Percy didn't want to let go.

Because there was Nico now. Holding him, like he would never let him go either.

He felt as if he could cry an ocean. Ignoring the pain blooming under his bandages, he tightened his embrace, as if they could merge into one.

There was nothing he wanted more than to fade into the background, taking Nico along with him. He wanted time to dissipate, so they could hold each other like this forever. 

It could have been awkward. It could have been weird. But both boys were basking in the warmth like it was the only thing they needed to survive. Percy felt an overwhelming desire to keep him safe. He knew Nico didn't need it, but it was the only feeling he could describe as he buried his nose deeper in the crook of his neck. 

The brown-eyed boy still smelled like cocoa and roses on a rainy day. But his hair smelled like pine. Percy's chest rose and fell unevenly against Nico's hands.

If only his problems could melt away, so he could stay with him for the rest of his life...

But the cold hard truth was there. The roses Nico smelled of now seemed too prickly, the thorns digging into his skin, piercing through the band-aids.

"Nico... what time is it?" he asked softly, hoping he wouldn't startle the boy in his arms. Thankfully, the dark-haired teenager was still curled up against him, quiet. The only sound in the room was now the little rain falling outside the window.

The brown-eyed boy shifted slightly. "Mmm, I don't know... maybe around 9PM?"

Percy wanted to go get his phone, that was still on Nico's night table. But the truth was that he hadn't touched it since he ran away. He was scared of all the messages that would appear on his screen. All the threats, all the hurtful words... He knew he should probably check up on his mother, but he couldn't ignore everything else Smelly Gabe would have said.

But his love for his mother outweighed his fear for him.

Yet, he didn't want Nico to let him go. Percy had realised somewhere in the middle of the night that the boy had let his tears shed silently against him, hoping he would able to hide it. But Percy felt him weep on his chest, soaking through his shirt.

But in the end, he didn't have to make the decision anymore, since Nico released himself from his grasp on his own. Slowly, but definitely. Percy didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

Disentangling himself from his arms, Nico hadn't removed his hands from his chest. Percy hoped he couldn't feel his heart pounding against his ribcage.

"You must be sleepy... today was a wild ride. You should rest." Nico said, his eyebrows scrunched up cutely. 

Percy turned red. "Um, yeah, of course." he stuttered. Gods, I just— I can't right now.

Nico's hair was messed up, curling up in a hundred different directions. His hair was always bedraggled, but Percy had no words to describe how adorable he looked at the moment. His shirt was also all wrinkly, as if he had just rolled out of bed. His eyes were half-lidded, and the green-eyed boy wondered if it wasn't him who was tired.

His question was answered when Nico yawned slightly, his eyes closing tightly.

"Yeah, we should probably go to sleep." Percy said, sighing with a smile lining his lips.

They both stood up as he grabbed for his phone. To his surprise, their weren't any messages coming from his stepfather. He exhaled in relief as he scrolled through his notifications. 

There aren't any notifications from Mom either, though...

His heart twisted in worry.

"Percy? You coming?"

"Oh! Yeah, of course." he stuttered, sliding the phone in his pocket. The remaining of his family wasn't the only thing that made him nervous though. He ran away here, hoping for refuge, and then got it. What was he supposed to do now? Wake up each morning to awaken to Nico's handsome face? It wasn't like Nico wasn't the first thing on his mind when he woke up anyway, but his hands felt jittery just thinking about it. Well, they probably wouldn't be sleeping on the same bed, but he couldn't calm down his nerves.

But when he joined Nico in the hallway, the brown-eyed boy looked equally flustered. "I know this may sound as a surprise to you, but we... don't have a guest room. We moved to a smaller house after—" He took a deep breath. "After my mother's death. We had to throw a lot of furniture anyway, and my dad wanted to escape the media. So we moved here, where nobody would expect us to be. The only rooms we have are my father's, his study, mine and... Bianca's."

