maybe if i don't cry,
i won't feel anymore

Willa hadn't really spoken to anyone. She'd fallen asleep the night before in front of her bedroom door, causing her to wake up with a crook in her neck. Not to mention her head and heart hurt, the pain no less than it had been the day prior.

Even as she opened the door and saw Chad sprawled out in the hallway, nothing changed. She just stepped over him and went into the bathroom to shower, taking her sweet time as she knew the water could never wash away the dirty touch Marcus had left on her.

The water burned as it fell down on her. She didn't bother to change it, however, and instead just let it continue to scorch her skin.

Willa only bothered to get out of the shower when the water turned ice cold. She pulled the towel from the rack and slowly dried herself off, rubbing harder than usual to try and rid of the feeling of Marcus all over her.

Despite it being as long as it had, it still felt as fresh as it had when it was happening. She didn't know how to get rid of it or how to stop herself from feeling so... gross.

Willa got dressed, not bothering to do her hair or makeup. She didn't look at her phone or listen to music the way she usually did and instead focused carefully on doing the bare minimum for the day. She knew she didn't have school - thank god - but she at least needed to change out of her dirty clothes.

Chad was up from the hallway by the time she exited the bathroom. Instead, he stood in the doorway of her bedroom, looking at the mess of her belongings. "Why did you move your dresser?"

Willa shrugged, not wanting to get into the details of what happened.

Chad looked over at her, a worried look on his face. "Are you okay?"

"My best friend just died." Willa stated coldly, "And they think I did it. What do you think?"

"They think you did it?" Chad softly asked.

Willa's face fell for a second. She assumed Wes would've spread the news by now, surely. But he hadn't, meaning Chad had no idea about her run-in with Detective Mark yesterday.

"Yeah," She finally responded, awkwardly looking away.

"That-that's bullshit though," Chad said as he shook his head. "Who would think that? I-I mean you're-" He stopped for a second as Willa looked back at him. "You're one of the most selfless people I've ever met, you wouldn't harm anyone."

Willa felt her heart race at the compliment. Although it didn't make her feel any better about the situation she was in, it was nice to know someone thought something so genuine of her.

"I guess not everyone sees me that way," She said with a shrug. "And-and that's fine, I guess."

"No, it's not." Chad denied, "It's one thing to make an opinion of another person but to say something that could ruin their life? That's fucked up."

Willa shrugged, "Nothing I can do."

Chad looked as if he wanted to say something - anything - to help the situation. But before he could even begin to think about what to tell Willa, his phone began to ring in his pocket.

"Should probably get that. It's probably Liv." Willa spoke. She sounded bitter, and the tone threw Chad off quite a bit.

If Willa cared how she sounded, she didn't show it as she just crossed her arms and waited for Chad to respond. The boy looked at her before looking at his phone, seeing that she was right - it was Liv.

He sighed, seeming hesitant to answer it. "Yeah. She's not super happy about last night."

"I wouldn't be either if my boyfriend just got up and ditched me for some girl." Willa's attitude to the boy was completely different than the night before - than it had ever been.

Even when they began to grow distant and Chad and Liv began to date, Willa hadn't acted like this. Everyone had always assumed Willa only had a mean bone in her body when it came to people hurting the ones she loved - and even then, it was rare to see.

So for her to sit here with the attitude she had especially after Chad had stayed outside her bedroom door to make sure she was alright was very surprising, to say the least.

He tapped his phone to his hand a few times, letting it go to voicemail. Despite the tone of her voice, Chad could tell just by looking at Willa she was putting up a front. Her intention wasn't to hurt him or be rude to him, and he knew this.

Whatever had happened to her the night before obviously screwed her up. So instead of arguing with her he just agreed.

"You're right,"

Willa didn't say anything. Chad hadn't expected her to, and so he just continued. "But you're not just some girl to me Willa. You're more than that."

The blonde looked at him but didn't respond. She covered any face she might have made with a blank stare, almost as if she were numb to the words he was saying. Then again, maybe she was.

Maybe she was numb to everything, which was why she was acting the way she was. Maybe she was hurt, which was why she was saying the things she was saying. Maybe she was upset, which was why she was talking to Chad the way she was.

"Well, I guess if there's no other reason for me to stay..." Chad trailed his words along.

The boy looked at Willa in hopes she'd agree. That there was a reason for him to stay - for her. That she needed him more than she needed anyone - more than she needed Wes - and that if he left her she didn't know what she'd do.

But Willa didn't. She just nodded in agreement, pressing her lips together in a thin line.

Chad nodded again, accepting the defeat. He sent a quick text to Liv before shoving his phone into his pocket and backing away from the blonde.

He didn't say another word to Willa as he left, and she didn't say anything either. She watched as he walked down the stairs, and as soon as he did she made a beeline straight for her bedroom.

Once the door was shut, Willa broke again. It felt like a never-ending cycle at this point. Cry, stop, cry, stop. She couldn't stop the sudden emotions that hit her at different times, and part of her almost wanted to hop in the shower again and ignore everything for just a little bit longer.

Wiping her cheeks, Willa sat in front of the end of her bed. She held her legs to her chest as she sat there, drained, waiting for time to go by.

It wasn't long until there was a soft knock on the door. She didn't move to get it, and just waited and hoped that whoever it was left.

There was another knock, followed by the door slowly opening. Oliver stood on the other side, taking in the view of her bedroom before looking at her.

The small smile that rested on his face fell as he got a good look at her, worry filling his soft features as he ventured further into the bedroom.

Willa didn't say anything as he did so. She watched as he gently shut the door behind him, walking over to where she sat. He then sat on the floor in front of her, crossing his legs as he looked at her.

