Chapter 16: Knock

Don't rush things. Just wait and they will come, naturally.

Thinks are getting better for Magnus and his family. I am glad that he is slowly recovering from his past. I just hope his father will eventually reach out to him to mend their own wounds.

"I told you to stay here, Red. I can't control you because you want a normal life. Ipapaalala ko lang, hindi normal ang buhay na binigay sa iyo. So, don't try so hard because it might lead you to your own death," Dr. Fuentabella said.

He has been my doctor ever since I knew about my illness. He is so persistent to make me stay so they can monitor my condition but I always refuse.

"A-am I trying so hard? Didn't know to strive for a normal life can be this tough."

Suminghap siya at umiling. Determined to knock out some sense into me, he went nearer and stared directly into my eyes.

"Carotid stenosis isn't a joke. You have to undergo treatments for some time. Please, understand, Red. Don't you want to live longer?" he uttered, trying to convince me.

Pumikit ako at bumuntong-hininga, tanda ng aking pagsuko at pagpapaubaya ng lahat sa kaniya. "Of course. I want to live."

Tumango siya at tinapik ako sa balikat. Umalis siya saglit para ayusin ang mga papeles ko at ang mga kailangang gawin.

He witnessed how I went crazy when I realized that everything is falling apart for me. Pinagtaksilan ako ni Vaughn, namatay si Dad at lalong lumala ang trato sa akin ni Mom. That's when I decided not to undergo any treatment or surgery. That moment when he was fixing my life, I already gave up living.

This time, I will live not just for me but also for Magnus. I want to be with him when the time comes that he is completely healed. Gusto kong masaksihan kung paano niya malalampasan ang bagyong bigay ng buhay. I will surely be there and say how proud I am of him.

Humiga ako sa hospital bed at tumitig sa kisame. Hindi ko akalaing babalik ako dito sa silid na ito kung saan ako nagluksa noong mga panahong wala akong makapitan kundi ang sarili at si Dr. Fuentabella. He gave me medical assistance, food, and all of my expenses. All for free. Hindi niya ako sinukuan kahit na ako na mismo ang sumuko sa sarili. My family never had the chance to know my condition and I'm fine with it. I can't let them deal with another heartache. This is all on me. After all, we only have ourselves in our dark times.

Napaitlag ako nang tumunog ang aking cellphone. Wala akong pinagsabihan na kahit sino tungkol sa pansamantala kong pagkawala. I guess I will stay here for a week. After that, I will come back and explain to Mom, Hera and Magnus. But I will not tell them that I'm sick, though. They will just pity me and that's the last thing I need for now.

"Hello?" sagot ko sa tawag.

"Where are you? Hindi ka pumasok?" The familiar voice sent triggers to my system that caused my heart to thump wildly. I trembled.

Napabangon ako at nagmamadaling tinignan ang pangalan ng caller. I cursed softly when I read his name. I hate and love his effect on me. This is really driving me crazy. I will not surprised if this will be the cause of my death instead of my illness.

"U-uhm. I just went on vacation because a friend of mine went to me and asked a favor. I will come back after a week. What are you doing?" I explained. Sinisikap kong maging kalmado pero dahil sa kaisipang siya ang kausap ay nagpapahuramentado sa akin.

"Nakikinig sa prof. You?"

Natawa ako dahil kahit nasa malayo ako ay pasaway talaga ang isang 'to. "Really? Bawal ang cellphone sa klase, ah? Didn't know my stranger is a bad boy." Mas lalo akong natawa nang marinig ang pag-ungot niya.

"I am trying to be a good suitor here. Checking on you and all that. Wala man lang reward, miss?"

Natigalgal ako dahil sa kaniyang sinabi. Kahit boses niya lamang ang naririnig ko alam kong nakangisi siya sa mga oras na ito. Is he serious? He is trying to be a good suitor? F-for whom? I mean, I am fully aware that he is not courting me.

"N-nililigawan mo pala a-ako? I didn't k-know." I tried to sound normal but miserably failed. My nervousness caused my tongue to twist.

"Ngayon, alam mo na. Be vigilant because I am going to make you fall for me. Hanggang sa umabot sa punto na isuko mo na ang lahat sa akin. Hanggang sa malunod ka na kasama ako at hindi na makaahon pa."

My heart twisted in pain and happiness. This feeling is so foreign to me and he is the only one who can make me feel that. Only him...

"Oh? I can't breath, then," I uttered before ending the call.

This love is gonna be the death of me but I am willingly and whole-heartedly accepting it. I am glad to welcome death if Magnus is the one who's knocking.

"Did love finally struck you?"

Muntik na akong mapatalon nang bigla na lamang sumulpot si Dr. Fuentabella sa pintuan. Nakahalukipkip siya at malaki ang ngisi. Inirapan ko siya at tumalikod sa kaniyang direksiyon.

"Naalala ko noong mga panahong inireto kita sa mga kaibigan kong medicine student pero wala kang pinagbigyan. Akala ko gano'n talaga kapag may sakit, wala nang panahon para sa pag-ibig. Iyon pala ay ngayon pa lang nagpakilala sa iyo si Kupido," natatawa niyang kuwento.

I remembered that. Every day, a different guy. Harapan kong pinahayag ang disgusto roon sa mga inireto niya kaya siguro ay nagsawa. Nagsumbong din kasi ang mga iyon tungkol sa asal ko kaya siguro ay tinigilan na ako nito.

Ngayon, hindi niya na kailangan ireto ako sa iba't ibang lalaki dahil mayroon nang lumapit at mismong nagpakilala. Hindi na kailangan lumabas sa silid at maghanap. May isa nang sumadya at kumatok. Hindi ko pa man inaasahan.

Ang pag-ibig ay hindi trial-and-error na kapag hindi mo nagustuhan ay maghahanap ka ng iba. Kusa iyong kakatok sa iyo at ipapakilala ang totoong depinisyon ng pag-ibig.

Love isn't about finding what's best. It's all about waiting for what's true.