-Theo-

The next time I woke up, my room was dark and quiet. I felt cold, so I opened my eyes to see where Deon was, but he wasn't there anymore. But his mother was sitting on the chair next to me, looking like she had been crying.

"Mrs. Steele?" I said quietly. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, please, call me Mia..." she muttered and wiped her cheeks dry. "And I'm the one who's supposed to ask that question," she continued tenderly.

"I'm fine," I said and tried to sit up, but my ribs were burning in pain. "Where's Deon?"

"We had a small argument. He should be back after he calms down," she said.

"Oh..." I muttered without knowing what else to say.

"You should try to get some sleep. You're going to meet the counselor tomorrow morning," Mia said.

I sighed and looked at the door. I wished Deon would come back already. I felt insecure without him. I lay back down on the bed, and pulled the covers all the way up to my chin, and waited. I counted minutes and tried to relax, but I couldn't. Not without Deon.

But he didn't return to me.

*****

Tuesday morning was scary and confusing for me. Turned out that they didn't arrest my dad. I was relieved to hear that – I didn't have to be worried about losing my home anymore. Allen was sent to a mental hospital to be evaluated, and from what I heard, he'd acted violently towards the cops too.

Thankfully, Mia was with me the entire time as people kept barging into my room, but Deon was nowhere to be seen. I wished he would come back, but he never did. He had broken his promise to me, and it felt ten times worse than I could have even imagined.

Mia even tried to call him after I asked her to, but he didn't answer his phone.

"I'm sorry..." she muttered after hanging up.

I nodded, feeling a horrible, empty void inside me. I was unable to speak, and I kept thinking that I had done something wrong. Why didn't he want to see me? Had he hated to be so close to me last night after all? Was he disgusted by me?

I felt so bad that I wanted to start crying.

When the psychologist walked in with my father, I wanted to hide from them. I was barely able to keep myself together, not to mention be able to have a conversation with the psychologist and my dad. I couldn't even remember when I had a proper conversation with my father.

Dad and the shrink sat down next to my bed, while Mia stayed at the other side of the room. She was glaring at my dad under her eyebrows, looking a lot like Deon when he was frowning.

It was an awkward conversation. My dad kept sniffing the whole time, but I had no tears left for him. He asked for my forgiveness and tried to be friendly to me, but I didn't buy it. I had thousands of reasons not to trust anyone ever again. And I really meant anyone. Even Deon had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.

The shrink came to the conclusion that it was safe for me to return home with my dad. I didn't believe she cared if it really was safe for me or not. The meeting with her ended shortly, and I was left alone with my dad and Mia.

"Could you give us a moment?" Dad asked Mia, and she turned to look at me.

"I'll be fine," I told her, and she hesitantly walked to the door.

"I'm right outside if you need anything," she said, and gave my dad one last glare like telling him not to do anything stupid.

She didn't seem to trust my old man any more than I did.

"Theo... I really am sorry for everything," Dad said quietly. "I understand if you don't want to come home with me..."

"I have nowhere else to go," I said without emotions. "I'm fine with living with you. It's not like you hurt me physically."

He nodded, looking truly ashamed of himself, but I still couldn't tell if he was being sincere.

"I'll try. I promise. I'll try my hardest to be better." He looked smaller than I'd ever seen him before. "Maybe I should have sought help for myself after your mom... After she..." he trailed off and burst into tears. "I'm so sorry, Hannah..."

That was the first time in years I had heard anyone speaking my mom's name out loud. My insides turned upside down when he said her name. I missed her, but Allen had ruined my memory of her.

"Did Mom want to abort me?" I asked the question that had burned in my mind ever since Allen told me that.

"What? No, she was thrilled when she found out she was pregnant again," Dad said, and I felt like a whole mountain was lifted off my heart. "Why would you think that?"

"Allen said she hated me," I said quietly.

"Why would he say that? Your mom loved you both more than her own life," Dad spoke quietly. "She was worried about what would happen to both of you after she... she passed..."

