My favorite movie was definitely Prisoner of Azkaban. Second favorite would be the Halfblood Prince. But my favorite book was Goblet of Fire, and I don't know why exactly. Choosing favorites is hard!

Sorry for the short chapter... I focus more on Astra's emotions than anything else, and I think it's worth the lack of action, but let me know what you guys think!

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Two weeks passed, and none of my friends apologized. A few times, they tried to talk to me, but I had already told myself I wouldn't listen until they apologized. Needless to say, I was having the worst few weeks of my life.

One Saturday in May, when most of the school was enjoying the nice weather outside, I started on the tenth shelf. I hadn't tried to get the records again, but I was forming a plan to do it. Before I could think about it more, someone sat down next to me.

I was surprised when I saw Scorpius. He smiled, and asked, "Mind if I help?"

I shrugged. "I don't care." He was probably going to try to convince me that I was wrong about everyone else. James probably sent him. Oh well. I could just ask him to leave, or pick a different shelf.

He pulled a book of the shelf and flipped to the back. "What's the name, again? Isabella... Isobel..."

"Isobel Mark."

"Right."

For a while, there was silence as Scorpius and I went through book after book. Eventually, I started to wonder if he was going to say anything. Maybe this was his way of making amends.

After about an hour, he stood up. "I've got to go. Thanks for letting me help, Astra."

"Thanks," I said, not looking up.

He stood there for a minute longer. "You know... James and Al and Rose? They really care about you. They're getting worried."

"That's nice."

I heard him sigh. "Just thought you'd like to know." Without another word, Scorpius turned and started walking off.

My curiosity got the best of me. "Scorpius?"

He stopped. "Yeah?"

"Who put you up to this? James?"

He frowned at me. "No one did. I wouldn't have done it if someone had."

I believed him, strangely enough. I turned back to the bookshelf, and he walked away.

Madam Pince came to shoo me out when the library closed, and I quickly made my way back to Gryffindor Tower. As I walked through the dark corridors, alone, I let the quietness start making me sad. Other than the few word I'd exchanged with Scorpius earlier, I didn't think I'd said anything that day. I missed having people to talk to and laugh with. I missed my friends.

But they don't care about you, I told myself. I had a right to feel lonely and miserable. It was their fault, anyway.

When I climbed through the portrait hole, everyone seemed more on edge than normal. No one was laughing or talking, and I realized that Professor Potter was standing at the stairs to the boys' dorms, whispering to Pouri. Something was wrong.

I wondered if I should go ask someone what was going on. I decided against it, but sat down near one of the fireplaces to see if I could eavesdrop on anyone's conversation and find out for myself.

It turned out that that wasn't necessary. I'd spotted James, Albus, and Rose when I walked in, and after they whispered together for a minute, Rose slowly started walking towards me. She sat down on the couch next to me, far enough away that it was obvious things weren't exactly right between us.

"Astra, someone broke into the third year boys' dorm," Rose said quickly.

I tried to look uninterested, even though that jolted me a little. "Oh?"

She seemed a little disappointed by my lack of reaction. "Yeah. They ransacked the place. No one was there, luckily..."

I knew she wanted me to ask about the Cloak. James and Al had probably expected I would. If this was how they wanted to start talking again, though, they could be disappointed. "Fortunate," I simply said.

"Colin Creevey found it. And.. And they were still in there w-when he walked in. He didn't seem them. They knocked him out. We aren't sure how long he was out before James found him. He's fine, though," she assured me quickly.

"That's good."

Rose stared at me. "Don't you want to... Want to know about... The Cloak?"

I shrugged.

Rose sighed. "James had it. W-we don't know why Pouri bothered to make it so obvious that he broke in... He even left a paper with the password on it that he must've stolen from Dean..."

That was a stretch for Rose. We'd never discussed Pouri to any great length with Rose, and I had to assume they'd simply replaced me with her if she was trying this tactic. Well, fine with me. I wasn't going to take the bait and start talking. I didn't say anything, and kept my expression stony until she finally got up and returned to James and Albus.

