Title: Lions of the Sea

Author: MonicaPrelooker

Summary: 5/5

In all honesty, I'm super excited to start reading this! It's been a while since I've been asked to review a historical fiction that's so rich and full of adventure (and set in the middle of the ocean!). Your summary is incredibly engaging; it introduces the characters in a cohesive manner, establishes their goals and purpose, and perfectly weaves in the conflict and stakes. Excellent work!

If I had to critique anything at all, it would be the phrasing of the following sentence:

But sometimes destiny isn't written in stone, but in the deep blue of the sea.

It's a great sentence, but both clauses start with the word 'but', making it just a tad bit awkward. Here are a few alternatives:

Sometimes, though, destiny isn't written in stone, but in the deep blue of the sea.

Or:

But sometimes destiny isn't written in stone; it is written in the deep blue of the sea.

Anyways, apart from that little nit-pick, great work. I'm super excited to read now, and that is the sign of a perfect summary. 

Grammar: 4.5/5

Honestly, it was pretty much perfect. You clearly know the fundamentals of grammar and punctuation, and the slips I did catch were most likely typos. Here are some that I jotted down. In the very first chapter, I found:

Diego Castillano among them, who spotted him snooping from the corner...

To make it a complete sentence, it should be:

Diego Castillano was among them, who spotted him snooping from the corner...

In Chapter 55, I found:

"You know what's going to happen to you in Maracaibo" he said.

You're missing a punctuation mark before the closing inverted commas. I don't think I need to explain the rule to you, since it was the only time in the entire story where I found that error. My assumption is that it was just a little typo.

Another one I found in Chapter 60:

"You thing that blockhead will help us?"

I think you meant 'think' instead of 'thing'.

Otherwise, it's been a while since I've reviewed a book so polished. Well done! 

Characterisation: 5/5

Holy moly. Let's begin with our Pearl of the Caribbean, shall we? I absolutely loved Marina – she was an absolute badass with her breeches and wide-brimmed hat. From the very beginning, I was in love with her determination. I genuinely laughed out loud when Wan Claup thought Marina and Morris were, er, having an affair, only to find out that they were learning how to fight with the wooden swords. She's a great protagonist; when she gets bullied around, she does something about it.

I sometimes see authors fall into the trap of trying to make their heroine so 'badass' that they end up losing their complexity. However, Marina is honestly fantastic – she is complex, and she often grapples with her compassionate side, as we see when she decides not to kill (and rather, help) Castillano despite everything. And even in the small things – like when she hears about twenty dead people, thirty wounded – she does little suffocated cries that lets the reader knows that she has a heart.

There were also some gorgeous moments of character development and imagery. I adored that moment when Wan Claup died. Not because he died (I was distraught about that!), but because my heart stirred as I imagined Marina holding the sword like a statue to a fallen warrior – the symbolism was stunning. And then she went on to honour his death with the cannons and her yelling... Oh goodness, it was just so surreal. Death in your story, in general, was handled exceptionally. The way Marina felt haunted afterwards was realistic, and it also led seamlessly into the following chapters in which she gets filled with vengeance (and later develops to overcome that vengeance!).

Even Castillano, who is her 'antagonist' to be killed, is such a gorgeous character. I can't help but sympathise with him – he just wants to make sure that no more little boys wake up in the middle of the night to watch their fathers die in the hands of pirates. It was so nice seeing him grow as a character – he seems genuinely mystified as he watches the dynamic between Marina and the crew, and I swooned when he thought to himself that she was beautiful and my heart ached when I saw his concern over the splinters in her legs. In your story, the growing attraction between them was realistic, gradual, and executed exceptionally. It was never forced – it felt completely, utterly real.

Morris, Morris, Morris. The sweetest brotherly-like figure of them all. He's always there to hold Marina when she's upset, and even then, his sarcasm always cracked me up (for example, when she asks him to watch Castillano and his response is, "Aye, want me to bring him tea, too?"). Because neither him nor Marina are perfect, they argue, leaving tension in the air. And still, they resolve it. He also reminded me how naïve Marina could be, when he has to tell her about why he blushes around Dolores.

