"Home." Hawke sighed as his cabin came into view. Janna came running over from the barn and Allie jumped from her horse and dropped to her knees in front of her. She wrapped her arms tight around Janna's neck and buried her face in her thick white fur.

"I missed you." she said to the best friend that she had in the world. Janna yipped in agreement and licked Allie's face enthusiastically.

"Where's Wolf?" Lily asked Hawke and he pointed toward the barn with the hand that wasn't wrapped tight around his daughters tiny waist. Lily smiled when she saw Wolf walking toward them. He was moving much more slowly than Janna had. Taking the time to stretch out each leg and shake out his thick gray fur. Wolf and Janna were complete opposites. Janna was excitable, enthusiastic and always full of energy and bouncing while Wolf was…. Well Wolf was a lot like Hawke. But somehow the two wolves seemed to get along and were almost always side by side.

"I'm going to the lake." Allie said after they had put all the horses into their stalls.

"Take Sarah with you." Hawke said, his green eyes locked intensely on Lily. Allie rolled her eyes when she saw her sister's eyes darken as she looked at Hawke and her face flush with passion. Allie was amazed that the two of them still looked at each other that way after six years together.

"Come on, Sarah. Your mommy and daddy want some alone time." she said with a wink. Sarah giggled and started skipping toward the woods.

"Come on, Wolf." Sarah said though she did not have to because Wolf was wrapped around the tiny girls chubby finger and was already following after her like an obedient little puppy. Allie shook her head and followed after her.

"Come with me, naakiiwa." Hawke said once he and Lily were alone. "Two weeks was too long for this man to wait to have his woman alone."

"This woman is tired of waiting too." Lily replied as she pressed herself up against him. Hawke's eyes flashed and Lily let out a yelp of surprise when he quickly scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the cabin.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a breathless laugh. Hawke smiled, his face looking predatory and hungry.

"Your man will not make you wait another second." Lily felt herself tremble at the passion and promise in his voice.

888

Allie sat on the cold gray rocks and wrapped her coat tighter around herself as she watched Sarah throwing rocks into the icy water. She wasn't worried about the girl falling in because Wolf was standing right beside her and anytime she got too close he would grab her fur coat in his teeth and pull her away from the waters edge.

Allie scratched Janna behind her ears and sighed.

"What am I gonna do girl?" she asked quietly. She didn't want Sarah to hear her talking to Janna like a person but she needed to think out loud. "I miss Jack so much. Why do I still miss him? He is a big jerk and he hasn't once even wrote me a letter or anything in five years to show that he misses me." Allie thought back to the first year or so after Jack had left. She had waited and watched for him, knowing in her heart that he wouldn't be able to stay gone, but he had.

Five long years he had been gone and her anger and confusion had only grown. She wondered sometimes if he was even still alive but the thought of him being dead caused her blood to run cold so she tried hard not to ever think about that.

She turned her thoughts to Gavin. Sweet Gavin. He really was a great man and he cared a lot about her. His letters always spoke of how much he cared and he always wrote of how beautiful he thought she was. He didn't even seem to mind the scar on her cheek.

But something was missing. The spark that she saw between Lily and Hawke was nowhere to be found when she looked at Gavin. She liked him. He was a great friend and she felt she could tell him just about anything but she wasn't sure if she loved him. Was there such a thing as love without desire?

Allie picked up a stone and threw it as hard as she could out into the lake causing Sarah to laugh happily.

"Do it again, Aunt Allie!" she said as she hopped up and down and clapped. Allie shrugged and picked up another rock. What better way to beat stress than to throw things?

When Sarah and Allie finally made it back to the cabin Hawke had a warm fire burning in the fireplace and Lily had a chicken baking and potatoes frying.

"Did you two have fun?" Lily asked as she helped Sarah pull off her cold clothes and kissed her frozen, red nose. Sarah nodded.

"Lots of fun!" she said.

"Did you?" Allie asked with a grin as she laid her coat over a chair. Lily blushed and turned her attention back to the pie crust she was making.

"Yes we did." Hawke spoke up as he walked toward the door. Allie sighed as Hawke gave Lily a hungry look and then walked out of the cabin. She saw her sister bite her lip and take a deep breath and she wondered if she would ever have a man who made her feel the way Hawke made Lily feel.

888

Jack sat up, ignoring the pain shooting through his shoulder, sides and leg.

"Dammit, why couldn't one of those bullets have found its way to my head?" he growled. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and then wiped the sweat from his face and took several deep breaths to combat the pain and nausea.

He looked around the empty cabin and thought about shooting Felix just because the old man could go outside and he couldn't. Jack had been in this bed for three weeks but he had been awake and in this bed for two and he was going crazy. He had to get outside and breath some fresh air or he was going to lose his mind. Or at least what little mind he had left.

He beat his head up against his fist several times and then he laid his hand on the bedside table and tried to push himself up to his feet.

"What the hell are you doing?" Felix demanded as he slammed open the cabin door. Jack was startled by his sudden appearance and fell back into the bed with a yell of pain.

"Son of a bitch, you old bastard! Don't you know better than to scare a half dead man!"

"You yell pretty good for a half dead man." Felix said matter of factly. "Now look, we done had to reset your splint once because you insisted that you had to have pants on and you about killed me for it so lets not do that again."

