Colby's eyes fluttered open slowly as light seeped into his vision. Colby groaned and brought his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes. Great, he was still alive. He just wanted to escape this hell hole of a 'life'. He didn't want to believe that this was reality. Wake up, shower, eat, sleep, repeat. Well, not always eat. 

Elton saw everything.

Elton saw everything.

Elton saw everything.

Colby shot up from the bed, looking around. Colby took in his surroundings, noticing he was back in his bedroom.

"Fuck..." Colby cursed under his breath as he removed his blankets. He quickly stood up, his vision darting in and out of focus. Colby clenched his eyes shut before continuing on his quest. Colby walked to the door and opened it, walking out into the hallways in search of Elton. He knew he had to talk to him.  

__________________________________________________________

Colby had searched for hours and there was no sign of Elton. Colby sighed in defeat as he slumped on the wall, sliding down slowly. He was back in his room, the place where his thoughts always got worse and worse. Colby wanted to cry. Colby wanted comfort. But, who would ever want to help someone like him? He was so useless. He felt fat, he felt ugly, and he felt like every little mistake he did adds up until the point where he wasn't any good. He felt the need to get rid of himself.

He knew at some point his world would fully crash down.

"I just want things to get better," Colby mumbled, putting his head in his hands.

"I just want Sam to love me." Colby sighed as tears threatened to flow. Colby shook his head and clenched his eyes shut. He needed something. Colby got up slowly from the wall and made his way toward his headphones. Colby picked up his headphones and placed them on. Colby dug deep into his jean pocket and pulled out his phone, searching for a playlist. Colby clicked on a Lil Peep playlist and the first song came on, 'Star Shopping'.

Colby sighed contently and fell back onto his bed. His eyes wandered around his room as his thoughts slowly flooded back to him.

Sam would rather kill himself than be with you.

That thought is one of the reasons he never admitted anything to Sam. He would never let Sam get hurt by his own actions.

You're a good-for-nothing faggot!

Colby didn't want to believe that he was gay. He felt disappointed in himself which was ironic because of his open support of the LGBTQ+ community. He felt like a fucking hypocrite. He told his fans to love themselves and not to worry about their physical appearances while he was over here drowning in his thoughts about the way he looked. It wasn't all about looks, it was also about the way he came across to people. He didn't want to seem dumb, nobody does. 

"Why am I too scared?" Colby whispered to himself as he looked over to his mirror, seeing his red puffy eyes that had bags under them, the deep blue now a dull grey. Colby chuckled to himself slightly, how did he mess up this bad? He was just about ready to give up. He was ready to fall from a fifty-foot building, maybe even shoot himself with a pistol. 

Kill yourself in front of Sam.

Kill yourself in front of Corey.

Kill yourself in front of Elton.

Kill yourself in front of Aaron.

Kill yourself in front of J-

Colby's thoughts were cut off by the vibration in his pocket. Colby dug deep into his jean pocket and pulled out his phone, the contact 'Jake Webber' showing up. Colby's brows furrowed as he answered the call and put it up to his ear.

"Hello?" Colby asked with a voice that didn't sound like him. Anyone could tell that he wasn't okay... except Jake.

"Yo, dude! We're having a crazy party at Taras tonight, you have to come!" Jake exclaimed excitedly with a welcoming tone. Colby smiled gently, he always loved the way Jake got overly excited about small things.

"Do I have to come?" Colby whined, dragging the 'e'. Jake chuckled on the other line before putting up a playful scoff.

"Yes! I will drag your emo ass out of your room if I have to!" Jake said jokingly with a slight bit of seriousness in his tone. Colby laughed lightly, nodding to nothing but himself. Colby sighed jokingly as if it was for an act in a high school play.

"Fine..." Colby mumbled, not wanting to go to this party, but he wouldn't let Jake know that. Colby could hear the humongous grin in Jake's voice as he spoke,

"Perfect! I'll pick you up at eight!" The line went dead and Colby threw himself off his bed, sighing. 

What am I gonna wear? Colby wondered as he made his way to his cluttered closet. He already knew he couldn't wear a tee shirt, duh. He had to wear something baggy and long-sleeved. So, Colby started to look through his clothes, finding all sorts of things. He found a baggy purple hoodie, a black hoodie with 'Nirvana' on the front, a grey sweatshirt with Balenciaga on the back, a dark navy blue sweater, and a light green hoodie. Colby grabbed the pile of clothes and laid them on his bed, looking at each individually.

Colby groaned, this was going to take a long time to choose.