It took a while for Percy to realise who Bianca was again, but it dawned on him when he saw the heartbroken look on Nico's face as he continued. "You see... I never brought home guests to sleep over. The only times Piper, Reyna and Jason come are when we're supposed to go out. They never stay long, so my dad decided we didn't need extra rooms. I can't have you stay on the couch either; that's not how I'm supposed to treat a... a friend."

A friend. Percy ignored the twist in his gut when Nico said that.

"...I'll sleep in Bianca's room. You can sleep in my bed."

Percy deadpanned. 

"My sister, Bianca, she died. This necklace— it's hers. I managed to take it before my father closed the door to her room... forever."

"It's one of the only things I have left from her... and my mother."

"...Six years ago. She would have been twenty-one this year."

"You can't." Percy whispered. His voice was trembling. He came here to escape his problems, not create new ones.

"You're not my guardian angel!"

"...I could be, though."

Nico smiled sadly. "I haven't opened that door for almost six years. The anniversary is in two months... there's nothing I can do about it. I need to face it. I need to face the fact that she's gone. I can't just cling on to some blurry reality that only exists in my head."

He didn't await for an answer. He just walked down the corridor, towards his dad's room. Nico's movements were slow, but determined. Percy throat felt like it was folding onto itself. Was it really the time to act all honorable and manly right now? "Wait, Nico—" he called after him, following his footsteps.

But he already had opened the door and walked inside, his hands visibly shaking by his side. Was he cold, or scared? Whatever the answer was, Percy desperately wanted to slide his own hand into his.

He wanted to decipher emotions in his sad brown eyes, but Nico's face seemed carved out of stone as he reached inside the top drawer of the bedside table, like he had done it countless times before. 

The poor boy was mumbling undecipherable words under his breath, his chest rising and falling faster with each second passing. "...This is the first time I'm actually going to do it." he seemed to be repeating.

Percy didn't want Nico to panic and have an attack with the first step inside his sister's room. So, taking a deep breath, he did what he had to do. "It's going to be okay, Nico." he said, trying to muster the most confidence in his words. When the brown-eyed boy didn't tense up, Percy slid his hand into his and intertwined their fingers. "It's okay."

Something made a jingling sound. With a start, the black-haired teenager realised it was coming from Nico's hand. Or more likely, the object in his fist.

"What is it?" Percy asked, worried. The keys dug deeper in Nico's palm. "...Just, come, okay? And please... stay." Don't run away. Never again.

The green-eyed boy didn't looked convinced, but he simply acquiesced with a nod, not saying anything else but a soft "okay." 

Following the dark-haired boy down the hall, contrary to the way they came, Percy's heart skipped a beat, when suddenly, Nico came to a halt. He wanted to ask why, but he was afraid he already knew the answer. In front of them, a tall wooden door stood, it's strong, imposing presence seeming to radiate an aura of infinite melancholy. 

"Okay... I guess this is it." Nico sighed, his voice shaking as he slid the key into the lock. With a grinding noise of rusty metal, it gave way. Percy heard a sharp inhale, but he didn't know if it came from him or the boy next to him.

The door squeaked as it opened. Nico tightened his grip on him. 

The room looked like nobody had touched it in a decade, which technically, was true. A thin layer of dust covered the place, but it was obvious it had been entered a few times. Large footsteps left traces on the dusty carpet. 

Percy's eyes seemed to take everything at once, which hurt his head more than he'd like to admit. The queen-sized bed was still stuck up in the left corner of the bedroom, like how children preferred them to be. The once white blanket had turned more of a yellow colour in the edges, but it was hard to tell, since the bed hadn't been made. Throw pillows were scattered all over, some leaning against the grey-painted wall, others lying against the largest cushions.

Clothes were also everywhere. But after all, Percy thought, this room had once belonged to a teenage girl. Novels and more were still neatly arranged on the tall shelf. Frames hung from the painted walls. He gasped as he recognised some faces. Young Nico smiling at a beautiful freckled girl with dark waves of hair covering half of her face, standing in front of the Empire State Building. Bianca di Angelo. The resemblance between the two siblings was astounding. Percy stifled a sob.

