Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you have been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you truly are. -Author unknown

 Jack used most of the money he had left to buy himself a horse and saddle from the livery. He missed Buck but his father and brother had relieved him of his favorite horse after they had left him for dead. He stopped by the blacksmith shop and talked to Richard Mitchell about working for him again. Richard had agreed to give him a week to prove he knew how to do the job and if he did good enough he'd give him a job four days a week helping him out.

Jack felt a sense of pride that for once he would have a real job and earn his money the right way. Jack walked down to the mercantile and Ed's eyes widened when he saw him.

"Well I'll be darned if it ain't Jack back again!" he said. "How you been kid?" Jack smiled as he put his forearms on the counter and leaned against it.

"I couldn't have been more miserable if I'd rolled myself in honey and went chasing after bumble bees." he replied. "But things are starting to look a whole heck of a lot better."

"You been out to Hawke and Lily's?" Ed asked with a chuckle. Jack had always been the type to say goofy things. Jack nodded.

"Yeah." he said. "I was actually coming in here because I think I still owe you some money." Ed looked at him with confusion and scratched at his nearly bald head.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. Jack reached in his pocket and pulled out a couple of dollars.

"Before I left down I started a credit and I never did pay ya for it." Ed waved his hand.

"That was five years ago and I'd done forgot about it. You don't have to pay me for that." Jack nodded.

"Yes I do because I didn't forget about it. Now I've done a whole hell of a lot of stealing in my life and I can't make up for all of it but I can sure as hell pay you back so take the money." Ed sighed and nodded and he took the money from Jack's hand.

"Thanks, Jack." he said.

"Hawke tried to teach me wrong from right… I guess it just took a while to sink in." Jack replied.

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The next morning Jack was up at dawn and sitting on the porch as the sun rose. He had hoped to speak to Allie the night before but she had already been locked in her room. Lily had looked at him questioningly all evening but hadn't questioned him anymore about his scars although he knew she wanted to. Jack had decided that if they did not ask, he was not going to tell.

Jack thought about Allie as he looked out at the heavy fog and breathed in the damp morning air. He couldn't help but wonder whether or not she was really in love with Gavin. She didn't look at Gavin like a woman who was madly in love but maybe that was just because she was too busy being confused or angry that Jack was back.

"There's a lot of work that needs to be done." Hawke said coming out onto the porch. Jack wondered how the Indian still managed to sneak up on him. Jack's senses had grown sharper over the years but Hawke still moved too silently for him to pick up on.

"I was waiting on you to wake up, old man." Jack replied and Hawke chuckled. "What do you want me to do?" Jack asked. He had three days before he had to start work at the blacksmith shop.

"Check traps with me. The woods have been much too silent the last few years."

"Well lets go then, Hawke. We'll see how long it takes before you're begging me to be quiet."

888

"Naakiiwa, remind me to never complain about silence again." Hawke said when he and Jack returned from checking the traps several hours later. Lily laughed from where she was weeding the garden with Sarah.

"Can you handle the skinning?" Jack asked Hawke and Hawke just gave him a look that said 'are you really asking me that?' and nodded. Jack walked over to Lily and stuck his finger through his belt loops before rocking back on his heels. Lily realized he was nervous and she stood up and wiped her dirty hands on her apron.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Where's Allie?" Jack asked. "I haven't really had a chance to talk to her and I would like to."

"I imagine you would." Lily said with knowing nod. "She went down to the lake but you may want to wait until later before you try to talk to her." Jack was about to ask why when the sound of a rifle shot filled the air. Jack instantly grabbed Lily and moved her body behind his own as he pulled his reolver and scanned their surroundings looking for whoever was shooting at them.

"Oh my goodness you are worse than Hawke!" Lily exclaimed as she pulled herself away from him. "That was Allie!" Jack forced his tense muscles to relax and slid his gun back in the holster.

"Sorry." Jack said. He looked over at Hawke who just shook his head and went back to skinning a fox.

"She was tense and upset this morning and so once we got enough of the work done she asked if she could go to the lake with a rifle and practice shooting."

"Alright then. I'll go to the lake." Jack replied. Lily shook her head.

"She is pretty upset with you, Jack. She might just end up shooting you." Jack laughed.

"Yeah but you've seen me without my shirt so I reckon you know it wouldn't be the first time." Jack thought what he said was funny but the look in Lily's eyes told him that she didn't agree.

