I stared at the red door in front of me.

I gave Scout the much needed space he asked for this past week. Now, the time was up. I needed to talk to him and properly explain things that I wasn't able to put into words. He had to listen to me. He had to face me.

Or else... I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I let slip the one person who made me feel whole. The person who never once looked at me like I was broken. The person who never once treated me like I was worthless. The person who never once hesitated to save me – even from myself.

I closed my eyes, trying not to think about how much I longed for him. I just wanted to see him smile again, feel his embrace, and hear his voice.

Our relationship was officially out to the crew, I told them everything. Oz, Alfie, and Frisco already knew so I was technically only telling it to Halo and Kurt.

Halo already had a hunch on what was going on from the diner, so she only hugged me the entire time I was telling the story. Her warmth reminded me of Scout, which comforted me big time.

On the other hand, I expected Kurt to lash out and explode – kinda like Alfie did. But he only mildly freaked out. More than anything, he looked grossed out.

Kurt kept pointing at me and yelling, "Contaminated! Contaminated!"

I flung a throw pillow at him to make him shut up, but he easily dodged it and threw the thing back to me, screaming at the top of his lungs, "Get the fuck away from me! You have fucking Golden Boy cooties!"

Yeah, real mature. He'd get over it eventually. Hell, Alfie did.

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, then I rang the doorbell and waited. My heart was beating so fast, not knowing what to expect. I hoped Scout wouldn't slam the door to my face. Even if he did, I'd keep on knocking until he talked to me.

When it finally opened, I felt like the air was knocked out of my lungs.

It was Snow.

She looked startled, clearly not expecting me to show up. Her red hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing a white Sarah Lawrence College sweatshirt and forest green yoga pants. She blinked, and cleared her throat.

"Hi."

"Hi," I managed to choke out, after swallowing the lump in my throat.

I couldn't remember the last time I talked to her, face to face. Back in our senior year, she tried to talk to me quite a few times. I always avoided her, though. When I couldn't, I just ignored her and pretended I didn't hear her.

I could hold a goddamn grudge when I wanted to.

"Is Scout here?" I asked.

She crossed her arms from the cold, and shook her head. "No, he went to Maine with his friends."

Ah, I forgot about the ski trip. I guess I could talk to him when he comes back. I'd let him enjoy his time with his friends.

I nodded to Snow. "Okay, bye."

With that, I turned around to leave.

"No—Wait, Connie!"

I stopped on my tracks, but I didn't face her. I heard her close their front door before running to me and grabbing my arm. But then she immediately let go of me, as if just realizing what she did.

"Um, can we talk?"

I didn't answer. I didn't even look at her.

"Please?" she pleaded.

I chanced a look at her, and I knew instantly that it was a mistake. I saw so much of her brother in her; the hair, the eyes, the freckles, and goody-two-shoes expression. (I mean, they are twins.) And suddenly, I couldn't find myself saying no to that face.

Damn it.

"Okay."

We sat on the curb in front of their house, neither of us speaking. I had nothing to say to her. It wasn't because I still avoided her or anything – I knew I had to face her sooner or later if I wanted to stay in Scout's life.

It was just... It had been so long since we had a proper conversation that I didn't know where to start.

"I heard about you and Scout," she admitted softly.

Well, I guess we could start there.

"When did he tell you?" I asked, facing her. I was curious to know how long she had known about us – if there was still an us.

"Actually..." she trailed off, giving me a sheepish expression. "I forced it out of him last Thanksgiving."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. That long?

"Call it twin instincts."

"Any comments? Violent reactions?"

She shook her head. "None from me."

"You're okay with it – with us?"

A small smile appeared on her face. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I hoped I had that same chill reaction from the rest of the crew. I let out a sigh, a part of me couldn't help but wonder how things would've been if Snow and I mended our friendship earlier. But no, there was no use dwelling on what could've been.

"How is he?"

Snow looked down on her lap. "He's... confused."

I tried to ignore the pang in my chest. "About us?"

"You have to understand, Connie. Outside your group of friends, anybody with two eyes can see how deep your connection is with Alfie. You have so much history, this unbreakable bond, like your souls are attached by the hip."

I forgot how poetic she could be with all those books she had read.

"Who wants to compete with that?" she added.