It wasn't until the next day that I realized that James might very well have been kidnapped, or even killed, if he'd been in the room when Pouri broke in. A good night's sleep (the first I'd had for several weeks) definitely helped me come to that realization.

James might have died, and I would have been on perhaps the worst terms someone could be on with him. There would have been no one there for Al, either.

That was the first time I'd realized that if I kept this up, Al would have lost both of his best friends.

I was in the library, simply staring at the spines of the books. Thinking about all that. Had they actually replaced me? What if I'd simply jumped to conclusions? What if I'd overreacted about all of this? Was this all my fault?

My thoughts were interrupted when Scorpius sat down next to me. "Morning," he said cheerfully.

I forced a smile. I hadn't smiled in a few weeks, now that I thought about it. I felt a little better almost immediately. "Morning."

"Wow, someone's in a good mood," Scorpius joked. He watched me closely, seeing if I would explode, probably. I'd been a bit of a ticking time bomb recently...

I laughed, and it was a bit funny to see the surprise on his face as he registered that reaction.

"Need some help?" he asked after a minute.

"If you want to."

He shrugged. "Nothing better to do."

We worked side by side in silence for a while. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "Scorpius, this is all my fault, isn't it?"

He actually dropped the book he was holding. "Wow." After a second, he recovered himself. "Well.. I mean, yeah, mostly... Though I can't blame you..."

"Yes, you can." I sighed. "What do I do?"

Scorpius stared at me. "Astra, all you'd have to do is talk to them. James, Rose, and Albus would do anything to get their friend back. If you just sat by them at lunch, everything would be forgotten."

I frowned. It couldn't be that easy. They were probably just as mad at me as I'd been at them recently. It was too late to make things up that easily. However, I simply said, "Okay. Thanks. Maybe I'll try that."

Scorpius smiled. "Great."

Around noon, Scorpius stood up. "Come on, you can come talk to them at lunch."

I shook my head. "I need to... Think about what I'm going to a say."

Scorpius nodded. "All right, see you at dinner, then?"

I shrugged. "We'll see."

He looked a little discouraged, but walked away all the same, leaving me to brood over what a mess I'd gotten myself into.

I couldn't simply go talk to them. Surely they'd just treat me the way I'd been treating them. Heaven knows I deserved it. And it'd probably been too long for them to even accept an apology. I rested my forehead against the bookshelf. "What am I supposed to do?"

They obviously cared about me when this whole mess started. But honestly, I didn't know if they still even liked me now that they'd seen this side of me. I'd call that delusional part of me Gollum Astra. It certainly fit. I had been just as obsessed with finding information as Gollum had been with the Ring, and it had made me just as blind to everything else as he was. Now? I would give up everything I knew about my mum just to have to my friends back. Everything I could ever know.

How would I ever get out of this?

I slowly stood up. I wasn't going to go eat, but I needed to clear my head. Get away from all these dusty old books. The towering bookshelves were starting to feel like they were closing in on me. I wasn't claustrophobic (it wasn't really possible after growing up in a closet), but I was starting to feel panicky. I needed to go outside. I needed to sort through everything. I needed out.

I started to run out of the library, but almost immediately I almost stumbled over Adalyn Lostry.

"Oh, Astra!" she said excitedly. I didn't have time for this!

"Hi," I said, trying to slip past her. Unfortunately, she was blocking my way, and stepped aside to block it as I moved.

"Astra, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" I snapped. Adalyn took a step backward. I had never shown how much she annoyed me, at least not to her. Now, when it felt like the the dusty shelves were about to squeeze the breath out of me, I couldn't bother hiding it.

"Well... No, I mean, that's why I asked... And... And... I can go get Madam Pomfrey! She'll be able to help, I'm sure!"

I tried to step past her again. "I don't need help! Go away!"

