Title: Tears' Curse

Author: LindaLsc

Summary: 3.5/5

There are some great things happening in your summary. I love the rhetorical question at the end, and generally, the entire summary is cohesive and fluent. There is a clear conflict, a clear purpose of the protagonist, and some beautiful language littered throughout it. If there was anything I'd ask you to expand on, it would be the 'things turn more complicated' – it would be great to give the reader a bit of a teaser on how things turn more complicated.

Additionally, I think you're missing the stakes a bit. You say at the start that her purpose is to protect the world from the forces of evil. Well, what will happen if she fails? Maybe consider rephrasing the rhetorical question so that it is: Will Miracle be able to complete her mission in the world of mortality, or will... [insert stakes here]?

Next, clarity. There were a few moments of awkward phrasing.

But because of the curiosities live in mortality's breaths upon the existence of dragons, she could not use her elements as much as she wishes to.

The entire sentence is a bit confusing, but the main thing is that it should either be: But because of the curiosities living in... or But because of the curiosities that live in... for the clause to be grammatically correct. Also, since the rest of your summary is in present tense, consider changing 'could' to 'can' so that it is consistent. 

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, I thought your grammar could use a bit of work here and there, as it made the writing quite awkward and difficult to read at times. Don't worry, though, I'm here to help.

A lot of the issues I found had to do with dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"We're right on time." Fleynx said as he took out a glowing red potion, "here, drink this."

The dialogue tag is only relevant for the first bit of dialogue. It should be:

"We're right on time, Fleynx said as he took out a glowing red potion. "Here, drink this."

Also, when a character is being interrupted, you still need the closing inverted commas after the first character spoke. For example:

"You don't understand! –

"Most of our friends are gone, Master."

It should be:

"You don't understand—"

"Most of our friends are gone, Master.

There were a lot of tense issues when it came to verbs. Let's go through a few of the examples. Please note: these are only a few. There were a lot more, so I suggest going back and revising your chapters.

When Miracle reached home earlier than the twins who was still held back in school...

Since 'twins' is plural, it should be:

When Miracle reached home earlier than the twins who were still held back in school...

Another example:

...the body was starting to burn. But not the evil soul lived in it.

Overall, that fragmented sentence just does not quite make sense. It should be:

...the body was starting to burn. But not the evil soul living in it.

Next, you seem to be forgetting full-stops. For example:

"Guess I should make a move see ya in school."

Consider:

"Guess I should make a move. See ya in school."

On the other hand, you also seem to be forgetting capital letters. For example:

It growled back and there was a hint of pain laid in the growl. like it was going to lose somebody it loved.

'Like' should be capitalised. Additionally, using the word 'growl' twice in the same sentence makes it very awkward to read – consider using an alternate word to replace the second 'growl'.

Miss Nancy never use her lips to take off the marker pan's cover.

Two mistakes in the above example. First, the verb is incorrect. Secondly, I think you meant 'pen' instead of 'pan'. It should be:

Miss Nancy never used her lips to take off the marker pen's cover.

And from that same chapter:

Miss Nancy never rewrite the notes which were already in the book.

Again, a verbal tense issue. It should be 'rewrote'.

Also, your paragraphing is really random and strange at times, and, frankly, doesn't make cohesive sense. Please avoid breaking up single sentences into separate paragraphs. I understand it may be a stylistic choice, but it's quite unclear because the moments aren't as impactful as they should be. For example:

...leaving her to ponder if it was just her illusions,

or not.

Consider just putting it in a single paragraph. 

Characterisation: 4/5

What I liked most about Miracle is that her purpose had a purpose. Yes, she was sent on a mission – but she wanted it to be her because she didn't want to witness another death of her species. That gave her a strong introduction to the reader, and her internal monologue, in general, is relatable. She stands her ground – when she feels somewhat betrayed by Melvin, she won't let him touch her and she stands by that (even when they're rushing to menopausal Miss Nancy's class!).

There are moments where it's clear to the reader that she's unfamiliar with the world, which leads to bits of humour. For example, having no idea what sodium hydroxide is in the middle of class – how relatable. In fact, I wish you did it more towards the beginning, so the reader felt her settle in.

However, there was a bit of disconnect between the reader and the characters. For example, Miracle has some very significant moments in the story, which big moments of power, where she literally sets the four elements. Maybe instead of writing "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" when describing that outburst of power, you should describe the feeling. The sensations. The power. The stakes. That will make the development feel more real, more impactful, and more engaging.