"She may be a better shot than those others." Hawke spoke up.

"I'll take my chances." Jack replied and started down the trail toward the lake. Another gunshot filled the air and Jack was stopped in the middle of the trail by a growling Janna.

"Shit, you do know how to do something other than chase your tail." Jack said with a grin. Janna looked up at his face and then stopped growling and began to wag her tail. She turned and ran back toward the lake and Jack shook his head and followed her.

Jack caught sight of Allie and watched her load the rifle and fire off another round of shots, completely unaware that he was watching her. She was standing with her side toward him and she had her long dark hair pulled back in a braid. Her white blouse was covered in dirt and hugging the curves of her chest.

She had streaks of dirt on her cheeks and her arms and hands. Jack smiled at the sight of her. She had always been a tomboy and he was glad to see that that hadn't changed.

"Hey, doll." Jack said when she took a break from blowing holes in the truck of a nearby pine tree. She jumped at the sound of his voice and he found himself staring down the barrel of the rifle.

"Dammit Jack!" she exclaimed as she lowered the gun. "Don't sneak up on me like that unless you want me to shoot you!"

"I've been a shot a couple of times, Allie, but never by a feisty woman in a dirty skirt… Might be kinda fun." Allie rolled her eyes and stuck her free hand on her hip.

"Don't you start trying to be charming, Jack." she scolded. "How'd you get all those scars anyway?" Jack smiled but inside he shivered as he remembered the blood, pain and darkness associated with each and every one of the wounds.

"'Bout how you'd imagine I guess." he replied. Allie scolded her heart and told it to slow down when Jack moved a little closer and then turned so that his shoulder was nearly pressed against hers as they stood side by side and looked out at the water.

"How have you been, Allie?" Jack asked. Allie snorted and threw the rifle over her shoulder.

"Like you care." she spat. Jack's eyes narrowed as he looked at the water.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm and free of anger.

"Five years, Jack. You've been gone five years and not once have you bothered to check on me."

"I couldn't, Allie." Jack replied. He had tried but his pa and his brother had taught him real quick that the past was the past and he couldn't try to go back to it… Or even send it a letter.

"You were probably too busy running crazy, playing poker, drinking whiskey and bedding whores to even think about me." Allie replied harshly. Jack felt his temper rise then. How dare her try to say he had not thought about her when it was thoughts of her that had kept him alive.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about." he said, crossing his arms over his chest angrily.

"So I guess you're gonna tell me that there hasn't been a single other woman?" Allie demanded irritably. Jack shook his head.

"No I ain't gonna lie to ya. I have never lied to you before and I won't start now."

"So you have slept with other women!" Allie exclaimed accusingly.

"Don't judge me, doll, I ain't the one that's engaged." Jack replied. He didn't understand women one bit. Instead of being upset and wanting to know how many people he had killed, all she wanted to know what how many women he'd slept with. "Those other women don't matter no how. There's only ever been one woman in my heart."

"I never had your heart, Jack. If I had then you wouldn't have been able to leave me the way you did. And don't act like I betrayed you by getting engaged to Gavin. He is a good man and he cares about me and I care about him."

"That's nice that you care about each other but do you actually love that city boy?" Jack asked with disbelief.

"I um.. I do love him…" Allie replied weakly.

"But you're not in love with him are you?" Jack asked. He turned his body so that he could look down at her. Only inches separated them and Allie could feel the heat off his body and the warmth of his breath as it washed over her face. She felt a heat and a tingling starting low in her belly and spreading from her head to toes as if her blood was catching fire. She licked her lips and tried to back away from him as he continued to speak.

"Do you find it hard to breath when he gets close? Does your body fill with heat and does your heart beat faster?" Jack asked and Allie could hear the passion in his voice as she started having trouble breathing and her heart beat so fast she feared it might explode.

"I don't even know what those things are that you're talking about. They are not love." Allie replied, desperate for those things to not be love because she was feeling them right now and it wasn't her fiance that was causing them.

"Passion, Allie. They are passion." Jack replied, his voice deeper and more gruff. Allie felt her back press against a tree and knew she had no where else to run. Jack closed the distance between them and stared down into her dark brown eyes. Five long years he had dreamed of being this close to her again. Five long years he had done everything he could to get away from his pa and his brother and when he finally had and he had finally made it back home he had found the only woman he had ever loved engaged to someone else.

