Chapter Ten

Sabine was relieved when January arrived and it finally became time to return home. She’d loved every minute of being surrounded by her family once again but she was anxious to see Connor again. It had been nearly a month since she’d left Southerby and she’d felt the separation.

It had been emotional saying farewell to her family though. She did not know when she would next see her grandmother as it was hard for her to leave her farm unattended. She knew the next time she saw the Alcott’s that there would be a newborn with them, and Sabine wished Kitty all the best luck with birthing her child.

She’d barely been able to keep still on the journey home. Every few minutes she would look out the window to see if the ivy covered Southerby House was in sight. Her parents and brothers had asked her what she was doing and she’d replied that she was excited to see Puissant. That was true, but there was another she was excited to see also.

She was completely relieved when the grounds of Southerby suddenly surrounded them as the carriage. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she thought about seeing Connor again. She hoped he’d thought about her during their separation.

“You can relax now, dear,” Jane said comically, knowing that Sabine was excited.

“You won’t disappear on a trail ride, will you?” Daniel asked. “Because I want to have a family dinner before the boys return to Eton.”

Sabine nodded. “I’ll be back for dinner,” she promised. “I just want to see Puissant. I want to make sure that the Scot has taken care of her properly,” she added, playing up her disdain for Connor. As she said it though, she remembered that soon she would be telling her parents that she was getting married to him.

“Connor is perfectly capable, Sabine,” Jane scolded. “I think he adores horses more than you do.”

“And that’s saying something,” Philip goaded.

Sitting in between her brothers, Sabine was in the ideal position to smack him for teasing her. Seeing her moves in advance, Daniel caught her wrist before her hand connected with him.

Her father’s brown eyes were amused. “Don’t, Sabine,” he said, smiling slightly.

Taking her hand back, Sabine returned her attention to the window, watching as the house came into view.

The horses pulled to a stop and the footmen immediately opened the door and began unloading the trunks. Her parent’s thought nothing of it as she avoided the front door to walk around the back of the house. Once out of sight, she gathered up her skirts and broke into a run. Even though her legs were on show, she didn’t care. The quicker she moved the quicker she would be with Connor.

Disappearing over the hill, she beamed as the familiar stable came into view. As she approached the double doors, she let down her skirts and clutched her carved horse necklace for luck. Opening them, fully expecting to see Connor in the aisle, she frowned. He wasn’t there.

Walking briskly up the aisle, searching in each one of the stalls, she still failed to see him. Coming to the end, she found that Puissant’s stall was missing as well. Checking the hooks, she saw that Puissant’s bridle was missing and her blanket and saddle were gone from the stall as well.

Smiling, she knew that he was exercising Puissant for her.

Exiting the stables, Sabine walked further down the hill, towards the stream where her mother had hit her head all those years ago. Jane preferred that none of her children frequent the stream, but Sabine was exceptionally careful when crossing it. Keeping her skirts out of the water, she smiled as she heard Puissant’s familiar whinnies and Connor’s firm instructions.

Coming to the clearing, she watched in awe as Connor rode Puissant so spectacularly across the length of grass. The stirrups were a lot higher than they should have been for his height, which meant that his knees were bent. He was squatting in the saddle, not actually sitting in it. Slouching forward, he pushed Puissant to sprint across the field. Once again, his white shirt was abandoned on the ground nearby and he rode shirtless, even in the cool January weather. His muscled skin looked a little bronze under the rare ray of sun that Nottingham was experiencing. The lashing scars on his back were on full display, yet they only made him look stronger.

Watching her beautiful mare’s strong legs at work looked truly majestic. Puissant was a born runner, and she would foal runners.

“Whoa!” Connor exclaimed, pulling on the reins to make her slow down. His eyes flashed to her and his wide, crooked grin returned to his face. Climbing down from Puissant and fixing her reins to a tree, Connor ran to Sabine and enveloped her in his strong arms.

Giggling like a child, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Connor lifted her off the ground and spun her around twice. Sabine pressed her lips to his lightly, enjoying his familiarity.

Connor kissed her back instantly, letting her know how much he missed her. Pulling back, he placed her back on the ground and cupped her face. “Oh, I missed ye,” he said sincerely, shaking his head. “A month is far too long.”

“I know,” she sighed, laying her head on his chest. “But I’m home now. Did you spend Christmas with your family?”