He looked at the other pictures. There was one with a group of young girls smiling and grinning at the camera, seeming to play in a snowy forest. He was hit with shock as he saw Thalia Grace's familiar face next to Bianca. Her arm was slung over her shoulder, and with their wide smiles, they seemed like the best of friend. Why hadn't Jason told him his older sister had a close bond with Nico's sister? But it didn't matter anyway. These laughing kids seemed so far away now. 

The desk still had notebooks stacked in piles, and he noticed the jewel box as a little moonlight slid from under the curtains that haven't been opened for six years. It was probably from where Nico had took his obsidian necklace.

Nico.

Percy whipped his head around, and could almost hear his heart break as he saw him.

Tears were running down his face, seeming to drown him in his own sadness. Both of his hands were covering his mouth to muffle his sobs. Nico, don't cry, please. I can't bear how sad you look. It makes me want to rip out the heart from my chest.

Percy didn't know what to say. He was speechless. He felt out of place, being the audience to such an intimate scene, but he was reminded of why he was here as well when Nico buried his wet face in his chest, his arms linking around his waist. 

He could see it on his face that it hurt like hell, all the regrets and grief he had bottled up inside him for so long crashing all back down on him in one devastating wave. Percy wrapped his arms around him as well, hugging him tightly as Nico weeped, his back heaving with each of his sobs.

Rubbing reassuring circles on his shirt, Percy's eyes stung as well. Nobody deserved a night like this. Overwhelmed by every little thing, each movement you make seeming to end up with blood and tears. Nico had opened the door to his past as he, himself had opened the one to his future.

Before he could realise it, the brown-eyed boy had left his embrace, and was now staring solemnly at the pictures of his beloved sister, his big eyes looking up sadly. Percy couldn't imagine how hard this would be for him. How could he have had compared the loss of his best friend to the loss of a family member?

Bianca and Nico had obviously been linked by something stronger than blood.

Guilt stirred up his insides as he forced himself to walk towards Nico, who was now leaning over his sister's desk. After shedding a few more tears over the images of both of their happy faces, the brown-eyed boy moved on.

But Percy stayed. For some reason, he couldn't move his feet from the place where they were planted. Something was compelling him to stay. What, he couldn't say, but with dread he realised it was probably his blameworthiness.

He glanced at the frame under the lamp. It was a picture of Nico and Bianca, but it was a different Nico. He was probably around seven or eight, so his sister was around 14. His olive skin seemed so different from today's Nico's pale skin. It was... richer. Like he used to spend his entire days out in the sun. The freckles proved his theory as well. How could he have forgotten that Nico used to have freckles? He looked beautiful in the picture, but seeing the face of a person who has passed away made his lungs close on themselves. 

His eyes wandered lower, and fell on a crumpled post-it note. He read it quietly. 

meet-up with zoë at 6PM, saturday 19/6/2011. party at phoebe's xoxo

Percy gasped.

19/6/2011.

June 19th 2011.

The day Luke died.

"My only friend, my best friend died when I was ten! You aren't the only one who has been hurt before, Nico!"

"I was ten when the policemen called, saying she had died, her friend at the wheel. They were in a freak car accident. Nobody survived. 

...In either cars."

Luke's car... had crashed into Bianca's and Zoë's?  Percy's mind blanked. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening.

He felt dizzy. Was the room spinning, or was he? "Nico, I—"

"What?" Nico asked, his voice raw from crying so much. Percy felt like he had twisted a rusty dagger into his heart. The guilt was piercing. He couldn't believe it. This couldn't be real.

"I— Nico—" he stuttered, falling to his knees. His head was swarming, his mind overwhelmed. His body was shutting down, he realised. No, not now— I need to tell him, I have to—

"Percy?!"

