Summary: "Look, Madara-sama, I don't know where I am, what I'm doing, or who this person is, but I'm not Izuna Uchiha. MY name is Sasuke Uchiha, and I am NOT from this timeline."

Age: Sasuke is age 19. Then 24. Then 35. Don't ask. He is put in Izuna (who is 24)'s body.

Category: me having fun

Note: I'm sorry. This is just something hilarious I just thought of. idk

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Sasuke woke up like usual, slipping his shoes on and changing himself quickly. It took him a full ten minutes before it finally registered in his head that he had two arms. At that point, he literally couldn't even, so he kind of sat down on his futon and stared at the wall, contemplating his life.

He realized then that he also had a ponytail. He whipped it around to the other side of his body, and picked it up to examine it. "Okay. This is weird." He'd been growing his hair out, sure, but no way was it this height when he had gone to bed.

He ran to the nearest mirror, and stared at himself very intensely for another five minutes.

I look the same... I don't have a Rinnegan though?

He activated his sharingan and found that it was still easy to do that, and saw that the Mangekyo was a completely different pattern. It was a normal Mangekyo instead of an Eternal Mangekyo.

Sasuke frowned immediately, looking down at himself. He looked... older, almost. Muscular, tan... he looked in the mirror again. But I look basically the same, so what just happene--

"Izuna, wake up." Someone opened the door to Sasuke's room, completely disregarding the fact that Sasuke didn't have a shirt on. The moment he walked in, Sasuke knew exactly who it was. "Why aren't you dressed yet? We have to get training as soon as possible. We're going to have another battle next week, and you and I have to be at the top of our game."

"... Madara... Uchiha..." Sasuke murmured, trying to keep his surprise to the minimum, so Madara wouldn't ask questions. "Battle?"

"Oh, that's right, I think I forgot to tell you yesterday." Madara walked over to Sasuke's closet and opened it, throwing Sasuke a long shirt. It went down past his knees, with long sleeves and a wide collar. "Get ready, Izuna, I'm serious."

"Izuna?" Sasuke asked, extremely confused, but accepted the shirt he was handed. "I'm sorry, where am I?"

"You're at home, idiot." Madara chuckled, an amused smile on his face. "The Uchiha compound? We just got back last night, remember?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't." Sasuke said sheepishly. He pulled his ponytail out from under the back of the shirt, and allowed it to fall down his back. "Who am I again?"

"Izuna, get a hold of yourself." Madara rolled his eyes, tossing Sasuke standard combat shoes. Sasuke knelt and put them on. "Your jokes really aren't funny. What's next, you're going to forget your own brother?"

"Brother?" Sasuke repeated, more confused than he'd ever been in his entire life. He'd only had one older brother, and that was Itachi, not Madara. And his name wasn't Izuna, either.

"That's me, stupid. Our other brothers were killed by those bastard Senju. Don't tell me you've forgotten them, too?" Madara sighed, opening the door again. Sasuke obeyed his elder's unspoken command to follow him.

Senju? Like Lady Tsunade? Lord Hashirama? Lord Tobirama? That clan has been nearly extinct for years. That means... I must be some time in the past. Way far back, too, if Madara's age is any indication. It appears I've become his younger brother Izuna... The one Madara took the eyes from... funny, he doesn't seem like an eye stealing asshole right now.

"Of course, I'm sorry." Sasuke told him, following closely. Madara lead him into what appeared to be a kitchen, picking up an apple throwing it at him.

"Eat up, younger brother. Might as well be strong for training." Madara sat at the table, legs curled nicely under him. Sasuke did as well, shoving the apple into his mouth and taking a bite.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked, chewing thoughtfully.

"I'll probably throw up if I do." Madara shrugged. "I train hard in the morning. You know this."

"Ah, yes. I'm sorry." He replied, finishing the apple off. Sasuke didn't usually eat breakfast either, simply because he wasn't hungry. But today he ate the apple gratefully. Why were things like this? More importantly, how could he get back? And where was the real Izuna? If he somehow ended up in Sasuke's body, everyone would be very, very confused. "I must just be tired."

"Be more alert." Madara poked Sasuke's shoulder, as if gently trying to wake him up. "I thought you'd be awake earlier today, but we did move a long way yesterday, so it's understandable."

"Gomen." Sasuke replied, not really knowing what else to say. "What were you saying earlier, about something you didn't tell me?"

