With you till the end - Feat Sam Tinnesz (Produced by Tommee Profitt)

Blackness bled through the grangled branches of trees. The ground below was covered with a layer of frost and the moon, was nowhere to be seen, hidden behind thick, dark clouds.

The deer weaved between the the trees, stomping it's hove to uncover the grass beneath the icy layer. I blinked and my eyes began to burn, before I felt the same crawling sensation across my skin that always came after the bloodlust.

I used to be repulsed by it, I used to hold off as long as I could, but now, I didn't have many choices. If I let myself starve, I wouldn't be able to help Noah.

The deer had no antlers, so probably young female. She would sprint the moment I made my move but I didn't want that. After the night I had, the last thing I wanted to do was run after a deer.

I waited until she passed under the tree, where she continued to graze along the bark. Without hesitation, I dropped onto her back.

There was a loud crack as the deer went down, flailing violently to throw me off. Then, with a sudden loud snap of its neck, the deer dropped to the ground.

I always made their deaths quick, there was no need to prolong their suffering. They simply served a purpose, a gruesome one yes, but a purpose nonetheless.

As I feasted on the lifeless deer, my mind drifted to a dark place. One where I made Biotech pay for what they did to me. I knew revenge wasn't always the answer but as I swallowed the bits of raw flesh and blood, as it soaked into my clothes and stained my very soul, I couldn't think of anything else.

How was I supposed to accept what I had become?

I made the small track back to the hotel room where Shawna and Peter were waiting. It smelled like stale cigarettes and beer. The carpet was stained in various places that carried the scent of old blood and chemicals.

Shawna was seated on the single sofa with fraying pillows, her wet hair pulled in tight bun away from her face. She stared ahead, unblinking as if looking at nothing at all. Her eyes were stark and empty and I found myself feeling pity towards her for the first time since we met. She looks so lost. 

Peter was standing at the window, pulling back the yellow curtains, and staring at the road. The door clicked shut behind me and Peter's eyes snapped up to mine. "I think you need to take a shower."

I stared down. My clothes were soaked in blood, bits of mangled flesh stuck to my skin and hair from when the zombie's head exploded. Not to mention the additional bits of gross added by my hunt. I can't even muster up the disgust to be appalled by myself. It just is what it is. 

"Yeah, you're right."

I grabbed my bag from the floor and flung it over my shoulder.

"I'm going to get us some food," Peter said, sliding the curtain over the window and walking towards the door.

I don't wait to speak to Shawna, with Peter gone and us not running for our lives anymore, I have no idea what to say to her. Somehow, I'm numb, unable to articulate what's going on in my head. Once in the small bathroom, I wash away all the remnants of the past four hours. 

Mia's death plays like a macabre scene behind my closed lids. Yet I feel nothing. I keep drifting further and further away from everything I was, to something truly terrifying. Once all the grime is scrubbed from my body, I step out of the shower, hopping that Peter was back or Shawna fell asleep. 

Somehow, facing her now leaves me feeling empty. I push the bathroom door open and Shawna looks up. Her eyes are bloodshot and bleak, her cheeks tear-stained. She chokes on a sob and the dam seems to burst before my eyes. I shift my weight from one leg to the other and my chest grows tight at the sight of her anguish. 

Shawna shakes her head. "This is all my fault," she hiccups as the tears keep flowing. 

My own starts to well in my eyes but I shove the feeling down. "No, Shawna. If anyone's to blame it's me." 

"I-If I hadn't begged her to help me with the stupid dance she'd s-still be alive." 

Guilt starts creeping in but I shut that down too. There is no place for feelings. If I even give myself a second to crumble, I won't stand up again. The weight of my guilt, anger, and sorrow are already pressing down on my shoulders.  It's weakness I can't afford now. 

My eyes drift to the door and I wish Peter would come back. I'm too numb to offer her any comfort or words of wisdom. Hell, I can't even sort out what's going on in my own head.

"Why is this happening?" Shawna asked, looking to me for answers.

"Because I wanted to be the best," I said.

"I don't understand."

Shawna's voice is small, pitiful, nothing like the girl I knew and somehow that shakes me. So I explain. I tell her about the creature that attacked me, how it changed me. I tell her about Biotech and Miranda. I tell her how I had to push Leah away for her own safety and how no matter how hard I tried people got hurt.

I leave out several key details but mostly I stick to the facts. I don't tell her how pushing everyone away nearly destroyed me. How losing Noah left me hollowed out or how I couldn't look in the mirror without shame crippling me. I relay the events in monotonous way until I've laid it all bare.

The more I speak the more Shawna grows pale. Color drains from her face with horror and fear swirling in the brown depths of her eyes. But I don't stop because I don't know when I'll get the chance to tell anyone this.

"God, this is so messed up." Shawna said when I finished.

"Yeah," I breathed out. "Tell me about it."

"So what do we do now?"

