Finally, after spending several long months up to my eyeballs in hair every spare chance I could get, I can afford an operational computer. Well, after I finish up this client's trim and blowout, at least.

I was already trying my hardest to stabilize my excitement that had a habit of making itself known through shaky arms. I had a handle on that while working, but being surrounded by five girls that were the personification of fireworks themselves didn't exactly help to keep me calm.

I really had to get a move on with my appointments because I needed to be able to do my work over Thanksgiving break next week and, without a computer, that would be not only impractical, but impossible.

"I feel like I'm waiting for the ball to drop on New Year's!" I heard Maddy over the blast of my hairdryer. Working in a salon for years seemed to have only made my hearing more acute. It looks as though I haven't become my mother quite yet.

I just smiled to myself. Sure, it wasn't the most professional environment to have your friends sit across from your client, staring her down like curious vultures. Of course, my efforts at preventing them from clearing their schedules to run out with me and make my long-awaited purchase proved fruitless. And, although my client had absolutely no knowledge of my entire mission, she didn't seem to mind their intrusion. She was getting her hair done in a college dorm, after all. A degree of professionalism is most likely not the status quo.

"It really is great what you're doing here." Although we couldn't see each other's expressions, I grinned. "I have to admit, when my lab partner told me about your little operation, I was skeptical. But when she met me for coffee after her interview later that day, I saw all I needed to see. You really did an amazing job!" Anishka, or Ani, as she requested I called her, was smiling brightly right from when I first opened the door to greet her. I immediately knew she was going to be a lovely client, but her continued praise of my services and hospitality made me smile so much, my cheeks hurt. I felt even better when I had revealed the finished product to her in the mirror.

"Oh my gosh!" I looked down at the floor at the bits of hair I needed to sweep promptly after she left. The familiar warmth of bashfulness spread to my face. "How did you make it so smooth and shiny?"

Ani arrived with her long black hair wrapped in a braid. After speaking to her in more detail and getting a feel for her naturally coarse and straggly hair, I just did what I was taught. And I learned from the best.

"There's no big secret or trick. Hair is revived and visibly healthier when you cut off dead ends. Then, I just used a softening and hydrating conditioner. I'm glad you like it. Truly." I could tell the girls were chomping at the bit to go to the store, but they were also giving me their knowing looks. At this point, I could practically read their minds!

Don't you see? You're amazing!

Just look at how talented you are! The proof is in the pudding...

She loves it! Just like everyone else in their right mind...

I told you my master plan would work! *Insert maniacal laughter*

Yep. There's no question as to who that last statement would belong to.

"I've never seen my hair look like this before! This is perfect for my performance tomorrow! I'm going to play the cello for my first recital." She sprung up and pulled me in for a hug. This is it. The same feeling I got when Amanda Stoger left my mom's salon for the homecoming dance.

At that moment, I couldn't think about how I could finally afford a computer or even about Gnat, whose name alone twisted my stomach and numbed my arms. I only felt the happiness and confidence emanating from Ani's embrace.

"I would love it if you could come tomorrow night. You can bring anyone you want, even your friends if they want to come. It would be nice to see a familiar face so I don't get too nervous on stage." She surveyed the room, her smile mirroring those of my roommates. I didn't know what to say. She wants me to come to her first Yale recital just because I did her hair? I've never been in this position before.

I opened my mouth to accept her invitation, but Elizabeth beat me to the punch.

"We'd love to come! Thanks for the invite!" As Ani gathered her jacket and bag to leave, she gave all of the girls a kind hug, her bright smile never leaving her face.

I turned to reach for the mini broom and dustpan next to my makeshift styling station so I could clean up the hair, but Elizabeth's firm death-clamp on my arm hindered my advances.

"Liz, I have to clean this up! You can wait another minute before we go." Okay, maybe I was turning into my mom.

"Oh, come on! The icky pile of hair on the floor can wait. It doesn't have human skills or emotions like patience and neither do I! Let's go!" I huffed as she tugged me down the hall, barely giving me a second to grab my coat.

↞↠

CTTransit is a lifesaver when it comes to getting places in New Haven in November when no one wants to walk for miles in the cold. We caught the bus that would bring us right to Best Buy and sat together, discussing our freshly made plans for the following evening.

"How great is this? Sara is getting us connections!" Maddy playfully nudged my shoulder, forcing the redness to stain my complexion once again.

"The event is open to everyone, Maddy. She was just being nice." I was still wondering why she did invite me in the first place. She probably felt bad, thinking I'd be stuck inside working. Or, she was being courteous. That's it, she was just being nice, like I said.

"It's still cool that she invited you to a concert! It'll probably be much more sophisticated than the parties we've been to. And on top of that, you can invite Elijah!" I smirked and blushed at the way Charlotte added a dreamy cadence when she spoke his name. My fingers reflexively went to play with my bottom lip, a habit I'd developed from nerves along with an effort to hide my expression.

"Yeah, and he can come with Sean and Braxton! It'll be just like when we went to Louis'!" Maddy chimed in, and my smile dropped.

"Well, hopefully, it doesn't turn out exactly how it did when we went to Louis'..." Charlotte smirked before her and Maddy burst into laughter.

"Yeah, I'm still pissed that I missed that." Liz slouched back, crossing her arms and sulking.

