Chapter 26: Tired 

When you grew tired and left out of breath, remember what are you running for.

If life is a battlefield, we are the warriors. We claim triumph and mourn for the downfall. A time in our lives will come when we will lose someone or something that is very important to us. It is bound to occur and we can't suppress every moment of it.

Acceptance is a virtue that will bring us serenity. Take time to heal from the sufferings and conquer every battle the world challenged you to fight. With your unending faith in life, strive for a peace that only you can bring into this cruel and uncertain world.

I stared at Jazz and all I can recognize is the perception of losing someone. Someone I don't want to lose, either. Nanginginig ang kaniyang mga kamay na nakahawak sa akin. Bumagsak ang tingin ko roon at parang alam kung saan tutungo ito.

"C-can we talk? It's about... Magnus, " she whispered, weak and shivering.

Tumikhim ako at tumango kahit may takot na nananaig sa damdamin. If she ask me to yield and give Magnus to her, I will hastily decline her plea. Martyr ako pero hindi ako tanga. Magnus is is my lifeline and I refuse to give him up. Kahit madaming pinagdadaanan sa ngayon, ilalaban ko pa rin ito.

Pumunta kami sa cafeteria at doon maguusap. Maraming tao kaya pumwesto kami sa may sulok at malayo sa kanila. Wala si Hera dahil pumasok na sa susunod niyang klase. Vacant ko naman ngayon kaya ayos lang kung maguusap kami. Gusto ko ring malinawan na sa nararamdaman niya para kay Magnus. I want her to understand what is going on with me and him.

She bit her lower lip and smiled at me. Hindi ko magawang suklian iyon lalo na't may ideya na ako sa gusto niyang mangyari. She really loves Magnus but she needs to accept that everything is ephemeral. Change is constant in life so as in love.

"Magnus and I are high school sweethearts. Two years niya akong niligawan. We are actually phenomenal. Laging laman ng mga balita sa loob at labas ng campus, " kwento niya, nakangiti habang ibinabalik ang nakaraan nila. Nakinig ako kahit wala naman talaga akong pakialam. I will give her this moment because I know that every word I will say will break her.

Umaawang ang bibig niya at nagpatuloy, nagingilid pa rin ang mga luha. "Lahat ng tao pabor sa relasyon namin. They said that we are a match made in heaven. I love him dearly, Red. I want him back. Naghiwalay lang naman kami dahil nag-prioritize ako sa studies ko. And I realized that it was a big mistake," dagdag niya.

I remained quiet, anticipating everything she will say. Nanginginig ako sa loob. Bumundol ang pait sa aking dibdib. Hindi ko bibitawan si Magnus kahit anong mangyari. I nodded and she understood that she must continue.

"I-I know that there is something going on with y-you and Magnus... I want you to give him back to me. He's mine, to begin with! You are just creeping your way to him through his family! You have clouded their minds! I know that you fought for freedom all your life and now, you will take Magnus his! Give him back to me, Red!"

Nawala na ang kaniyang pagiging kalmado at napalitan na ng galit at pagkamuhi iyon pero higit sa lahat, nangibabaw doon ang inggit. I maintained my poker face. She is getting into my nerves but I will not show her that I'm affected by her pathetic and weak attacks. Wrong choice of words, bitch.

When it is already my turn to burn her into ashes, I smirked devilishly. "What a delusional... Did you already have your meds? Seems like its effect is wearing off, huh?" Ngumisi ako lalo nang makitang nawalan ng kulay ang kaniyang mukha.

Hera told me about this rumor and based on her reaction, it is really true. The angel has finally revealed her real identity.

"Both of your parents are childhood friends. And when they knew that you are insanely obsessed with Magnus, they arranged you in a relationship. He only pitied you. Aww. Sucks, right?" panunuya ko.

Her face reddened at nakita ko na lamang na bigla niya akong dinamba at kinalmot sa mukha! Tumili ako at sinubukang itulak siya pero nanatili pa rin ang kapit niya sa akin. Immeasurable anger flickered in her eyes.

"Get off me! Help!" I yelled.

Dinaluhan ako ng mga naroon at inawat si Jazz. Nakakatakot ang ekspresyong ipinapakita niya. Nakangisi siya pero matalim ang tingin.

"Si Jazz ba 'yan? So, totoo pala iyong balitang baliw daw siya? Gosh! Nakakatakot!" dinig kong bulong sa paligid.

Nakaupo lamang ako roon, tulala at pagod pa rin buhat sa nangyari. Hindi ko akalaing magiging agresibo siya. Dumating ang guard namin at dinala siya kay Dean. Lahat ng nakasaksi ay nakatingin sa akin. Bakas sa kanilang mukha ang pag-aalala.

"R-red, are you okay? Dalhin kita sa clinic. Look at your face. There is b-blood in it, " lapit sa akin ng isang kakilala.

