-Theo-

Three weeks passed quickly. Deon and I were pretty much inseparable. I guess we both needed the closeness while we waited for the inevitable. Deon kept his promise to stop drinking and smoking, and he didn't even drink so much coffee as he used to, but he refused to stop eating pizza. It was the only food he absolutely loved, so I didn't ask him twice. In return, he ate whatever healthy food I decided to make for him, even if he didn't like everything I made. I believed we both secretly hoped the new diet would make a difference.

At school Deon watched over me, never letting anyone close enough to tease me, and most of the students grew tired of bullying me after a while. I guess it wasn't funny when I wasn't such an easy target anymore. I couldn't care less if they called me bad names or made fun of me. I usually ignored it all since I was too worried about Deon to give a crap.

Sean and Beau still tried to find a way to bully me. The two of them had become friends after the poster incident. I found out that Beau really had given my number to Sean, who had put it on the posters, but he had also spread it all over the internet.

That prank wasn't such a success though since I had destroyed my phone, and now only my dad, Deon and Mia Steele – I gave it to her in case something happened to Deon – had my number.

It was a Friday morning, and I was sitting right next to Deon in his car. We were parked at the hospital, but neither of us said anything or made any attempts to step out. It was time for Deon's checkup, and he was scared, even though he didn't admit that.

I didn't want to push him to go see his doctor. I knew he had gotten his hopes up during the past three weeks, and I had a pretty good idea how devastating and horrible it would be for him to hear that his condition was still getting worse. I knew I would end up crying, and I wasn't sure if I could ever stop.

The two of us had had a really good time together. I had enjoyed every second with him, even though the fear was always looming over us like a dark cloud.

I turned to look at the doors of the hospital. I remembered the first time I'd been there with him. Back then I didn't know why he needed to see a doctor, and I almost wished I still didn't know about it. But then again, if I didn't know, Deon would've been suffering all alone, and I couldn't take that.

A few moments later, Deon sighed and got out of the car. I followed him, and we walked to the entrance in silence. Once we got in, Deon told me to wait in the lobby. I wanted to go with him, but I didn't say anything when he left me alone.

I sat down and watched him walk away. It was hard to hold back my tears. He'd told me they would soon need to take him in if his condition kept getting worse. They would keep him locked up in his room without letting him outside anymore. I felt a lonely tear running down my cheek. Why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't we just be happy?

Soon I was crying silently in my seat, barely able to hold myself together. Deon had also told me that his test results sometimes came back a bit better. His heart would be a little stronger for a while, but his condition would get back worse again. I wished so hard it would happen this time too. I wished it would mean he had a little more time to live. If only his heart would be even a little stronger this time... Just a little better, so I could have more time with him.

The minutes seemed to last for hours while I waited for him to come back. I wished they let him come back. I couldn't stand the thought of him being locked up in a small hospital room for the rest of his short life.

When he finally walked around the corner, I rushed to him in relief. He was as pale as he had been last time. The doctor who had followed him shook his hand and told him to come back next month.

I helped Deon lay down on a bench and placed his feet on my lap after sitting down. He hid his face behind his arm and sighed heavily. I wanted to ask, but I was too afraid to hear about his results.

"They get my results tomorrow," Deon spoke, like he had read my mind.

I breathed out, feeling shaky all of a sudden. I wasn't sure if I could handle the wait.

"The heartbeat is slightly stronger," Deon muttered. "But it doesn't mean anything."

"Stronger?" I whispered. "So – so it's better now?"

"Yeah, but it won't last long. Next time it will be worse again..." he said. "Don't let your hopes up."

"It still means you have longer to live?" I asked, feeling so hopeful that it hurt.

Deon lowered his arm and gave me a sad smile. "I still can have a heart attack any minute. The results don't mean anything at this point. It only means that I don't have to be hospitalized yet."

"But that's good, right?" I said, forcing myself, and him, to see the bright side.

"Guess so..." Deon muttered.

I looked at him carefully. He wasn't his usual self. He'd been too quiet and too tired lately. He didn't even smile that often anymore, and he didn't have any strength in his voice when he spoke. He usually was just listening to me, if we even talked at all. I knew he was scared, but I was worried he was being quiet because he was getting closer to death.

I sniffed, and more tears came down on my face. Deon saw them, but didn't say or do anything to make me feel better. It was my job to make him feel better.

I saw a pillow on one of the benches and went to get it, placing it under Deon's legs before kneeling down next to him. I sat on the ground and rested my head on his chest, placing my hand over his heart.

"I don't want you to die," I whispered with a broken voice.

Deon put his hand on my back, and I took a firm grip of his clothes, crying my eyes out against his chest. I felt Deon's hand caressing my hair soothingly, and I heard him sniff a couple of times.

Why was everything always so hard and horrible?

*****

We left the hospital almost an hour later. We went to the same cafeteria we had visited last time. We sat on our seats quietly, eating the cupcakes Deon had bought for us. I had no strength to tell him to take something healthier to eat.

I watched him from the corner of my eye the whole time, making sure he wasn't feeling bad. But eventually the silence was getting unbearable, and I had to break it.

"Do you want to do something today? It's still early..."

I had skipped the school so I could go with him to the hospital. It was midday, and I didn't want to spend the rest of the day alone.

Deon shook his head. "I think I could use some rest," he muttered.

I agreed – he wasn't looking too well.

