Title: The Last Woman on Earth

Author: Graffon_SK

Summary: 4/5

Your summary has made me very excited to read your story, so well done! The premise is simply fantastic, you introduce the protagonist, the conflict, and the stakes at hand with cohesion and fluency. Very well done! I can't wait to hear more about Eve, why she hates the man she has to team up with, and how the conflict resolves. Great work here.

A few technical notes, though, that mostly relate to grammar:

With her back against the wall. Eve unwillingly allies herself...

This should all be one sentence, so you should use a comma instead of a full-stop. It should be:

With her back against the wall, Eve unwillingly allies herself...

Next:

Will Eve succeed? or Will she meet the same fate as her mentor? What would you do? if you were the last woman on earth?

Whenever you start a new sentence, the first word of that sentence must be capitalised. Also, 'Earth' should be capitalised, as it is used as a proper noun in that sentence. It should look like this:

Will Eve succeed? Or will she meet the same fate as her mentor? What would you do if you were the last woman on Earth? 

Grammar: 3/5

Your grammar isn't too bad, but it could use some polishing. We'll start with the basics – you have sentences that don't end with full-stops, you have sentences that don't start with capital letters, and you have lots of sentences missing commas. I recommend reading your story aloud to see where there are awkward passages, and where you need pauses for the work to remain fluent. Those pauses usually indicate that you need a form of punctuation.

Next, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Switch to the other channel." Macklin said.

'Macklin said' directly refers to the dialogue spoken. It should be:

"Switch to the other channel," Macklin said.

Also, make sure you aren't mixing up verbs with their noun forms. For example:

Breath in and out.

'Breath' is the noun. It should be:

Breathe in and out.

On a similar note, you seem to be mixing up quite a lot of words with words that are quite similar. For example:

"I know what's at stack here."

I believe you meant 'stake', as opposed to stack (which is like, a stack of books). Another example:

... is being miss-used.

In that example, it should be misused.

Finally, let's talk about tenses. In the following example, you switched between tenses mid-sentence:

"You are missing the whole damn point..." I blurted out and walk towards her.

Let's break it down:

I blurted out... [blurted = past tense]

... and walk towards her. [walk = present tense]

You need to keep your tenses consistent throughout the entire story. 

Characterisation: 3.5/5

I really, really enjoyed reading about Eve. She is a very thoughtful character from the beginning – she questions the bots about how they lie about saving the human race. The poor thing has been through a lot (the pregnancy, thinking that her twins had died inside her, watching her mother suffer, and all the issues that the drugs provide). Despite all of that, she's a tough girl, and I loved seeing her stand up for herself in many situations – even small ones, like when Ethan kept calling her sexbot because he thought she was dead.

Though, there were moments where I found that her dialogue didn't quite match the ferocity in her internal monologue. For example, when she's super angry at Yung-Shaw, she says:

"Take back your words right now?" I balled my fists and glared at him.

Moments like those felt quite out-of-character, because she's angry, fierce, but then her statement comes out like a question. Did you, perhaps, mean an exclamation mark instead of a question mark? It makes her sound indecisive, which didn't quite match my thoughts on her.

That aside, I love how you don't dump her entire backstory to the reader – rather, it comes out bit by bit, and often serves as important moments of revelation. We find out that William is Eve's sister and that her family isn't entirely dead, we find out that her kids are alive, and it's a great way to develop characters.

Even characters who we initially see as heartless and antagonistic – such as Yung-Shaw – develop and show more complexity. For example, we think he is horrible for creating the bots, but then we hear the story of his gay lover and the suicide, and we can't help but sympathise with him. This leaves a powerful dynamic with the reader, as we no longer know who to trust.

There were some moments of badassery and wit for most of your protagonists. For example, I loved seeing Grace pretend to be a bot, I loved how Sophie seemed insignificant at first but then, by controlling her, they could be controlling the entire fortress. Those are great moments that left the story rather unpredictable – well done!

Finally, you do have quite a few first-person perspectives – Grace, Ethan, Eve's, for example. My issue is that it doesn't feel all that distinct. There isn't enough internal monologue going on to make me live and breathe each perspective, and it often became difficult keeping up with the story because I'm not completely attuned to the character telling the story. Eve's internal monologue was the most distinct, as it was full of the ferocious energy, but the others didn't quite branch out enough. More will be spoken about this in the next section. 

Writing Style: 3/5

I'm going to start with the most important thing I noted. There's this thing called 'White Room Syndrome' in writing (it sounds worse than it is!). Basically, it's when stories have so little setting that it may as well be set in a white room. That's sort of how I felt while reading your story – it lacked setting. And considering that we're in a rather futuristic, apocalyptic world, the setting is incredibly important. I recommend going back and fleshing out your story.

In fact, you do have a lot of dialogue in your story, which is fine. But, as I mentioned in the characterisation section, the constant dialogue and lack of internal monologue makes it hard to immerse the reader into the world. Describing the setting or the tones of voices or even the small details from a certain character's perspective can really help engage your reader.

Let's look at an example – Eve's death. It's a pretty pivotal moment in the story. So, consider this: rather than writing it as 'the president stabbed her again and again', flesh it out. Describe the horrific smell of blood, or the whistle of the blade, or the sight of the blood. That would make it more immersive for the reader, and emphasise the climactic nature of the story.

Next, watch out for redundant sentences. For example, you wrote:

Macklin removed the comms and threw it, as they were rendered useless after the blast.

And then, in the next paragraph, you wrote:

Macklin and Ethan removed the comms when a deafening static rang through their ears and rendered the comms useless.

You've basically repeated yourself. Consider just using the second sentence only.

Also, be careful of overusing the same pronoun in a single sentence:

I pulled back my first but I felt a cracking pain in my elbow and I stopped midway and let out a small cry as I dealt with the pain.

That's a lot of 'I's. Consider breaking it into a few sentences to flesh out the drama and tension of the moment. Otherwise, it sounds very awkward and rushed to read. 

Plot + Originality: 4/5

Overall, I cannot get over what an awesome premise your story has. The start of your story is intense, and there are many twists that keep the reader on their toes. It's terrifying how Yung-Shaw is always one step ahead of the protagonists, leaving a sense of thrill, and there are moments where it's clear that the narrators aren't being completely open with the reader – and the unreliable narrator trope is incredibly effective in your story. Well done at creating a story that has a clear climax, a clear direction, with a good amount of tension lingering in the background.

I also like the naming of Eve. From what I could tell, the biblical tones underpinning your story were intentional (like 'Eve' being from the bible being the first woman on Earth, and 'Eve' from your story being the last). The entire world, in fact, felt like a commentary on what our future could be like, which is cool. The sexbot/companion concept was fascinating – albeit, disturbing – and we have drugs everywhere, as well as... naked people licking walls? Fascinating.

Like I mentioned before, the main drawback was that it was difficult to engage with the narrators at all times, and there were moments where the writing felt slightly clunky. Additionally, with the constant dialogue and lack of setting, it was hard to become immersed despite having a riveting plot. 

OVERALL SCORE: 17.5/25

Overall, an excellent premise with some great moments of fast-paced action. I recommend going over your punctuation and your descriptions, but otherwise, you should be good to go. I hope this review helps!