CHAPTER FOUR.
( saving barnes. )

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  "How do you plan on getting me on the plane?" The soldier asked, his tone mildly suspicious. It was the first thing he'd said since they woke.

  Gem shrugged, "I thought about sticking you in a suitcase or a cargo box." Unfortunately, she was only half-joking.

Between being held hostage and now, with two hours left to catch their plane, there simply hadn't been enough time to plan. Not that the blame was entirely her own. The soldier wasn't exactly cooperative.

The lucky thing was that she didn't have to worry about packing. Gem was skilled enough in her field to always keep a bag ready. She filled it with the essentials; weapons, a spare change of clothes, essential documents, and a med-kit.

The med-kit was remodelled to suit larger needs, of course. You could never be too sure about what was necessary when going into hiding. Or, in her case, when smuggling a fugitive out of the country.

All in all, it wasn't the cleanest arrangement— but Gem had resolved herself to make it work. Somehow. The paranoid assassin didn't really make things any easier.

"Are you intentionally trying to get caught?" He demanded, clearly annoyed by her suggestion.

Gem knew that he would do whatever it took if it meant safely leaving the country, including holding her hostage again. So, she tried to give her reply delicately. Tried being the key effort.

  "That would be the smart thing, wouldn't it?" She mused, irritated by his distrust. "I don't like you, but I like dying far less."

  She looked at him then, gauging his reaction. "I wouldn't trust you with my goldfish's life, never-mind my own. But, you have my pity, and that's the only thing keeping me from alerting every authoritative figure I know about you."

  That wasn't true. In spite of her scalding tone, Gem knew it was a lie. Their arrangement didn't require trust. It hardly required anything beyond getting him out of America and leaving him to fend for himself.

  The true reason Gem was helping him was because he scared her and that made her feel guilty. He deserved to live a life free of what HYDRA had done to him— what they had done to who he was. The same way she did.

  And now that guilt had manifested itself into this impulse to aid him, regardless of whether or not he wanted it.

  The soldier was silent. He didn't seem offended by her remark, likely he had already realized what the common reaction toward him would be. It was easier that way; to expect the worst from people (or to have people expect the worst from you.) It hurt far less, regardless of whether they were right or wrong.

  Gem couldn't say she was skilled with that lesson.

  "Your goldfish is already dead," he finally spoke.

  Gem furrowed her brow. It took a moment before she remembered that she actually owned a goldfish. She got up from her broken chair. They were still in the basement.

"You're lying."

  He glared at her, "Go look."

  Gem scowled and beckoned for him to follow, which he did. The pair went slowly up the steps, almost tentative with so much movement around each other. Gem made sure the soldier was in front of her the entire time.

  He lead her to the living room, where the goldfish was still and unmoving in his large tank.

  She scoffed, "He's not dead, he's just lazy and greedy. Watch this." She walked over to the tank and picked up the fish food. Gem sprinkled some in.

  It wasn't enough because Eno was still. She sprinkled more and the fish was rejuvenated. He swam to the surface, nibbling at the food with ravished intensity. As if she didn't feed him enough.

  She glared at the goldfish. "I'm going to flush you down the toilet one day," she promised, exasperated by the fish and it's theatrics. Gem might have been a bad person, but she wasn't a bad pet owner.

  "Get your bags. We don't have much time."

  Gem turned to the soldier, frowning at his lack of humour. "I'll grab it, but you're coming with me. I'm not letting you out of my sight." She brushed past him, expecting his obedience with her cooperation.

  The Halloway woman could feel his glare on her back as they made their way upstairs. It unnerved her, the way he watched her. It made her feel like the hostage she didn't want to be. Gem felt better when she was fooling herself into thinking they were on equal ground.

  When they got to the second floor, Gem unlocked a door to the left and entered. It was the only place in her house that she kept locked. Gem flipped the switch and the room was flooded with light. Inside was a singular dresser.

  Gem opened the top drawer and shuffled through the documents. "The only available papers I have can get us into Romania or Austria."

  "Romania."

  She nodded, "Good choice." Not that there was a wrong one. Either place would do. Gem didn't have many connections, but there was enough groundwork to see him through.

Beyond that...

Gem wasn't exactly the kind of person who was hopeful for much else. She mostly stuck to her own. Her own strength, her own capability. It made things hard, but it felt better knowing that she owed no-one.

She gathered the documents and then pulled open the last drawer. The duffel bag was full and heavy, so she handed it over to her companion. When she opened the third drawer, she pulled out the spare clothes she kept for guests (or rather, accomplices.)

"Put these on and be quick," she said, giving the soldier's dark suit a once over. They could take it, or leave it here— but leaving it left evidence. "Put your suit in the bag."

He took the duffel and went into the bathroom across the hall. He left the door ajar, so Gem turned to give him some semblance of privacy. She wasn't entirely quick enough and her stomach twisted at the bruises— old and new— that she saw.

Still, it felt good to know that the fight had wounded him just as much as it had her.

Gem rifled through the drawers and found cooling bandages. She took them to the bathroom, intruding on the soldier's privacy. He didn't appear startled, but his shirt was halfway on.

"Keep your shirt up, I'm going to apply these compression bandages," she told him, but he backed up as she reached over. He was clearly alarmed now.

