“Harry?”, I ask when we’re sitting on the couch after I came back from work on Saturday, “Want to do something fun today?”

He shrugs, staring at the screen. “This is fun.”

I shrug as well. “Not as much fun as going to an amusement park would be.”

“I don’t have the money.”

I roll my eyes and let my head fall against the couch. “Come on, I’ll invite you.”

“Louis”, he says, “It’s not like I wouldn’t finally like to have fun again. I can’t take the money though. It makes me feel bad. You’re just a student at university, come on, you don’t have the money.”

I know he’s right. I would feel bad as well, I do get it. I want him to have fun though. I want him to be okay.

“Come on. Please. I’d like you to.”

“Only if you help me find a job first”, he says, “I mean, only if I can stay here for a bit longer. If I could work, I could pay for food and stuff as well, start paying you back all the things you paid me those last months. And then maybe I can start saving. Find a flat for myself.”

I smile and nod. “Of course, we can do that. And don’t pay me back. If you want to continue living here, what I’d enjoy for sure, you can start paying a part of our food or rent as well. Just don’t pay me back, please. It’s a gift.”

He nods, slowly, understanding what I’m saying. “Yeah. Okay. Thank you.”

I smile. He smiles back. I stare at the spot on his sweater where the butterfly would be. I wonder if he feels it inside of his tummy as well.

I asked Casey whether she has a free spot for Harry, I saw they were searching for co-workers a few months ago already and she said yes. They’ve been searching for a while now and she said, Harry could start working as a cashier at first.
He was happy.

I am too.

Now we’re walking to the fair, arms dangling around, smiles on our lips, wind blowing cool and relaxing.

“I hate rollercoasters”, Harry says when we arrive there, “I haven’t been on one in ages.”

I shrug and point to a Break-dancer. “Those better? I do get kind of dizzy from them but we don’t have to go on the rollercoaster if you don’t want to.”

He shakes his head. “Lets try it anyways, yeah?”

I nod and smile. I have the urge to take his hand while we’re walking, drag him to the rollercoaster as if we were little kids.

I don’t do it. I think he doesn’t want me close. Emotionally, maybe. But not physically.

We sit down next to each other and I lower the safety bar down on both of us.

“Oh god”, Harry says and laughs, “I’m scared already.”

I roll my eyes. “You can hold my hand if it gets too much, baby”, I joke.

He chuckles. “Can I?”, he then asks, completely serious.

“Yeah”, I say and then we start moving.

We roll up a hill backwards, slow and I am scared I’ll fall forward, I don’t trust the safety here. We stop on top and Harry looks at me with big eyes. “Oh god.”

I laugh and then we roll down forward again, fast and way too abrupt. Harry keeps screaming the whole time and I can’t stop laughing.

“Stop laughing at me”, he shouts when we drive up and down three hills following each other.

And then he grabs my hand.

Takes it, wraps his fingers around mine and laughs. I look at him and he has his head thrown back, staring up into the sky, hair messy from the wind, eyes shining.

I think he might be the most beautiful person I ever met.

He doesn’t let go of my hand for the whole ride. His skin is warm and soft and the cold material of the rings he wears presses into my fingers comforting.

I smile and laugh and look at him and as our eyes lock while we slowly stop driving, I feel a weird tingling in my stomach.

“Fuck”, Harry says, “That was horrible.”

I laugh and we get out of the wagon. “Again?”, he asks, like a little kid and I nod happily.

And we drive again. Afterwards we head to the big wheel, Harry lets go of my hand but I still feel his fingers around mine. It makes my skin tickle a little.

“This is so cool”, he whispers when we get into our cabin and I agree with a small nod.

“Hey, Louis?”, he says after a few minutes of silence. I look at him, waiting for him to keep talking.

“Thank you.”

I don’t exactly know what he thanks me for, but I should probably say it back. Thank him for making me feel so happy and giddy, so childish and yet confused.

“You’re welcome, Harry. Very welcome.”

The drive is calm, relaxed and slow. I feel his knees pressing into mine across from me and his green eyes stare out of the window intensely while I watch his smile grow bigger and bigger, the higher we get.

After we drove with the rollercoaster one more time, we head to the food booths and get some roasted almonds to share.

We stroll towards the exit, hands brushing every now and then, when we reach to take an almond at the same time. I don’t know why it feels so weird.

Harry smiles. I’ve never seen him smile for that long before.

It feels nice, seeing the dimple in his cheek all the time but at the same time, I have to resist the urge to poke it.

“I haven’t been on a roller coaster in ages”, Harry says and it’s unusual for him to start a conversation so I smile at him in surprise. “The last time I went, one of my childhood friends had to basically carry me out of it and I threw up on his new shoes afterwards.”

I laugh out loud and slap my hand to my mouth. “I got lucky today then.”

“It was fun”, he says quietly and smiles.

“It was.”

“It probably was the most fun day I’ve had in ages”, he says and our hands brush again.

As he says that, I realize that for me it was too.

~~~

there you have another happy chapter<3