He was angry but it wasn't at her, it was at himself. It was his fault that she had been lonely and settled on a man who could not protect or take care of her. A man she didn't really love. Not the way a woman should love her husband.

He saw her close her eyes and tilt her head and he knew she wanted him to kiss her. There was nothing Jack wanted more but he was not going to kiss another mans woman. Gavin might be a little sissy boy but Allie had made a promise to him and Jack wasn't going to help her break it.

"You're getting married, Allie." Jack reminded her and her eyes flew open and sparked with anger.

"You're the one that's pushing me against a tree." Allie replied and Jack took two quick steps back. His entire body was on fire and screaming to be pressed against her again. How was he supposed to do this? His mind could not convince his heart or his body that Allie wasn't his.

"Allie I…." Whatever he had been about to say to her was cut off when Gavin's voice came from behind him.

"What is going on here?" Jack turned quickly and took several steps away from Allie while she moved away from the tree and smoothed her skirts, though she couldn't do anything to hide the blush on her face or the quickness of her breathing.

"Nothing is going on." Allie assured him as she walked toward him. "I tripped and Jack caught me and was making sure I was okay."

"He catches you in his arms a lot." Gavin said, glaring over at Jack who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest and looking anything but scared of him.

"Would you rather I fell and hurt my face?" Allie asked, losing control of her temper once again. She had always had a bad temper but usually she could control it better than this. She blamed it on Jack's sudden appearance and not on the fact that her entire body was screaming to feel him close to her again.

Gavin smiled and turned his attention back down to her.

"No of course not, love. We wouldn't want any more damage done to that beautiful face." he said running his finger along the scar on her cheek. Jack felt his blood boil. How dare that little mama's boy tell his Allie that her face was damaged.

'She's not your Allie.' A voice inside his head reminded him.

'She'll always be my Allie… Even though I'm not the one next to her.' Jack replied. 'She wouldn't' want me anyway. Not once she knows the kinds of things I've done.'

"Allie, is that a gun?" Gavin demanded with disbelief as he noticed the rifle in her hand for the first time.

"No it's a big metal stick." Jack spoke up. "I'm sure she'd be happy to show you how it works.. Or better yet, hand it to me and I will."

"That's okay Jack, I'm sure Gavin knows how a gun works." Allie replied throwing him a glance that told him she wanted him to shut up and stay out of her business.

"I have never fired a gun in my life, Allie dear, and I'm not sure how I feel about seeing one in your hands." Gavin said matter of factly. "And you are filthy. I thought we were going to go out to lunch and I was going to give you a tour of the bank today?"

"Sounds exciting." Jack said blandly and Allie glared over at him.

"Would you shut up, Jack. My life is none of your business. You should just go back where you came from!" Allie cursed her temper and regretted the words instantly but it was too late to take them back.

"You two have fun with your tour." Jack said, his face suddenly a mask of indifference. "I've got things to do. You know poker to play, whiskey to drink, people to shoot and women to… Well you get the picture." Jack quickly set out into the woods and Allie wanted to chase after him and tell him how sorry she was for saying what she had said. She could tell by the scars on his body that the last five years had been hell for him. She didn't know the details and she didn't understand why he had never sent her word but she was sure he had a reason. Damn her temper and her mouth that she never could seem to control!

"Why don't we go back up to the house and you can clean up so we can go out to lunch?" Gavin asked after Jack was gone. Allie looked up at him and tried to remember if she had ever found him attractive…

"Why don't we just have a picnic, Gavin? Right out here in the woods?"

"Because, Allie dear, animals live out here in the woods." he replied matter of factly. Then he noticed the disappointment on her face. "There is a pretty patch of grass and trees right in front of the bank with tables and things set up outside just for picnics. We could eat there." Allie forced a smile and nodded. Gavin was doing his best to compromise and make her happy but she was starting to see just how different the two of them were. Would they ever truly be happy together when they had nothing in common?

"Good. Let's go get cleaned up then." he said and he pressed a tender kiss to her hair before looping his arm through hers and leading her down the path to the cabin.

Gavin's mind however was still on the scene he had walked up on between Allie and Jack. He knew enough to know that she had been enjoying the other mans closeness and she had looked at him in a way that she had never looked at Gavin. He was going to enjoy Allie's company for as long as he could because he had a feeling it was not going to last…