"We have another battle scheduled for next week, apparently. Tobirama delivered the message and was gone before I could question it." Madara sighed. Sasuke stared at Madara, shocked at what he was seeing. His ancestor seemed... so tired of the war.

Sasuke's common sense was still running, so he mentally nodded. He knew exactly what era he was in now. This was before the village was even built.

I could either find a way back... or I could stay here and influence the village for a while, then go back... but I have no way to be sure any time would be wasted if I did it.

"Sorry, I shouldn't burden you with these things." Madara ran a hand through his hair. Sasuke noted that Madara looked really tired, like he hadn't gotten that much sleep last night.

"It's alright, nii-san." He choked out the word that he hadn't said in a good long while. "I like being in the loop. And you should talk to me more often- you can't hold your feelings in all in by yourself."

Madara sighed, and reached across the table to ruffle Sasuke's hair. He gave him a small smile. "Don't worry, little brother, I'll be just fine. Now, we should probably go train or something."

Sasuke stood up and stepped out of the way. Madara bustled about, getting things together. "Izuna, come here. Hold my gunbai, we're going to be gone all day. I'll pack food."

So, Sasuke was left holding his ancestor's gunbai. Madara opened up a sealing scroll and made a few handsigns. The food he'd scattered all over the table went poof, and Madara rolled up the scroll and shoved it into Sasuke's hands. Sasuke stuck it into Izuna's weapons pouch, and handed the heavy weapon to Madara.

Madara picked it up and swung it onto his back like it weighed nothing.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at his ancestor. Showoff... his onyx eyes wandered around the room, assessing his situation. He had a weapon choice, there were a couple swords and other weapons hanging on a wall in the middle of the room. Sasuke could feel Madara's eyes on him. If he made the wrong choice, Madara would know something was wrong.

Either he could go with his gut... well, actually, that was his only choice.

Sasuke, himself, was really into swords. He would use them whenever he needed them, and they worked well for him. So, he walked over to one and tried it out. It was a simple sword, nothing special like the other ones. He swung it around a couple times, getting used to having two arms. Madara watched him with calculating eyes.

"You seem a little off today, Izuna, is something up?" Sasuke's breath stopped. He looked up and flashed him a hesitant smirk.

"Nothing, everything's fine." Sasuke replied. He didn't know if he was able to feel the real Izuna's feelings, but he kind of regretted lying to Madara. It's not like he's my real brother, he's just my great, great great something grandfather or uncle or something. I don't even KNOW what he is to me, just that he's family.

Madara nods curtly, and gestures for Sasuke to follow him. They leave the house, and begin a trek through the woods. They're both silent, waiting for some else to talk. Sasuke didn't know what to do about this. He didn't have his Rinnegan and he didn't know what all Izuna's Sharingan could do. If they were ambushed by the Senju, he'd have to use Taijutsu. Not that Taijutsu was bad, he just was having trouble getting used to having two arms. He was a sitting duck, and therefore a liability to Madara.

He would have to tell someone soon, because depending on how in tune Madara was with Izuna, he would catch on quick.

Sasuke didn't recognize these woods, and it scared him. He spent more time in the woods than he should, and it was a sense of comfort for him. He had traveled many places, and had been in multiple forests, but this one was completely unfamiliar. Luckily, he had a guide, or else he'd probably have been lost by now.

"How did you sleep, Izuna?" Madara asked, turning around to look at Sasuke. Sasuke shrugged. He really couldn't remember how he slept. Probably because his mind was making the change into Izuna.

He wondered how Izuna was faring in his own body, waking up under a tree. He was journeying, on his way back to Konoha to check on his wife and daughter baby daughter.

"Aniki, how old am I?" Sasuke said, turning to Madara with an innocent look on his face.

Madara frowned. "You are twenty four."

Sasuke nodded as if he'd known this. "Gomen, I just wanted to hear it from you." He was exactly the same age as Izuna right now. His daughter was four years old.

Madara turned around, stopping. He dropped his gunbai and the scroll on the floor, and crossed his arms over his chest, standing in front of Sasuke.

"You've been acting strange, Izuna, and there is no getting out of it this time. Tell me exactly what is going on, right now, or I will beat it out of you." Madara said, sounding completely serious.

"Madara, I'm sorry, I'm fine." Sasuke put his hands out in an 'I give up' way.

"You've been saying 'I'm sorry' a lot today. The Izuna I know never has a reason to apologize. So tell me what's wrong with you, or so help me God, I'll pummel you into the ground." Madara said. Sasuke knew the threat was real, but didn't even know if he felt pain in this body.