I nodded lightly at his words. I felt ridiculous for believing Allen's words. Of course, it had been just another way for him to hurt me.

"I'm so sorry, Hannah... I screwed up big time," Dad whispered. "Look at what I have done to your boys..."

Thankfully, I didn't need to react to his words. There was a knock on the door, and Mia stepped back inside.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but the social worker wants to ask a few questions," she said, but before she could continue, a middle-aged African American woman stepped inside.

"Derek Williams? And Theodore Williams?" she asked sharply and gave us both a firm glare. "I'm Mrs. Kayla Rose. I'm Theodore's new social worker. I want to have a few words with you both before Theodore can go home. I'm going to keep my eyes on him from now on until he turns eighteen."

I sighed silently and turned to look out of the window. Great, more talking. I was so sick and tired of talking. All I wanted was to go home and cry myself to sleep.

When they finally let Dad take me home, I was exhausted. All I wanted was to get away from everyone and everything. After I stepped into our home, I stopped and looked around in the small entrance hall. There was a small table on my left, but it was now flipped over. The small lamp which used to be on top of it was now lying on the ground, broken in pieces. The mail was scattered all over the floor and the pictures on the walls were crooked.

I shivered when the picture of Allen hitting me surfaced in my mind. I saw Dad looking at me with concern, but I ignored him. It was too late for him to start caring all of a sudden. I couldn't trust him anymore. All I could think of was that he was just pretending to care so he wouldn't get in trouble.

I spotted my bag on the floor. It was exactly where I'd dropped it when Allen attacked me. I went to get it and searched for my phone. I had several missed calls and messages, all of them from Beau.

I felt a little better when I opened the first of the messages. He asked where I was. He asked the same in the next one. As I went through them, his tone got more and more worried, asking where I was, and if something had happened to me. He even started worrying I was mad at him for some reason. And he begged for me to answer his calls.

I quickly typed a message to him, telling him everything. It didn't take long for him to answer. He was freaking out, asking if I was all right and telling me he wanted to see me as soon as possible. I told him to come pick me up whenever he felt like it.

'I'll be right there,' he texted immediately.

I smiled at the phone, but it faded away soon. I browsed through all the calls and all the messages, but none of them were from Deon. I put the phone into my pocket and turned to look at Dad, who was still standing there like he had no idea what else to do.

"I'm going out with a friend," I told him.

"Oh... Are you sure you should be going out?" he asked carefully.

I snorted. "Like you care."

"Theo, please. I want to do things right this time..." he said with a quiet voice, which was unnatural for him.

"You can't just wipe everything away," I said and turned my back on him. "I tried to tell you Allen was sick, but you only cared about your precious beer."

"I'll quit drinking. I promise," he hurried to say.

"I want to believe that," I said, glancing at him. "I hope you can stop drinking and be my dad again, but I can't trust anything you say anymore."

Dad stared at me for a moment and then looked down. "Right... Right..." he muttered, nodding his head slowly.

I bit my teeth together and climbed upstairs, leaving him behind. I stepped into my room and went to change my clothes. Every move made me quiver in pain, but I ignored it. I didn't want to stay home alone with my dad. I'd never been so willing to run away as I was at that moment. If I had any other place to stay, I would've packed my things and left as soon as possible. I couldn't even be happy about having a home anymore, even though I had feared losing it just a day before.

When I was ready to go, I grabbed my bag. I remembered painfully well what had happened the last time I had exited my room. Allen wasn't there anymore, but I still felt his mean presence around me.

I walked out of my room and rushed to the front door as fast as I could, and without even saying goodbye to my dad, I was already outside in the sunny front yard. The door slammed shut behind me, and I could breathe again – I hadn't even noticed how suffocating it was to be at home.

After reaching the end of our driveway, I turned right and started walking towards the small grocery store. I assumed Beau would be waiting for me behind it, and I was right. I spotted his car parked under the trees as I turned around the corner of the store. I walked to him and opened the door without checking if someone saw me – I wasn't in a mood to play hide and seek. Thankfully, Beau didn't seem to care, anyway.