Overall, the character dynamics in this story are executed masterfully. I love the playful banter between the crew – even the subtle thing, like faking snores or teasing one another. It really made me want to be there with them. There's so much love and affection and loyalty between them all. Excellent, excellent work. 

Writing Style: 4/5

I absolutely love your incorporation of the setting! It's very purposeful, and also somewhat poetic; I loved hearing about the caress of the sea wind and the tropical sun, I love the underpinning notion of freedom, I loved imagining the Caribbean Sea glittering like sapphire. Great work!

Your writing style, generally, is fantastic. It's cohesive, fluent, easy to understand, and always engaging. There were, however, a few times where I would pause because there was something awkward in the phrasing – particularly in the first few chapters. Primarily, there were only two reasons these happened.

The first one was that your sentence structure could get repetitive. For example, the next few lines are the beginnings of the sentences that are all in one paragraph:

The man commanded them to leave again.

The boy didn't know why, but all of a sudden...

Manuel was dragged to run with them.

He crouched out of instinct.

All of those sentences are right after one another, and the beginnings of them are all very similar. It is 'he did this', 'he did that'. Again, this completely disappeared in the later chapters, but it was particularly noticeable in the first few chapters. I suggest reading the story aloud – that's how I caught this.

Also, I noticed you like to start sentences a lot with 'and' or 'but'. Honestly, me too! However, when you do begin sentences with either of those, you have to make sure it is used effectively; otherwise, it ends up sounding a bit awkward and forced. For example:

Everybody praised Cecilia's present of fine custom-made clothes for Morris. And their exclamations filled the room when Marina gave him a new sword.

The second sentence, beginning with 'and', just didn't quite sit well with me. I think it's because, when read aloud, it sounds a little choppy. I think it would suffice to just write:

Everybody praised Cecilia's present of fine custom-made clothes for Morris, and their exclamations filled the room when Marina gave him a new sword.

I usually suggest starting sentences with 'and' and 'but' during moments of intensity and drama, when the choppy sentences are stylistic and leave a bigger impact. 

Plot + Originality: 5/5

Okay, the way you weaved in the historical fiction elements of the story – from the Devolution War between Spain and France, to the Brethren of the Coast preying on the Spanish vessels – was stunningly perfect. It felt real, it never felt overwhelming, and it contributed heavily to the story rather than just serving as a backdrop.

Additionally, I love how specific you were in your vocabulary and worldbuilding – from gunwales, aft hatches, foremasts – you clearly know your anatomy of a ship! Well done!

Overall, your plot moved seamlessly from one conflict to the next, leaving us with high stakes that could be a suicide mission but also could be an incredibly epic moment. And, sure enough, our pearl did it! She took on and sunk the frigates, despite all the doubts. I honestly nearly cried at how beautiful the ending was, with the moment of unity between the crew.

I also totally guessed that Marina and Castillano would fall for each other, but goodness me, it was so satisfying and perfect regardless! Their dynamic is so tense – for a few chapters, I couldn't trust that they wouldn't kill each other. I love the underlying symbolism that lies between them, too – she feels free by sailing, and he yearns to be free. It really set them up nicely, and though I saw it coming, I was still more than impressed by how fantastically it was executed.

And, of course, the way your story handles the topic of feminism is so empowering. We see very clearly how the world treats women, when men calling Manuel's mother "woman", and with pirates doing their pirating business away from the girls initially (even though Marina definitely knew what was going on). They were subtle moments of worldbuilding, but they served their purpose well and stacked the odds up against Marina even more.

She, in turn, responded perfectly. She didn't complain. She didn't mope. She held her head high and made her mark on the world and my heart. Wonderful work. Wonderful message. 

OVERALL SCORE: 23.5/25

Overall, a beautiful story with lots of heart, gorgeous writing, and stunning characters. Honestly, the only thing I have to say is to look out for awkward bits of phrasing, but otherwise, you've got a fantastically polished manuscript in your hands. Excellent job.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your work. I loved every second of it.