"So are you going to tell me why you were such a raging asshole?"

He snorted, looked down at his hands like he expected to find something there, but they were just empty. He stuck them in his pockets. "I just messed up, Jamie. I was hurting and I didn't want to worry you, and then I wanted to get distracted, but it all blew up in my face."

"Why were you hurting?" I asked softly.

A strangled choke came out of his mouth and immediately, I went to him and embraced him. I didn't even think about what it would mean. I just responded to the pain he felt. Seeing him hurt, hurt me.

Simple.

He tried valiantly, but a couple of sobs escaped him. I held him tighter. It was in that moment that I knew I'd fallen in love with him, and what a stupid moment to realize that it was.

But it happened.

I couldn't have him cry or hurt or be anything other than the happy-go-lucky Davis I knew. So I rubbed his back and whispered soothing things in his ear. I called him baby. I leaned my head to the side, bringing my face closer to his and he didn't waste any time and kissed me.

I kissed him.

I put all of my love for him in that kiss and decided that even if he didn't want me, I would take care of him now. I anchored myself in the moment and lost any bit of reason left, as we kissed, sweetly, then more urgently, and then we lost the clothes, and then we made love.

Or at least I did.

I still didn't know how he felt.

But it was in the little things – the way he kissed me, the way he took care that it didn't hurt, the way he talked less dirty and more sweet, the way he looked at our intertwined fingers and kissed my temple – that I found myself wondering, what if he loved me too? God, please let him love me.

There, in Davis' warm embrace, I started dozing off.

But just before I fell asleep, Davis started talking. "Junior year in high school. There was this girl, Michaela, we called her Mic. She was the cool new kid, a transfer from California, and everyone wanted her." He paused. "I wanted her. She wasn't just pretty, you know? She was also smart and fiery, the whole package. So anyway, we sort of became friends, and in time I developed this major crush on her. One day we were watching a movie and I just... looked at her. She must have seen something because she kissed me." He sighed, like all of this was too heavy, too difficult to get out.

"It's okay. Go on," I whispered.

"So we started making out in secret. I didn't know why we couldn't be together, but she said she wasn't ready, so I did what I had to do to keep being with her. After a while, I started... well, fuck, I fell in love with her. And the feeling was so consuming I decided that I would do this grand gesture and profess my feelings, you know?"

Davis' voice started shaking. I pressed myself closer to him, hoping that it reminded him that I was there for him.

"It was Thanksgiving." He huffed. "My entire family was there. Think parents, grandparents, cousins, the whole spiel. And Mic was invited, too, because she only had her mother, and so they both came. I saw it as some kind of defining moment where I would do this grand gesture, tell her I loved her in front of everyone and ask her to be my girlfriend."

I squeezed his bicep.

"I was so fucking stupid. A stupid kid with stupid ideas."

He took a breath and we stayed like this for a moment. I knew the next part would be horrible and I dreaded it. I hated hearing how torn up Davis was about this. One's first love was always painful.

"So everyone got together, we had fucking turkey, and before I could say anything, my brother Ryan announces that he and Mic are together and they're getting married after they graduate."

He laughed bitterly.

"I freaked out. I screamed at her, at my brother, I couldn't help it. My parents looked at me like I was crazy, like I was legit having a meltdown. When I finally got to talk to Mic the next day, I told her I loved her. I begged her to dump Ryan, can you believe it? She acted like I was a leper. Told me she'd just used me for practice so she could satisfy my brother. Told me I wasn't the type a girl settles with."

"Oh baby..." I whispered and kissed his cheek. There was dampness there. I wished I could take this pain away from him.

"I couldn't believe it. I'd finally told someone I loved them, and this whole shitshow happened. I felt like the ground opened up and swallowed me whole. And of course I never spoke to my brother, and soon I moved out of the house because I couldn't look at any one of them because I kept picturing their faces that day... fuck."

I kept kissing his tears, hoping I could take away the pain that way.

Davis sighed and turned to me. He kissed my lips. "So you can see why I fucking hate Thanksgiving and why – "

"Why what?" I asked.

He shook his head, and I got it. His first love hadn't said she loved him back. I didn't have to ask if he had another love before me. I knew the answer. And I knew how I felt, so maybe... maybe I could tell him the truth. I knew I would have to be the first to say it anyway and if he didn't feel the same way, then I would learn to live with the pain.

I took a deep breath, and jumped. "I love you, Davis."

He gasped. "What did you say?"

"I said I love you," I told him and felt like a weight had been lifted. Maybe I should have waited to say it at a better time. Maybe I should have waited for him to be comfortable with me again.

But honestly? I just wanted him to know. Now.

He laughed. It was jarring. "Jamie, fuck, you can't just say something like that after I've told you my sob story."

"Why not?"

"Because now I feel like you just did it to make me feel better."

I snorted. "When did I ever do that?"

He laughed and squeezed me so tight, I could barely breathe. He kissed my temple, my cheek, my mouth, my neck, he just kept kissing me all over and laughing. He seemed to be in shock, but I didn't mind.

As long as he was happy.

"Fuck, Jamie. I was trying to be brave and tell you first. You ruined the whole fucking thing and now what am I gonna do?"

I couldn't believe it. "You were?"

"Yes, I wanted to tell you the story, to explain why I was freaking out that night. I wanted to tell you that I realized I loved you and it scared me, so I tried to ignore it and fucked us up. It was gonna be fucking romantic, damn it, and now it's all gone to hell."

I laughed. "You're crazy. I tell you I love you and you're mad at me."

"I love you too," he said, humor in his voice. "You completely ruined my whole speech, but fuck it, I love you so fucking much."

We kissed some more.

I poked him. "Hey maybe we should put a moratorium on your cursing, I don't feel comfortable dating a sailor."

He snorted. "I'll put money in a fucking jar."

"Oh okay. Then I'll be rich enough to buy a car. Actually, it works."

He laughed, kissing my temple again. "You're a ridiculous person, and I can't believe I was so stupid and afraid to tell you. I'm sorry, baby."

I smiled in the dark.

He asked, "Will you forgive me?"

"Only if you forgive me."

"It's done. Now if you don't mind, I really need to fuck my boyfriend again. It's been two fucking weeks, so this time it won't be gentle."

Oh thank god.

So? Do we forgive Davis?

How do we feel about the love professions?