Wait, did she mean Scout wasn't confident with how I feel for him? No fucking way. Shit, it was worse than I thought.

"It's not a competition," I deadpanned. "Scout—"

"Doesn't want you to choose either."

I shook my head. "It's not even a choice."

"Does he know that?"

"What do you think I'm doing here?"

She only smiled.

Silence surrounded us again. I looked down the empty street, trying to get rid of the urge to go to Maine so I could talk to Scout. He went away for a reason. He needed to have a good time with his friends. We would deal with all this shit later.

"He's not coming back home," Snow told me suddenly.

I frowned and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"He's going straight to New Brunswick after their trip. They all are."

"Oh."

So... I had no chance of talking to him until classes started again. That wasn't for another week. Could I last that long?

"You really fell for him, didn't you?"

Warmth filled me at the thought of Scout, with my stomach going in knots and my heart feeling like it was about to burst. Flashes of our moments together flooded my mind like a film reel, ending with him looking at me with the most adoring smile.

My lips curled up. "Hard not to."

"I was surprised," she said, spreading her long legs out and leaning back with her hands behind her on the sidewalk. Her head raised as she stared up at the stars. "He told me before that he wasn't too keen on falling in love, especially after seeing me get my heartbroken over Oz."

My eyes wandered down the street, feeling a little guilty. I was too angry at her back then that I didn't stop to think that she got just as messed up as Oz did after their break-up. Oz eventually found his happiness again, through Halo.

But what about Snow?

Was she happy?

"I thought he'd do anything to stay away from it, you know?" She chuckled. "But he didn't. In fact, I've never seen anyone look so at ease as he embraced the fall."

Scout was... in love... with me?

It was freezing cold out, but I was sweating. I fingered the collar of my shirt and stretched it out, feeling like I couldn't breathe all of a sudden.

Scout felt the same way about me... Fuck, I wanted to cry.

I breathed through my mouth, closing my eyes as I tried to calm myself. I knew he cared about me, but love... Holy shit.

"Connie..."

I looked at Snow, her eyes were teared up. She looked so sad.

"I'm sorry for abandoning you."

I averted my gaze, before murmuring, "You already apologized." Many times.

"I didn't think it was enough." She sniffed, her voice cracked as she added, "You were a good friend to me, and I... I just..."

"I get it." I sighed. "I reminded you of Oz."

"No, that's not an excuse." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "There's never an excuse for abandoning a friend."

I remembered the times I went to their house and knocked on their front door, asking to see her – asking to speak with her.

I wanted to tell her that despite what she did, I was all ears to hear her side. I wanted to tell her I understood why she betrayed Oz and chose her brother. I wanted to tell her that I was angry at her, but I was still her friend.

But I never got that chance, because she cut me out of her life.

Just like that.

"That's why..." Snow paused, wiping her tears with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. Her eyes and nose were already red. "I understand if you'll never forgive me. But I still want you to know... I couldn't imagine a better girl for Scout."

She gave me a sad smile, reaching for my hand and squeezing it before letting it go. She let out a deep sigh and looked at her hands.

I stared at her.

I recalled the times when she took me to my first ever shopping spree, and we laughed as we tried out clothes; when she and I watched teen movies, and we gushed over celebrity actors; when she put nail polish on me and did my hair, during my first slumber party; when she forced me to belt out pop songs with her, and we held mini concerts in her room; when she fanned over boys with me, and I had to gag because she was talking about Oz.

She was my first real girl friend.

Despite all the shit that has happened, that still counted for something.

"Never say never."

She blinked her tear-filled green eyes at me, like she couldn't believe what I just said. I offered her a small smile and shrugged.

I was sure she remembered that time we sang Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith's song at the top of our lungs. I never told a soul.

She started to smile. "Never say never."

We sat there side by side on a quiet and cold December night. And without me having to say the exact words...

We both knew all was forgiven.

_____________

Early update coz it's my birthday and I wanted to treat you beautiful human beings! Thank you for the hashtag #HappyBubuDay on twitter! Y'all legit made me cry. Despite having to spend my birthday by myself, you went out of your way not to make me feel alone. Love y'all! T_T

SNOW AND CONNIE, THOUGH!!! What do you think?!

Next update: Monday

Coming up next... Chapter 39: Daylight
Pretty sure you can guess what this chapter will be about ;)

#SavageMeWP