Author's note made on July 23, 2023 

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When you talk about family, it ain't about blood

When you talk about family it ain't have to be the classic one

When you talk about family it's about a strong bond

It's about good and bad memories

It's about being together in the highest or lowest peak of life

It's about the ties that go longer yet stronger no matter how great the distance is.

When I talk about family, I talk about mine.

Because no matter how much I wanna strangle the immortality off their bodies, even we deny the care we have for each other, I know and they know that we only have each other in a world in which we are the taboos.

-Samael

Bein' totally attractive and bein' more handsome than Lucifer himself made me so irresistible. I mean, look at these abs and pecs; who wouldn't wanna lick em?

Lucy baby got nothin' on me. He wasn't even close to winnin' against me in this race and I wasn't even runnin' yet. Compare my sex appeal to his sex appeal and people will totally pity him for tryna' compete with me when it came to the sexiness level.

And don't even collate me to these four idiotic rivals of mine. They were lucky that I was even lettin' em be near me in the same room in the same apartment. My star level was above the earth's atmosphere while they were havin' my dust for lunch. They suck I rock.

If only Lucian didn't care for em then I would take this mission alone but knowing my bae, he'll also look for em no matter how many times I tell him that the twins evolved into iguanas and went extinct; Caleb died from a flea infection and Raphael couldn't come because chicken wings were banned worldwide due to bird flu.

"Is there a specific reason on why we are all here right now?" Slade, the iguana 2, questioned in annoyance.

This bitch better be grateful that I didn't bury him under all those rocks. He let out the sixtieth yawn for this day despite the fact that they slept for millenniums in Mount Denali. I doubt that they were able to hibernate for that long though. I have a suspicion that these guys were certified crackpots.

Now I know that they were confused as a cockroach that got its dose of insecticide. Raphael wasn't here and was up in heaven doin' holy yoga so it was a waste that I couldn't see how pissed he was together with the three.

Caleb just got fired from his job because he was now dead to the eyes of the world and now his body went missin'. I was sure that all of his fans will commit suicide now because their future hubby was brutally killed by a guy wearin' a Freddy mask at the game "Five Nights at Freddy". My productivity for this day was also because I pulverized a mountain which alerted the U.S. government about a terrorist attack. I bet North Korea and China were in the hotspot. Hey, didn't mean to create a misunderstandin' there.

Damn it, I wasn't able to post that shit in instagram. Maybe some other time.

We were huddled up in Caleb's luxurious apartment with cans of soda on the coffee table. Iguana 1 was quiet ever since they were bathed and shaved. Did bathing traumatize him or somethin'? Was he allergic to soap and water? Did he need a therapist? Seriously, he was starin' at the television like it was somethin' that can suck your soul.

I snickered at their fucking ignorance and snatched the remote from the coffee table. Who told them to sleep for that long until time left them to get comfy with the scrap of knowledge that they have right now? What they have in their brains were useless now. The world didn't even know what we had before the first human sinners.

I turned on the T.V. which caused Sevor to get a mini heart attack.

Oh this was gonna be good.

The guy practically screamed like a girl but then smashed the brand new Samsung QLED T.V. that Caleb purchased recently.

"My T.V.! What the fuck? What the fuck?!" Caleb snarled angrily and then launched at Sevor's back to stop him from crushin' the television beneath his bare feet.

I was so grateful that they were a bunch of idiots. This was fucking rich! This shit goes to instagram!

#BringBackStoneAge

1,101,302 likes

"Watch out Sevor!" Slade growled and came to aid his older twin.

The two geniuses kicked the helpless machine until such glorious tech was nothin' but a battered junk that would put a battered wife to shame. I whistled at the brutal kill and bowed my head in respect.

Ahh, I'll post this in facebook and ask for 1 like 1 prayer. At this age, a 1 like was already equivalent to a powerful prayer to the Almighty Father. Ain't that great? Sure, broadcast your sacred prayers. God had facebook. I was sure that your prayers will reach him. Take it from me who got fired not only from being the reaper in heaven but also from being the reaper in hell.

