~Desire and Suffocation.~

"The thorns of your sadistic love injured me and made me bleed" ~ Shravya.

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(Shravya's POV)

"A coral rose is a symbol of desire," he uttered near my ear. "Right now, this coral rose adorning your tresses, is symbolizing my desire for you."

I bite my inner cheek and closed my eyes before opening them again. I looked at him through my half-lidded eyes on realizing that the thing he just tucked in my hair, is the coral rose he was holding some moments ago.

Suddenly, I found myself slightly stumbling back when his fingers caressed the line of my throat. My eyes met his, he looked at me as if he was savoring on my panic. He yanked me towards himself, by my waist. His hold tightens on me as his other arm traveled to my arm. His fingers slowly crept down on me, making goosebumps rise on my skin as he grasps my arm and I tried to be still on my spot, obviously too appalled to move forth or back.

"I missed the chance to dance with you on our last date." He linked his fingers with mine. "May I have that dance, now?" Without waiting for my answer, he left my waist and draped my left arm on his shoulder. All the while his hand stayed restful on my shoulder blade, his touch unpleasant on my skin. Instantly, my hold tightened on his shoulder, my body trembling on sensing his hand onto my exposed back.

He pulled me closer, making me shiver more when he clasped my other hand and raised it while his hand on my back glid down to my waist.

"All your words compel me to yearn."
(तड़पाए मुझे तेरी सभी बाते। )

"Please love me once, even if it's fake"
(एक बार ऐ दीवानी झूठा ही सही, प्यार तोह कर। )

He whispered-hummed, his mouth leaning against my neck as he slowly moves, swinging me along with him.

Just like a lifeless doll.

"I haven't forgotten our sweet moments. Don't try to run away, after making me restless"
(मैं भुला नहीं हसीं मुलाकाते, बेचैन करके मुझको मुझसे यु ना फेर नजर। )

I tensed sharply at the sound of his voice. It was calm yet low as he trailed his fingers across my shoulder blade, drawing imaginative circles on my naked back.

"Promise me that you will never leave me. It's hard for me to live without you"
(रूठेगा ना मुझसे मेरे साथिया यह वादा कर। तेरे बिना मुश्किल है जीना मेरा मेरे दिलबर। )

"Promise me" he muttered and pulled me forward until my soft cheek pressed roughly against his own.

"I..." I gasped, thinking about my statement as I tried to shift, feeling uncomfortable because of the proximity between us. A pile of questions dropped upon me as I closed my eyes, feeling suffocated.

Why I'm hesitating?

Am I not supposed to say 'I promise'?

Then why?

From where this hesitation came?

"I... Promise" A mumble slipped past my lips in a rush but my words seemed to ride on a wave of sorrow as I tried to clear my foggy thoughts and hesitation away.

I'm doing this for Aayush. I shouldn't hesitate. I'm the only one, who can save him. I will save him.

Yeah, right. I will save him. I will.

But then who will save you?

"Today my body is becoming intoxicated, there is a trivial enticement. I'm craving for you, so hold me in your embrace."
(ज़रा ज़रा बहकता है, महकता है आज तोह मेरा तन-बदन, मैं प्यासा हुँ। मुझे भर ले अपनी बाहों में। )

He bent his head over my shoulder and I felt his lips brushing against my collarbone. He leaned in close to my ear, his head tilting behind my head as I felt him taking a deep breath, exhaling the sweet scent of the rose, which was tangled between my locks.

My hold on him instantly tightened, my nails presumably digging into his suit jacket as I stood completely still, looking straight. My eyes filled with a mixture of horror and anxiety

I will save Aayush but who will save me?

What about me?

Aayush has no one but I also have no one. I'm also alone. If I sacrificed myself for him then what will I have for myself?

Nothing.

After doing that I will have nothing for myself.

"You aren't allowed to leave because this alienation between us, is begging for closeness"
(है मेरी कसम तुझको सनम दूर कही ना जा, यह दुरी कहती है पास मेरे आजा रे। )

His voice again reached my ears as he stopped and left me free before again trapping me in his arms. It appears as if he could drink me in with his insanely dark eyes when he looked at me.

I felt defenseless, almost naked under his stares. His eyes scanned my face and then fixed on my heaving chest. I closed my eyes tightly, my chin trembling as I swallowed hard, feeling totally exposed and unimaginably uncomfortable. For a moment he said nothing and we both stood still, silence prevailing around us as he continued to do what I could only describe as staring at me.

Suddenly I felt his lips at my ear, their touch on my earlobe was completely unacceptable," there should be no boundaries. Today, you have to love me to such an extent that there will be nothing left between us except love," he groaned, leaning down and inhaling at my throat, his lips and the tip of his nose touching my skin as he nuzzled in farther when I tried to twist my neck away.