My head snapped to Shawna and I gave it a hard shake. "No way. I am not dragging you into this."

"I'm already dragged in, Syd! Mia is d-dead because of those things."

"Shawna," I sighed, unable to form a thought. "Let's talk about all this tomorrow, okay? It's been a long night."

Shawna shakes her head as her eyes cast downward to her folded hands. "I don't think I can sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, I see that thing."

I agree. For Shawna it was guilt but she hasn't fully comprehended what happened. Tomorrow she would wake up and know who was really to blame. And then our amicable camaraderie would be crushed.

Peter finally comes back. He forces Shawna to eat and take something to make her sleep. When her sobs finally stopped and her breathing evened out, I sighed in relief.

I sat in the makeshift dining room. It's really only a rickety table with two mismatched chairs by the window. Shawna was asleep in the double bed and Peter was taking a shower. Desperately, I search for any emotion inside me. Anything that would tell me I'm still alive. That I'm still human.

Peter flopped down in the chair across from me and I jumped. I never even heard the bathroom door open or saw him walk across the room.

"How are you holding up?" Peter asked settling into the chair.

"I'm fine."

"So you're faking it?"

I looked away from him, casting my gaze to the floor. Emotions threatened and pushed against my chest but I shoved them down. "I'm really fine, Peter."

"Dammit, Syd!" He hissed. "Were you there tonight? Did you see what I saw? Because I'm sure as shit not fine!"

Shawna stirred and we both looked over. I dropped my voice lower and turned to Peter. "I did see. But this changes nothing."

Peter leaned in. "A girl is dead. This changes everything. We're already being accused of arson and murder, how much more do you think we can take? It might be time to go to the police."

I try to reign in my temper. Going to the police would be the dumbest thing we've done so far, and let's face it, we've done some pretty stupid things but I wouldn't risks Noah's safety like that. "Noah still needs us. And you said it yourself, who would believe us anyway?"

"Have you ever thought about what happens if we can't save Noah?"

In all honesty, no, I haven't. In my mind it simply wasn't an option because I was going to do whatever it took to bring him back. Even if I had to burn Biotech to the ground.

"We'll find a way."

"And if we don't?" Peter shot back.

I crossed my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes. "Then we find the evidence we need to take Biotech down and we ruin them."

My voice was steel, unwavering. I needed Peter to know that with or without him I was going to do this. So much has changed, so much has been taken from me and I'd be damned if I left them take anything else. I was on a mission, whether to retribution or destruction, I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I had to do this, no matter what.

"Fine," Peter said. "But we need a plan. And we need to make sure we cover our asses because the police are going to be looking for us."

"Aside from your sisters journal, we don't have anything else."

"What we need is time. We need to go through that journal back to front and look for a name. Someone Elaine spoke to or trusted." 

I sat back in my chair before getting up to retrieve the journal from my bag. It burns the palms of my hands because it's the reason we went to the high school. It's the reason we were there and Biotech came after us. My head snapped back to Peter. "They're controlling them. They sent them after us." 

Peter's face looked bleak as he spoke. "Yeah, I figured that part out. What I want to know is how they knew we would be there. I didn't tell anyone and I don't think you have enough friends to tell." 

"Funny." I said but my mind pondered the mystery nonetheless. What if I had been home? What if it was my mom instead of Mia that got attacked. "Makes me glad we left when we did."

"Do you think they followed us here?" 

Peter and I both looked around. We've been at the hotel for almost four hours and no zombies have tried to eat us. Yet. I just couldn't believe that they were using these things as bloodhounds to find us. It made it all the more terrifying. 

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "Either way we shouldn't stay here long. It will be best if we leave as soon as possible. The longer we stay the easier it becomes for them to find us."

"We don't even know where to go, Syd. How are we going to get to where we are going if we don't even know?" 

"We stick to smaller towns and instead of hotels we camp out. That way we can research before we get to far out." 

Peter ran his hands through his hair. "What about her?" He asked and pointed to a sleeping Shawna. 

"She has to go back. Spin a story or lie to them but she can't come with us."  I said, my tone final.

There was no way. What Peter and I were doing was dangerous and these people have proven that they're willing to kill to silence us.  I wouldn't have anymore blood on my hands if I could help it.

"And if that puts her in danger?"

"Anymore than she would be if she was with us?" 

Peter's jaw set and he nodded. "Fair point. But we have to get her back to Brookfield as soon as possible."

"I agree." I got up and settled myself by the single sofe and looked over to Peter. "We'll wake up tomorrow morning early and get her on a bus back to Brookfield. get some sleep, I'll take first watch." 

"Goodnight, Syd." Peter said before switching off the lights and  settling himself on the couch. I could hear his breathing, it never evened out. Like him I couldn't sleep. Too much kept my mind racing and no matter how much I tried I couldn't get it to shut down for a while. I had one more face to haunt my dreams and one more score added to the board to settle. Biotech would regret the day they heard my name. I would make sure of it.