Title: Universal Collision

Author: GaeaValdez222

Reviewer: Jumping_Jiminys

Cover: 2/5

I've never been a fan of almost like mood board sort of layout for covers. However, reading your summary, I can understand why you did the cover that way as it is what the title suggests; it's a collision of different universes. I would suggest if you can't do it yourself, then hiring someone who can. I am sure someone could photoshop all the different worlds where it doesn't look like a collage. Or you may even find someone who can draw you an original piece. 

Summary: 4/5

When I first saw this, it reminded me of the power ranger movie when all the different version of power rangers came together, and all the red power rangers came together (just thinking about it makes me nostalgic and probably old). As I don't know any of the fandoms lined up, I'm taking it as if it was an original story. You set almost all the different groups we will meet and also the stakes. At the same time, you've left some mystery to the story: who gets taken? What revelations and truths?

I would suggest just before *_* I would leave another paragraph space to highlight this is not part of the summary but almost like an author's note for the readers.

Spelling, Vocabulary + Grammar: 12/15

"...as if THEY hadn't been there at all." - Kidnapped Fate Changers & Burnt Books

"(GETS depressed)" - Kidnapped Fate Changers & Burnt Books

"(GETS PERKIER)" - Kidnapped Fate Changers & Burnt Books

"Whoever is burning these books must BE STOPPED! STOPPED, I say!"- Kidnapped Fate Changers & Burnt Books

"Lizzy: (sighs) I've been POURING over the cases..."- Kidnapped Fate Changers & Burnt Books

Sentence Structure + Paragraphing: 2/5

For me personally, I wouldn't use Japanese symbols and the English Japanese. Instead, use just the English translation as it can stagger the pacing for the readers. For example: "Karan: I'll get my revenge soon... Just you wait, Chiisana Tantei* MWHAHAHAHA (snaps her fingers again)" Then at the end of the chapter in the author's note you'll have "*Chiisana Tantei - Small Detectives" - Kidnapped Fate Changers & Burnt Books

Your first chapter is very long. After the opening theme tune ,I would leave the chapter there and perhaps have a part 2 and part 3 to follow. For an opening, especially in the form you've written, and I am assuming this is an anime, you could get away with almost setting your book out as a manga. I would even go as far as to say that you could do a new book for each chapter like they do for manga. Well, maybe not each chapter but every two chapters or something, as the length it is now is very intimidating. I had to scroll down just to see the extent of it all before I could continue. Not to say that I would've stopped my review, but I just wanted to be prepared.

As a writer, you must appreciate that people probably have about an average 5-minute reading attention span before they want to get onto another chapter. Any longer, they tend to leave the book and come back, or some might use the length as an excuse to not return despite a book being good (please bear in mind I'm saying the average person). I would highly suggest you shorten this first chapter (I am yet to find out whether the other chapters are the same), as Wattpad is saying your chapter takes 11minutes to read.

[though, ray_of_sunshine9, personally, thinks that any length of a chapter is fine as long as it is consistently engaging throughout and sets a clear mood throughout the chapter - as well as consistent characterisation and world-building]

I would also suggest that, in your author's note, all the shout outs are moved onto another page named like "acknowledgements" or something. The author's note is very, very long and it's excellent you are shouting out these people, but perhaps do it either at the beginning of the book or the end. An author's note needs to be short and concise. Inform the reader of the story, engage with them, ask them questions, remind them to vote and send them on their way to the next chapter.

Description: 2/5

As this reads like a break down of an anime, I understand description isn't needed as much as if this was novel. However, I do think you could add description as director's notes (or something similar) the same way you have actions and anything besides dialogue in brackets.

Despite this being almost like a script, you still need to paint the picture for the readers. That way, they have something to anchor their thoughts as they're reading.

Plot Development: 3/5

I understood the plot-- someone is burning books, someone else is missing, and another is having weird dreams (or visions). Considering how many characters there are, you've done well in explaining the plot or at least establishing it, so I commend you for that.

This ties into the length of your chapters and I would recommend that each time we change location or move the narrative with a different set of characters that, for at least eight chapters, each change is a new chapter. Not only will this reduce the length of your chapters but also give us (the readers) time to understand who the characters are individually so when they all come together it's not just a bunch of names being thrown left, right and centre.

Characterisation: [no score -- will not be added to final score]

I can't comment on this as I struggled to remember characters and that's probably due to the amount there are.

Character Interactions + Relationships: [no score -- will not be added to final score]

Again, too many characters and not enough time to process them all. I would say that I really got anime vibes when I did see them interact. The way they behaved was similar to most anime that I watch.

Creativity + Originality: 3/5

You certainly set yourself a big task. It's one thing doing a fanfiction, then it's another mashing several fanfiction together -- so well done on taking this task head on. I don't know any of the fandoms, so I took this as an original piece. I think, as a result, it didn't grip me as much, but I'm sure fans of the fandoms would thoroughly enjoy this book.

Writing Quality: 3/5

Your writing style was more a script than a novel which, I guess, makes sense, as I could imagine this as an anime where everything is far more visual. However, I would recommend you writing is in continuous prose once you've finished the book.

OVERALL SCORE: 31/50

On a side note, I could only manage to get through the first chapter. I did try, but the length really threw me off, so don't worry about payment.