Chapter 2 The Idiots
The Glass Heart Kingdom: Outside Tribeca's Former Cottage:
Griffin clutched Cora's hand as they walked to the cottage. He lied to himself, pretended that his pathetic life was okay; and that he was not the rejected mockery of a man everyone laughed at. His stomach turned, and he coughed up a hairball.
Blackstone's oldest sister pulled away from him and spoke. "If my brother dies, I'll neuter you. Marrying you was the biggest disaster in my life. You're a cheating, lazy, good-for-nothing, stupid, coward." Cora's lips trembled with seething anger, and rage flickered in her eyes. Her scarlet-colored wig fluttered in the light breeze as they walked to the edge of the kingdoms and stared at the pink sky dome that sheltered them from the harshness of the planet.
Griffin turned into a cat and transformed back. "Cora, I need to talk to Wendy without your lies."
"Why, so you can try to cheat on me with her too?" Cora asked. "There is a reason why Wendy sent Florence to save the new chosen one and not you."
"What, she did? I thought Wendy and I were still friends." Griffin trailed behind. He located the clearing in the woods.
Tribeca's once thriving garden vanished before their eyes, and nothing of her old life remained. Magic dragged yellow roses, cucumbers, tomatoes, beans, and other thriving plants through time and space. An empty pit of rocks and mud formed as if it had always been.
The chosen one was gone.
"Tribeca can't be dead." Sounds pounded in Cora's chest for anyone close enough to hear.
So, her soon-to-be ex-husband, Griffin, heard nothing. "The chosen one is fine." He kneeled on the broken earth to pray. Dried mud flaked off his tunic, and he spoke to Cora. "Tribeca survived, and her house and garden will appear when she needs it."
"Griffin, find Blackstone, please?" Wendy begged. "He can help Tribeca when she comes out of hiding."
"Can't you spy everywhere that doesn't have walls?" Griffin asked Wendy.
Cora clutched her fist and paced while he talked. "Griffin, you idiot! You've worked with Wendy for years and didn't bother to learn anything about her powers and limitations."
Griffin tried to reach for Cora, but didn't speak. He should've known, but he didn't bother learning, even though Wendy was his friend. Books were boring. A fake grin stretched across his lips and he pulled the ex-princess closer.
Cora yanked herself and stumbled in the wet clay, her dress stained. She sighed. "Wendy's consciousness can only be in three places at once, and she usually has to call people. Griffin, I used to think you were smart. The way you destroyed my life was well played, but I realized you had to have help because you're lazy and possibly the dumbest man I've ever met."
"Why look up worthless information when I have powers?" Griffin smirked.
"Had powers." Wendy's arm reached from the sky and she shook her fist. "Cora, if you had been a better sister, I would've warned you not to marry this loser. He helped kill Blackstone."
"Hey! I thought you were my friend." Griffin stuck his tongue out. "I didn't kidnap Blackstone." He placed his arm around Cora.
She started to walk off, but she turned back to talk to Griffin. "You only act like my husband when you can get something out of it. I've started annulment proceedings."
"What?" Griffin asked. "But why?" He kicked at a rock and stubbed his toe.
"I caught you kissing Alva's stepmother, Queen Izz, on our wedding day, and this is the first time I've seen you in a year. Luckily, you don't have to be present for our annulment." Cora walked away.
Griffin chased after her. "But you didn't see that, did you?" He stepped into a steaming pile of rainbow-colored unicorn poop and groaned to himself.
~ ~ ~ ~
Broadcast: Throne Room:
Queen Petunia's brothers appeared in full royal uniform, sitting next to Izz, The Lower Labradorite Queen. She tossed her dark hair back, revealing a violet-colored neck.
The royal families sat on large alabaster thrones, covered in gold feather-down pillows. An embroidery of a petunia was artfully added to the cases.
Prince Thackeray's muscles lean bulged under his pressed silk shirt, strawberry-colored lips smiled underneath his trimmed beard, and his dark hair contrasted with his brother Victor's mop of blond strands.
Petunia rushed in and sat down next to Izz, and her body stiffened on the uncomfortable chair. She glared at Alva's stepmother.
