They woke up still wrapped in the same embrace.

Her head rested on his chest, the sound of his hearbeat was calming to her. He was stroking her arm with his hand.

She looked up at him, his eyes were still closed.

"Good morning" she said.

"Good morning" he rolled onto his side, making it easier for him to look at her. He was playing with a lock of her hair.

"I can't believe we did that...we were careful, right?" She asked him, she wasn't concerned, she saw him take precautions, but this was her first time, it's not like she was some kind of expert.

"Of course" he said.

"I used protection...I always do...I'm stupid, but not that stupid!" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Guys just carry that around?" She wanted to know, somewhat joking.

"Yeah...it's better to be prepared, than end up with a kid!" He looked awkward all of a sudden, like he knew what was coming.

"Have you been with a lot of women?" She was scared to ask, but her curiosity got the better of her.

He laughed nervously.

"Why do girls always wonder about that?" He asked her looking genuinly perplexed. They want a bad boy, but they don't want him to be too bad?

Maybe it didn't matter to guys, the same way it did to girls? She was wondering. Maybe it only matters - if the person you are with - is important to you? Or maybe that should make it matter less?

"I was just wondering, I am not asking you to give me a number or anything like that...I am just curious...Have you been with lots of women?"

"Maybe that's subjective? Some might think 3 is a lot, some might think 50 is a lot" he was trying to joke, realizing he didn't know exactly how many women he had been with. It didn't matter to him, he had never been in love, he never had sex with someone he loved.

"I guess compared to you, I have been with a lot" he said, no intention of hurting her feelings.

He didn't.

She knew he had a life before her...she knew the life he had lived involved women, probably lots of them, probably the kind of women, who didn't need to be in love, to make love?...just a guess.

She knew no other way. She had to be in love...her romantic notion came from old books, romantic movies, scenaries made up in her head...she never imagined meeting a stranger, and just having sex, it seemed so pointless. She knew lots of young people were doing that, maybe she was just more oldfashioned.

Her life didn't exactly leave much room for being impulsive like that, she never went out, she had never been to a bar, or a club. The thought of meeting someone in the dark, deafened by music, and clouded by alcohol, didn't seem like an appealing way to meet the love of your life? At least not to her.

"It doesn't matter...I don't care what you did, or with who" she said trying to sound convincing, although she failed.

"Oh really...you are not the jealous type?" He said teasingly, and she slapped him on the shoulder, and turned her back to him, realizing she was still naked, as she felt his fingertips on her bare skin. He was running his fingers slowly down her spine all the way down, and it made her gasp.

"No. I am not...why, should I be?" She said to challenge him.

"No" he said, and kissed her right where his fingertips had touched her just seconds ago, and it made her laugh.

"I think my dad will kill you if he finds out" she said. Still laughing.

"I know" he said, and he realized Dave would definitely not approve! Ryder looked at the clock on the sidetable...it would only be a few hours, before Dave would make an entrance, and suddenly Ryder was worried.

He took her by the hand, and gently dragged her up, leading her to the bathroom.

He ran the hot water, as the tub filled, she climbed in after him, leaning against his naked body didn't feel awkward at all, it felt amazing. The steam surrounding them, filling the room, and all she wanted to do, was stay here in his arms forever.

She felt so happy, and sad at the same time. Ryder gave her something else to live for, besides just killing time!

Suddenly she wanted more time.

She wanted more time to do things like this, things people take for granted. How many times have you heard someone say: We have a lifetime to do this and that.

Only she knew, she didn't have that privilege.

"I'm scared Ryder" she whispered.

She started crying.

She turned around to look at him.

"Do you regret what we did?" He asked her with a sad look on his face.

"Never...it's not that...I...I am just so scared. I thought I was alright. I thought, I knew how to deal with my life, but I don't! I don't want to be brave...it's not fair! I want to live Ryder! I want to have a life like everybody else...it's just not fair! I want to be with you, I want to see a future ahead of me...not just death" she was sobbing now.

He pulled her closer, hugging her tightly, but gentle at the same time. She tried to move away from him, but he just held on tigther, until she did not struggle anymore...she let him hold her.

"We can do this! Okay...we are in this together now. I will never leave you, okay?" He whispered.

And she believed him. She could see it in his eyes.

He looked at her differently.

That broke her heart...the fact that she knew...she knew Ryder would never leave her, but she knew eventually she would have to leave him.

The thought was unbearable.