'' People who die from suicide don't want to end their lives, they want to end their pain. '' 

Chapter 2

Charlotte P.O.V

I looked up and all i saw was white. Was i in heaven? I quickly sat up and looked around. Nope i was in hospital. When i woke up i surely wasn't expecting to be here... hell i surely wasn't expecting to wake up. My head was pounding , and there was a bunch of wires connected to my arms.

A nurse with curly blonde hair walked in , and her eyes widened at the sight of me.

''Hello Miss. I'm sorry you startled me. We didn't think you'd be up so soon.'' she smiled. I didn't exactly have any words to reply back so i sat there nodding. She cleared her throat and smoothed out her nurse uniform and continued to speak to me.

''I'll just go get your parents in.'' she said , i sighed and nodded. Soon enough my Mom and dad walked in. My mother rushing to my side and hugging me tight kissing me on the head.

''Oh i'm so glad to see you.'' she cried

''I'm fine mum.'' i spoke my voice a bit raspy from dehydration. I looked to my right and grabbed the glass of water on the side taking a gulp and clearing my throat.

''I'm fine.'' i repeated

''I was so worried.'' she cried harder.

''Mum i'm-''

''No you're not Charlotte. You're not fine. Why did you stop taking your medicine. You said you was fine. Have the voices been coming back? Is this why you did it? I wish you just talk to me Charlotte. I could of helped.'' she said in a more louder tone. She was angry , stressed and it looked like she hadn't got any sleep. My dad walked around the bed and pulled mum into his arms as she sobbed into his chest.

Again I have failed my death , I'm wondering who the hell my guarding angel is because I need to beat their ass for saving me time and time again. They told me my sister found me on the floor of the bathroom passed out , she called an ambulance and my mother. I was rushed to hospital and well you know whats next... so I survived yeah 'congratulations' to me. I know what the next step is , it's going back to that place the place I call home... Weird to say about something like that but I've spent so much of my life their it might as well be my home yeah I'm going back the psychiatric unit.  

''Charlotte you didn't answer me earlier. Why haven't you been taking your tablets?'' My mother sighed getting into the car , I joined her and sat next to her in the passenger seat.

''I don't know.''  

''Charlott-''

''Will you just drop it...'' I mumbled 

''No I will not drop it , I don't want to bury you anytime soon Charlotte!''

''I WANTED TO BE NORMAL OKAY... FOR ONCE!! ''

''Charlotte you are normal... you just have a serious medical disorder.''

''Yeah one that the only way I'd be happy would be dead.'' I mumbled , before she could speak anymore I grabbed my bag and got out of the car looking up at the building.

''CHAR-''

''Home sweet home.'' I whispered sarcastically and ran up the steps and into the building.

''Charlotte...''

''Hi I'm Charlotte I'm a nut job who has come back to eat sleep and repeat''

''Ignore her she's being childish right now.'' My mother said walking towards the reception desk and signing a few papers. She turned around to hug me but I had already turned around and walked inside of the pale complex I'd be living in for the next few weeks or months.

Everything looked the same as the last time I was here , last September to be exact. Melissa a nurse who met me at reception took me down a hallway I looked up at the sign above the door
 'Adult psychiatric unit.'  We walked until we were stood outside another two doors. The sign above it reading 3 - South. Melissa knocked on the door and it was opened by a security guard. The door was slammed shut behind me making me turn around and widen my eyes in a bit of shock i suppose. I really am locked up in here. I was taken into Melissa's office and i sat down on one of the chairs opposite her.

''Welcome to south gate Charlotte.'' she said , she began going through my bags taking out anything that could be harmful for any of the patients here...Even the shoelaces were taken out of my shoes.

''Welcome back more like'  I mumbled rolling my eyes and letting out a deep breath.

''Our teen facilities is in the works at the moment so all teens have been transferred to stay with the adults. We also expect you to act like one. Follow your schedule with meal times , sleeping times , activities and counseling sessions..'' she said handing me a sheet of paper.

''Yeah , I know I know.'' I said standing up and walking out of her small office and went to find my new room.

''Surprise bitch miss me?'' A voice startled me as I walked into my new bedroom.

''Ana what the fuck?'' I jumped back a little in surprise and pure amazement. Anastasia had been coming here since she was thirteen we met when I was admitted here last fall and we became instant friends. Anastasia was a serious case as she developed all three of the main types of eating disorders , anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating.

'' I got admitted here two weeks ago , when nurse Nancy found out you were coming I got Jamie to swap rooms with me... We asked the nurses of course.'' 

''Thank god for that , I thought I'd have to share a room with a nutjob.''

''Ohh Char we're all nutjobs here.'' she laughed and I laughed along.