Izz clutched two bouquets of roses in front of her stomach, in part to show her loyalty to Petunia's mother and not her.
A smile stretched across Queen Izz's lips. "The late queen of roses hand-picked Petunia to replace her and not Cora due to her marriage to Griffin for a reason."
"This isn't the time for a public discussion about that," Victor said.
A shrill-voiced narrator dumped worthless information that the villagers and townsfolk didn't want to hear. "Though there is gossip that Petunia is Victor's youngest daughter, it isn't true. And The Rose Queen didn't freeze her eggs, but she used magic to birth her lovely princess."
"Will you all shut up!" Thackeray cracked his knuckles. "Blackstone is missing, and we need to find him." The prince spoke to the audience. "He was Wendy's closest friend. Don't do it for me. Do it for our beloved Wendy." His mouth transformed into a hard and furious slit.
The broadcast went to a commercial break.
~ ~ ~ ~
Monday: The Glass Heart Kingdom:
Florence played hopscotch and sang about true love and helping others. She carried rocks for villagers and fixed their windows. The war was devastating for everyone, and she wouldn't allow the surrounding citizens to fall into despair.
"Shouldn't you be in church?" An elderly man struggled to carry the feed bag for his unicorn. His leather skin slowly tanned underneath the artificial sun.
"Home service ended hours ago, and the townspeople have to rebuild. Do you need help?" Florence asked.
"A little." The man grinned sheepishly.
She grabbed the massive bag and carried it.
Attractive women sighed as Prince Thackeray passed them by. He waved at the fake sky and the dome above his head.
The old man brushed his unicorn's mane. "Do the girls that want to be rescued by a man bother you?" he asked Florence.
"No, it's okay to be rescued or do the rescuing. It's not sinful to ask or even to beg for help." Florence skipped around the street. "And Prince Thackeray helped me when I needed a friend."
A dairyman lost control of his unicorns, and three milk bottles shattered. He tipped his hat. "Hi, babe."
Florence ignored him and kept walking.
Her suitor trotted after her. "Florence, our next date will be better." He felt her arm.
Florence flung him off. "Sorry, I need to leave."
The dairyman winked at the dome. He attempted to shimmy but lost control of his reins. "Hey, Wendy, how about you and me get together?"
Thackeray rushed to him. "Leave her alone!" He waved at Wendy again.
The dairy man's unicorns pulled the man in the direction of the closest alehouse.
Wendy cried, and rain fell.
Prince Thackeray hugged the side of her dome, and he wept, too, and he left Wendy and Florence alone, so they could chat.
Wendy stopped crying and dried off Florence with warm, filtered sun. "Have you found Blackstone? I'm worried."
Florence spoke. "I'm disgusted with myself for not befriending the prince."
"Yes, you should've," Wendy spoke softly. "Griffin refuses to confess, but I suspect he helped Prince Alva unlive my best friend. Cora was a fool to trust him. Her soon-to-be ex must be the world's best kisser."
"I feel terrible for her." Florence gagged. "Griffin can't kiss. His lips were clammy blobs that launched at my face while he looked up at the wall clock." Florence performed push-ups on a patch of grass.
"A wizard claimed he could help you hear through walls, but he's a scammer," Florence said.
"Florence, I wish you would've told me that before. I'm out of hundreds of coins." Wendy's arm reached from the dome, and a phone was clutched between her fingers.
Florence changed exercises. She picked a blue carnation and placed it in her hair. Her curls bounced as she moved.
Wendy spoke. "If I don't keep my emotions in check, I'll cause mass flooding. When was the last time you saw Blackstone?"
"He used to wave at me from the kitchen." Florence practiced squats. "But I can't recall when I saw him last."
"Before I became the dome, my room was across from his," Wendy said. "I bet he fought bravely."
Florence stopped exercising. "I doubt Blackstone could fight anyone off. You have to realize he's probably dead, and I'm sorry. You don't know how hard I looked for him." She switched to kicking moves. "But maybe The Damsel dazzled his attacker with his cherry red lips, and is in hiding."