When we returned to Deon's car, and he started driving, I was disappointed to see that we were driving to my home. I wished he'd ask if he could stay at our place, but he didn't. When he stopped the car and turned to look at me, waiting for me to get out, I felt bad. I didn't want to spend a minute away from him.

"I guess we'll see each other tomorrow at school?" I asked.

"I'll come pick you up," he said shortly.

I waited for a moment for him to continue speaking, but when he didn't, I bid my farewell and got out of the car. He waited for me to close the door, which I did as slowly as possible, still waiting for him to ask me to stay with him.

When he didn't say anything, I finally pressed the door shut and turned to look away with more tears burning in my eyes.

-Deon-

A part of me wanted Theo to stay with me, but the other part, which was freaking out, wanted to be left alone. I watched how Theo rushed to the front door of his home. I knew he was upset, but I couldn't handle his pain at that moment.

I pressed the gas pedal as soon as Theo slammed his front door shut, and started driving. I didn't want to go home just yet. I knew my mom had a day off and she would be asking tons of questions about the meeting with my doctor. I couldn't face her either – I had to be alone at that moment.

When my doctor told me that my condition seemed a little better, I wanted to scream and shout in frustration. It had happened before. I knew that next time he'd tell me my heart was getting weaker again. It always had in the past.

But this time, seeing the hope in Theo's eyes, it had nearly killed me. When Theo tried to tell me everything was going to be all right, and whenever he tried to find a positive side in everything, I almost believed him. I knew in my weak heart that I was going to be dead before summer. There was nothing to prevent that, but whenever Theo said those things, I wanted to believe him.

Theo had made me want to stay alive. He had given me something to live for, but I was still going to die. No matter what I did, nothing could save me anymore. Even the few extra days seemed more like cruel gifts. I would have a couple of more days to spend waiting for death, wishing that I could live.

I wanted to live. I wanted to go to college and become somebody. I still remembered being in kindergarten, and the teacher asked us to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I didn't understand back then that I would never grow up. I had drawn myself as a pilot. I had always wanted to be one.

I still had that picture somewhere. Before my sixteenth birthday, I'd honestly thought I wasn't going to die. My heart would never give up. I was stronger than that. And then it did give up. That was the day when the part of me that still believed had died.

I had accepted my fate after a while. But then Theo came into my life and brought that part of me back to life. I wanted to believe again, but it was pointless.

I was going to die. Soon.

When the sun was setting, I decided to return home. I had spent the whole day driving around and sitting at the cliffs, watching the sea. I had never traveled anywhere. I had never seen the world. The sea looked big, and I felt like there were so many possibilities for me behind it. But... I would never be able to see any of it. I had seen thousands upon thousands of pictures, taken all over the world, and I wished so hard I could see at least one of those places. Just one place besides my home.

But no. It was too late. I was born to die, and I couldn't bear it anymore.

I wished it would just end already.

I had to stop my car when I noticed I wasn't anywhere near my home. I looked around and saw Theo's home right in front of me. There were still lights on in his bedroom.

I hesitated for a moment, but I didn't get out of the car. Instead, I backed away from his home street, and drove a bit further down the road, until I saw the small park where Theo and I sometimes spent time together.

I parked the car and stepped out. I walked to my trunk and opened it. I lifted the floor panel, revealing my secret stash: a bottle of whiskey and a pack of smokes. I had hid them from Mom and Theo. I'd known there would be time when I needed the sweet comfort of drunkenness and nicotine.

I made sure there was no one around when I walked under the trees. I sat down next to one of the old oaks and stared at the bottle for a long time. My hands started shaking, and I had to fight back my fear and tears. I remembered my promise to Theo, but at that moment I didn't want to care.

"It's just a few extra days," I muttered. "I don't do shit with a few extra days!"

I wanted years; I wanted decades, not just a few extra days. I broke down in huge sobs and let the bottle drop on the grass as I wrapped my hands around my legs and hid my face against my knees.

-Theo-

It was almost midnight, and I was still crying in my bed. I had tried to call Deon a couple of times, even texted him, asking if he was all right, but he didn't answer me.

I was sure he wouldn't answer me anymore, but when it was five minutes after midnight, my phone beeped. I rushed to see the new text, and I was happy to see it was from Deon. He asked me to come see him at the park near my home. I immediately knew something was wrong. I rushed to put clothes on and hurried downstairs. I put my shoes on hastily before I exited the house and ran towards the park without wasting a second.

When I reached the street that passed the park, I saw Deon's car in front of me. I stopped next to it to take a deep breath, looking around until I saw him sitting under the trees.

"Deon? What are you doing here?" I asked worriedly when I stopped next to him. Then I saw the whiskey and the pack of smokes. "You promised you would stop!" I kneeled down right behind him, wrapping my arms around him. "You promised," I sniffed again.

"I didn't break the promise," Deon muttered.

I looked closer at the bottle and the pack. They were still unopened.

"Thank goodness..." I breathed out in relief and buried my head into his shoulder.

Deon chuckled shortly. "It was close, though."

"I can tell," I muttered against his shoulder, hugging him even tighter.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I just wanted to see you," he said quietly, and leaned his head against mine, taking my hands in his.

I inhaled his scent, and my racing heart calmed down when I had him in my arms. We sat there for a long time in a comfortable silence. I was hugging him tightly, my head resting on his shoulder, his temple pressed against mine, and I knew in my heart...

I was in love with him.

-End of Part 1-