I didn’t respond to his confession. Though, he was so transparent to his feelings towards me. It still shocked me. For him to say this… to me.

“You don’t have to like me because I confessed.” Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. “I just want you to know. At… alam kong minor ka pa.” Nailing siya. “Hindi ako… magmamadali. I will wait ‘til you turn eighteen.”

Lumambot ang ekspresyon ko. “What if… hindi magbago ang tingin ko sa ‘yo? Na… hindi kita magustuhan gaya ng… gusto mo?” I said a bit hysterical.

He sighed, “it’s fine for me. I won’t force you to like me. Bata ka pa naman at… alam kong hindi mo pa talaga naiintindihan ang salitang pag-ibig—” I cut him off.

“Wow! Kung makapagsalita ka parang sobrang laki ng tanda mo sa ‘kin. You’re just two years older than me, Reagan.”

He chuckled. “Right. But I already know everything. Unlike you.” Umirap ako dahil parang nang-iinsulto naman siya sa sinabi niya.

Ilang minuto kaming tahimik. Nakatingin ako sa madilim na langit, tanging buwan at mga bituin lang ang nakikita. Habang siya… ramdam ko ang mariing titig niya sa akin. Hindi ko siya sinaway sa ginagawa niya.

“You’re so beautiful,” napabaling ako sa kaniya at nakita ko kung paano lumamlam ang titig niya sa akin.

I smiled, “thank you.”

Pumasok kami sa loob nang mag-isang oras na kaming naroon. Wala naman kaming gaanong naging topic dahil kadalasan ay tahimik kami at nakatitig lang ako sa paligid.

Mom introduced me to some of their business partners. Wala naman akong magawa kung ‘di ang makipagngitian at makipag-usap lang din sa mga iyon.

And while talking to some people, I was unconsciously looking somewhere until I found his eyes, looking at me too. I smiled, not to someone I am talking to, but to him.

Hindi ko alam pero… after that alone time between us in that veranda calmed me down and… kind of bind me with him. Hindi man kami madalas magkasundo, sa halos kalahating taon naming magkasama ay nasanay ako sa presensya niya. He’s sometimes teaching me with my schoolworks everytime I have a hard time.

Pinili ko ang school kung saan… naroon si Vaughn. He’s now grade 12 but I still want to be where he’s studying. Dito rin si Reagan nag-aral. Well, he told me that one time. He was on my moving up celebration on March. At tinanong niya ako no’n kung saan ako mag-aaral ng senior highschool. Gusto ko sana noon na sa school kung saan ako nag-highschool, but since Vaughn is not there anymore, pinili ko kung nasaan siya. Hindi ko binanggit ang dahilan ko kay Reagan, at sinabi rin niyang doon siya nag-aaral. He’s now in second year College. He’s taking business. I wonder how hard it is.

“Kumusta kayo ni Reagan, hija?” Mom asked one night at dinner.

I sighed, “we’re fine, Mom.” I smiled at her.

“Next year, when you turn or after you turn eighteen, your engagement will be announced—”

“Mom, I already told you. I don’t want to be married yet. Reagan and I are good friends now. Don’t ruin it with that engagement thing for us.” Akala ko ay magagalit siya pero nakita ko kung paano lumamlam ang ekspresyon niya.

“Reagan told me he likes you, hija. He’s kind and smart. Bata pa lang pero alam mo nang may mapapatunayan siya pagdating ng araw. Every time I see him looking at you with admiration, I know you’re already safe and love by him. Hindi kayo maiipit sa… marriage for convenience—”

“It still is a marriage for convenience kung ipipilit niyo lang din naman na ipakasal kaming dalawa dahil sa kagustuhan n’yo.”

“No, hija. I am just securing your future. In Reagan, I can see that he will never hurt you. I can see that he’s willing to do anything for you.” Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at ikinunoy ang noo.