"Are you mocking his looks?" Wendy asked.
Florence kicked the air. "Even you call Blackstone The Damsel. He's a pretty boy. Blackstone was meant to be a pop star or a romance cover model, but even he was a better choice than his aunt. She's a brat, and not in the fun way," Florence whispered.
Screams echoed through the streets. Florence swung around, her right hand rested on her weapon. Prince Alva's troops robbed a teenager, and they kicked him into a mailbox.
He whimpered in pain.
Wendy screamed. "Thieves!"
"Snitch!" The man shook his fist at the sky.
The guards wore black leather suits with faux emerald buttons. Each troop member's empty face was covered with a white wooden mask. Painted roses only partially scraped off. Paint fell to the ground. An act of hatred for their former leader.
Florence snatched the money back, grabbed the lanky teen, and carried him into the movie theater. She handed him his money. When she turned back, Prince Alva's men were robbing a woman.
"What are you doing?" Florence pulled the woman away from them and shoved her into her house. "Lock the doors."
Prince Alva spoke through a recording that his top commander held in his meaty fist. "Sir, madam, or they; you shouldn't stop my men from collecting extra taxes from the weak."
The commander crushed the recording. "You make us look like fools in front of our new boss."
"But you are fools." Florence pointed at the side street. "Children run inside. I don't want you to see me pummel these entitled freaks."
A dozen children stopped playing with their ribbon hoops and fled to their houses.
Florence slid out her laser gun and shot the commander before he could. She tossed the scrawny man into his friends, and they fell like toy army men and bowling pins. "There was a reason Prince Alva told you to run when you see me." She whipped out her laser gun again and stunned them.
Florence fled into her father's movie theater, locked the door behind her, and found her dad. "Emergency lockdown!"
Her father glanced around at the hundreds of moviegoers in his lobby. He ran to the intercom behind the snack counter. "Emergency protocol, movies, and 3D printed stew are free. Popcorn, nachos, and ginger nuts are half-price."
Florence entered the projection booth to play the day's feature, Attack of the Onion Monsters From Planet Earth.
This wasn't the regular tiny booth.
The massive projector peered into multiple theater rooms at once, each labeled. It joined three apartments for the projectionists, but Florence was the only one working at the time.
She wasn't multitasking, since all but one played the same movie.
With one hand, she attended to the projector and lifted a 50-pound dumbbell in the other. She switched arms. Exercise always helped her concentrate.
Florence changed movies and used the intercom. "It's a double feature, so you don't have to see the same crappy movie twice in a row."
Theatergoers clapped.
She turned off the movie projector while moviegoers slept in their seats.
Florence ascended the steps to her tiny, lime-green apartment.
The living space contained a bed and a bathroom. She ducked her head to avoid the overhead loft, completed her chore checklist, and opened her closet.
Half-finished craft projects fell out. She tossed unraveling potholders into a bin and grabbed a set of glow-in-the-dark dumbbells.
Prince Alva's men stopped rioting when the cafés opened for breakfast.
~ ~ ~ ~
Prison Cell:
An officer entered and removed Blackstone with gloved hands.
Blackstone barely stood and clung to the rusted bars to steady himself.
A female officer left and rushed back with clean bedding and a thin mattress and helped set him down. Later, she attempted to feed the prince stew. "I didn't take this job to be a minion."
"No, I'm not hungry, but thank you. My aunt doesn't need me if she finds Tribeca, but luckily my aunt is not the brightest..." Blackstone paused and coughed. "Do you think Edgar's sister, Florence, will help me?" He lost consciousness and opened his eyes again.
"Edgar seems to think so. I'm depressed to see your beautiful face ravaged with toxic truth potions." The officer stood up and didn't speak.
Prince Alva burst into the cell and smacked Blackstone across his arm. "I'll unalive your precious, Wendy, no matter if you help us or not. This is the last chance to save yourself."
The officer lobbed the stew at Prince Alva's head, and he tossed her out.
"Please, not her," Blackstone said.
"Queen Izz planned to replace Wendy with someone better. She is no longer helping us, but the royal elders will. They're terrified of your father. Wendy is going to fall from the sky and die."