"Tell me everything," he demanded when I sat down next to him.

I sighed at the thought of going through it all once again, but I told him everything, leaving only the part about Deon out. I was sure he'd get upset if he found out I'd fallen asleep in his arms. I didn't have feelings for Deon, but I was sure Beau wouldn't believe it.

He started the car and drove out of the parking lot while I spoke. I didn't pay much attention to where we were going. It was late afternoon already, and the busy streets started to quiet down around us. I spoke until my voice was sore and raspy, and Beau listened quietly.

"I'm so sorry about everything," Beau said quietly. "I can't believe Allen did that."

"He's getting help now," I said quietly, looking at my bruised hands.

"You are too kind..." Beau snorted.

I wanted to laugh. Deon had said the same thing to me. I hardly realized I'd taken my phone from my pocket to glance at the screen. I still had no messages from Deon. I wanted to ask him why he had deserted me like that, but I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer, so I put the phone away again.

"So your dad, huh?" Beau said carefully.

"Yeah... I think he's just trying to avoid being sent to jail..." I muttered. "I don't think he really cared. It would be too bothersome for him if I got killed in his house."

"Don't say that," Beau said quietly. "You're not worthless like you seem to think."

"Aren't I?" I asked, feeling the urge to find my notebook all of a sudden.

"You're not worthless," he repeated sternly.

I shrugged and turned to look out of the window. Beau seemed to be driving to his home. We were close to his neighborhood already.

"Theo? I'm serious. You are not worthless," Beau said again in a worried tone.

"Sure..." I muttered, since I wasn't in the mood to start arguing with him.

Beau sighed and turned the car on his home street. "Are you coming to school tomorrow?"

I nodded. "I don't want to be at home."

I wanted to have some distance between myself and my dad, and I wanted to forget all about Allen. I knew it would be impossible as long as I stayed at home. To me, home hadn't been a happy place in years, and Allen had made sure I'd never, ever feel like I belonged there.

Beau parked his car in front of his home and stepped out. I followed him, resisting the urge to check if I had new messages. I knew there wouldn't be any. I would've heard it.

I followed Beau inside his house. I wasn't surprised to see no one was home. I wanted to laugh, but not because I felt happy or good. No. I felt cold inside – cold and empty and used. I'd felt sad, miserable and lonely for a long time, but at that moment I couldn't feel any of those. I didn't even care if Beau was ashamed of me or not.

I had finally accepted it. I had accepted that I would never be happy. No one would ever really care about me. No one would ever want to be seen with me. No one would ever want me. Beau would have his fun with me, and when he was done, he would toss me away. I would be bullied, hated, humiliated, ridiculed and hurt for the rest of my life, and I had finally accepted it. I was truly worthless.

I was done crying about it.

"Theo?" I heard Beau calling my name in their living room.

"Just a second..." I replied to him and searched for my phone again.

I had only one thing left to say to Deon.

'Our deal is over,' I told him.

I wondered if Deon would answer me as I turned the phone completely off. If he answered, I didn't want to hear it. I put the phone back into my bag and tossed it next to the staircase on my right before walking to the living room. Beau was sitting on their huge couch, and he turned to look at me.

"You dyed your hair," he said quietly when I stopped right in front of him. "I noticed it earlier, but..."

"It was long overdue," I shrugged.

"You know, I like your real hair color better," Beau said and took my hand. "You have such a pretty color."

"Wouldn't I look weird as a blond?" I asked.

"I think you'd look hot with blond hair – it would suit you better, especially with those blue eyes of yours."

"Oh. Well, you should've told me that sooner," I said. "Now it's too late."

"Now, yes, but I'd love it if you'd let your real color grow back," he said and took my hand.

"Okay," I said. I really didn't care about what color my hair was.

"Nice," Beau smirked, and continued, "What do you want to do? My parents aren't coming home until late in the evening. They're having dinner with their friends."