"We've missed you," He softly spoke.

Every time Oliver spoke, it was always soft. However, there was something about the softness in his voice that felt different than usual, and for some odd reason - it comforted Willa.

Willa didn't say anything. She wanted to let him know that she missed her friends too, but there was too much going on in her mind to bother keeping up with them.

"I didn't know Magnolia," He then said. "But I've heard she was special."

That was all it took. The cries Willa had managed to stop before Oliver showed up started all over again, her cry beginning to echo through the quiet room.

Oliver watched with a pained expression. Despite not having his hearing - he was able to feel her heartache so much it felt as if he could hear it. Although the thought may sound impossible, it wasn't. He'd always managed to feel too much, and he'd only heard a cry like that one or two times before he lost his hearing.

He quickly moved from his spot, not hesitating to wrap his arms around her frame. Willa gladly accepted his embrace, crying into his chest as she sobbed.

She cried about Tara's attack and how she'd almost died. She cried for Magnolia and how she'd never see her again. She cried about Marcus and how insensitive and horrible he was. She cried as she felt the pain from seeing Magnolia's body all over again. She cried as she felt Marcus' grimy fingers all over her body.

Oliver held her. He let her cry, not saying anything but instead touched her hair soothingly. He stayed like that until she pulled away, her cheeks red and puffy from her crying.

"M-Marcus, he-" She stopped, unable to get the words out.

Oliver's brows bunched together in confusion. He didn't know why she was saying her boyfriend's name - and for a second he wondered if he'd died as well.

But the thought left as soon as it came as she began to sign what she wanted to say, her shaky fingers signing out what her voice couldn't.

'I think Marcus tried to rape me last night,'

Willa bit her lip as she waited for Oliver's response. She watched as his face turned from confusion to anger, then to worry. "What did he do?" He softly asked.

The blonde shook her head, "I can't."

She'd already be reliving the night before the entire day. The last thing she needed was to explain to someone what had happened, only causing her to relive it all over again.

Oliver wanted to press more but didn't. He just nodded, grabbing her hand gently. "I won't say anything. But you need to report this."

Willa didn't say anything. The last thing she wanted to do was report it. She didn't want to tell anyone, let alone to go an official about it. Especially considering the official would most likely be her mother - that would be a nightmare in itself.

A loud knock on the door cut their conversation short. Before Willa could stand up to answer it, Wes opened it.

"We're heading to Chad and Mindy's. Sam's request. I've already texted Anna to tell the others." He told the two. "You guys coming?"

Oliver looked at Willa. He'd only understood about half of what Wes was saying due to the boy talking so fast, but was able to catch 'Chad' and 'You guys coming?'.

Although Willa wanted nothing more than to sit in her bedroom, she knew if Sam asked for both groups to come then it would be important. So she nodded, moving away from Oliver.

Oliver followed Willa out of the bedroom, shutting her bedroom door behind him. He continuously sent worried glances her way but didn't say or sign anything, simply because he could only assume that she hadn't told Wes yet.

The three teenagers walked downstairs. They stopped in the kitchen where Judy was eating lunch, smiling as she saw her kids.

"Hey guys! How are you holding up?"

Willa faked a smile - the best she could manage given her mental state. Wes just went on about how they're managing and over time they'd be fine, before going on to tell her about how they had planned to go to Chad's house.

After the usual safety lecture from Judy, she let them go. Just as the three were about to head out of the door, the older woman caught Willa's attention.

"Willa, can you stay behind for a second?" She asked, putting her toast on her plate. She wiped her hands clean before walking around the island, waiting until the two boys were out of the house to speak. "What's that?"

"What's what?" Willa asked softly.

"I might not be around all the time, Willa Mae, but I'm not blind." Judy scolded.

"I don't know what you're talking about," She mumbled.

Judy couldn't help but roll her eyes, stepping toward the girl. Willa flinched back slightly but Judy didn't notice as she grabbed her sweater, pulling it down. "The hickies?"

Willa hadn't even noticed. She didn't know Marcus had left any marks on her, she thought it was all mental and emotional bruises he'd managed to give her.

"Now I understand you're going through a rough time, but it's not a time to be out doing whatever it is you're doing with that boyfriend of yours." She scolded.

"I'm not doing that," Willa denied, yanking her shirt from her mother's grip. She pulled it up enough to cover the bruise on her chest, crossing her arms over after.

"Your body says otherwise. I'll let it go this time given the circumstances, but if I catch another one you're grounded." Judy told her, "I seriously don't think sex is a way to grieve Magnolia's death."

Willa took in a sharp breath. Although she tried to understand where her mother was coming from, she couldn't. The last day had been the most traumatizing day she'd ever lived through, and the last thing she needed was a lecture about abstinence. She'd never even let a man see her naked, let alone decide to have sex with anyone, and the fact that her mother thought that of her was upsetting.

"I need to go," Willa muttered, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm not angry at you, Willa." Judy continued anyway. She watched as the blonde walked toward the front door. "Just extremely disappointed."

Willa paused. The words were enough to shatter her completely, but there was nothing she could do. She had to deal with it without showing anything was wrong.

"I know," She mumbled before walking out of the house completely.

Oliver was in the middle of teaching Wes a few signs in sign language as the girl exited the house, both of them realizing the sour look on her face.

"What happened?" Wes asked.

"Just making sure I'm okay after Noli," Willa spoke with a shrug. It was more than obvious that she was lying, but neither boy pushed her to say so. "Can we go now?"

The two boys looked at each other before Wes finally nodded. "Yeah. Let's go figure out what Sam wants."

++

</3 Poor Wills