I know he’s that kind of man, pero… hindi naman natin hawak ang oras. Baka magbago rin ang nararamdaman niya pagdating ng panahon. We’re still young to marry each other — to settle for each other. Hindi dapat ipilit kapag hindi pa kami parehong sigurado.

“You’re not securing my future, Mom. You are dictating for my future — for my life.” Tumayo ako at inilapag ang table napkin. Tumingin ako kay Daddy, I saw his eyes look at me apologetically. I shook my head. “I’m done eating.”

Umakyat ako at dumiretso sa kuwarto, nagmukmok at tumingin sa labas ng bintana. I look at the dark sky. It somehow calmed me.

Darkness… calms me.

Napatingin ako sa pintuan nang makarinig ako ng marahang pagkatok doon.

“Darling, it‘s me.” It’s Daddy.

“Pasok po,” sambit ko sa marahang tono.

Binuksan niya ang pinto at agad niyang natagpuan ang mga mata ko. He’ll apologize again in behalf of my Mom.

He heave a deep sigh before sitting on the edge of my bed. He look at me wearily. “I’m sorry I don’t have a power to control your mother. Or even to contradict her decisions for you.”

“It’s fine, Dad. Pareho lang naman tayong walang magawa. She’s more powerful than you.” Not just because of her poweful attitude, but also because of her own family.

“I fell in love with your mother not because of her wealth. But because she really is so lovely, kind, and true. Kahit na alam kong magiging ganito,” he spread his arms, insinuating something. “Siguro dahil panganay siya sa kanilang magkakapatid, kailangan niyang maging matatag, maging matapang, at mas maging magaling.”

“That’s why she’s used to manipulating someone. And it includes her own daughter. Dad, can I choose what I want to do? ‘Yong hindi siya ang magdidikta? I understand that she wants me to more intimidating, powerful, and ruthless at some point, because she said it could help me with managing our empire. But this, this is too much of her power-tripping.” sambit ko sa nagsusumbong na tono.

“Your mom just wants your life better.”

“Beter. Am I not in a better life now? Dad, can’t I choose… who to love and be with in my life? Bakit… bakit lagi niya akong ginaganito? Isa na nga lang akong anak niyo, grabe pa siya sa pangmamanipula sa buhay ko. Dad, I’m just seventeen. I’m still young for… for marriage!” Tears escape my eyes as I look at my father helplessly.

He held my hand. “One day, you will be able to stand on your own without your mother dictating you what to do. One day, you’ll be free to do whatever you want to do. Gusto ko rin ng magandang buhay para sa ‘yo, anak. Wala lang din akong magawa sa ngayon.”

He hugged me. At gaya dati, kapag nag-uusap kami tungkol dito, hanggang doon na lang ‘yon. Dahil pareho kaming walang magawa kung hindi ang sumunod.

Weeks had past and there’s a friendship building up between Reagan and I. He’s helping me every time I need to. And even if I am not asking him for help, he’s willing to extent his hand for me.

“You’re already graduating when I turn first year College.” I said out of nowhere.

“Hmm?”

“Though, we’re in the same school, dapat hindi ka na pumunta sa senior highschool building para lang… tulungan ako sa mga schoolworks ko.” Hindi ko alam bakit ang random ng mga pinagsasabi ko ngayon.

“It’s fine for me. Hindi naman din ako nagrereklamo.” Napatingin ako sa kaniya pero busy siya sa pagbasa ng assignment ko.

“Some of my classmates were asking… kung ano kita.” Saka siya bumaling sa akin nang sabihin ko ‘yon.

“And?”

“Sinasabi kong friends tayo, pero ayaw nila maniwala. Bakit kay Vaughn, sanay sila na makita kaming magkasama. Pero tayo, parang ang laking issue na magkasama tayo. Is it because… you are a Servano? Because you’re a heir of the most successful company in Asia and Europe? Or… is it because… hindi pa naman tayo gano’n katagal na magkasamang dalawa? Which one?”

“The latter, I think.”

