I rode in Niall's car on the way home, listening to the radio. Listening to the radio in silence helped me unwind from the day. Niall turned off the car my que to get out.

He didn't say anything nor did I, and we walked in a comfortable silence to the house. We really didn't need words, I felt close enough to him we were comfortable in silence.

"Jess!" Lou said greeting us at the door.

"Hey Louboo." I said, like I hadn't seen him a few hours ago.

We went inside and I went straight to my room. I was dead tired even though I hadn't done much that day. It was probably a combination of the stress, and being sick. I decided to watch a show or two before I went to bed because it was still a little early for bed right now.

"Jess, do you mind if I join you?" Niall asked peeking his head in the door.

"No, there's room." I said with a smile patting the empty space beside me on the bed.

"Okay." He came over and sat down. He lay back and pulled the covers over both of us.

I was watching Thirteen Reasons Why. So far I liked the storyline. It had so much emotion and it was a beautiful story of lost love and how everything you did and said effected someone in ways you can't imagine.

"You like it so far?" Niall asked gesturing at the TV.

"Yeah have you seen it?"

"No, but it sound interesting from what I've heard."

"Yeah it is so far I'm only on episode four though."

"Cool, now let's watch." He said with a chuckle.

We watched two episodes before I started yawning and decided it was probably time for bed.

"Ready for bed?" He asked after I had yawned for probably the sixth time since we had started watching.

"Yeah." I said followed by a yawn then a laugh.

"I see." He said smiling.

"Well good night Jess sweet dreams." He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I tilted my head up so my lips brushed his. It still made sparks fly when we kissed, and I loved the feeling. I never wanted to let it go.

He smiled into the kiss and I couldn't help but smile back. We pulled away and he gave me a grin before walking over to his room.

The stupid grin stayed stuck on my face for a few minutes afterward. He made me feel like a kid, and I loved the feeling. I loved him, but I was scared to admit it. What if he didn't love me back? But only liked me. I didn't want to say I was in love again, it seemed dangerous after what I'd been through. I contemplated saying it to him the next night, but being the shy person I was I decided to let him say it first.

I fell asleep with the smell of him next to me. It was comforting and I slept well with not a single nightmare.

---------

Good morning beautiful." Someone, it sounded like Niall, but I wasn't sure, whispered in my ear.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw Niall. His eyes were a bright blue, and he looked rested.

"Morning babe." I mumbled so it came out more of. " Morfing mabe."

He smiled and brushed the hair back from my face he leaned in about to kiss me when I pushed on his chest stopping him.

"What's wrong?" He asked concern on his face.

"I have morning breath." I said feeling self-conscious.

"Ohhh okay I'll let you brush your teeth first." He said an obviously relieved smile on his face.

I shooed him out of my room and got ready. I just put on some casual clothes because I wasn't planning on going anywhere. I put a little makeup on and made sure to brush my teeth well.

I left my phone plugged in beside my bed, and walked downstairs. I stood in the kitchen contemplating what to make considering I and Niall were the only ones awake at the moment.

"Hey babe." Niall said wrapping his arms around me from behind. I leaned back into him. It seemed we were meant to be. His chin rested on the top of my head, and his arms could drape over my shoulders.

"Hey." I said turning around and pressing a kiss on his lips.

He seemed surprised, but kissed me back softly. He tangled his hands through my brushed hair probably knotting it up, but I didn't care. He kissed me more passionately and I melted at his touch.

"We should probably make breakfast." He whispered pulling away but keeping his face a few inches from mine as he spoke.

"Probably." I whispered a little breathless.

He smiled and gave me one last peck on the lips. We made breakfast together, which was French toast bake. My mother's recipe actually. I knew it would be hard to eat this without her. It was hard enough making it without her, it felt wrong making it with someone other then her. It was our thing, to bake together. We had a lot of recipes we would make together, and this was the first one she taught me how to make.

"Okay ready to put the topping on?" Niall asked gesturing towards the bowl full of crumbs to sprinkle on top. I almost burst out crying. I heard it in her voice. I still remember...

"Mom." I said with a sigh. My six year old self couldn't stay still for long.

"Just a minute honey I have to finish the last layer." She said with a smile. She reached over and tucked my unruly hair behind my ear before finishing the layer.

"Okay." I said now smiling.

"Okay ready to put the toppings on?" She said sweeping her finger through the syrup and dabbing some on my nose.

I squealed and wiped it off on my apron. My apron that my mom had made. It said 'Mom's little cook' on it and I was so proud when she gave it to me.

I grabbed the bowl from her outstretched arms and sprinkled it over. I made sure to get every spot.

"There mommy how do you like it?"

"Sugar pie it's great! You know you always do the best sprinkling job." She said with a laugh. Her laugh was light and airy and made you feel carefree.

I beamed I was so proud of myself. I was mom's little cook.

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt Niall wipe a tear of my cheek.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly.

"My mom and I used to make this all the time." I choked out.

He didn't reply, but his face filled with sorrow. He pulled me close to him, and I breathed in his smell. It comforted me, but I still cried. It was times like these, that I realized how much I missed my mom.

"Do you want me to do it?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah." I replied stepping back and wiping my face. Good thing my mascara was waterproof.

He sprinkled it on, and covered it in foil. He placed it in the oven and shut the door.

My heart ached terribly. I missed her so much, she didn't deserve to leave so soon. She was one of the kindest people. No matter what she always tried to have a smile on her face.

