I embraced a cloud, 
but when I soared 
it rained. ~ Frank O'Hara

Chapter V.

For a few moments the two of us stood blinking at each other.

"Boy, does the Missus hate you," Sammy spoke out at last. There was a hint of amusment in his voice. I didn't find it offensive, however. Quite the contantry, I found his mockery to be soothing.

"You think?" I sighed and plopped myself down on the grass.

"She got you a governess straight from hell. I'll bet she told her to be extra mean to you too. It's not yer fault though."

It is, actually. I'm a disgrace to the Beverly name.

Thankfully, Sammy couldn't hear the thoughts in my head and kept right on talking.

"She's just getting back at yous Momma. Miss Evelyn, she's the one Mistress Helen actually hates."

I glanced up at him, curiosity burning in my eyes. "Really? How come? Is it because Mama ran away from home a long time ago?"

"My momma says the hatred started even before that."

"Who is your Momma?"

"Em."

"Oh, her, I met Em when I first came. She's very nice. I know she's Elsie's mother, so that means you must be Elsie's little brother?"

"That's right."

"How come Aunt Helen hates my mother?"

"I don't know. Momma don't talk much about it. She says it's ain't none of my buisness."

I rolled my eyes. "That's the only thing people say around here. You ask any questiong about anything interesting and all you get is 'it ain't none of your buisness, it ain't none of your buisness, it ain't none of your buisness." I shook my finger and swaggered around as I spoke the words. Sammy let out a chuckle.

"Yer funny, Miss Sarah."

"Thank you. Well, I guess I'm free today. Thank goodness. I was getting so tired of the endless lessons."

"You should consider yerself lucky that you are getting lessons."

There was jealousy in his voice. I had learned by now that slaves weren't allowed to read or write, and it was obvoius Sammy was not happy about this fact.

Desperation makes us bold. I was so desperate for a friend, someone who I could be close too, someone who I could depend on. Someone who wasn't a grown up, grown ups could not be depended on, I had learned that long ago.

I needed someoen my age, and now that the opportunity had presented itself I was going to grab it, no matter what the consequences.

"Here's the thing, I actually can barely read myself and I'm terrible at it. How about I do my lessons with you, and we could learn together. Maybe that way I'll make quicker progress and Aunt Helen won't always be so cross with me."

Sammy narrowed his eyes. "Slaves ain't supposed to..."

"I won't tell if you don't," I cut him off, "and if you do tell I'll deny it."

He stood staring at me, obviously trying to decide if he could trust me or not.

"You're here in the garden every day, right? I'll just be coming out here to play an we'll read a little in secret...unless I get another governess from hell of course."

Sammy should his head. "The Massa will make sure you have someone nice. He likes you and he won't let this repeat itself."

"So let's give it a try. But we must swear secrecy, no one must know, not even Em or Elsie. Too many people knowing puts us all at risk. I'm already in disgrace."

"So why risk it?"

"Because I want a friend."

My last sentence won him over. He cracked a small smile and took a deep breath. "Alright. I want to read and there ain't no one here to teach me, I'll take the risk."

"Let's spit on it!" I spit a huge glob into my palm and held it out. Sammy pulled a face'

"Ick!"

"Come on! That's the only way to seal a deal between two parties. Robert said so."

"Who is Robert."

"My friend back in Boston. He's older and smarter than the two of us so he would know."

My words seemd to strike a chord. Sammy snort and spit large and hard into his palm. "Ain't no way he's smarter than me. Age don't bring wisdom, Papa says so!" He grabbed my hand and we shook.

"Snitches get stitches!" I said.

"Speak and yer dead!" He replied.

That night I slept better and deeper than before.

***

Sammy had been right when he said that Uncle Andrew wouldn't let me have another governenss from hell. Elsie told me later that Uncle Andrew and Aunt Helen had argued long and hard over the matter of Miss Smithson, but in the end Uncle Andrew had stated that he would find a new governenss to take care of me.

True to his word, just two days later, Miss Jennifer Hudson arrived. She was a short woman, well rounded, with a pretty smile but firm eyes. She was polite and kind, but strict and seemed to have eyes on the back of her head. Still, she was fair and treated me well. Under her guidance I began making progress in all the accomplishments that a girl was expected to learn.