*****

It's been a week here and i'm already tempted to rip my fucking hair out. I haven't attended any of my counseling sessions since i found out it was a group activity not a one on one session. I don't want these mental people all up in my business. The nurse came inside with a small smile and handed me over two tablets and a cup of water, rolling my eyes i took the pills with the water and handed it back to her. She thanked me silently , then did the same to Ana.

''Want to get some food?'' I asked Ana , Ana gave me a half smile and shook her head.

''Come on you can at least come watch me eat then... don't make me sit on my own like a loner'' I joked , she let out a soft angelic laugh and got out of bed following me.

We walked out of the bedroom and down the hall towards the canteen I stopped seeing a tall pale guy with black fluffy hair. He was standing still looking at the floor while i presume his parents were going over some things with the doctors.

''Charlotte come on!'' Ana called , His head snapped up looking in my direction and we made a few seconds of awkward eye contact before I walked off catching up with Ana.

''Did you see that guy?'' I asked picking out an apple and a bag of pretzels. I forced Ana to put a doughnut , some grapes and a drink on her plate , I said if she didn't eat it I would. I did this for her a lot when nurses and doctors got suspicious we made them thing she would eat and i'd eat her food... i'm a fatass i know.

''Who?'' she asked walking towards an empty table in the corner and sitting down.

''Never mind he must be new.'' I shrugged my shoulders sitting down opposite her and opening the bag of pretzels.

''Ohh he? Was he cute?'' she asked , I glared at her for a moment before letting out a laugh. I looked over to the doorway and then back at her.

''You tell me...'' I mumbled gesturing over to the same guy walking through the canteen with a face that showed no emotion at all.

''Oh him... thats Michael'' she said as if she was stating the obvious. I stared at her for a moment with a confused look on my face , she grabbed a grape from her plate putting it in her mouth.

''Ohhh he arrived about a week before you left last year. He's been in and out a few times , I can't remember what he is in for exactly. We're not good friends I just have seen him around a few times. He is very secluded he normally just gets on with things then gets let out... then comes back a few months later.''

''Interesting...'' I said chucking a pretzel in the air in hopes to catch it in my mouth , I threw it too far over my face and I knew in my senses it just had hit someone.

''Did I hit someone?'' I mouthed to Ana across the table and she nodded trying not to laugh. I stood up from my chair about to apologize to the person I'd hit , I looked at the guy from earlier...Michael and froze. He stared at me for a moment not saying a word.

''Hellooo earth to Charlotte?''Ana laughed , I look back at her and gave her the middle finger then turned back to him.

''Sorry for throwing my pretzel at you.'' I laughed my laughter slowly faded out into awkward laughter as he just stared at me in silence.

''Well... I'm Charlotte. ''

''...Ana said your name is Michael.''

''Are you some kind of mute?'' I asked wondering why the boy was just blanking me and staring into almost nothing.

''Well as fun as this was I'm going to head back to my room now...''

''No you're not Charlotte you have a counselling session with Dr.Humes now go.'' One of the nurses said walking across the room and escorting me to the Councillors office.

Michaels P.O.V

I'm back here in this stupid place. I don't understand why my parents keep sending me here , they know its not going to do anything for me. I'd wish they just give up on me like everyone else has. When I walked back into the building I felt at peace although I hate it here , It gives me a break from my parents , friends and school even though I don't attend school regularly. I noticed this brunette girl staring at me while I was picking at my nails and waiting for my parents to let me go in. She was quite beautiful brown hair , brown eyes it made me curious to why she was in a place like this. I heard someone call her name 'Charlotte' and she walked off.

I went straight to the canteen after my parents went off , I saw some familiar faces but nobody special I grabbed some food and was trying to find a table when a pretzel flew out of midhair hitting me on the chest. I looked down at my chest then back up to meet with the eyes of the beautiful brunette I saw earlier.

''Sorry for throwing my pretzel at you.'' she laughed.

''Well... I'm Charlotte. '' she said

''...Ana said your name is Michael.'' she questioned

''Are you some kind of mute?'' she asked.

''Well as fun as this was I'm going to head back to my room now...''

''No you're not Charlotte you have a counselling session with Dr.Humes now go.'' One of the nurses said walking across the room and escorting her out of the canteen. She let out a deep breath and walked out in a sulk I couldn't help but smile a little at her childish presence. 

I turned myself back to the pale , blonde , thin girl who I'd seen here before. We wasn't exactly friends well I dont think we were , but she was the only person I'd spoken to when I'd previously been here so we were acquaintances I guess.

''Hi Anastasia right?'' I asked and she nodded.

''Michael Clifford we meet again'' she grinned.

AN

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