Let's talk about our forbidden love interest, hey? Oh, Melvin. He was such a sweetie towards the start, though I had major warning bells ringing in my head when he kind of pushed himself on her when they kissed. Anyways, I like that you kept some knowledge about him hidden – the twist in the chapter where he was a mortal fighting an immortal with flawless skill, then goes on to show the reader the mark of a fallen angel was fantastic!

The irony of it was great, too, because I previously recall Miracle feeling bad for Melvin because he was the one left in the dark (or so she thought). Their love is very selfless, as perfectly shown in those last few chapters, to a point that it's heartbreaking when things go wrong for them. But, at the end of it all, I'm glad we could trust him, even seeing him use TinXi's spell to help and all.

Writing Style: 3/5

I have to say, I was really impressed towards the start when it came to your descriptions! They were so vivid, creative, and immaculately written. A night owned by none? Crickets scratching the silence? Brilliant. Do be careful that they aren't too clunky or long, otherwise they start to lose purpose and end up sounding like a string of words forced together. For example:

...flickering in a rhythmic flow, ensuring a rich nurture to the one hundred years growing process while circulating silver breaths increasing their network of connections as Yu Yin Jue or better known as silver fronds exhaled another puff of fresh swirl.

Can you see how too much is going on after the comma, with no punctuation to separate it or make it cohesive? Can you see how it loses purposes and ends up something a bit like you're going off on a tangent? Consider making them more understandable. That aside, you have a pretty great use of fragmented sentences!

Now, onto some things I noticed. You tend to be a bit redundant in your writing. For example:

I'm sorry, Master, she apologised in her mind.

We already know she apologised in her mind, solely based on the part in italics. There's no need to repeat it – otherwise it feels a little jarring and forceful. Next, make sure you're using the correct terminology to express what you're trying to say. For example:

"Raw meat, Miracle puked unexpectantly. Thank goodness, Hayden didn't hear.

Puked means to literally throw up. Based on the rest of the next paragraph, she didn't actually throw up, so consider gagging, instead, maybe?

Also, it was sometimes quite frustrating in moments of tension and agony to just see the characters screaming in dialogue. For example, towards one of the earlier chapters, when Melvin is in pain, instead of:

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Consider actually writing what his scream sounds like. What that feels like to listen to. His facial expression. By just writing the above example, it feels quite unprofessional and cartoonish.

Also, in the first chapter, when you introduced the rules to the reader, the story suddenly lost a clear narrative structure. It just went:

Rules:

1. Never let the mortals find out...

To keep the narration grounded, consider:

Xue Er already knew the rules off by heart.

1. Never let the mortals find out...

Plot + Originality: 4.5/5

Your plot, for me, was your strongest point.

I love, love, love the concept of the dragons protecting mortals from the Mynheex (fallen angels). I also really liked that point in the start, where someone mentioned that Miracle had to come back before the mark turned black – it almost gave the story a nice sense of urgency.

There were also some beautiful moments that furthered the plot and added a nice sense of mystery – like when the bamboo book starts shaking and gives us a glimpse of the past with Lyrke and the unknown lady. Then there were calmer moments at school that were juxtaposed nicely with heated moments of action.

Then, we have our war officially starting (I loved the moment about Miracle being named that for a reason!), and the stakes are constantly emphasised through heartbreaking moments. Poor Mr Hayden! I wish his death was emphasised a bit more, because it almost felt glossed over at times. Miss Nancy suddenly becoming suspicious by using her lips to take off the marker pen's cover was very intriguing, and was a nice hook that led to the climax of the story.

And speaking of the climax, wow! What a roller coaster! We have some moments of tension, where Melvin is literally fighting for his breath as Miracle faces off Arlyaen. Then, Miracle sacrifices her life to save him, and finds her source of power in protecting Melvin – who then Miracle survives, and it's Melvin who has to die because 'born as a fallen angel, die as a fallen angel'. The constant twists were great!

The final moment when Master Felynx took her pearl from her chest felt like an ultimate betrayal, but luckily, it was all good. I think turning both Melvin and Miracle into mortals and the concept of forbidden love was a perfect way to tie those loose ends together.

I do think you should consider adding one more chapter or an epilogue, to show how characters settled down. It's a bit odd to end a story on a complete climax. Usually, final chapters should help wind down the reader. I suggest doing that!

Once again, I also suggest adding a bit more feeling into your writing – describing instead of writing 'AHHHH', and really showing the reader what it would be like to have fire elemental powers or to change from human for to dragon form. That will make the story more immersive and add that layer of realism to it. 

OVERALL SCORE: 18/25

Overall, you've got a fantastic storyline! You just need to brush up on the writing and punctuation. Otherwise, you're good to go. I hope this review helps!