"I can't stay in this bed no more. I've started talking to the damn knots on the wall just to hear the sound of a voice. That's gotta be a sign that I'm losing my mind. Hell maybe the damn fever did more damage than we thought it did." Felix was chuckling and shaking his head as Jack ranted and he helped Jack sit up against the wall and get comfortable.

"You ain't crazy. Least not any crazier than you were before you got shot all to hell. You've just got a touch of cabin fever is all but the doctor said you gotta stay off that leg for at least another three weeks to make sure the bones heal right. If you want I can look into getting a wheelchair…."

"Hell no. I don't need a wheel chair."

"Fine then stubborn ass. Stay in that bed for three more weeks." Felix said waving his hand as if dismissing the topic. He put some more wood on the fire and poked it around to build the flames before sitting down in a chair at the table and running his hand over his thick red beard.

"Where you from, kid? You've been staying here with me a while now and I don't know a thing about you."

"There's nothing to know. I got no home. The past is over, the future is blank as far as I can tell and well the present is a living hell."

"What were you doing on that stage? Did you have family that got killed that day?"

"No. I didn't have no family."

"You talk a whole hell of a lot until I turn the subject to you and where you're from and then you clam up like a preacher caught at the whorehouse." Jack chuckled and then laid his hand over his aching chest.

"I promise my life ain't that interesting of a story so you ain't missing nothing." Jack wasn't going to tell Felix about being one of the people who had held up the stage.. Not until he was well enough to take care of himself. He had learned over the last few weeks that Felix was a firm believer in justice and people paying for the wrong they had done. If Felix knew the things Jack had been a part of in his life he would kick him out his cabin and onto his ass quicker than Jack could blink

"You got three more weeks here with me kid. I'll get the story out of ya eventually." Felix said as he grabbed a deck of cards and walked over to the bed. He dealt out a game and the two men played in silence for a while.

"How old are you kid? Will you at least tell me that?" Felix asked finally.

"How old do you think I am?" Jack asked as he folded a bad hand.

"Judging by them scars I'd say you'd have to be at least forty but that face is too darn cute to be forty."

"Cute?" Jack asked raising a brow. This was the first time he had ever been called cute by a grown man and he wasn't sure what to think of it.

"Yeah, ya know you got one of them faces that drive the women crazy and make everybody trust ya. Strong jaw, good cheekbones, straight nose, and them dimples with them blue eyes. I bet all the women love ya.  Even if your hair is getting too long and your face is covered in a few weeks of stubble."

"Felix, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the direction this conversation has taken."

"And yet you're helpless to get away." Felix said with a chuckle. Before Felix could blink Jack has his knife pulled and the tip of it was less than an inch from his face.

"I ain't helpless." he warned. Then he wondered what in the hell he was doing when Felix began to stutter and backed a few inches away. Jack put his knife back and forced an apologetic grin.

"Sorry about that." he said. He had learned quick while with his father and brother to never let someone see you as helpless. Helpless people made easy targets. Jack had learned that lesson the hard way.

"I'm guessin that somewhere in that past that is over something happened to make you real damn jumpy." Felix said as he went back to dealing the cards. Jack just nodded but said nothing.

"So how old are ya Jack?"

"Twenty-one."

"Shit. You're young." Felix said matter of factly.

"I don't feel it most of the time." Jack replied. "Most of the time I feel real damn old."

"Well from the looks of ya most of the time you're getting stabbed, shot or whipped.. I'd say that'll make a fella feel old." Jack nodded and Felix let out a curse when Jack turned up three aces to his pair of sevens.

"Speaking of women." Felix said and Jack wondered who had mentioned women. "How many have ya had. If you know what I mean." he added with a wink and nudge to Jack's arm with his elbow.

"I've had a few of those women." Jack replied with a nod. "But it's been a long time though since I've felt that lonely."

"I understand that. Sometimes the world gets so dark a tender touch from a paid stranger is better than facing a cold night alone." Jack nodded and folded his hand.

"What about a special woman. One that was more than just a remedy for a lonely night. You ever had one of those?" Jack's jaw tenses as he nodded.

"Yeah. We were young though and I was stupid. I threw that away like it was nothing and I'm sure by now she's forgot all about me and is making some other man really happy."

"What happened?" Felix asked and Jack shook his head at the mans nosiness but he laid his back against the wall and let out a long breath.

"I got drunk and I gave another woman something that I should have been saving just for her." Felix nodded with understanding and shrugged as he dealt out another hand.

"Well even the best of men screw up sometimes." he said. Jack nodded and rubbed a hand over his stubble covered face.

"And I'm nowhere near the best." Felix shook his head and patted him on the good shoulder.

"Neither am I kid and even I got blessed with my Penelope. I had her by my side for forty-five years before the Lord took her away from me. Don't worry. Your life will turn around." Jack nodded and kept making small talk and playing cards but inside his heart and soul were broken. He had nothing and no one. He had killed people that didn't deserve to die. He had stolen from hardworking people and taken everything they had.. He had stood by and let innocent women and children be raped and murdered while their husbands and fathers bled to death nearby helpless to do anything to save their families….

Jack knew he would never be truly happy again. He had had everything once upon a time and he had thrown it away and sold his soul to the devil. His pa was long gone now but so was any hope that Jack had for a future.