Adalyn but her lip. I could see tears welling up in her eyes, but she was doing a pretty good job of not letting them spill over. "I... Sorry... I was just-"

"I don't care! Please, just leave me alone! You're so annoying!"

I hadn't meant to say that. I saw the affect of those last three words on her immediately. She looked taken aback. I wanted to comfort her, assure her that wasn't true... But that would be a lie. It was true, and I was sure all those times I acted distracted around her were coming together and forming one whole picture in her mind. I wanted to apologize, but it wouldn't do any good.

Suddenly, Adalyn didn't seem annoying to me. Well, maybe she did, but in the way Lily was annoying to James. But I'd never acted like that. I wished I had, but Adalyn wouldn't believe me if I told her that it had changed now.

We stood staring at each other for a few moments, while Adalyn did a valiant job of not crying. After a second, though, she turned and ran off. I wanted to run after her. I needed to.

I should have.

Instead, I ran outside.

I'd messed up everything. Everything. I'd ruined my friendship with the Potters, and cut myself off from basically everyone. I'd probably just destroyed poor Adalyn's image of me, and I'd read somewhere that when kids see their idols turning on someone like that, it was never good. I could only hope River could get her to talk to me so I could apologize. First, of course, I'd have to get back on good terms with River, and she was almost as stubborn as me.

I ended up on the hill overlooking Hagrid's hut. I sat down on the slope, drew my knees up to my chest, and rested my forehead on them. And I cried. I hadn't cried throughout the time I'd been mad at my friends. I'd been existing in a sort of self-righteous state of pity for myself, but I'd never felt like crying about it. I'd felt that if they didn't care enough, they weren't worth my time, and didn't let myself feel just how much that hurt. Now, of course, all of that was hitting me like waves pounding against a rock.

When I finally calmed down, I realized there was someone sitting next to me. I looked up into Hagrid's large face. He looked worried.

"Ah, Astra, been a while since I seen yeh," he said, frowning. "Yeh don' look too good. Is everythin' all right?"

I shook my head, wiping away a few stray tears. "I've ruined everything."

"Ah, now, don' think about it tha' way, now. Yeh haven' ruined everythin', I'm sure."

I choked down a sob. "Have James and Al told you what happened?"

"Aye, they have. Yeh know, I think that yeh can fix everythin' if yeh just talk to 'em. They want yeh to."

Why did everyone keep saying that? Couldn't he understand that I couldn't? They wouldn't want to talk to me now.

I didn't want to worry Hagrid, so I said, "I'll try that. Soon. Do you think... Maybe... Don't tell James and Al you saw me crying?"

"Won' tell a soul," he assured me. "Not even if Dumbledore 'imself rose from the grave and asked me to 'imself."

I smiled despite myself. "Thanks."

"Sure, now. Yeh might want to hurry back to the castle, yeh know. There's still lunch to be had, or there was when I left, no more'n ten minutes ago."

I stood up. "All right, thanks." I had no intentions of going to the Great Hall, but maybe I could go down to the kitchens. I'd convinced one of the house elves, an old one named Winky, to show me how to enter the kitchens. They had a plate waiting for me every night, and most of the time I managed to stop by and eat something.

As I walked down to the kitchens, I tried to think of a way out of this. The only idea that came to me was simply apologizing. But I couldn't do that yet. I had to wait until the right time.

A small part of me said I should burst into the Great Hall right now and do it. Swallow my pride and all. I shoved that down. I needed to think about this. Plan what I was going to say. Wait until the perfect moment.

Even as I thought that, I knew I'd always find a reason to put off the "perfect moment," if I used reasoning like that. I'd have to simply do it, and be done with it. But that could wait a day.

Or two.

Or three.

~~~~

Question of the day: Out of all the Gryffindor students we know from the books, who would you hold up as the model of perfect Gryffindor behavior?

Vote and comment! I FINALLY WONT BE JUDGED FOR SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROLS! JOY TO THE WORLD!

Everyone else: *hard core judging*

~Ellie