“You think?” Tumango siya.

We’re in the kiosk in front of their department. May napapatingin sa amin dahil… ito, magkasama na naman kaming dalawa.

“Is this your first time being seen with a beautiful girl?” I asked without looking at him.

I heard him chuckle. Napatingin tuloy ako sa kaniya.

“Yeah,” he answered hoarsely.

“W-Well,”

Wala na akong masabi. I was caught off guard with his answer, though. Napahinga ako nang malalim at tinuon na lang ang atensyon sa sinasagutang assignment.

“Do you know that girl?” I asked Reagan one time when we saw Vaughn with a girl.

“That’s her classmate, don’t you know?” he answered lazily.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at kumunot ang noo nang makitang… seryoso at mukhang galit ang ekspresyon niya.

“I never seen him with… her,” sabay baling ko sa dalawang malayo sa amin. Sila lang dalawa at mukhang may seryosong pinag-uusapan.

He scoffed, “just let him. Saka… bakit parang nagseselos ka? Are you his girlfriend or what?” he asked in a stone cold tone.

“No. But… he knows I like him, he shouldn’t…”

“Hindi naman niya sinabing gusto ka rin niya, ‘di ba? If he said he likes you, too, doon lang may problema.”

Nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. It’s not his intention to hurt me, but his words kind of… painful. Because it’s true, anyway. That Vaughn never said anything — that he likes me, too. Ako lang itong nagpupumilit pa rin dahil gusto ko siya.

“It’s normal to be hurt seeing him with someone, but know your limitation.” Galit akong bumaling sa kaniya.

“Bakit ka ba nangingialam sa nararamdaman ko?!” singhal ko sa kaniya.

Umiling siya at nagpamulsa. Tiningnan niya ako sa mga mata. He licked his lip then looked away.

“We’re having the same feelings now,” he said coldly.

I frowned at him, “what do you mean?” I asked, confused.

He looked at my eyes again. Coldness is still evident in it. “You’re hurt seeing Vaughn with other girl. I am hurt… seeing you hurting because of him. You like him even if he doesn’t like you. I like you even if… you don’t like me at all because you like him.” Nanlamig ako sa mga sinabi niya.

Hindi ko alam pero nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi niya. Hindi para sa akin, kung ‘di para sa kaniya.

“But it’s… still fine for me. I said I will wait for you until you turn eighteen. Kapag… nag-eighteen ka na at lumipas ang isang taon na hindi mo pa rin ako nagugustuhan, hindi ko na ipipilit ang sarili ko sa ‘yo. I will respect your decision if you really want to pursue him. We’re best friends, pero kung gusto mo talaga siya hanggang sa sinabi kong panahon, magpapaubaya ako. I will let you choose who you want to be with.”

I bit my lower lip.

“Reagan,” I called him in a small voice.

Lumapit siya sa akin at marahan akong hinila para sa isang mainit na yakap. Because of the warmth his embrace is giving me, I hugged him back.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t say sorry yet,” tumango ako at hinayaan ang sariling yakapin siya.

What if… hindi ko siya magustuhan hanggang sa panahon na sinabi niya? Tototohanin ba niya ang sinabi niya? Lalayo ba siya sa akin? We’re just starting to build our friendship! Bakit kasi niya ako nagustuhan?!

He looks so hurt… of course he will be hurt because of me! Pero hindi ko pa naman siya gusto at… mag-iisang taon pa lang naman kaming magkakilala.

He understands… but how long would he be understanding in this situation? He’ll get tired in time.

“Vaughn… doesn’t deserve… you.” he said slowly. “He’s my friend but he deserved to be labeled as a jerk. For not seeing you. For not appreciating you.” I sighed heavily, feeling building bile on my throat. I can barely breathe properly because I can feel my heart aching. “And I hate you… for liking someone who doesn’t even see your worth as person.”

He’s right. But I still couldn’t help but… like Vaughn… so much.