Title: Rewrite the Stars

Author: Kirara_Uchiha7

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 3/5

I love the wording in your summary. However, I feel like if it was rearranged, it'd hit more.

Having the quote at the beginning seems to me as a good idea, because your readers will be drawn to what a character says. Here's my suggestion for a summary rewrite:

** 'I fell in love with you long before I realized I did.'

Two broken boys find solace within one another. One wears his heart on his sleeve; the other is afraid of showing the world how much he cares.

Like Yin and Yang, they are opposites and yet, fate intertwines them together. **

Grammar: 3.5/5

You're missing capitalization in some areas. Remember, if you end a dialogue with a period, the next word needs to be capitalized. The only instances where I don't see this happen is when you've ended with an exclamation point or a question mark.

I don't think you need to put quotation marks around any thoughts. Leaving it italicized is enough for the reader to know that they're inner thoughts.

Remember if you're showing possession of something like: parent's death, you still need an apostrophe.

There are some areas where you've messed up with verb tenses. You've written mainly in the past tense so having verbs like 'is' or 'are' (which are present tense), might need to be corrected.

You might want to brush up on the differences between the words 'your' and 'you are/you're'. There are a couple of places where you've mixed up between the both of them.

Character Building: 4/5

I think you've done a good of capturing the characters. I know a little about the Naruto series but readers who might not know much about it might have a hard time understanding the Japanese mixed in, or the shinobi language. I'd suggest a small chapter just dedicated to language.

Their friendship is strong! You've shown that really well and I can see the characters, from their emotions to their physical expressions. The only thing I have to critique in this area is that some things seem repetitive, like how much they talk about their emotions or inner thoughts.

Writing Style: 3/5

A lot of your paragraphs seem to be the same length. Play with lengths and sentence structures. It'll make the story a more fun read. If readers see the same kind of sentences over and over again, with the same length paragraphs, it'll feel redundant.

I noticed you used ellipses. It's better if you use them sparingly, because after some time, seeing them over and over again makes them lose their emphasis.

You seem to jump around a lot. Within one chapter, you switched between several points of view. I'd recommend keeping it to two at most, because when you switch them it gets confusing. That and having a chunk of dialogue without any tags makes it hard to understand what's going on. There are places where it seems to switch from Illumi to Naruto, without a warning. How can we know what Illumi's thinking if the current area is in Naurto's POV?

I like a good inner thought. If you're trying to show it rushed though, I suggest using dashes instead of clubbing all the words together.

If you want to include a picture, putting it in the header might be better than including it within the chapter itself.

?! isn't generally used by authors. (I know it conveys emotions better than a majority of words, but it doesn't look very professional or grammatically correct.)

Plot + Originality: 4/5

I love guyxguy stories! I love manga!

You've combined both of them in this story!

However, I will say that your plot seemed really slow. Then there were areas where it seemed rushed. I'd suggest asking an editor to see if you can smooth these parts out, as well as grammatical errors. But well done with the characters and storyline!! I really enjoyed it. 

OVERALL SCORE: 17.5/25