I didn't say a word to him. I just leaned closer and pressed my lips on his. He let out an approving grunt when I kissed him. His hands were immediately on my hips, and he pulled me to sit on his lap. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I let him do it. At that moment, I was ready to let him do whatever he wanted with me. His hands found their way under my hoodie, and he pulled it off me, leaving my T-shirt on.

Beau had quite the reputation with the girls at school. Maybe it was because of Allen. Maybe Beau had tried his hardest to prove to everyone and especially to himself that he wasn't into guys. Whatever the reason was, Beau was experienced, unlike me. I'd never been intimate with anyone.

I didn't think it was a bad idea to let Beau be my first. I wanted to feel closeness for once, and I wished he'd make me forget everything, even for one evening.

Our kiss turned into a hot make-out session, and soon Beau pushed me on my back on the couch. He placed himself over me, and I could feel him getting heated up. His kisses grew hungrier, and he moved his lower body slowly against mine. I kissed him back, moving my legs apart so he could get closer to me. My fingers were brushing through his brown hair, and his hands roamed my body like he owned me. I ignored the pain he caused laying on top of me. My ribs were aching from his weight, but I liked the sensation. I liked the pain. I didn't feel anything inside, so it was nice to know I could still feel at least something.

Beau pushed himself slightly upwards, parting our lips, and he looked down at me, his dark brown eyes glimmering from need. I tensed up underneath him when I felt his hand grabbing my ass tightly. He had a small, approving smile on his face when he repeated the movement, making me gasp. Then he leaned closer, and I expected him to kiss me, but he stopped when he noticed my left arm – the one with his name carved on my skin.

"What's that?" Beau asked, raising his eyebrows and sitting upwards. He grabbed my hand before I could hide my arm from him. He stared at the scars which formed his name just above my wrist. "Did you do this?" he asked and looked at me.

I didn't look at him when I nodded. Beau didn't say anything at first, but finally he leaned over me and whispered into my ear, "That's so fucking hot."

Beau bit my neck harshly, and I had to smother the laugh that almost escaped my lips. He didn't notice it while he continued kissing my skin.

I'd been right. Not even Beau cared about me. Not really. Did I care about him not caring about me? No. I just lay there under him, letting him undress me. He was getting eager, and I knew I would soon know a whole new kind of pain if I let him continue. Still, I let him. I was willing to let him take my innocence, since it was the only thing I could give to anyone anymore.

Maybe Beau would still have me after he was done.

I didn't get to find out about it. Beau's phone started to ring on a table next to the couch. Beau growled angrily when it interrupted him and turned to look at it.

"Shit..." he muttered and got up from the couch. He picked up the phone and answered, "Hi, Mom."

I sat up next to him, and placed my hand on his knee, caressing his inner thigh teasingly, but he pushed it away, to my disappointment.

"Sure, Mom," he spoke and hung up soon after, turning to look at me. "I'll take you home. I need to go get my sister from her friend's house..."

I sighed, got up from the couch and started gathering my clothes. "You could've told them you're busy," I said as I was dressing up.

"I can't tell them I'm gay, you know? They won't understand," Beau said and followed me to their front door.

"Whatever," I sighed and grabbed my bag. "I'll walk. See you at school tomorrow."

I didn't stay to wait for Beau's answer. I stepped out of the door and slammed it shut without looking back. I walked down to the street, heading back home. It was a long walk back, but I wasn't in a hurry. During the first ten minutes I managed to ignore my phone, but in the end, I couldn't stop myself. I grabbed the phone and turned it on again.

There was one new message. From Deon. I stopped to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk and stared at the icon of the unread message. I hesitated, trying to find the courage to read it. Then I opened it.

'Fine.'

I stared at the four letters until the word had burned itself in the back of my eyelids. Then I deleted the message and turned my phone off. I put it safely back into my pocket and continued my way home.

Soon I had to stop again. I leaned against a tall wooden fence when my legs almost failed me. I gasped for air. I couldn't see anything behind the sea of tears that were flooding down on my cheeks.