"Wendy is my best friend," Blackstone said.
"Liar, I know she's actually your real sister, and I plan to kill you both. Lucky for you, my beautiful queen needs me. You have three days left." Prince Alva kicked the wall and exited the cell.
~ ~ ~ ~
The Next Night: Graveyard:
Petunia stood near the dead parts of the castle grounds. Twisted trees stuck out like bones broken in the earth.
She walked into her family's graveyard.
Neglected stone markers and the church screamed out that, 'death magic,' didn't belong there.
Petunia dragged a man out of a mausoleum and hit him with her electric dagger. "I kept Tribeca's father alive longer than I claimed to," she said to the hidden, Prince Victor.
"But I gave you the spell to regain your powers," Tribeca's father said.
Petunia stomped up and down and screamed. "You stole from me, and your spell didn't work! I can't even slaughter Wendy with the leftover magic you sold me."
"Give it time. You need to kill Wendy first." He twitched.
"And I plan on it," Petunia said.
"Once Wendy dies, most of the undersides will too," Victor said from the shadows.
"You don't have enough magic to kill Wendy without me." Tribeca's father froze, and eyes moved from side to side. His mouth shut as if it were sewn.
"But you didn't even get to execute him!" Petunia screamed.
Her guards placed Tribeca's father in a crystal box.
"He's not exactly dead." Victor walked in from behind an angel statue. "It can happen when you play with death magic. I don't recommend using the spells he sold you, but at least we don't have to honor our deal."
Petunia rested her hand on her hip. "Big brother, what if we could use Cora's second marriage to control the royal elders of the lower kingdom?"
"Wow, you finally said something that isn't moronic." Victor handed her a fistful of gold coins. "I want everyone who doesn't grovel at our feet to freeze."
~ ~ ~ ~
Hours Later: Christmas Cottage:
Petunia changed into something grander than velvet for the occasion. She wore a crown stolen from the jeweler and a velvet dress from her late mother. Only a couple of droplets of her blood were left after washing, but she couldn't afford a new one.
Her troops dressed in their finest, in gold and red armor, mimicking Earth's gladiators, or rather cheap dime store imitations.
Petunia sobbed outside the room as if she was putting on a show for a theatrics class.
A nameless elderly couple knew that the night wasn't Christmas Eve, but in their home, the recycled plastic tree always decorated their home. The woman arranged nativity sets and electric candles in every window.
The couple ate the same meal every night. They devoured roast chicken, gingerbread, and fudge after they read Christmas stories to the kids in the orphanage.
Queen Petunia's raiders and thieves burst into the home.
The couple fled through a window as troops ransacked and stole money, food, and wooden dolls meant for war orphans, but her troops were war orphans, and she needed to feed them.
Prince Alva shot a guard in the back with a laser gun four times, and the man died. He shoved the corpse into the closet.
Petunia waited outside, and everyone returned except for one.
"Did you find proof Victor is sharing my power?" Petunia asked.
"Yes, the couple didn't know what they had," the boy said. "But you're the true queen. And the dolls will be useful when your powers return."
"All Hail The Queen," her troops yelled out together.
Prince Alva shoved his Magical Chewie Stick away and yanked up his mask. "The truth potion will starve him to death if he doesn't tell us the truth."
"I think we should keep him alive for a little longer. You and Victor are too hasty," Petunia said.
He grabbed her arm. "We are done talking about this! Have you decided which suitor you want to marry? Not that you have a real choice in the matter." Alva took another puff of magic.
She giggled. "You. The duke knows too much, and he is stealing from me. Where is he?"
"The traitor is dead," Alva said.
Her eyes widened, and Petunia stuttered. "I adore your willingness... To dispatch your romantic...competition for me." She jumped up and down, and her hands clapped together.
Alva used his Magical Chewie Stick. "Victor paid me to hand Blackstone's fake ashes to Thackeray before your nephew dies as a joke."
"That is hilarious, and Thackeray needs to know his place. He cannot play father to a man who isn't his legally." She broke into giggles, kissed Alva, and tried not to gag.
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