She glared, trying to come off as stern. "It will help you. It has some science-y cooling shit built in," Gem explained, waving her hand as she made another attempt to put the bandage on.

His body stilled, alongside his breathing as she carefully wrapped it around his torso. It wasn't lost on Gem why he might have an aversion to her proximity. She didn't doubt there was some long-held trauma behind it, which was reasonable.

"Sorry, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable," she found herself saying. "I'm sure what you've been through has been hell—"

"Don't," he cut in, his gaze searing as he looked down at her. "We don't have to speak. Just get me out of this country and you'll never have to see me again."

  She pursed her lip and tried not to be angry. "Yes, of course." It was stupid of her to think niceties would be afforded to her. This wasn't a friendship. It wasn't even a partnership.

"I'll be downstairs. Don't think of trying anything stupid," she said when she was finished. Gem took the duffel bag from the floor and left quickly.

He unnerved her. She didn't know how to react around him and it made her agitated. Gem didn't have any delusions of getting along, but it would've been nice to have a little civility, even if it was pretend.

Gem waited by the door, digging through the closet for a hat. She found a cap that would fit and a pair of glasses to go with it. When the soldier came down the stairs, she tossed the items over to him.

  "You're my co-pilot. Don't speak. Act casual— and stop looking like you're going to murder someone," she seethed, annoyed that the civilian clothes did nothing to diminish his threatening appearance.

  He put on the cap and the glasses, but the scowl stayed. She glared at him as she grabbed her keys from the decorative bowl by the door. Packing into the car and driving came with ease and only minor tension.

  It took only an hour of suffering his silence before they arrived. Gem pulled into the parking lot, ignoring the 'private property' and 'private parking' signs as she turned off the vehicle. She dug around in the middle compartment and found some gum.

  "Chew this, it'll make you look less angry," she said, offering him the packet. She was being sarcastic, but he took it from her anyway. Gem threw her own piece of gum in her mouth as she exited the vehicle.

  James grabbed the bags, while she walked over to meet Mika. They kept the discussion brief. He understood her line of work required privacy, but he was suspicious of the co-pilot she conveniently forgot to mention.

Gem frowned and it was real. "Believe me, I would've ditched him the first chance I got," she said, watching the soldier as he packed the bags into the cargo compartment. He looked casual enough, keeping to himself as she had requested.

Mika smirked. He was always amused by her disdain. "Good luck on the trip," he told her, reaching out to pat her on the arm. "The fuel should get you there, but there's no plane back until I get out there next month."

Gem nodded, but found herself suddenly nervous. She couldn't spend a month in Romania with the Winter Soldier. Bringing it up now would only rouse suspicion and he might do worse than just hold her hostage.

However, if she asked for a sooner return, she risked rousing Mika's curiosity. He had a knack for being nosy. It often got him into trouble with his... clientele.

Gem buried a sigh. There was no reason to stress until she got there. It wasn't like they were being tailed, or that they needed to see each other while she waited on Mika. The soldier didn't even need to know.

She would leave James alone in Romania and that would be it.

"See you next month," she finally said, taking the keys from Mika's open palm. He waved his goodbye and in a dazed blur, Gem found herself running through the familiar motions of starting up the plane and taking off. It hardly felt tangible, until she found her sweaty palms on the controls and the soldier sitting next to her.

  Her heart was hammering. It felt like anxiety. Gem clenched her jaw and tried to get it under control. He wasn't going to hurt her. He needed her...

  But, for how long?

  "I want you to guarantee my safety," she said, trying to still the shaking of her lip. Her mother had the same quiver to her features. A perpetual tell of their fear.

  His silence lasted a heavy moment. "You think my word means anything?" James asked.

"I figured you were finally free to make your own decisions about who you want to be," Gem replied. "Was I wrong?"

It was a little cruel of her. That much was true. His freedom was new and so was his conscious. Still, Gem had to hope that there was some part of the former Sergeant Barnes that remained. It was likely buried somewhere beneath the soldier's anger and confused memory.

But, if the Bucky who Steve had once known no longer existed, then what was she unleashing on the world? A machine tuned only to violence. A man with no mind to lead himself.

Gem didn't want that for James. She wouldn't wish it upon her worst enemy— and she had many who deserved far worse than that. For those people, Gem harboured her worst desires. For them, she let it fester.

But, Gem was not strong enough to be judge and executioner. It was her weakest characteristic and the worst part was knowing it. She could hold the gun, but often found someone else pulling the trigger.

  There was always someone else giving the order. Gem just followed through— and didn't that make her just as dangerous as him? She had lived her life letting someone else take control. Always at the whim of something bigger than herself— S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA.

  Who was she now? When she wasn't a soldier, fitted for battle. What kind of person was Gem Halloway? Who was she going to be, now that she was free?

There was a vast nothingness in the space where she couldn't conjure an answer.

"Who are you?" Gem asked and her voice was nearly buried beneath the roar of the plane's engine.

"I don't know," the soldier replied. Gem didn't miss the way his hands and his voice shook. His lack of surety was an obvious source of anxiety.

"I just don't want to be a killer anymore," he said, so soft she almost missed it.

The somber reply was enough for Gem as her lip stopped shaking. The plane was steady and so was her resolve. James Buchanan Barnes deserved a chance to heal— and she was going to give it to him.

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