Lily and I hide in the bathroom out of sight as and talk about everything in the letters we sent one another. I tell her about my uncle, the sweet Potters whose hearts I no doubt shattered, why James is pissed at that, also because I broke Sirius, and why I did all of it. Then we're silent for a solid five minutes. We've been talking for so long we're probably nearly late for dinner by now. I'm in the middle of changing in just a tank and underwear, so she's just staring at the mark.

"Wow." Lily breathes and I nod in agreement. "And that's the-"

"Yep." I nod and slip my pants on as her head shakes in disbelief.

"And he said-"

"for Dumbledore, yeah."

"Then you turned down the-"

"Potters to protect them. Right."

"And Sirius-"

"for the same reason."

"Are you going to-"

"let you finish your sentences? Yes. Sorry." I apologize as we both let out quiet laughs. She stares at me with those piercing green eyes for a long moment.

"Well, how are you?" She asks and I blink.

"How am I?" I repeat and she nods, tucking some of that flaming red hair behind her ear.

"Yeah. This has all been so crazy, you've got to be feeling...well. Crazy." I wrangle all my buttons together and do my tie with a long sigh.

"Honestly I just feel so tired. Tired of not understanding, not knowing why, not knowing what's coming next most of all, or if someone else will get hurt." I run my hands over my face before looking back at her. "I know, how about a distraction?" I offer and grab her hand to drag her into the abandoned dorm room as she rolls her eyes. We're both dressed now anyways, minus shoes.

"You can only run from your problems for so long, Arell." She warns but brightens interestedly when I drag out her birdcage hilariously wrapped like a huge tootsie roll from my suitcase.

"The day they catch me is the day I die, so I might as well enjoy the ride. Happy Christmas, Lily." I bid her and she shoots me a scathing look but is quickly ripping apart the paper then filling the compartment with laughter.

"A birdcage for James! Oh, Arell that's so thoughtful of you." She praises and pops up from her seat on her bed to give me a tight hug. "I have something for you that is so perfect." We release as she delves down into her discarded jeans pocket, coming up with a little red box. Smiling and actually happily distracted, I take the box and gingerly open it.

Two earrings lie inside, ear cuffs really, and look like little dragons that are meant to wrap delicately around one's ear. It looks as if the little creatures are whispering to you. "Aw Lily, they're beautiful." I pick one up and instantly affix it to my ear where it perches perfectly. Lily beams and picks up the other.

"I found these at a muggle store and just knew they'd be perfect. So these can be used as walkie-talkies." My eyes widen as hers get more excited. "Just say, Audito, and I'll be able to hear you from a great distance. Not sure how far, but it's more than we had before." She affixes the other onto her ear as I squeeze her free hand.

"They are perfect Lily, it's such a relief to know I'll be able to talk to you." She nods before realizing something.

"Oh, and to turn it off just say silencio. We don't need to hear everything." Lily tells me and I commit both words to memory. "Thank you," I tell her and she nods again before we both rush to shove our shoes and cloaks on.

"Does it hurt?" Lily asks as we rush through the halls to the great hall.

"No, it doesn't hurt at all, but it's not fading either. Still looks as fresh as the day I got it." I sigh, but Lily just takes my hand and meets my eyes with steel in hers.

"It'll be alright." She assures me and her confidence lends itself to mine.

"You think people will be talking?" I whisper as we walk down the stone halls underneath the warm torches. Her hand tightens on mine as she shakes her head, hair catching the light and turning it into fire.

"No, I don't think so. The only ones that know are Dumbledore, the boys, McGonagall, and me, right? You should be fine." She assures me as we pass multiple groups of people who stare at me blatantly. I sigh.

"Sure."

We make it to the grand hall and sit down with our dorm mates. I'm happy to see them, but it's hard to concentrate when nearly everyone in the hall is staring at me or just whispering about me. I feel like I'm about to burst. "You know, I'm nearly impressed that everyone found out so quickly." I murmur scathingly and Lily smiles sympathetically at me.

Emmaline leans forward, "I could spill acid on the floor if you want. For a distraction." She offers and a genuine smile makes its way onto my face.

"No, that's okay. Thank you." I tell her and steel myself as Dumbledore steps to the podium. The hall quiets and he looks at me before speaking. Way to be discreet.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, we hope you all had a Happy Christmas." He greets us and Marlene rolls her eyes. "I know there are already some rumors floating around," All eyes turn to me and Lily shoots a death glare to those nearest. "and I hope our first reaction to danger or fear is to support one another. Fear is strong, but bravery and kindness are even stronger. I hope you all choose wisely which you hold onto." His blue eyes shine as he stares into mine, then smiles. "Feast!" I sigh and put my head in my hands as food blooms on the table.

"Look, I'm sure it'll be alright," Lily says while smoothing a hand over my back. All it reminds me of is the plethora of scars lying there as well. "We have classes after this weekend, then quidditch, it'll be great." She encourages and I sit up properly, forcing a smile out at my friends. Right, quidditch. I can make it for quidditch.

"Thank you, but I think I'm going to take a walk." I snag a biscuit and pat her shoulder before slipping out of the hall and into the quiet of the castle. I eat the biscuit while deciding where to go, heading towards the stairs where there are more choices. Already, I know I'll be missing the quiet of the halls during break. I've got time before meeting Remus, but I want to collect my thoughts beforehand.

I waste some time just riding the stairs before wandering down a narrow corridor. It keeps getting smaller and smaller until I'm crouching before opening up to the grounds. Grinning, I take a deep breath of the fresh air and look up at the stars. My cloak drops to the side along with my dress shirt and tie until I'm only in my pants and tank top so I can feel the cold breeze on my skin. It feels so much better out here. Freer.

