No one ever told me
That grief felt so
Like fear
-
C. S. Lewis

Yoongi's POV

I'm lost

A feeling I knew so fucking well but was able to surpress. Till now.

How could the death of a person I ignored for so many years affect me this much?

Maybe exactly this was the answer. Not being able so say goodbye before he left, not being able to say 'I love you' for the first and last time.

I felt as if I failed as a human.

I felt heartless and so fucking useless.

And I once again realized

that life hurts a lot more than death.

But although I felt as if the weight on my shoulders would kill me soon, as if the world would be dark and numb.

I wasn't able to cry. There was this well known emptiness that embraced me fully, once again.

I felt as if it choked me, strangled me until the last spark of life was pressed out of me.

And in all this depressive mess I found myself in, was only a single clear thought.

I wish you were here.

I'm not delusional. I knew my father would never come back.

But I wished he was there.

And at the sam time I wished she was here.

The beautiful angel, that had set my soul on fire when everything felt dull and monotonous.

I wished nothing but that she would do that again.

But I knew that wasn't possible, because my damn mind kept telling me, that I wasn't able to heal again. Or to love again. That I was damaged.

I've been damaged since the very first day. But the people around me kept shattering me into even smaller pieces.

I'm broken...

But...

Would you heal me?

Would you know how to do so?

Would you stand by my side even if I pushed you away?

Your POV

I haven't seen him again since that day.

It's been two months now and I tried to go on with my normal life.

Why did our happiness have to last so shortly?

I already knew life was a bitch but it now reached another level.

I still kept in touch with Suri. She asked everyday if I heard something from Yoongi.

My answer was everyday the same.

No

I didn't

I didn't want to push him. But it was killing me, not to know how he felt. If he was doing fine or if he needed my help.

Tch, what am I saying.

Of course he needed my help.

But I was too much of a coward to simply text him.

I didn't want to cause any more damage than already was done.

I felt like our life became like living in a glass house. One wrong step, one little stone and everything would shatter.

And this small stone could either be me or Yoongi.

It was 3am.

I sat on my windowsill with closed eyes, my legs were hanging out of the opened window as I let the air of the warm summer night hit my face.

I just wished that the wind could lift me up and bring me to a place that was far, far away from Seoul.

A place that didn't remind me of all the hardships I had to face in here.

A place with Yoongi.

Yoongi

My eyes shot open.

"Yoongi." I mumbled and I felt tears streaming down my emotionless face.

Why does your pain hurt me that much? Why is your sorrow mine?

Please make it stop.

I heard the door of my room crack open and felt the presence of my mother behind me.

"I wish there was a man I would care for as much as you care for him." She said.

I only shook my head, "No. It's the worst."

She laughed silently, "Genuinely caring for someone means that you are selfless. Being selfless means that you are hero. You are his hero Y/N. Whatever he is going through right now. Be by his side."

I gulped, "How can I help him? I'm not even able to help my self. I'm unexperienced and clumsy, how am I supposed to heal him?"

I looked at my mother who also leaned out of the window, her dark hair swaying in the slight breeze.

"I probably am the last person to be asked that kind of question. But in my opinion... before you heal someone ask him if he's willing to let go the things that made him sick. Letting go means freedom. Help him to be free."

She glanced at my side profile.

"Just like he helped you to be free."

I stared at my mother who I had thought was a cold and manipulative woman for so many years.

Realizing that she wasn't made me realize one more thing.

I hugged her, "I forgive you."

I felt her smile, "That's all I ever wanted to hear." She sighed out.

^._.^

I'm sobbing

And did you see the concept photos? I'm so hyped for their new album

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