“Aye,” he nodded. “I told Merida an’ Grant about ye. They can’ wait to meet ye.” He grinned, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I’ve been thinking about what to say to ye da’, but I have no’ come up with anything tha’ won’ get me shot in the arse,” he laughed. “When do ye wan’ to go an’ speak to them?”

Sabine pursed her lips. “Well, my papa wants a few family days before Philip and Louis return to Eton, so perhaps then? I was also thinking that I should do it alone … papa might take it a little easier if it comes from me …” she said nervously.

Connor looked a little disappointed, but he ultimately smiled. “I would no’ like to be shot in the arse again,” he chuckled.

“Again?” she repeated.

“It’s why I was lashed,” he explained. “I shot my brother in the arse by accident, so he returned the favour on purpose. We both received the cat o’ nine tails.”

Sabine’s eyes widened. His upbringing had been completely different to hers. She’d seen pictures of such a whip and they were ghastly.

“Do no’ worry, I can see your brow furrowing,” he said, smiling, placing a finger between her eyebrows. “Just tell me when ye are goin’ to tell him, and I’ll be ready to speak with him afterwards.”

After five days of family outings, dinners, and rides, Philip and Louis returned to Eton for the term. Once the carriage had left and the door had been closed, Sabine admitted to herself that she missed the noise of her two younger brothers. Without their goading the house seemed rather quiet.

If the quiet bothered her, she only had to inform her father of her engagement.

Knitting her fingers together, she decided to bite the bullet. She wanted everything to be out in the open. Taking a deep breath, she started up the stairs heading for her parents’ bedchamber. Locates in the first wing of staterooms, she knocked on the door belonging to Jane and Daniel. The room often felt rather awry. It was the room in which her mother, Eleanor, had died, and the room in which she, and her brothers, had been born.

“Come in,” she heard her mother say.

Sabine furrowed her eyebrows. Her mother did not sound right. Opening the door, she saw both her parents sitting on the end of the four poster bed. Daniel had his arm around Jane as she held a letter. They both looked as if they were in utter shock.

“What’s happened?” Sabine asked immediately. Closing the door behind her, she hurried over to her parents, forgetting her reasons for going to them in the first place.

Her mother’s dark blue eyes looked up at her. Jane looked completely empty. “Something terrible has happened,” she whispered.

“Sabine,” her father said, taking over for Jane. “We’ve received a letter from Aunt Em … they’ve had word from a Commander Gates. Unfortunately, Captain Aubrey has been killed.”

Tears immediately flooded Sabine’s eyes as she heard the news. The reality hit her severely as the news sunk in. The man who’d she’d practically spent half the summer dining with, the man who’d saved her cousin from being attack, the man who Kitty had fallen in love with and married, the father of Kitty’s child, was dead. How could that be? How was that fair?

“We must … we must go to London at once,” Sabine breathed. “We must be with Kitty.”

Jane handed the letter to Daniel and stood up to hug her daughter. Burying her face in her mother’s shoulder, she allowed her tears to fall.

“We’ll go to London as soon as possible,” Jane promised quietly. “Daniel, will you make the arrangements?” she asked her husband without turning her head.

“Of course,” her father agreed. Sabine watched as he folded the letter and place it in the drawer beside the bed. Collecting them both in his arms, he kissed their foreheads. “It will be alright,” he assured them. “Kitty will be alright. We get past death eventually.”

Sabine knew her father spoke from experience, but it took five years and a remarkable woman like Jane for him to get past the death of her mother. She didn’t make her thoughts audible, of course, but she hoped he was right nevertheless.

“I’ll get a footman to go down to Connor to tell him to ready the horses,” Daniel said sombrely. “Janey, you might want to have the maids organise the mourning clothes.”

Hearing Connor’s name reminded Sabine of why she was in their bedchamber in the first place. But it wasn’t the time, and Kitty took precedence at that point in time. She was a widow before she’d even been a wife.

“I’ll go down to the stables, papa,” Sabine said quietly. “It will give me a chance to compose myself.” It wasn’t a lie. Sabine would enjoy the fresh air, and she longed for Connor to comfort her, he could make things better.

Leaving her parents’ bedchamber, Sabine walked solemnly downstairs. Collecting a coat from the wardrobe near the front door, not caring to see who it belonged to, she made her way outside. Wrapping the coat tightly around her waist to shield herself from the biting wind, she made the walk down to the stables.

There was a thin sheet of snow on the ground, but it was melting. As she walked, Sabine kicked the remaining snow, bringing up the grass underneath. Wiping her tears from her face, she quickened her pace.