"Suppose I should have known it was you out here." My wand is in my hands before I've turned and his hands are up with a grin on his face when I recognize who it is.

"You really want to get jinxed by me, don't you?" I tease the familiar face as Garrett walks over to me. He shrugs while his green eyes glint in the moonlight.

"You and only you, Arell." He allows before we both step forward to embrace one another. My arms tighten around his shoulders.

"It's good to see you." I murmur and he chuckles warmly before we release one another.

"You too." His hand slides up and down my arm before he gestures to the still red marks. "That's what people are talking about then, right?" He asks and I look at it, then nod. "How are you?" Garrett asks and somehow, he asks in a way that he cares, but doesn't feel sorry for me. It's nice.

"Tired of people talking about me like they know me." He nods with a sigh as if he understands.

"I don't know, some of the stories are pretty good. Apparently, you also threatened some others with a scar on your back, so now the rumors are pretty rampant. Things like you're secretly an undercover auror, you're a spy for the opposite side, you were trampled by centaurs, you were once set on fire, oh, and my personal favorite, you survived the killing curse." My eyes roll.

"No one survives the killing curse." Garrett shrugs with a winning grin.

"Still a good story though." He says and my annoyance with everyone is nearly gone. "I get it, but just remember their opinions of you don't matter." Garrett's able to say it so easily. "Friends opinion's matter, sure, but the only opinion that defines you is yours."

"Mm, got wise over Christmas?" I tease and that smile makes another appearance.

"You saying I was stupid before Christmas?"

"Is that what I said?"

"Oh, now you're saying I can't hear?" He bounces back and leaves me laughing, my breath drifting from my mouth like puffs of smoke in the cold air before we both sober.

"Thanks," I tell him as we stand side by side. He shrugs.

"Don't have to thank me for being a friend, Arell." He assures me kindly and I spend a moment staring at him while he stares at the stars.

"Then thank you for being a good one." I reiterate and those green eyes bounce to mine before he nods once. We sit in the grass for a while and he doesn't ask any more questions about the mark on my arm, or any of my other scars on display. For a while we just are and it's soothing.

Eventually, we both turn in and we leave each other at the foot of the grand staircase. Slowly, I make my way to the library and am instantly pulled to the side. My wide eyes meet Remus' and I'm about to hit him when he holds a finger to his lips. I quiet and hear Filch shuffling outside the doorway.

"Our peace with all these kiddies is gone, Mrs. Norris." He grumbles softly to his cat and we watch as the light from his lantern fades. Only then does Remus let me go.

"Took you long enough, Arell." He says with a soft smile.

"Sorry, I took another passage and spent some time outside. Didn't realize I was late." He shakes his head to tell me he was only teasing before pressing an H in the nearest column holding a flame. The column does nothing, but the wall next to it shivers and slides aside.

"Help me push." Remus beckons and we shove the wall until we can both just barely slip into the opening. It shuts behind us, but it seems Remus has already come this way since all the torches are lit. "This'll lead us back to the common room." He tells me with a sigh. "On the way there I would be grateful if you'd tell me just what the hell happened? James and Sirius are pissed at you." I groan as we start walking and run a hand through my hair.

"Look, it's really complicated and convoluted and...messed up."

"I know, why do you think I chose a place where we could talk and not be overheard, not get caught for being out, and stay in as long as needed? I want the whole thing, Arell." Remus is as firm as I've ever seen him and I know I won't get away with anything but the truth here. I don't want to lose another friend. "I know James is mad because his parents told him what happened. About the adoption." My eyes jump to his, but he's all soft now. Understanding. "He's confused about that and doesn't understand why you'd say no, so that's half his anger. Sirius on the other hand-" Remus shrugs exasperatedly. "I've no clue and he won't tell us. James is mad for his friend too and that he doesn't understand that."

"And you?" I venture and Remus half-smiles.

"I understand too many sides to pick one." He says as our soft footsteps echo down the twisting hallway. "I also understand that sometimes we push people away from us because we think it makes them safer or us safer from hurt." His eyes burn into mine and I look away to take a deep breath.

"I never wanted to hurt anyone." I murmur before we settle down side by side on the bottom step of some stairs. "A murderer was at their house, Remus. He wanted me to go out and investigate, but what if one of them got caught in the bait? James, Sirius, the Potters, how could I risk them all so I could be happy? You know I love all of you, then Sirius and I kissed and after everything I knew all of you would be targets and-" Emotions I'd buried now rise as tears and Remus is quick to move closer and hesitantly puts an arm around my shoulders. My arms wrap around him too as tears escape and for a while, we just sit there in companionable silence. After my tears are spent, Remus breaks the quiet.

"That's the thing about people that care about you, Arell." He says and his hand smooths over my back, my back full of scars, as I meet his eyes again. "The people that love you are happy when you're happy, but feel your sadness just as keenly. They aren't just mad at you because you hurt them, they're mad because they feel like they can't help." I sniffle a few times and take a steadying breath.

"How can anyone help right now?" I ask him and he smiles a little.

"By being there for you. You have to let us though, trust me." He tells me and I know he speaks from experience. I press my lips together as I look at his warm amber eyes.

"Don't tell anyone about this," I whisper before standing and wiping away all traces of tears.

"But, Arell-"

"Please, Remus." I turn to face him again and watch his shoulders heave with a sigh.

"You have my word." He agrees and the rest of our walk is silent until we reach the common room. "Goodnight, Arell." He tells me and I nod to him before heading upstairs. After changing I'm about to crash into bed when I see Sirius' sweater laying on it. The tears come again, but I push them down as I lay down and use the soft material for a pillow. I blink a few times before I topple over the edge of consciousness into sleep.

*A/N*

Remus and friends make me so happy because he such a sassy cinnamon roll. <3