Slowly, he loosened his grip and put his index finger under my chin, raising it up until I looked at him. "I would never be able to forget this moment," his voice was barely above a whisper as he leaned his mouth closer to mine and my lips parted in panic. I wanted to scream.

No, don't kiss me!

Out of nowhere I abruptly stepped back when his lips came in contact with my chin. I swallowed hard as they moved up from my chin to my mouth. His lips set still on my lips when he again pulled me closer. Our chest collided together hastily, due to his rapid force of the pull.

Deliberately a tear left my eye and slid down on my cheekbone when his tongue slowly parted my lips. My instincts told me to pulled back and fight but I didn't move. I stood still, without any movement as his tongue dug deeper into my mouth. His once closed eyes opened and he stared at me when his tongue overran my lips before his lips moved down, back to my chin as his hot breath tickled on my skin and sent shudders down my frame.

I...I can't take it anymore.

"No," I whispered on a frightened sob, "stop, I don't want this. "

I put my hands on his shoulders and gave him a tight push but before I could move back his fingers speared through my hair to force my head back before our lips collided with each other, again.

"I'm craving for you and it's bringing me to lose my senses," he breathed roughly, upon my lips, making me fumbled back when I felt his hold loosening around me.

I can't do this.

I want to save Aayush but I want to save myself too.

I will save myself.

Suddenly, I felt a pang of regret at my thoughts. What I'm thinking. I love Aayush, for me, he should come first. I should choose him over everything, same as him. He always used to choose me over everything.

What Zaid is making me do?

What he is doing to me?

He is making me question my love.

My brain feels so discombobulated right now.

What I'm even doing?

My hands went to my hair as I stumbled and slowly moved back, breathing deeply and unevenly. Suddenly, I screamed loudly pulling my hair. I was feeling breathless as if my chest was heaving up.

It's so suffocating.

I want to be free.

My jaw clenched, when my fingers felt the rose in my hairs, the same Zaid tucked in my fishtail bun, some moments ago. I harshly pulled the rose off my hair and threw it on the floor before squashing it under my heel.

"IF YOU CAN REMEMBER ME THEN WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER YOUR MORALS!!!" I yelled, holding my sobs back. Even though I knew there is no use in yelling at him to remember his past, to remember his morals because I tried to make him recall everything, I even begged him to recall everything, when he raped me.

I didn't know that he lost his memories but still, that day I yelled at him, I screamed at him to spare me because I was his best friend.

I wiped my tear-stained face, with the back of my hands as I tried to control my cries, to calm myself down.

I have to calm down.

Calm down.

Please.

Please.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a beat but then opened them again and stared at him, "Zaid, all of this is insanely sick," I spoke, this time calmly as I met his gaze. He stared blankly at me, standing still in his place.

"Due to some awful incidents you had amnesia and lost half of your memories," I swallowed, my throat was becoming dry," we used to be best friends. You were very gentle and kind to me. Try to understand Zaid, I don't love you. I love Aayush and I want to be with him," I stopped, hoping for a response from him but he didn't respond and seemed unbothered by every word of mine.

"You should free me and then see a doctor." taking the alternative I continued, holding his gaze firmly with mine," believe me Zaid, it will be better for both of us," I spoke although I couldn't forgive him because he is my rapist but I truly believe if he became normal then I wouldn't even have to do anything, he will punish himself by his own hands. I know my Zuzu will never be able to accept that he is a rapist.

"You don't need me, you need a doctor," I said and exhaled deeply, hesitantly looking at him but he didn't show any sign of doing anything and stood without any motion.

"Th...in...think about my words," I stuttered, staring right into his eyes before hastily turning on my heels as I moved towards the door, not wanting to stay with him in one room, any longer.

Before I could reach the door suddenly I felt his hand draped around my waist, when he pulled me back, with an enormous force. I gasped in horror and tried to pull myself out of his hold but I couldn't pull away, when he tightly grabbed my wrist and tied them with something, behind my back.

"Now sona," he whispered against my neck, holding my waist firmly with both hands before scraping his lips against my neck then moving to my cheek," from this moment I will be the one speaking," he spoke, the tip of his nose touching my cheek as he exhaled and left my waist. Before I could recoil away from his touch suddenly, everything in front of my eyes drowned in darkness. I blinked severally, feeling something soft against my eyes before realization struck on me.

He blindfolded me!

"Please lea..ve me," I pleaded, my heart hammering against my chest as I tried to wiggle away, not even knowing where I was moving.

He chuckled," Give me all of your attention and carefully listen to my words".............

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