"What kind of monsters do you keep in here you mutt?!" Slade yelled at Caleb. Well, what can he say?

"He has a handsome demon and two hermit dragons and add on a missing chicken to that list. Does that answer your question?" I snorted.

The sharp and small doorbell rang throughout the flat and the twins looked at each other as if a battalion of ghouls were in the front door. They beat Caleb to it and whipped the door open with such sophistication and manliness that can make any twink and woman release all their bodily fluids in one orgasm.

But not as much as how I can make them orgasm with my skills. Hell, I can do that with one wink and they'll die from dehydration.

Whaddya lookin' at? Don't look at me like that. This description didn't come from my brain. I was reading the script.

"Room ser-GAH!" the employee screeched as he was tackled by humpy and dumpy.

"Who sent you? Why are you here? Why do you smell like food? Why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?!" The twins interrogated. They just knew the drill on how to terrorize someone in the 21st century after a very brain-shrinkin' nap.

Caleb palmed his face and let out a big sigh. "Raphael really needs to come down. My job isn't to stress over you people."

After an entertaining clash between the mutt and the twin iguanas, we were again settled in the living room. I haven't told them a single thing about what I saw back in Keetan's old town or how much in pain Lucian seemed to be.

And now that I remembered it, it dampened my mood. It made my stomach clench. It made my ass clench. And even with how cool I look, when you hold my hands, they were moist.

I was anxious. I know I was and I know that they were too.

I can see how foreign everything was for the twins. Before the creation of those mortals, the climate before was already frigid without the help of an air conditionin' unit. Sevor touched the glass window that overlooked the city. A scorchin' sun sat at the bright blindin' skies. The black drapes partially covered his body as he peeked at the new civilization that was close to the end of times or so as to what the bible said. A black mist which was smoke swathed the skies which used to be beautiful before. Getting' a waft of this glorious residue of human modernization into someone's lungs would really cause lung cancer to the unfortunate.

Hell, if God wanted to destroy this world, I'd be His fuckin' cheerleader. But for now, I'll busy myself for somethin' far more important.

"Yeah, I wanna Double Bacon Cheeseburger pizza, Hot Chili Beef Pizza, Cheesy Garlic pizza, and Squid Pizza with Saffron Aioli," I dictated our late lunch through the speaker of my phone.

Slade was munchin' some cereal that Caleb tossed at him while the legendary piss wolf typed on his laptop. I was sittin' at the single black leather chair with Slade sittin' opposite to me and Caleb on the long leather sofa.

The twins were already donned into some modern clothes. Ya know, hoodie and all that. All of their clothes were of course from the sponsors of Caleb's modeling career that was now pulverized by my insane and awesome declaration of my loyalty to President Trump.

"Um sir, we don't sell Squid Pizza with Saffron Aioli anymore," the woman in the other line informed.

Now that was the second worst news I heard all day after meeting Lucian earlier. The first bad news was that we had to find this Lusceviel. Was it some kind of woman's tampon? I didn't know. I'll just find it for Lucian's sake.

"What?!" I screamed at my phone and slammed my one hand on the coffee table for effects. Now I was pissed. I can't survive without a dose of my squid. Now I've really lost faith to humanity. Fuck it. FUCK IT.

If there was a person sitting beside me with a heart disease then I would've caused him to have a heart attack. Too bad I wouldn't escort him to hell. He'll just have to find his way or maybe Francis the reaping skeleton will come by. I was sure that Lucifer was having a hard time without his best employee operating half of hell's mechanism.

"The heck are you so worked up for?" Slade asked me. What would he know? This iguana wouldn't understand the pain and deprivation I was in.

"You don't sell Squid Pizza with Saffron Aioli anymore?!" My black and pointy tail sprouted from my tail bone and swung back and forth. I listened to the girly's blabbering mess and looked at my nails which were starting to grow sharp."Lemme tell ya somethin' girly. That flavor will make you billions I tell ya. If you don't deliver my Squid pizza all your branches will close down tomorrow, capiche?" I wasn't the previous ruler of hell for nothin'.

