The smoke forms a cloud over my head, disappearing gradually as I take another drag the cigarette, closing my eyes as I feel the bitter gas make its way down my windpipe to the breathing organ. I looked back outside, my free hand gripping the railing of the bedroom balcony tightly.

How did I not see it? Why was I so stupid to let my emotions get the best of me? Especially when I promised myself not to let my emotions land me in trouble again?

I sigh, putting out the brunt of the stick before throwing it in the dustbin and going back through my room to the living area again, where everyone was still waiting for me.

It was the next day now, we had stopped talking after we realised that a clear mind would be required to deal with our situation. The boys had gone back home while Christian had gone to oversee one of his gang that worked in the city near ours. Now, as I go around to sit on love seat, I notice the anticipation that was palpable in the air. Ace, Keith and Mason were on the couch opposite mine, Kevin sitting on the floor with Ryker and Christian standing across each other, both at the opposite ends of the room.
The silence was deafening, each one of us in thought. Each one of us trying to find a means to get out of the sticky situation.

“We should tell them the real reason why killing him was necessary.” Mason putts the idea forward, earning a nod from the boys but making my eyes widen in alarm. I look at Christopher, to see him looking at Mason with a frown.

“And I can tell him that you are an amateur who didn’t know about him being under the gang’s protection.” Ryker muses, nodding his head as he mulled over the idea. But their suggestion made panic seize my heart, however controlled my face was.
None of the boys knew of my past. Not about why I came to this town. Not about why I know how to wield weapons and fight. Not how I am connected to their cold- hearted leader. Which meant that none of them knew the fear I had in mind.

They thought I was afraid because he will kill me once he finds me.

But only Christopher knew the truth. I was scared that he will find me.

How ironic isn’t it?

“No. You can’t do that,” Christopher says in a firm tone, “That may handle the Carter’s gang situation but we are forgetting about the other gang. Plus, this may backfire on you.”

I drew in a shaky breath, swallowing the bitter taste that came into my mouth at the thought that was swirling in my head.

Maybe it’s time to finally face my fears.

“Let the situation stay as it is.”

“WHAT?”

The exclamation came from all of them. Their faces, all snapped towards me, with same emotions on them. Fear, for my safety; disbelieve, at my ridiculous suggestion and anger, for even saying that.

“I don’t think you understand,” Ace says, trying to stay as calm as he can, “what the situation is here Ash. We are talking about Jayden Carter here! I am the only one here who has seen him working and when I tell you that the man is deadly… I bloody well mean it.”

This is the first time, after two whole years, when someone has said his name. Safe to say, I was revived of the fateful day when everything went downhill, angering me enough to turn the haze of red on in my head.

I struggled to contain it, desperately so, for the sake of my friends here. They are just trying to keep me safe from the monster they knew, they didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my anger.
“I want you all to trust me boys. You too, Chris. He won’t be able to torture me, you know it Christopher,” I plead to Chris through my eyes.

He runs his hand through his blonde hair, pulling it lightly at first before sighing, “Are you sure?”

“WHA-?”

“Mr. Ryland-”

“Don’t!”

The boys gave a different but equally disbelieving looks to the leader, a feared one, but his focus remained on me.

“But Ash, the moment I think you are in a mess that is too much for you, I will get involved. You hear me?’

His tone remained firm, but it couldn’t stop my heart from detecting the concern in it. I gave him a nod of appreciation for his believe in me.

The apartment door opened, alerting all of us. We turned to see Abby just as she stopped to peek in the living room. Looking at all of us she gave a half- hearted smile, one that we returned, though she raised an eyebrow at my blonde friend.

“Hello, Abigail. I am Christopher Ryland-”

“-my cousin.” I completed, getting up to face her properly, “he is here to stay for a few days… that is if you don’t mind.”

Her eyes scanned Christopher for some seconds, debating if she could trust a stranger living with her, before she nods while mumbling, “I am going to take a quick shower.”

She disappears, leaving us still standing the way we were. Once we hear her door closing, the silence is broken by Keith.

“What about Abby? What should we do about her?”

I shake my head.

“We can’t tell her anything Keith, even if we want to. She has no idea about what goes around in the world around her. Especially how our world works. It will be a shock to her and a betrayal. About how all of us, me and you all, hid everything from her for the past months.”

“And when we do tell her, we will have to tell about Kane too.” Ace adds, followed by Chris. “And you all will have to tell why Kane had to die and who killed him… she is a sweet girl and that all will shake her foundations.”

I hum, continuing, “We have to protect her from all this and let her live in the safe life she has known since her birth. Sometimes, it is not about the trust. Sometimes, it is just how it should be done.”

After showing the boys out and Chris to my room for his call that just came, I went to Abby’s room and knocked, only to find the door open. Pushing through, I enter the room to find Abby in her sweatshirt and shorts, her hair still wet from the shower, standing in front of her mirror. Her eyes were unfocused. I slowly crept up to her, hugging her from her side.

“I am fine Ash.” She said in an attempt to convince me and may be herself. Hearing her voice so desperate to prove that she is indeed ok hurt me in the worst way possible.

“I know.”

“I pro-promise Ash, I am o-ok.” This time her voice broke twice and I hugged her tighter as guilt wrapped itself as a vice around my neck.

“I know.”

“Really I am fi-”

This time she finally broke down and turned to hug me as she cried in my shoulder. Her shoulders shook as she cried, her knees giving out and she crumpled down to the floor with me cushioning her fall. I sat behind her, allowing her to let it out all the while feeling the tale tell sting behind my eyes that lead the way for silent tears to escape from my eyes.

I don’t regret killing Kane. What I do regret is hurting Abby as well in the process of saving a girl’s life. He was her ideal. She looked up to him. she would be crushed to know the truth behind the face of the noble man she pictured him as.

I can’t tell her the truth without planting a seed of doubt in her mind about everyone she knew or will know in the future.

And I can also not see her crying and hurting like this.

On top of it, I am not even sure what the future will bring for me.

So there sitting on the floor, in the midst of comforting her, I let myself lose and cried. For everything that happened in the past from the very beginning.

Each tear carrying the pain I hid within myself, bottling it up against my better judgement to assure myself of being fine.
But what exactly is being fine?

And we stayed that way, Abby and I, each crying out their sorrow through it.

**********
Words 1454
Quite a short chapter right?
But an early update anyway!
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Love, Rupanshi.