AFTER. It seemed like the kiss had lasted forever. Maybe less time than that, but as they pulled apart, they both wanted forever to be longer.

Before it had been impossible to look away, but now it seemed like they were both struggling to look. Suddenly that one look would make it all real.

"I am sorry" Ryder said.

"I didn't mean to just kiss you like that" he continued.

"That's alright...I mean, I kissed you too" she said, wondering if he had already regretted the kiss, which was only seconds old.

Apparently a kiss, is not just a kiss? Along with the kiss comes questions, and feelings, and doubts?

"Maybe we shouldn't have done that" he said, and tried to smile, although he still did not look at her.

"I have never done that before" she said, quietly...hoping he did not hear. Her inexperience would probably make him regret it even more.

Now he was looking straight at her.

"What do you mean?" He asked her in disbelief.

"You know!...I never kissed someone like that before" she wanted to look at him, but she couldn't.

"You are joking?...right?" he sighed.

"Why would I lie about that" now she dared to look at him, and now he was the one to look away.

"You mean to tell me you never kissed a guy before?"

"That's what I said...I know you probably kissed loads of women, but I never kissed anyone before...my social life isn't exactly buzzing!" She said, feeling embarrassed.

"I am the first guy you kissed...for real?" He was still in a state of disbelief, but trying to imagine her life, it occured to him - it had to be true. She had been sick most of her life, she had no time to date? Fall in love...kiss anyone...until now!

"I am sorry. I am your first kiss...you are probably disappointed" he said, unable to imagine any girl was pining for him to be her first kiss, right?

"Don't be...that's a stupid thing to say" she said, and took his hand, as she realized he was just as insecure as she was for some reason. Understanding that every kiss might feel like the first?

"If you kiss me again, it won't be my first kiss anymore" she said, and it made him laugh. Skylar had an ability to make him relax, she made him feel less insecure...more confident.

He put his hand on the back of her neck, and slowly pulled her closer. She willingly let him guide her, and the seconds it took for them to get closer, she realized the smell of his skin made her quiver slightly. It's like all the senses awaken all of a sudden.

The second kiss was even better, knowing now they kissed each other consciously.

The warmth of a breath taken to be shared, silently...oozing almost. The softness of the lips resting on each other, and the wet, yet deliscious taste of the one person, you realize, you want to be this close to, is unbelievable.

Drinking it all in...the smell...the taste...the touch of another, is almost impossible to comprehend.

This is not something a book can teach you.

She found herself smiling, and it made him pull away.

"What does this even mean?" She asked him, realizing this would be a classical girly move, to question, and rationalize the kiss.

He smiled.

"It's a kiss...why do girls always want to know what it means? Kisses speak for themselves" he said, and tried to smile. The girls he would usually kiss, never asked him what the kiss meant...he stopped kissing girls, who wanted answers he couldn't give them, years ago. There was no point.

"Don't ever kiss me again, unless you know why you did it in the first place" she said, and without saying another word, she laid down, and went to sleep leaving Ryder alone, in silence.

"You kissed her??" Charlie dropped the burger he was about to devour! They were sitting by the counter in their favorite burger joint, sharing a meal the day after...

"Don't you start too!" Ryder said, and sighed heavily.

"Skylar is not one of your conquests Ryder, this girl is smart...you don't just kiss a girl like Skylar...without a plan, I mean...I thought you were better than that man" Charlie said, looking somewhat amazed.

"I like her...we had a moment, and I just felt like it" Ryder said.

"You felt like it? This girl comes with major bagage dude...you better think twice before starting something with her...I like her...at least this one has a brain, she is not just a walking rack" Charlie said, and they both laughed. The girls Ryder would usually pick were always blond, long legged and well...no smaller than a C-cup...Skylar was the exact opposite, come to think of it...but he liked her, right? That made it alright...that was enough to justify the kiss, right?

"I don't need a long term plan, I kissed her...end of story, why does it have to be more than that?" He wanted to know, sure Charlie was going to be honest...he could always count on Charlie's honesty.

"Because it is more than that dude! You told me this girl is dying, right? She has a terminal illness, do you really want to go there? She'll break your heart!" Charlie said, and looked serious all of a sudden.

He was right. This wasn't a game...not to Skylar, and not to him either.

Did he make a mistake by kissing her...not only a mistake on his own behalf, but on her behalf too? Was he about to start something, he could not finish...something that can only end badly?

Maybe.

Did he even have feelings for Skylar?

Usually a kiss would never give him doubts like these, a kiss used to be simple...enjoyable...suddenly this particular kiss made him doubt his own intentions.

The taste in his mouth was bitter all of a sudden, and he wondered if it was the bitter taste of regret?