I could hardly pay attention to the rest of the conversation. The mention of Braxton's name alone made me upset. I would've liked to invite him to join all of us at the concert. But Gnat's direct threats made me wary. At the same time as I was thinking, "who is she to control everyone else's lives?" But I also had to think about what would happen if I defied her demands. Would she really say something to Elijah? Would she really try to get him to dislike me? Would she fight with Braxton or try to do something to my friends? If she wasn't above vilifying me and disparaging my character, what else was she capable of? There were so many possibilities running through my mind. It was hard to discern which ones were rational and which were completely bonkers because I had no idea how far Gnat would go. One thing I did know for sure. She was definitely no Addison Leigh. Something told me that she was much more underhanded than little miss "hometown hero," and Addison threatened to mess with my mom's livelihood for goodness' sake!

"Sara, what's wrong?" I looked up from the floor of the bus and removed my fingers from my lip, remembering to smile.

"Nothing, I was just zoning out." They looked skeptical. "I really need a break after school, work, hair, and just, well, everything! I'm ready for Thanksgiving!" The girls nodded and started discussing their plans with family over Thanksgiving break. However, I did catch the brief glances exchanged between Charlotte and Elizabeth. Now I just have to hope I won't face an interrogation tonight.

↞↠

"Ooh, rose gold! Get the rose gold one! I didn't know they made computers in this color." Charlotte lifted the laptop to analyze it some more, even holding it next to her wrist to see if it matched the shade of her watch. We all knew it was her favorite color since our Skype sessions in August.

"Actually, I already know which one I'm getting." I smiled and herded the girls to the HP section. After so many years of noisy, but reliable service from my now-deceased computer, I wanted to maintain a degree of brand loyalty.

"Of course you've already done your precious research! You wouldn't be our Sar-bear if you didn't." Elizabeth hugged me, aka almost suffocated me, from behind.

"What the heck did you just call her?" Mariana was clearly bemused, basically the same as the rest of us. Elizabeth just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong with me giving my roomie a nickname?" Maddie scoffed.

"Nothing. Just as long as you don't have weird secret nicknames for the rest of us." Liz just grinned. Judging by her response, I was sure we'd discover everyone else's nicknames in due time.

↞↠

"Okay, would you like to purchase our Geek Squad Protection Plan?" I responded with a 'definitely,' my eyes widening in emphasis. There is no way I'm leaving things up to chance, especially not after everything I've been through just to get to this point.

I was finding it hard to contain my excitement and pride. It's an extraordinary feeling to be self-sufficient. That's what I was thinking about as I reached into my bag to remove the envelope filled with the money I'd made from practicing the trade my mother taught me. The one I've had a love-hate relationship with for the majority of my life.

When I grasped the packet, I felt a heaviness that I didn't recognize before when I would put my profits away to secure them after each appointment. I felt the weight of the things that have been said to me, that have been said to my mom, that have been said to me about my mom. The taunts from Addison, the threats from Gnat that I knew were not empty.

When handing over the sleeve of cash, I couldn't help but acknowledge that some the contents of that envelope came from Gnat, which really meant it came from Elijah's family. His parents. This success is a result of their money. It came from the same hand that dished out uninhibited brutality directed toward me and the people I care about the most. How can I be proud of this?

↞↠

Upon returning home, I notified the girls that I would be going straight to bed. I told them that all the excitement wore me out. It's easy to tell people what you want them to hear knowing it will get you from point A to point B with as few questions as possible.

But I told the truth. I did exactly what I said I was going to do.

I went to bed.

I went to bed with the guilt that came along with knowing my new computer was paid for by the likes of Gnat. Scratch that. It was paid for by my boyfriend's family before I even got the chance to meet them. I felt as if I'd just made a purchase using dirty money.

I already owe so much to my friends for occupying our communal space and taking up their time, and now Elijah's family is also wrapped up in this. The knowledge that I used Gnat's money made me feel sick, but what made me feel even worse was not understanding why I felt that way. It sounded so irrational in my head, and probably even worse if I said it out loud. But one of the worst parts about having feelings is that you can't control them most of the time. They get hurt no matter how much you try to protect them. They're vulnerable no matter how much you close yourself away from the world. I should've known what would come along with "putting myself out there." I should've known what to expect.

This brought me to a new realization.

If I would've known what to expect before walking into all of this, would I have still gone through with it?

I criticized myself for thinking like that. How could I consider such a thing? I didn't want to imagine what my life would be like without my amazing friends. Without Elijah.

The more I thought, the worse I felt.

I began to notice that I was breathing heavily and my pillow was cold and wet from tears.

"Don't do this to yourself, Sara. Not now. Don't spiral." I spoke out loud, thankful that Elizabeth wasn't in our room yet. I'm embarrassed enough alone.

I was noticeably shaking. "What is wrong with me?" With that, I slammed my face in the pillow, my body facing away from the door just in case Elizabeth were to come in.

To avoid further shame and guilt, I did what I'd gotten used to doing. I sucked it up and shoved it away, opting for an article on oculomotor systems and perception that I'd saved in my folder for the times when I just needed a distraction so I wouldn't just be sick for the rest of the night.

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Thank you ever so dearly for reading my story

Please remember to VOTE and COMMENT if you enjoyed this chapter! Most of you know by now how much I enjoy reading each and every one of your comments, so don't be afraid to share and start a conversation! I love seeing both familiar and new faces (or in this case, profile pictures)!

Yay! Sara finally has her very own brand new computer! She's worked incredibly hard, so I think a celebration is in order 🥳🎉 Congratulations, Sar-bear! (I think Elizabeth would appreciate that)

This chapter delved slightly into Sara's thoughts and how easy it is for her to overthink. And this is only the tip of the iceberg. As much as her thinking may sound irrational, it is important to note that she has been through years of trauma and much more that's been tucked away deep inside as a result of her always putting others before herself and being afraid to disappoint who she loves, or anyone for that matter. It seems Will's initial prognosis holds water...

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Well...