I was allowed two hours of free play in the afternoons and it was during this time I practiced reading with Sammy. He picked up the letters and sounds a lot quicker than I did and soon it felt like he was the one teaching me and not the other way around.

Thus the days passed one after another, and soon an entire year went by. I started to slowly settle into my new life, though I would still often cry for Mama in the night and wish on every star that Emily would appear and take me to live with her. Emily loved me after all and being beggars with someone who loved you was better than living in wealth with those who looked dowm on you. Aunt Helen never lost an opportunity to remind me what a disgrace I was and though Uncle Andrew was kind to me I kept my distance. Uncle Andrew was a man after all, and if there was one thing I learned growing up in a brothel was that men could not be trusted. Despite all this I still began to get comfortable with my new routine and then all at once everything changed again.

It was summer, just a few days after my one year annniversary if arriving at Beverly Hills I noticed that Sammy was not in the garden. This was unheard of. Since the day I had first met him till now there had not been a day he had not been working in the garden, except for Sundays, when he got the day off.

I searched out Elsie to ask her if maybe he was sick.

"Sam's been sold," was her crisp reply.

I blinked at her in disbelief. "He's been...he's been what?"

Her eyes softened a little at my obvious shock. "I keep forgetting you's new to all this, Miss Sarah. Remember, we's slaves, we are owned by the Massa and the Mistress. When they decide that they no longer need us they can sell us to someone else."

"But...why?"

Elsie could only shrug. "That is a question only Mistress Helen can answer. She is the one who sold him."

A chill went down my spine for some reason. I would have still found the courage to ask Uncle Andrew, but Aunt Helen? I stayed away from her as though she was the plague. I would greet her in the mornings and bid her good night in the evening and both times she was never happy to see me. I think we only had to go through the ceremony because it was custome and custome was something of a religion to my aunt. Apart from that she never asked to see me and had nothing to do with me. Anything that had to be said or done concerning my upbringing was done through Miss Hudson and Elsie. And yet my only friend had just been sold and taken to some place. I didn't even know where.

For two whole days I battled with my fear, and finally found the gumption to come to the drawing room, where Aunt Helen spent her afternoons and knock on the door.

"Who is it," her crisp voice called out.

I always turned and ran, but forced myself to speak out in a shaking voice. "It's my, Aunt Helen, Sarah. May I come in."

"What do you want?" Her voice became sharp and angry. I took that as an invitation to enter and cracked the door open just enough for me to slip inside.

"I wanted to ask why you sold Sam Climb?"

My question caused her to let out a cold chuckle. "You can blame yourself for that, Sarah."

"Me? Why am I to blame."

"It became apparent to everyone that you were growing too close to that slave. We don't do that in this house, slaves have their place and it is not as an equal to you. You may be a disgrace and a lowlife, but you still are of my blood, tragic as that may be, and as such I cannot have you assossiating with slaves. You are their master, you command them what to do, they do it, that is the beginning and the end of your relationship. Once you cross the line, once you begin to allow them to be more than just a slave they begin to think that they are your equal and that," Aunt Helen's eyes turned murderous, "is the beginning of then end. We nip these sort of things in the bud. Hence I sold your little friend, for you cannot have slaves for friends. I hope this will teach you to keep your distance. You don't want me to sell Elsie as well, do you."

I felt tears coming to my eyes and tried my best to hold them back. "But Aunt Helen, who am I to have for friends then?"

She laughed. "Friends, someone like you doesn't deserve friends, Sarah. Just be glad that we are letting you live here and giving you an education. Do your duty, learn well, become a proper young lady and then we will marry you off and be rid of you at last. I have nothing more to say, you may leave."

I bit my lip and turned away. None of this seemed fair. Why couldn't I befriend the slaves? Why did I have to be their master? Who came up with all these rules? Why did whe have to follow them?

Coming to my room I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. One year since Momma died, one year since I came here, one year since I became Sarah Maybelle Rose, one year since I had left my only friend to come to a strange place. And now, again, I had lost the only friend I had.