He took his sword and slid it over his palm, leaving a thin cut. Blood leaked out of it, and Sasuke winced. Shit... so I can feel pain...

"Oh my Kami, are you crazy?" Madara gasped, moving forward instantly. He tore his a sleeve off his undershirt, and wrapped it around Sasuke's palm. Sasuke noticed Madara's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Why did you just do that, you idiot?!" He hit Sasuke over the head, and Sasuke winced again. Then Madara noticed and sighed. "Sorry, I just am very upset right now. You know hurting yourself is off limits, Izuna."

Sasuke sighed, looking at Madara's eyes. He was genuinely concerned, borderline terrified that his little brother had become suicidal. He was ready to bind Sasuke hand and foot if he hurt himself again.

"Whatever you're hiding... you can tell me. We're brothers, we don't have secrets." Madara said, voice changing from the concerned voice to a tough voice.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Madara was pulling an Itachi, which honestly only made Sasuke want to talk to him more. He missed having an older brother to watch his back, to scold him. He had missed this.

"Come on, otouto." Madara murmured. "Talk to me."

Dammit... "My name is Sasuke Uchiha, and I'm not your brother." Sasuke said. Madara's eyes narrowed, and he knew he probably shouldn't have started off like that.

"I'm sorry to spring that on you all of the sudden, but I'm from the future, and I woke up in your brother's body. I think I'm your descendant, but I come from really far into the future. Easily a hundred years." Sasuke said, trying to explain this gently.

Madara stepped back. "You're telling me, you're somehow possessing my brother's body... from the future?"

"I think your brother might be in my body as well, sir." Sasuke replied. "We must've swapped bodies somehow."

Madara frowned, stepping back once more. "Who are you, then?"

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha, and where I'm from, I was born as the clan leader's son, but my elder brother Itachi assassinated the entire clan when I was eight."

Madara's eyes widened, then he groaned, rubbing his temples. "The clan had gotten that weak?"

"Well, we had some pretty strong people in it. My father and Shisui Uchiha had the Mangekyo Sharingan, but my father was planning on overthrowing the village, so my brother did what had to be done."

"Village?" Madara opened his eyes. "None of this is making any sense."

"You should sit down, sir, I'm afraid I have a long story to tell." Sasuke sighed. He would have to wipe Madara's memory of this later, but he needed to get this stuff off his chest. Who better to tell than the man who started it all? Maybe after seeing how much destruction he caused, he'll be more hesitant to split off from the village.

Meanwhile:

Izuna woke up under a tree. He didn't know what was going on, why he was wearing a cape to bed, or where he was.

The first thing he noticed was that he couldn't move one of his arms.

Then he realized that he didn't have one arm.

So he sat back, unsure of what to do now. How did I get so far away from Nii-san?? And how did my arm get like this? When did I change clothes?

Common sense kicked in, so Izuna turned on his Sharingan, extending his chakra to feel for intruders.

But when he felt his chakra, he started breathing heavily. That much chakra? I did NOT have that much chakra when I went to bed.

He stood up, and stumbled to a nearby river. Looking down, he noticed that when he activated his Sharingan... he activated an Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and a Rinnegan. He stumbled back and collapsed in the grass, trying to stop himself from hyperventilating.

Holy shit.

Back to the original story:

Sasuke had finished telling the tale, and was scanning Madara's eyes for any reaction.

His mouth opened, finally.

"Bullshit."

It took Sasuke a moment to recover from that. He assumed his ancestor would've said something smart, like what do we do now? "Not bullshit, it's the truth."

"Really? How can I be sure that you aren't just Izuna pulling a prank on me? Because Izuna has always had a wild imagination, and he could totally dream up something like this to get me to not sign a treaty with the Senju. 'Oh Madara, if you sign the treaty, a hundred years into the future some fool will kill the entire clan! You musn't do it!'"

Before Sasuke knew what was happening, he drew his sword and swing it at Madara. Luckily, he was still getting used to having two arms, so it swung right by his head. "My brother is not a fool, my lord. You can call him that, but don't assume I'm going to stand there and let you."

Madara frowned some more. He was getting deja vu, as if this moment had happened before.

Then he remembered, it had, only two nights ago.

"Madara, please! Let's stop this fighting!" Hashirama said, blocking an attack from Madara's gunbai.