Caleb sighed at my demand but he knew that I take my threats to reality. I threatened a person that I'll kill him with a squid and it did happen. The guy choked on slick tentacles. I was a prodigy of Lucian. I can use anything to scare anyone away.

I ended the worthless conversation with the employee and then crossed my legs to make me look like a feral sexy emperor. My eyes wandered from Caleb and then to Slade and then lastly to Sevor. There was only one person missin'. There was fifty percent chance that chicken nugget was gonna arrive. If he was serious with his emphasis of not caring for Lucian anymore then that was fine. That meant that there was one less moron to deal with.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to make them tense. But even without doin' so, I know that they were antsy. If we all gathered here like this with me personally picking them up then that would mean one thing:

I had some intel about Lucian.

"Okay, I know how awesome this day was for all of us but I gathered all of you here for one purpose..." Gotta boil the water first.

"And that is?" Caleb questioned with pure doubt and distrust.

He knew that I had my times of being a total douche who can never be trusted. Call me and tell me how a serial killer was on your ass and I'll deliver a vibrator to the killer's doorstep and urge him to use it on you.

"I'm opening a gay stripping club down the street-"

"Stop playing around!" Caleb roared with anger.

Okay, okay, Caleb knew somethin' was up. It was obvious. I already knew that. And with how frustrated he was on his fruitless search with the Fiery pack he was, in no doubt, as frustrated as a man who was kept hangin' by his partner. Every discovery he had were contradictions. The officials of that werewolf pack didn't give him anythin' but: "We are doing this to set this world on fire. We will unite with the Queen of decay and make this Earth OUR EMPIRE!"

Sounds like those bonkers cult.

Fire and decay will never get along yet the soul of the catastrophe cannot be harmed if hellfire was not used on it. That was my theory. Catastrophes had the capability to accomplish world domination. They can never be contained that easily just like how a raging boner would get out no matter what the cost just to take in fresh air. If one ass wasn't available, then go inside the next one. Though I can never follow a Fuck boy's ways.

But what was botherin' me was that these scumbags knew about that race. How the heck was that possible? Was there a catastrophe ally back in that time that survived up until this era? No...No one would side with those skunk farts.

"I saw Lucian," I announced which made them all scramble in front of me to listen to my tale. I managed to shed some tears as I recited Lucian's exact words and described the exact scenario.

"We were...surrounded by beautiful flowers. The sun shone ever so brightly and he gazed at me with those lovin' blue eyes that only looked at me. We were so in love. I could feel it. He touched me and my hands traveled on the smooth arch of his back down to his luscious ass. Those blue sapphire eyes held so much affection that- the fuck?!" my oh so great story was cut off when Slade tried to shove the cereal box in my mouth.

"When did Lucian ever look at us lovingly? You're delusional. I'm gonna find another mountain to sleep in!" Slade snarled angrily but he was yanked back down on the floor by his twin. This fuckin' iguana ruined my moment! I tried to stomp on his face but he was able to catch my foot.

"Samael, I would appreciate it if you stop all that rubbish and tell us already," The older iguana calmly requested in front of a menacing face. I can see who got the brains and patience. Well I can't trick em. We knew Lucian wasn't a sweet and sappy lover. He'll fuck you up for his wicked amusement and it was that very reason why we all craved for more.

I laughed at them hysterically and then telepathically showed them that very memory that kept on fucking my brain. Each of them didn't know whether to smile or throw a tantrum. It was frustrating of course. I know that we were in a race for Lucian's love and I know that they were jealous of me. Lucian visited me first. Out of all the five, Lucian chose to show himself to me. It was by chance or maybe Lucian just loved me more than them. I was the only one close to the area with vast greens. Lucian must have visited the twin iguanas but they were both in deep slumber. Heaven was out of the question and Caleb was in a polluted city surrounded by busy make-up artists and photographers.

"Who the fuck is Lusceviel?" Slade queried. "That Pinche idiota (fucking idiot) doesn't even give any more clues than that."

