Chapter 9: Flowers for the Dead

December 5th, 2008

The day my dad met Keith

My meetings with Keith were a secret because I didn't want my dad to know I was going out and vandalizing public property. I attempted to keep his existence hidden when we started dating, but my parents found him in my closet while I was in the bathroom. And that was the day I also came out of the closet.

"Mama, papi... This is... Keith... My boyfriend..." I held his hand tightly, "Keith, these are my parents..."

My mother was highly enthused. My father was the complete opposite.

"Get him out of here. I never want to see him in this house again." He ripped our hands apart.

"But papi! You haven't given him a chance!" I cried out, stepping in front of Keith in defense.

"No son of mine will date some fishy boy!" He glared at Keith, "I know trouble when I see it..."

Maybe he was right... But at the time, I thought he was wrong.

"Don't judge a person by their looks!" I scowled, "C'mon, Keith. It's obvious we're not welcome here... If Keith goes, I go too!" And with that, we walked out of the house.

August 5th, 2017

The anniversary of my father's death

First thing I did the moment I woke up was call my mother on the hotel phone. I needed to console her on this terrible day, and none of my siblings knew where to start when it came to her feelings. I was better with emotions. Not with my own, but with other people's.

"It's been seven years..." She sniffled, "I don't know why I can't stop crying about it still to this day..."

"It's okay to cry, mama. He was your husband. I would be crying as much as you too if my spouse died..." I whispered so I wouldn't risk waking Keith up.

"I wanted to spread his ashes out today... But I just can't bring myself to..."

"Only do it if you're comfortable, don't force yourself."

"Will you be coming home tonight, Lance?"

"I don't think I can... I'm working..." I sighed, walking over to the window, not caring if my lower half was visible to the rest of the world, "I'll try visiting you before the month ends though... I'll spend the night."

"That would be wonderful. I'll have my baby boy back in the nest with me!"

I chuckled, "Okay mama, I gotta go. Te quiero mucho..." I hung up after she said goodbye. I looked over at Keith. He was awake.

"That your mom?"

"Yep... She gets really... Upset on this day..." I sat on the bed beside him.

He frowned before looking down, "Do you... Know where he died? Maybe we can visit the place... In memoriam of him..."

"...That would be nice...."

Keith led me to an abandoned plot of dirt. This place used to be a Galra base until it was burned down. Several years really took a toll on a patch of land, there weren't any remnants of the building anymore. I picked up a rose on the way as a gift for my father. I set the flower down on the ground and said a silent prayer in his honor. Keith watched from a distance staying oddly quiet. It was weird he suggested we do this in the first place... I blinked when I thought deeper on the situation... I never told Keith my dad died... Nor did I tell him where it happened...

"Keith..." I went over to him, "... How did you know this was the day my dad died?"

That familiar glint of guilt in his gray eyes spoke a million words.

I lowered my eyes suspiciously, "Tell me what you know..." It sounded like an order. I didn't know my voice could get that low.

"Lance, I..."

"TELL ME! I KNOW YOU KNOW SOMETHING!" I yelled, glaring at him.

"...I... I was there..." He gulped "I... Slit your dad's throat and... He shot himself in the head..."

I started shaking in fury, expression downright murderous, "So, you basically killed my dad... Is that what you're saying?"

"No, I-!"

"You fucking killed my dad after you broke it off with me because you hated him so much, then you thought you could get back with me after all the shit you caused?" I laughed, "You thought I was so stupid I wouldn't find out, huh?"

"Lance, please, just calm down-!"

"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN?!" My breathing hitched as the tears began to spill, "YOU MANIPULATED ME INTO TRUSTING YOU! YOU SLAUGHTERED MY DAD AND PULLED ME INTO YOUR TRAP AGAIN!"

"Lance, I'm sorry! It was all an accident!"

I squeezed my eyes shut as he continued to spout apology after apology. His talk meant nothing to me now, "Maybe we were an accident..." I grumbled, "I wish I never met you! Maybe then my dad wouldn't be dead! I wouldn't be so fucked up!"

His eyes widened in shock, "Lance, you don't... You don't mean that!"

"I MEAN EVERY SINGLE WORD." I gritted my teeth, fists clenched, "You're fucking disgusting... I can't believe I let myself love you again... And... You touched me... With your filthy fucking murder hands..."

"It's not like that!"

"Oh, is it?! Were you thinking about my dad that night when you fucked me? When your arms were wrapped around me, were you planning to kill me too?" I tensed up, "There's no excuse, Keith... Nothing..." I started walking away.

"Please, Lance..." I stopped when Keith's gaze hardened on me, desperate to hold on, "Don't leave..."

"..." I shook my head, "Fuck off, Keith... I never want to see you again..." And with that, I was gone.

For the first time in a long time, I was finally walking home. I knocked on the front door and my mother opened it.

"Lance, I didn't think you would come!" She smiled.

"Yeah, well, I changed my mind and decided to call in sick." I hugged her as she invited me in with open arms.

"I made apple pie. When we first came to the states, your papa ordered apple pie from a restaurant because he'd never heard of it before. And then he begged me to make it for him almost every day!" She laughed and I chortled with her.

My parents had an excellent relationship. I really wished that I looked up to them as an example more often when I was younger...

"Is nobody else coming?" I asked, sitting at the kitchen table contently.

"Nah, they're busy with work and stuff... It's okay though, they'll probably visit with the grandbabies this weekend." She beamed as she dished me up a slice of pie, "Here you are. Would you like a drink?"

"Some scotch or vodka would be great." I huffed.

"Lance, it is far too early to be getting drunk." She laughed and I shrugged.

"It's been a dreadful day..." I nibbled at my pastry, depression sinking through me.

"Well, I guess one drink wouldn't hurt... This is your papi's favorite." She pulled out a bottle of Tawny Port, "Goes well with apple pie, I think." She poured me a small glass and I took a nice, long sip.

"It's good... Strong too." I nodded as she poured some more in my glass, "Everyone else is really missing out today."

"Si..." She looked out the window, gaze distant, "Lance, I need you to do me a favor..."

Here I was in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. I was slightly intoxicated, but my mama requested I do this. In a plastic baggy was the last of my father's ashes. To think she was spreading the rest of them all this time by herself. She took some to his hometown in Cuba, where they first met, anywhere that was significant. The last place she wanted his ashes spread was in my least favorite place.

It was a gigantic field of blue poppies behind our house. My dad used to take me here for picnics when I was a child. I once shared this treasure with Keith and now the flowers made me feel bitter, even more so now... This was my father's place and it had memories of Keith scattered through it. It was all soiled for me...

I looked down at the bag, "I dunno if I should do this... Keith and I... We came here a few times... It doesn't feel like our secret poppy patch anymore, papi..."

A small voice in the back of my head told me it was okay. I took a deep breath before opening the bag, letting his ashes flow along through our vast ocean of blue. Once it was empty, I sat down on the ground, chugging the bottle of Port I brought me.

"Feliz día de la muerte..." I mumbled before falling asleep in the flowers.