Nico's alarmed voice echoed throughout the room, but to Percy, it seemed like a knife to the skull. Before he knew, he was kneeling by his side, cradling his head. "What is it? Are you okay?"

The panic was clear in his voice. Percy felt guilty, making him worry when it was only his own legs betraying him and going out from under him. 

"Nico." His own voice shook with disbelief. "We both lost a close one that day. I—I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to, I—"

"What? What are you saying, Percy? You're hallucinating!"

Percy shut his eyes closed tightly for a few seconds before opening them back. "That day. June nineteenth 2011. Your sister died in a car accident. I lost my best friend on the road. Both after a party." The green-eyed boy couldn't say anything else without his headache shooting through him like a bullet. Hopefully, that explained itself.

But Nico looked like a ghost. He had blanched, his eyes wide.

"Your daughter Bianca has passed away, along with another teenager called Zoë Nightshade. It appears to be a car accident. Another car has collided with their's. Please come right away."

Nico's head hurt. He knew Percy had lost his best friend. But this...? This couldn't be a coincidence. He remembered the day after the accident, how Persephone had hung her head low and whispered words that would inscribe themselves in his mind forever. "Nobody survived. I'm so sorry, Nico."

"I'm so, so sorry, Nico."

No, that's not what he wanted to hear. Why did humans have to apologise for something they didn't do? He didn't want others' pity. He didn't want their apologies. He didn't want to see them.

His closure and isolation had led him to cut social interaction from his definition of "normal."

"I'm sorry, Nico. I... I can't take it either." Percy whispered.

"I'm sorry, Nico."

There it was again.

But with Percy, it was different. He didn't feel the need to say it because he was taking pity. It was because he understood. He knew how he felt. He knew it was a burden nobody should carry.

"It's not your fault, Percy. I'm sorry, too."

Percy looked incredulous. It was probably because Nico understood now.

He wasn't alone. Whether it was for the best or for the worst, he had never been. Nico never wanted other's pity but didn't everyone crave care every now and then? He was a hypocrite. He ignored people's condolences but took pity on himself, telling himself each morning how pathetic his life was, to the point where each day felt like just another unnecessary obstacle. He was telling himself there was no point to wake up anymore, until he would see Percy. Percy, with his tousled black hair, and his radiant laugh. His heartwarming smile, that seemed to say everything would be okay. His sparkling green eyes that told that the sun would always come up tomorrow. And just like that, Percy was his own sunrise.

Nico understood now, that he wasn't the only one who carried pain in his heart. Percy did. Everyone did. He couldn't assume he was the only one, because he couldn't know what each person hid under their smile.

He had always thought Percy lived the perfect life. Until a series of misfortune had led them to find out each other's secrets. But in the end, it had worked out for the both of them, and they both had been enlightened.

Percy wrapped his arms around him. "I'm so proud of you."

Nico let go of it all as he let himself bask in his warmth. "I know."

And their tears seemed to mix together as they hiccuped with laughter, not knowing whether they were crying or not. There was beauty in this, the moment when two people had never been closer, and had never felt so understood.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.･:*

aaaGH FINALLY I WROTE A CHAPTER

i'm so sorry for giving you guys false hope that i'd update more often, because the problem is not whether or not i have a new computer, it's my lack of motivation ;-;
at least i hope you enjoyed this chapter.
psa; i am not trying to romanticise abuse/mental illness in any way, shape of form. i've seen more and more talk about this and i just want to get out there that it has never been the point of this story. when the idea first bloomed, it was just supposed to be nico who wrote all his feelings in a diary, and one day percy finds it.
but i realised that i wanted it to be more than that. i wanted this story to be about realising that you aren't alone. i just needed "tragic backstories" to make into a storyline that people would actually read and follow. nico naturally had a sad story in canon. i just had to add to percy as well, who's life is actually very sad too in the original series.

thank you for reading this long a/n. i just had to get it out there before i got remarks.
feel free to point out any grammatical errors!

- deniiial