My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes. ~ Lucy Maud Montgomery 

Chapter IV

I was fed supper in my room. Elsie informed me that children never ate at the big table. Part of me was glad. I didn't want to have to face Aunt Helen. I knew I was a girl of no upbringing and didn't know anything about good and proper etiquette. God forbid I made a mistake and then she would have a fit and send me to some horrible boarding school. 

Once I was done with the meal Elsie changed me into my nightgown, tucked me into bed, put out the lamp and departed from the room. I was left alone in the darkness.

The first thing that struck me was how quiet it was. There was not a sound to be heard. I had never known it could be so silent in the night. In the brothel night time was the noisiest time. Even on the train it was click clack click clack the entire way. Tonight it was so still I could hear my own breathing and it terrified me. 

I was alone. No one wanted me, no one cared for me. If my heart were to give out tonight no one would grieve. Emily and Robert were the only two people in the world who would be saddened by my death, but they were far away. I wondered what had become of them. Emily had given Uncle Andrew all the information she knew about Mama, and she had been the one to go to the shop and buy respectable clothes for me. In return, Uncle Andrew had given her a thick envelope and told her Robert ought to be in school. I guessed the envelope had money and I was sure Emily had cut and run with her son as soon as she could. 

Where had they gone? Why couldn't I have gone with them? Why did I have to come here? They didn't want me here while Emily would have loved to keep me.

Tears started to flow down my cheeks. I crept out of the bed and went to the closest where Mama's old dress hung. I settled down among the folds and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I was awakened by a cry of dismay. I came out of the closest and saw poor Elsie, her face a picture of terror.

"Why, Miss Sarah, what are you doing in there? You scared me half to death. Don't go playing tricks like that no more. The Massa will sell me if anything happens to you."

"Sorry."

"Come along now, your governess is here and it won't do to have you in your night clothes. I caught a glimpse of her and she's a sharp one, she is. Don't argue with her and don't do anything wrong or she'll give you what for."

Now it was my turn to have my face become a picture of terror. "Do I have to have a governess, Elsie?"

"All good and proper girls have them, Miss Sarah."

She said no more and set about to dress me and comb my hair. Elsie wasn't as fast or experienced as Em and she wasn't quite finished with me when Aunt Helen entered the room. She was followed by a tall, plump woman dressed in an ugly gray dress and with a hideous bonnet on her head. Her face was very round, her nose small, and her lips fixed in a frown.

"Not even fully dressed yet," she said in a low voice as she looked me up and down in disapproval.

"Lazy and slothful, just like her mother," Aunt Helen stated.

"Never mind, I'll soon whip her into shape. Don't you worry, Mrs. Greensten, I'll make sure she knows her place and stays in it."

I looked up at Elsie and saw sympathy in her eyes, but sympathy would not save me. Aunt Helen frowned at me and left the room.

"My name is Miss Smithson and I am your new governess, Sarah," the woman introduced herself. "I have been told you were given no proper education or upbringing and are as good as a pauper. Your Aunt and Uncle hold a high position and so you must be made to play the part. I do not tolerate any sort of disobedience, defiance, and disrespect. You will do what you are told when you are told and you will do it silently. Only speak if you are spoken to. Do you understand."

"Yes ma'am."

"Now, Elsie, since the girl did not rise on time she will skip her breakfast. Laziness brings about a young lady's ruin. Finish with her hair and leave the room. I will call for you when you are needed."

Elsie nodded and set about working as fast as she could. My eyes begged her not to leave me with this crocodile of a woman, but Elsie didn't dare disobey and she promptly departed as soon as she was done.

"Your mother is dead," Miss Smithson spoke to me once we were alone, "so this afternoon a tailor will come to prepare a mourning frock for you. Your mother was a disgrace but you are her child and priority dictates you mourn her for two years. This means for the next two years you will wear black and only black. Now, can you read or write at all?"

"I know how to spell my name."

She let out a snort. "Much good that will do you. Very well. We will have etiquette lessons in the mornings and the afternoons will be for academic education."

Thus began my life under Miss Smithson. If I had thought life in the brothel was a jail, it was paradise compared to what I now went through. She was with me for every single moment of the day. Only leaving after I had been put to bed. And she was never happy with me. Everything I did was wrong, everything I did was a disgrace. There was no hope for me, I was destined to be the ruin of my Aunt and Uncle and I would ruin her good name while I was at it.

This went on for a week. I neither saw nor heard from my Aunt or Uncle in all that time. The only people I saw were Elsie and Miss Smithson. 