I was still standing in the middle of the kitchen my arms hanging limp, and my eyes dead. Niall placed his hands on my shoulders and steered me gently to a chair in the living room. For the first time since her death, I was feeling it. The numbness so many people had warned me about. I felt dead inside.

"Jess." Niall repeated my name a few times. I didn't acknowledge him I was in to much emotional pain. So much I barely felt it. There was a point when the pain got to much you didn't feel it. It worried me, it's been a month or so and it didn't hit me until now.

"Jess please talk to me." He pleaded.

Everything was out of focus, and I blinked a few times. His worried face came into focus.

"I-I." Was all I managed to get out I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I felt like there was so much pain bottled up inside that I would explode.

"Hey what's wrong?" He took my hand in his, but I didn't feel the usual sparks.

"I need s-some time alone." I whispered.

He nodded and released my hand.

"If you need me I'll be here." He said with a little smile.

I nodded and walked upstairs. I was still numb and I didn't acknowledge Louis when he said hi to me on the way to my room.

I shut my door gently and sank to the floor in front of my dresser. I stared at the ball Niall had gotten me, and I finally cracked. After all this time, I released my emotion. All the pain I had been feeling since my mom had passed.

I let out a scream and started sobbing. I pounded my fist against the ground and lay there sobbing and screaming.

Niall's P.O.V.

"Jess please talk to me." I pleaded. She wouldn't talk and she had out of focus look in her eyes. It was scaring me to say the least.

She blinked and her gaze met mine, but only for a brief second before she looked away. In that brief second I saw so much, and I realized this was probably the first time she's shown pain since her mother passed away.

"I-I." She stuttered then stopped looking lost.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked softly grasping her hand in mine.

"I need s-some time alone." She whispered barely audible. I nodded and let go of her hand. Although it was the last thing I wanted to do I let her go upstairs by herself.

I understood she needed time, and that was okay. But I knew Jess and sometimes she took the pain out on herself. I didn't want her doing that and I couldn't stop her if I wasn't there with her.

I pushed my thoughts aside and hoped for the best.

"Hey what's up with Jess?" Louis asked coming down the stairs. His face looked worried as did mine.

"I really don't know I think it's her mom." I replied.

"Oh, okay. Some time alone is probably best for her." He walked around the counter and opened the oven. The smell wafted out and stomach growled.

"So I keep telling myself." I muttered under my breath. I was worried as hell about her.

"So. Whe-" He stopped mid sentence when we heard Jess scream from upstairs.

He turned white as a sheet and glanced at me. I locked eyes with him, and instantly knew we were thinking the same thing. We both bolted upstairs.

I tried her door and cursed when it didn't budge.

"Do we have a spare key?" I asked turning to Louis.

"I think so I'll check in the safe." He said running back downstairs.

I cursed myself again for letting her go in there alone, and started pacing.

"Hurry up." I murmured to myself and ran my hand through my hair. By now I was beyond nervous I was terrified.

"What?" Liam mumbled stepping out of his room in only his boxers. He still looked half asleep and I guessed Jess had woken him up.

"Jess." I said to nervous to explain more.

"What about h-" He froze when she let out another scream." Oh."

There were three large thumps from behind the closed door, and I winced at every one.

"Here." Louis said running up the stairs and thrusting the key into my hand.

I fumbled with it trying to get my nervous hands to work. I finally got it in the keyhole and turned it.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. She was lying on the ground sobbing. Her fists were bleeding as was her shoulder, and there was glass lying all around her.

"Can you guys take care of the glass?" I asked looking at Liam and Louis.

"Yeah you get her to the bathroom and check it out." Louis replied. Liam nodded giving his consent.

I went over taking care to avoid the glass and picked her up. I hissed when a piece of glass stuck to her clothing stabbed my arm.

I set her down on the bathroom floor. She was still crying, and didn't even acknowledge me or the fact that I had moved her into the bathroom. I grabbed a ponytail band she has laying on the sink and pulled her hair up off her face.

Her face was tear streaked, and their were streaks from her makeup running down her pale, delicate face and dripping down her neck. She was looking down and still whimpering. I gently picked the glass out of her shoulder and bandaged it.

I bandaged her fists also. She didn't complain or even react when I did it. It scared me to see her like this. I once again picked her up. She was limp in my arms as I carried her to her bed.

I set her on the edge, and took a seat beside her. Liam and Louis were gone as was the glass. Her door was shut for privacy I assumed.

"Hey Jess look at me." I said softly like I was talking to a crying child. She needed that tenderness right now.

She sniffed and lifted her head up. She met my gaze for a moment then dropped her head again. She was shaking and still whimpering every once in a while.

"What happened?" I asked.

She just shook her head and her shoulders started shaking. Signaling she had started to cry again. I sighed and pulled her into my arms. I wrapped her in a tight hug and gently rocked her back and forth. I tried to no avail to calm her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and I knew she wasn't talking to me. She kept talking to her mom who wasn't there.

I shushed her gently and rubbed circles on her back. She fell silent and her trembling slowed down. She was still shaking , but not as violently as before. And that was a good sign.

"Hey talk to me please?"

"Thank you." She whispered finally showing some movement and hugging me.

"You're welcome." I said not sure what she was thanking me for.

Slowly her breathing grew softer and relaxed and she slumped against me. I gently lay down on her bed and tucked the covers around her. I would have wiped off her mascara covered face, but I didn't want to wake her up.

I stood in the doorway a few moments looking at her. She looked peaceful, and it was hard to imagine this same girl moments ago sobbing. I shook my head and left shutting the door behind me.

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