"No, Hashirama, I've told you before, I will not ally myself with you." Madara said, trying to keep the sigh out of his voice. At this point, he was only saying no for Izuna.

"Then you're a fool!" Tobirama spat from where he was attacking Izuna.

Izuna suddenly looked angry. He hastily stabbed forward, piercing Tobirama's shoulder with his sword. When Tobirama looked at him, wincing in pain, Izuna's eyes narrowed. "My brother is not a fool, Tobirama. You can call him that, but don't assume I'm going to stand there and let you."

Madara sighed, frowning. "Fine, sorry, kid. So what can we do to get you back home?"

"I think it's just temporary, but I don't know what I'm going to do until then." Sasuke said, pulling his sword out of the tree, and sitting down with his back leaning on the bark of another tree.

"You'll stay with me, obviously." Madara said, rolling his eyes. "If, and when my brother comes back, he will freak out if he's somewhere he doesn't recognize. Besides, I'm starting to like you, kid, even though you posed as my brother for half the day."

Sasuke shrugged. "So what's up with you guys in this era? I still don't know the complete story of what happened here, I only heard some of it from Hashirama and Tobirama a while ago. It would be nice to know what's going on so I can pretend to be Izuna later if I have to."

"Oh boy." Madara sighed. "I'll explain later, we should probably get some training in. If we're ambushed right now, you'd be dead weight."

"Yeah, I would be." Sasuke nodded, standing up. "I've fought you before, but I've never sparred with you without the intent to kill. This will be interesting, a good experience from me." Madara nodded. Sasuke didn't think Madara had really gotten over the shock of what he did. But Sasuke knew that his ancestor had done all of those things for a reason, and he had even thought like that before. He understood, and he told Madara so.

It was as if this conversation had squashed any doubts Madara had about what side he was on, and as much as Sasuke was happy that he had no hesitation, he knew that he would have to ruin it by wiping his memory.

Maybe he'd still feel it? Feel compelled to the light? Sasuke hoped so, because he really liked his ancestor now that he got to know him, and didn't think he deserved the fate he got in the real world.

Maybe things would change. Sasuke hoped so. He hoped his ancestor could live and die in peace. Him and Izuna, and Hashirama, and even Lord First's stubborn little brother Tobirama.

Sasuke sighed, and sat down again, sweat dripping down his face. Fighting with Madara was the most mentally and physically taxing thing Sasuke had done yet, and Sasuke could practically feel it enhancing his skills.

Then he felt a tug, like someone was pulling on his head. It came in the form of a headache, and he winced in pain. Madara looked over at him in a big brotherly way. "You good?" He asked, coming over.

"I think it's about time for me to go, Madara," Sasuke said, looking up at Madara. "See you later?"

"See you." Madara replied.

Then there was a little zap, and the boy in Izuna's body opened his eyes. "Aniki, the craziest thing just happened. You won't believe it."

"Oh, I think I will." Madara said, amused. "Tell me all about it, Izuna."

Meanwhile:

Sasuke didn't know how long he'd been falling, but it was a long time. That he knew. Then he physically saw his body changing from Izuna's into his. Shorter, black hair, outfit change, loss of an arm... Then he felt his own chakra enter his body, and he was frankly very relieved. He was happy to be back in his own body.

Finally, he stopped falling and opened his eyes. He was laying in a bed, instead of under a tree like he'd been dreaming of before.

He felt older, too. He wasn't as nimble, and more wise and sagely. He was wearing old jonin clothes he'd stolen from someone while he was on probation.

But someone was laying beside him. He reached over with his arm and felt their head, his fingers threading through pink hair. Sakura...

Then it all came back. No, he wasn't twenty four. He wished he was twenty four. He was 35, already an old man. And he was married. He had a daughter if his own, she was beautiful, and she was fifteen already.

Sakura had a strange look on her face, a weird smile, like she knew something he didn't, even though she was asleep.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, adjusting his pillow and closing them again.

This time, he woke up in Orochimaru's old den, right outside the door. It was weird, he thought he heard his teenage self in there, and his wife...

"Ano, sorry to just spring this on you all of the sudden, you know?" Sasuke put his ear to the door, shamelessly listening in. "I just felt like you needed to know."

"Oh. Yeah, how did you get here anyway?" The younger Sasuke asked. Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Let's just say, never play around in Naruto's office, hm?" Sakura said, giggling. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Of course that was how she landed here in her dream.

