After a few hours I got up and headed for the shower, I grabbed some clean clothes and a towel hoping I wouldn't wake my sister, I shut the door and turned on the water waiting as the room filled with steam and I stripped down looking at myself in the mirror.

Im such a tool he probably only wanted to sleep with me and here I am letting him.

I stepped into the shower and sat down pulling my knees to my chest as the tears started again and I grabbed my razor trying to find relief but I wasn't thinking clearly as I made cuts deeper and deeper.

One pinched more then the others and I looked to see blood dripping faster then it has any other time but instead of freaking out I just sat there watching as it turned the floor red and mixing with the water.

I heard my phone going off and it snapped me out of my trans and I covered my wrist with my hand as the blood seeped through and I quickly wrapped it before washing the blood off me and stepping out noticing it was still bleeding now causing the bandage to become red.

I looked at my phone and saw Luke called me and was texting me alone with my sisters and a random number I ignored it and took the bandage off looking at the dried and fresh blood as I cleaned it and bandaged it better now that I hade more time to care for it.

I got dressed and went back to my room laying on my bed feeling drained of all energy I had left when my phone started ringing again and I saw it was Luke so I answered.

John - Hello.

Luke - Hey man I was just calling to check up on you.

John - Ok well I was about to go to bed.

Luke - Sorry man but are you alright I heard Evan tried to talk to you before you left with Cry.

John - Yeah he tried to talk to me but really didn't get a chance to because Cry found us and I went with him.

Luke - Figured you went home with him so was the sex hot or what.

John - I don't know.

Luke - What happened?

John - I just feel stupid like what if Cry only wanted me for sex in the first place and I so willingly gave it up.

Luke - I might not know him to much but no Cry is not the person who does that kind of stuff he wouldn't have done it if he didn't truly like you or having some feeling for you dude.

John - I hope your right but hey its three and we have school in a few hours so I'm going to get some rest.

Luke - Alright man I'll see you tomorrow.

I hung up and laid back in my bed.

Why do I always over think shit, I just want to be normal like before when I wasn't so empty inside.

I rolled over on my side and no sooner Kino came running in the room and curling up under my arm, I pulled her close to me and set my head on her shoulder as I covered us with a blanket and closed my eyes.

I always feel the closest to normal when I'm around you and my sister.

I thought kissing her head before resting my head back and drifting to sleep with the sound of her breathing and the gentle movements my head made with each breath she took.

Maybe this is why I sleep so good knowing I have someone next to me and hearing the breathing, it's calming.