The forty-ninth time I saw him, he was alone and silly and sad.

Allie's P.O.V

I was alone in my apartment when someone knocked on my door. I looked at it, puzzled. No one was coming over that I knew of, and Luke would have texted me first.

Maybe girl scouts were selling cookies.

I, however, didn't want to move from my comfortable spot under two blankets, but than they knocked again more ferociously so I groaned and removed myself from my warm nest. 

It's for the girl scout cookies, I reminded myself.

I do like cookies.

When I opened the door, it was my boyfriend. "Oh," I said, disppointed. "It's you."

Luke bent down and pecked me on the cheek before coming inside. "Good to see you too."

I closed the door behind him and followed him into the kitchen. "I was hoping it was girl scouts selling cookies."

"Allie, why would girl scouts come to your door?" Luke asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.I

I shrugged. "I dunno, I just wanted some cookies!"

"They are good," Luke mused. 

"See?" I said, grabbing a (cylindrical? Can?) bag of Pringles and went into the living room. "If you want to talk to me, you have to come in the living room."

He did. "Aren't you in college? How can you afford Pringles?"

"I can't, but they're the only chip company that doesn't sell air so i figured I was getting my money's worth," I said, opening them and offering him the can. "Want one?"

Luke took a couple and sat down next to me as I burrowed back into my nest of blankets. "What are you doing?"

"Hibernating," I answered, curling up so only my head stuck out.

Luke was quiet and I looked over at him. He looked uncharacteristically melancholy, and tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders were hunched and his dark eyes weren't light like they normally were.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Luke shook his head and moved so he was sitting next to me, burrowing his way under the blankets until his lanky body was curled around my small one. He rested his head in the crook of my shoulder and his arms were wrapped around my waist.

"Luke," I said carefully, after I caught a whiff of something on my boyfriend that he didn't usually smell like. "Why do you smell like smoke?"

Luke tensed around me. He didn't answer right away, only held me tighter and inhaled, like he was trying to suck me in. I let him hold me, knowing that something happened and he would tell me in his own time. There was no point rushing someone into telling you something.

"I have something I need to tell you," he finally mumbled into my shoulder.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked gently, but Luke shook his head.

"Not here, I don't want to see your face when you find out," Luke said, then drew the blankets over us so we were completely surrounded, and in the dark.

I wasn't entirely hurt, because I remembered when I told my mom that I didn't want to go to college in California, I did it over the phone because I don't think I could have handled her expression of hurt and disappointment. Even then, her voice made me feel squirmingly guilty.

"What's wrong, babe?" I asked softly, reaching out and touching his face.

I could still see his eyes, gleaming slightly in the dark, reflective like a cats, when he leaned into my touch. "I smell like smoke," he said it slowly, hesitantly.

"Yeah," I whispered. "You do."

"I smoke when I get nervous, or anxious. Finley might get anxiety attacks regularily, but I get them too sometimes, like, when I feel too much pressure and I can't escape," his words were hurried now. "And then I smoke to calm myself down. Its horrible. I don't want to, but its the only thing that makes me feel better. And I haven't been sleeping a lot lately, and I can't calm down now, even when I smoke and-" his voicd cut off, choking on what sounded like a sob.

"Luke," I said sadly, reaching for him, but I could see the outline of him, shaking his head.

"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you, because I knew you'd feel bad for me and I don't want your pity. I don't," he said, pulling away from me.

I pulled him closer. "No, Luke," I said softly. "I don't pity you. But you need someone to hold you, because no one is. That's what I'm here for. Let me hold you. You don't have to be strong all the time."

I pulled Luke to me, where his head rested on my shoulder and he took in a deep, shuddering breath then relaxed, wrapping his arms around me. He took several deep breaths, and I recognized that he was trying to calm himself down, so I rubbed his back gently and didn't say aanything.

When he pulled back, my shoulder was a little wet. 

"Not to be intrusive, but why were you so anxious?" I asked.

Luke sighed and I could barely see him put a hand up to his face. "My mom. She was bothering me, saying I'm not going to do anything with my life if I don't get a move on."

I gasped. "She said that to you?!"

I had half a mind to find her and slap the woman, but Luke chuckled. "Yeah. She always does whenever Finley's giving her trouble. Finley doesn't like to take her meds, see, can't say that I blame her either, to be honest, and Mom gets mad. She thinks that she's done all she can to help us, and we're failing because we're dumb idiots who don't listen to her, when she actually doesn't listen to us."

"Sounds like my mom," I muttered. "They should go out to dinner sometime."

"Swap stories on how their kids misbehave and are throwing their lives away," I can hear the smile on Luke's face.

He pulled the blanket off our heads and kissed me. I closed my eyes, never one to turn down Luke's kiss, but something still nags me.

I'm glad I cheered Luke up, but it seems like he's miserable with his mom. I saw the cloud of overprotectiveness hovering over her when I was there. She wants to plan out her children's lives, making them the best. But she forgets to take into consideration what they want. Yes, Luke is smart, but he didn't want to go to college. He wanted to take some time off. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, in Europe, its considered normal to take a gap year. I don't know why she pressures her kids so much. It's only going to drive them away, and I speak from experience.

Look where I ended up.

Luke pulled away and shot me a wry grin. "You know what would cheer me up?" he asked. "Sex."

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, you'd think I don't fuck you enough."

"I'm a teenage boy!" Luke exclaimed. "I have needs."

"And I am an adult woman who shouldn't exkst to only please her man," I said.

Luke rolled his eyes.

"Careful, they'll get stuck I'm your head if you keep rolling them," I said sarcastically.

"I'm surprised yours haven't yet," Luke shot back.

"Shut up," I said.

Luke rolled his eyes once more, then pulled me to him.

I kissed him, and when his hands trailed down to the waistline of my pants, I let him continue, because honestly, who was I to turn down Luke?

Espiecially when he was like this, sad and beautiful and eyes still a little red from crying. He was a beautiful human being, with his body and his hair and those dark eyes that seemed to watch everything. Being sad only seemed to extinguish his light, the light that he had that shone through the entire room, putting smiles on people's faces and making them laugh. It was the thing that drew me to him in the first place.

I heard that people who make others laugh the hardest are usually the saddest, and I wanted to make Luke shine. He deserved to shine. When he didn't, you could feel it. When he was sad, he made you feel like crying with him because he was real, and people did feel what he felt. I could relate to him, and I remember how horrible it felt, how much you wanted to escape, so I tried to help him.

Even if it meant giving him my body.

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So, what do you guys think? Toxic relationship? Doomed to fail? What's Luke's deal? do any of you guys feel like you're being smothered by your parents? What do you do to escape that?

Love ya!

-taylor