Exactly seven days after my arrival at Beverly Hills, fate smiled on me and Miss Smithson dozed during our midday rest period. I was desperate to get away from this awful woman and tiptoed out to my balcony. There were thick vines growing from the balcony down to the ground. Climbing was nothing new to me, Robert and I would often climb out of the third story window of the brothel to get down unnoticed and go play at the docks.

I clambered down the vines and soon was down on the soft green grass. Immense satisfaction filled me as I broke into a forbidden run, relishing the feeling of the earth on my bare feet.

I was so absorbed in my joy that I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings and suddenly crashed right into someone. The force with which I flew into the unfortunate person was so strong that we both tumble to the ground.

"What on earth," I heard a boyish voice exclaim. I sat up and found myself looking into the bright brown eyes of a boy. He looked about the same age as Robert, his skin was dark, his face surprised and bewildered.

"Finally, someone my own age!" I exclaimed. "Who are you?"

"I'm so sorry, Miss," the boy apologized in a frightened tone. "I didn't mean to topple you over! It's all my fault."

"It's all my fault, actually," I replied with a laugh. "I wasn't watching where I was going. Who are you?"

"My name is Samuel Climb, I's a slave here."

Of course! I really should have known. It seemed that all the dark skinned people were slaves in the household. 

"I'm Sarah Rose."

"You the niece of the Massa and Mistress, I know that."

"What are you doing in the garden, Sammy?"

He frowned at my words. "Most folks call me Sam."

"I don't like Sam and Samuel is too long. Surely you don't mind me calling you Sammy."

"Sounds like the name for a sissy."

"Does not," I laughed, "Bobby is the name for a sissy. Sammy is the name for a friend."

My words didn't seem to comfort him. Instead he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Slaves ain't the sort of people you befriend, Miss Sarah."

"Well, who am I supposed to befriend? There aren't any other children here so I might as well play with you."

"Slaves don't play, they work."

"Are you working in the garden?"

"Yes."

"That's nice. It must be a wonderful kind of job. Much better than having to deal with that horrible governess of mine."

I saw Sammy's eyes widen with horror at those words. A sharp smack on my head caused me to wince and turn around. Looking up, I met the seething glare of Miss Smithson. The look in her eyes made me think that perhaps this was going to be my last day on earth. Miss Smithson grabbed my ear and shook me with all her might. I winced from the pain but didn't dare cry, that would only make her shake me harder.

"Of all the horrible creatures that crawl on this earth, you, Sarah, are the worst. You don't deserve to live on this earth! You are a disgrace, just like your mother was. You should have died together with her and then none of us would have to put up with you..."

"Miss Smithson, unhand the child at once!"

It was the deep voice of Uncle Andrew that cut her off. We all turned and saw him approaching us. Miss Smithson obediently let me go.

"Mr. Greensten, if you would have heard what came out of her mouth..."

"Should I be surprised when she has a governess who doesn't seem to know any gentle language? And how dare you shake her like that? Do you want to rip her ear off? Has she been treating you like this all this time, Sarah?

I looked from Miss Smithson, to Uncle Andrew. How desperately I wanted to lie, but somehow I didn't dare too. 

"This was the first time she shook me by the ear, Uncle Andrew, sir."

"How does she usually punish you?"

"I must skip meals and write out long sentences."

"SKIP meals? Did you skip any today?"

"Breakfast. I never wake up early enough so I don't usually have them."

Uncle Andrew turned to Miss Smithson, fire burning in his eyes.

"She is a lazy girl, Mr. Greensten."

"She is a half starved girl. Look at her, nothing but skin and bones and what about those dark circles under her eyes? And why is she so pale? Do you often play in the garden, Sarah?"

"I don't, sir."

Miss Smithson reached over and pinched me. "What a little liar we ahve here. Mr. Greensten, we play for an hour every day."

Uncle Andrew turned to Sammy. "How often have you seen them here?"

"This is my first time, Massa Greensten."

Miss Smithson opened her mouth but Uncle Andrew held up his hand. "You are dismissed without notice, Miss Smithson. Go pack your bags."

"Mrs. Greensten is the one who hired me, Mr. Greensten, I only take orders from her."

Uncle Andrew's face grew cold and his eyes narrowed. "I am the master of this house, Miss Smithson, if I don't want you in it then you shall not be in it. I will not tolerate anyone who abuses my niece the way you have been doing. I don't care what cruel orders Mrs. Greensten gave you concerning Sarah. As of today you are no longer her governess. You leave today, you receive no reference. Sarah," he turned to me so abruptly that I jumped, "stay out here in the garden for the rest of the day and get some color to those cheeks."

"Yes sir."

Uncle Andrew motioned with his hand and Miss Smithson had no choice but to follow. Soon it was just Sammy and me alone in the garden again.