When the stables came into view, Connor wasn’t outside. Sabine couldn’t blame him, it was much colder than the days before. Opening the doors, she saw him standing the aisle watching one of the fillies. He looked up as he heard the sound of the door and smiled. As she came closer to him, she saw a frown develop on his face. “What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned. He abandoned the filly’s stall and came to stand before her. Wiping his thumb across her cheek, he cleared the remaining tears. “Ye told them, didn’t ye?” he groaned. “An’ they took it this bad? Alright, well, we knew it wasn’t goin’ to be easy. I’ll go an’ speak to them … plead my case,” he promised.

“No,” Sabine shook her head. “I didn’t tell them.” Wrapping her arms around his waist, she hugged him tightly, laying her head against his rarely clothed chest.

Connor’s arms tightened around her. “Then what’s wrong? Why are ye upset? Tell me how I can help ye, I don’ like seeing ye sad.”

“My cousin’s husband was killed,” she told him softly. “He’s a naval captain and he was my friend.”

She felt Connor brush his lips against her hair. “I’m so sorry, Sabine,” he said sincerely. “That’s no’ fair.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“We’re no’ given anything we can’ handle. Ye are a strong person, Sabine, an’ I’ll be here with ye, no matter what. I’ll help ye get through it,” he promised.

“I won’t be here, though,” Sabine sighed, looking up at him. Connor’s brown eyes were sad as he looked down at her. She noticed that his blond hair had gotten even longer – his ringlets now hanging below his ears. “We’re going to London, to be with my cousin, Kitty.”

“Oh, of course,” he said, nodding and pursing his lips. “Of course ye should be with ye family. It’s a terrible time.”

“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone … so it might be awhile until I tell my parents about us, and then I’ll have to end my courtship with Mr Rochester,” she sighed sadly. “Are you mad?” she asked, looking up at him, afraid of his answer.

Connor’s eyes softened. “Sabine, of course I’m no’ mad. We’ll be together, just no’ now. Write to me, though, an’ let me know how ye are,” he instructed. “I’ll be worrying about ye nevertheless.”

“I’ll write to you,” she agreed. “I’m here, wishing I was with Kitty, but I know I’ll be in London, wishing I was with you.”

Pressing his lips to hers once more, Connor smiled. “Be with your family, Sabine. Good ones like yours don’ exist to a lot of people, me included. They need ye, and ye need them. I love ye.”

Sabine smiled, feeling a little better. “In time I will tell papa how much I love you, too,” she promised, sniffing.

Pulling at the sleeve of his shirt, Connor helped to wipe her eyes. “It’ll be alright, Sabine. I am sorry about your friend, though,” he said sincerely.

“As am I,” she nodded. Captain Aubrey was too brave and too young. It was not fair. She could not imagine what poor Kitty was going through. “He was to be a father, too.”

“A bairn on the way?” Connor gasped, closing his eyes, looking regretful. “Tha’ is just awful.” Sighing, he spoke the wisest words that Sabine had ever heard. “I’ve learnt in life, that even though the darkness of night seems to go on forever, ye can rely on the sun to always rise and life will go on. Ye can either choose to turn your back on life, or choose to live it. It’s your own decision, you’ve just got to be able to know that ye will be able to live with it in the end.”      

Sabine knew he was right. He was always right … except with ordering the stables, she was right then. “Where did you get such wisdom?”

Connor sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I turned my back on something a long time ago, and I’ve been ignoring my own advice for all that time. But one day I hope I’ll be able to follow it,” he said, caressing her cheek bone. “Ye should go now, go an’ be with your family.”

Sabine nodded, deciding not to inquire after what he was talking about. “Papa wants horses ready for departure soon. I assume he wants them shoed, fed and groomed ready,” she instructed, remembering the message she was supposed to convey.

“Your wish is my command, lass,” Connor said, humorously bowing his head. He released her, allowing her to leave. “I’ll see ye soon, Sabine.”

“I’ll see you soon,” she agreed.

Turning around and heading out the door, she barely felt the cold anymore. She was still in shock, such news would always be a shock, but she could see the sense in Connor’s words. In any situation, one could turn their back on their problem, or they could face it and deal with it. In her case it was grief. And as sure as the sun will rise, she would face her grief, and then she would face her father, because she wasn’t going to turn her back on life, and Connor was her life.

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Hope you liked it :)

Still heaps more to come, and I hope you're all ready for a journey to the Scottish Highlands :D (spoiler alert!)

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