The room suddenly fell silent. It was a tensed silence. I raised my brow at Caleb who suddenly rose from his seat as he sniffed the air. He was then followed by the twins who were as bothered as him.

"Hell is happenin' to you three?" I asked. The doorbell rang and Caleb immediately sprinted towards the door. The twins followed and I went to see what the heck was goin' on. Maybe these three were smoking weeds.

The door opened and we saw a man who we never expected to see.

"Thomas?" I called out. "What are you doin' here?"

Thomas was surprised by the tensed welcomin' in front of him. I noticed that he was carryin' a child wearin' a black cloak.

"Tho-Thomas, that child you're carrying!" Caleb shakily shouted.

"What? What the heck is happenin' here? Is that the last airbender?!" I questioned all of them in a pissed off tone.

"Ah, well, that's what I came here for, you see-"

With all the intensity of these morons up on Thomas's ass, I doubt that I'll get any answers. I extended my hand in front of me and then grabbed all of them with a force to throw them behind me. I pinned their bodies to the ground with my power and then walked forward to see what the ruckus was all about. I was the boss here so the underlings should stay behind.

"Lemme see," I ordered the fairy who then smiled and then placed the kid down on his feet. The kid hugged Thomas's leg immediately and I waited with fake patience. Can't show the kid how annoyed I was.

"Don't be scared sweetheart, Samael isn't a bad man," Thomas comforted. I bent on one knee and then waited for the kid to face me.

"That's right kiddo, don't ya worry. Do you want candy? I have so much candies here," I bribed. The kid was quiet until his shoulders started to shake and Thomas immediately knew that he was gonna burst into his baby bitch fit. The fairy hurriedly picked him up and gave him light pats.

Daddy material here.

"Aww sweetheart, don't cry. Don't worry, we'll find him okay? Shhh," he cooed.

"I wan waf waf. Waf Waf where?" the boy cried.

Thomas smiled at me and he entered and shut the door with his foot. He turned to his side where the child's face was facing and I saw teary blue eyes. I gently pulled the hood down and revealed the brightest golden hair that can match Lucian's which was decorated with a flower crown. His skin glowed like an ancient. His mom must've have glutathione while being pregnant. His flower crown must be fake but I can't deny that the kid had a good face.

Scratch that, he had a gorgeous face.

A loud beastly growl accompanied with heavy huffs made the boy flinch. I turned my head to the fucktards at the back. "Uncle Dum Dums, little boy here is getting scared with all your sexual sounds~" I chimed.

I turned my attention back to the kid and then gave him a friendly smile. "Com'ere," I urged in all my demonic friendliness. The boy was hesitant but Thomas helped me in getting his trust.

"Uncle Sam will help you look for Waf Waf, Kadam," Thomas stated. Kadam? Who the fuck names an adorable kid "Kadam?"

"The fairy organization named him that. It means "The Beginning," Thomas told me. Oh that same organization that assassinates, seduces, and does all the bad work just as so you can pay them a hefty amount of money? It was intriguin' to know that they were the ones who work for a people's happily ever after hundreds of years ago.

I scoffed. "Beginning of what?" I opened my arms to Kadam who was pressured to come to my arms. I finally got him including the sudden whiff of a familiar faint scent of flowers.

What the heck was happening? I looked down only to find those teary blue eyes gazing up to me expectantly.

"Find Waf Waf?" he queried innocently.

I smiled down at him. Well I need to know what this Waf Waf looked like first. I leaned my forehead against him and then visited his memories. It was gonna be hard to visit his mind because usually, toddlers had a very vague image of things in their mind. It came with short flashbacks like a millisecond but I was able to get somethin' from him.

And it really was somethin'.

This kid!

Kadam meant the beginning.

His memories were mixed up yet this person who he was looking for was no doubt the only man who we were not with at this moment.

I was confused. I was lost. I was also very jovial. I was so happy that I embraced Kadam tightly. Thomas was also shocked by my actions yet he didn't question me during this peak of euphoria.

Was this Lusceviel or was this really him?