"I will. Take care too." With that, I head towards the door and rush outside to my car. 

As I drove to my home, I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I shouldn't be emotional and cry while driving and risk an accident, so to push away the thoughts from my head, I play a song, hoping my mind will be busy. But as luck would have it, the song that started to play was one of the songs I dedicated to him. I even sent the mp3 of the song to him so that he didn't have to search for it. I want to turn it off but I let it be because, personally, I really like the song. Fact and Fiction by Mads Langer. He's got an amazing voice and, as he sang, I could see flashes of the times I spent with him. Especially the one's when I told him about this song and he, later, sharing with me his thoughts about how much he liked it.

Again the Memories took hold of me. One after the another, re-playing itself in my mind and the one thing I was trying to avoid, happens. I start crying again. I stop my car at a side, put my head on the steering wheel, and give in to tears. After that, there was no stopping. I have no idea  how long I stayed there and cried but it definitely must be around an hour for sure. I took a tissue and wipe my eyes and face. Still feeling emotional but trying to put some strength in me, I drive back home, speeding up as much as I can. I want to drive fast, speeding up to the highest level, and take out everything I'm holding inside in this madness but than again I have to stay wise and I can't risk getting hurt physically too. What's worse would be hurting someone in the process to vent out my feelings this way. I have to be sensible, I keep reminding myself. I can't afford to worry my family more for me. They already have been taking up a lot because of me. My lack of sleep, avoiding food most of the time, and my temper tantrums. I just have to change it all soon.

I was about to reach home when I get 2 calls. One from my dad and the second call is from Caroline.

I park my car and get out, receiving her call. I am walking towards my house as I hear her say, "Hello."

"Hey, I just reached home." I try to sound as cool as I can.

"What took you so long? It's not more than 15 minutes drive to your home from mine."

"Hmmm ...I..I ...." I stammer. I didn't know what to say so I keep quiet when my attempts to give a proper excuse fail.

"Elena? What happened?" She sounds worried.

At that moment, I enter the house and my mom asks, "Where were you?"

"With Caroline," I tell her and took this as an opportunity to avoid my friend for now because I don't want her to know that I have been crying on the way home. So I say, "Cal, I'll call you back later, okay? Mom needs to talk to me about something." 

"Okay. Stay good, please."

"Yeah. Take care." Saying that, I disconnect the call and glance at my mother, who was waiting for me to talk. I move towards the dining table and tell her I'm not hungry.

As usual, she fumed at me because it has now become a habit of me skipping food. She says firmly, "Tell your dad that. I'm not making any more excuses for you. You don't understand anything at all. You must eat properly and take care of yourself but you won't-"

"Please, not now. Okay?" I cut her off. I almost snapped. It had became a routine with my mother asking me to eat and I keep on refusing most of the days, which used to annoy her. But after the day Stefan walked out on me at the club, I felt I lost my appetite. Ofcourse, parents wouldn't understand such reasons. My snapping at my mom made her felt bad. It is all over on her face. Realizing that she is my mom and is concerned, I felt guilty. I apologize and tell her to please understand.

I climb the stairs and rush towards my room. Entering, I throw my purse at one corner, close the door, and fall upon my bed. I start crying my heart out over everything that happened today, telling myself for the first time now since I left his house, that "we are over" and it feels like someone stabbed straight into my heart.

The memories are hitting me, not giving me a second of peace but being alone now, I don't bother to stop myself from feeling what is eating me up. I felt the hurt creeping inside my flesh, my blood, my bones, and cutting deep into my heart and soul; making me wish I die. I'm just lost. Finished. Breathing, yes but dead inside. I lost him, I lost my trust, my dreams, and all my hopes are shattered. The love I had for him in my heart turned out to be a bad curse for me that's not letting me live nor letting me die. I cry and cry, wishing he could see what he has done to me. I hope that it's all a dream or one of his bad jokes but than who am I kidding? I knew it was going to happen. The signs were there, signaling me to be prepared, but I didn't wanted to give up, I wanted to try. I thought and believed he loved me but he doesn't love me. We are over. I repeat the word "over" countless of times to make my heart believe it. It just hurts. I want to scream, shout, yell, and get this feeling out of me. Why? Why did you do this to me, Stefan? Why? I was wailing like mad and then it turned into weeping. I start to feel dizzy, weak and; somewhere between thinking, hurting, feeling, and crying; I fall asleep.