Ngumiti ako nang pilit at umiling. "T-thank you... but I wanna go to Dean instead," malumanay kong sagot.

Naintindihan niya naman iyon kaya umalis na siya pero nag-aalala pa rin. I must thank her for caring about me genuinely. Pati na rin ang mga tumulong sa akin kanina pero may dapat pa akong unahin.

I went straight to Dean's office. Ang mga nakakasalubong ay nakatingin sa akin at magbubulungan. Hindi ko na lamang iyon pinansin. Nangangatog I din sa takot ang katawan ko. My lips trembled at the memory of my horror.

Honestly, I want to cry but I couldn't. Fear and tiredness held back my tears. Nawalan na ako ng kakayahang umiyak. Pakiramdam ko ay may mali sa akin. Kasalanan ko siguro ito dahil pinatulan ko pa siya kahit alam nang hindi maganda ang kaniyang sitwasyon.

"Ms. Salvador, please take a seat. Can you tell us what happened?" bungad sa akin ng Dean pagkapasok ko, tila inaasahan na ang aking pagdating.

I nodded and sighed. Kahit ang gusto ko na lamang ay ang magpahinga mula sa lahat ay alam kong kailangan na itong maayos sa madaling panahon.

"N-nag-uusap lang po kami... tapos bigla siyang nagalit at d-dinamba ako," I uttered, weak and tired.

Bumigat ang dibdib ko at nangatal ang labi. Hindi ko rin napigilan ang panginginig ng kamay nang makita si Jazz na nandoon at nakikinig. Nakayuko siya at humihikbi.

I just gave him a glimpse of it. Hindi ko na sinabi kung tungkol saan ang ping-usapan namin. Tinignan ni Dean ang mga sugat ko sa mukha at sa braso. Napailing siya at bumaling kay Jazz.

"Ms. Mariano, may I know the reason behind your inappropriate action? This is against the campus' handbook. You can be suspended because of this."

Hindi sumagot si Jazz, nanatili lamang siyang tahimik na umiiyak. Wala nang bakas ng dahas at galit. Hindi pa rin ako nakampante. She is crazy, that's why I don't want to let my guards down.

Bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa noon ang isang ginang na nasa mid-50's ang edad. Madali mo talaga siyang mapapansin dahil puno ng alahas ang kaniyang katawan. Naka-bun ang buhok at nakakawit sa kaniyang braso ang isang signature brand ng bag.

Dinaluhan niya si Jazz at naluha rin. Inalo niya ang anak at tinanong ito tungkol sa nangyari. Jazz did not answer so, Dean told her Mom about everything.

Her Mom turned to me with sympathetic eyes. "I'm sorry, hija." Humikbi siya pero nanatili akong walang imik. "S-she is... sick. I hope you will forgive her. I'm sorry." Tuluyan na siyang humagulgol.

Tumingin ako kay Dean at tumango. I want to get over from this. Nakakapagod nang masaktan nang paulit-ulit sa parehong dahilan pero gusto kong lumaban. "I already forgave her. But I want a consequence," I said with finality.

I will not let this pass even though she is already forgiven. That's life. Hindi pwedeng walang kapalit ang lahat. Everything has consequences. It is the reason why we have freedom. Malaya tayong magdesisyon para sa ating sarili. But we must think thoroughly before taking action. Use our minds, it's free.

Umalis na ako at iniwan sila roon. According to our handbook, physical violence requires suspension. Sapat na iyon para sa akin. Kailangan niya rin iyon para makausap ang doktor niya nang mas maigi.

I understand that she adores Magnus so much. But it is not love that she is feeling, it is an obsession. Her sanity was taken away from her and it's her adoration that pushed her to the limit of being insane. She needs serious medication. She can't interact with others with that horrifying case of her. 

Naglalakad ako sa hallway papunta sa susunod kong klase nang bigla may humatak sa akin at niyakap ako. Napapikit ako nang maramdaman ang pamilyar niyang init. His mere presence made me calm once again. My heart sank in pain and peace. Bumaon sa akin ang pagod sa pagkapit sa relasyon naming nananatiling malabo.

Sinuklian ko ang kaniyang yakap at sinandal ang aking ulo sa kaniyang dibdib. Nagsimulang manginig ang aking balikat at 'di napigilang humikbi. Hinigpitan niya lalo ang yakap dahil nanlambot ang tuhod ko.

She kissed my hair and I bit my lower lip. His hot breath is making my system haywire.

I cleared my throat and held back my tears. "I grew tired of fighting for us," I whispered gently.

His lips are hovering my ears as I trembled in fear of the unknown. Tinuyo niya ang pisngi ko. Bumigat ang dibdib ko dahil sa hindi mapangalanang emosyon.

Bumuntong-hininga siya at bumulong. "Hindi ako kailanman mapapagod para sa atin. Because I know you are the one I'm fighting for."