"Do I want to know?" Sasuke rolled his eyes again at his younger self's sarcasm, and he decided now was the time to intervene. He began to open up a portal to make it seem like he came out of no where.

"Probably not." Sakura said. "But I think my Sasuke-kun should be on his way right about--" a portal suddenly opened up behind her, and a man wearing black stepped out of it. "--now!" Sakura finished.

"Well, here's something you don't see every day." Sasuke said, leaning against the door frame. "Your wife cheating on you with your younger self. How sad is that?"

Sakura laughed and ran to Older Sasuke for a hug, which he willingly accepted. "Hey, anata! I'm happy you found me!!! Sorry for running off like that." Sasuke could feel the memories of his Dream Self filtering into his head. Apparently Sakura ran off completely randomly, scaring everyone.

"You should be. Do you have any idea how worried I-- ehm, Sarada was?" Older Sasuke asked, stopping himself a little.

"See, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura looked back at Sasuke's younger self. "You haven't changed a bit."

"Oh, shut up. Let's go home, huh?" Older Sasuke asked, stopping to look at his younger self. "Damn... wish I was still that young."

Younger Sasuke waved awkwardly at his older self. Sasuke resisted the urge to sigh.

"Has she turned you into putty in her hands yet?" Sasuke asked his younger self. "No surprise."

"Uh, nice to meet you too?" Sasuke said.

"Yep, definitely putty." Older Sasuke scoffed. "I never talked like that. Okay, Sakura, let's go."

"Well great." Sakura pouted. "Can't we stay longer, Sasuke? You were so cute when you were younger!" She reached out and ruffled the younger boy's hair. Sasuke frowned. I don't much like that...

"Sakura, we have a child. Well, she's not so little anymore, but you get it. We have to go." Sasuke sighed.

"Speaking of which, how old is she?" Younger Sasuke asked his older self.

"Fifteen." Older Sasuke replied. "She already wants to party till twelve and drive."

"Kids." Younger Sasuke sighed.

"Right?" Older Sasuke did the same. It took a minute for the irony of that statement to sink in, and he chuckled a little.

"OOOKAY, let's go." Sakura pulled on her husband's hand. "It was really nice seeing you again, younger anata." She said, pulling the boy into a hug. "Be a good boy. Don't do drugs. Don't try to destroy Konoha. Don't try to kill your brother. And definitely don't smile."

Hearing that last bit, younger Sasuke smiled. Older Sasuke mentally groaned at the fact that his uptight self was tricked by that.

"AHA!" Sakura grinned. "Told you I could make you smile!" She turned her head to Sasuke's older self.

"Nevermind. Let's go." Sasuke smirked.

"Okay. Bye, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura kissed his cheek and turned to her husband, grabbing his hand again. "I'll see you in a few years."

Sasuke looked at his younger self fondly, then reached out and poked him in the forehead using two fingers. "Be good."

Then they were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~《🌸》~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sasuke's eyes opened when Sakura jumped awake, panting heavily. He sighed. Why couldn't he just have a normal night of sleep? Now he was more tired since his mind time traveled twice.

"Tell me you had the same dream as me." Sakura pleaded. "Please tell me I'm not crazy."

"You're crazy alright." Sasuke nodded, rubbing his head and moving his hair out of his face. "But I am too, apparently. Because I have a vague memory of a pink haired kunoichi showing up one day..."

It was true, Sasuke had a memory. Two concepts were drilled into his head by mysterious people. "Be good, and not everything is as it seems." Sasuke recited. "I remember being told those things by strangers. It's why I came to the good side so easily."

"Easily?" Sakura scoffed.

Sasuke chuckled. "Okay, maybe not easily. Wait..." More memories of that night came back. "Sakura, you called me emotionless!" He said, putting a hand on his chest. "I'm hurt!"

"I'm sorry you're so monotone!" Sakura retorted, sticking her tongue out at him childishly. Sasuke smiled at his wife's ridiculousness. She's so cute...

He huffed before pulling Sakura in for a kiss.

Sasuke didn't tell Sakura that he had been somewhere else before he'd joined her dream. She'd had a long enough night as it was, and making her worry over him more was out of the question.

Sasuke was so tired his eyes were droopy. So he lay back and sighed. He'd worry about that tomorrow.

Yes! Before you ask, yes that was a continuation of Sasuke Meets a Strange Lady!

Hope y'all enjoyed Sasuke Has An Identity Crisis. There you go.

I'm tired as frick... goodnight children, love you all!