Title: The Life and Death Contract 

Author: TheOreoOnly

Reviewer: Jumping_Jiminys

Cover: 4/5

It is very well done, crips and sharp resolution. The only downside is it doesn't tell you much about the story. You wouldn't expect that cover from the summary.

Summary: 4/5

I quite liked the way you wrote your summary, most go for the standard stakes, character layout, but yours is more like the opening narration of a story, and I like that informal style.

Spelling, Grammar + Punctuation: 10/15

A run-on sentence -> "To definite the contract it simply meant that Ethan Hill gets my soul when I die. If anyone kills me, he gets their soul along with mine, and Ethan and only him alone can control me in any way to do evil or good." [Prologue]

A bit confused by this sentence "I laughed to myself of stupid the ruler of Darkness was." [Prologue]

I would remove the second "before" as you say it in twice in one line. I would do something like "She delicately took my hair into her hands, blew me a kiss before tugging it slightly. Using her free hand to seize my neck and throw me across the floor towards my bedroom." [C1]

I would remove the two other "once" as it's repeated. "She punched me once in the stomach, the leg and my left arm..." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "Yes, mother," I sarcastically replied." [C1]

The sentence feels incomplete: "I stood up and opened the door even though the door was unlocked because she was deaf." The mention of Luna being deaf seemed random in the sentence and would make more sense to be mentioned in the sentence above that. [C1]

Comma needed before the dialogue "Just then Talia yelled even louder, "You fat, lazy girl get HERE now!" [C1]

I would change the following sentence. "That was one of my few moments that makes me have a small smile." to something like "That was one of the few moments that makes me smile." [C1]

"Glamour-- put simply-- makes something appear, so it fixes things like a messy house and yellow teeth I presume." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "This is my eldest child, Chira," the thing said..." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "Our son is outside on the blue and silver motorcycle," the woman said..."

A lowercase after dialogue "Smack me face into outer space?" he said..." [C1]

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "This is going to be an awesome day, as awesome as running on legos for hours," I sarcastically replied..."

A comma instead of a full stop as you use a dialogue tag "...your attitude is like a wet nappy; smelly and ugly," I retorted." [C2]

Possessive apostrophe "I had already burst through the CAFE'S back door..."

I would remove the first "quickly" as you've used it twice in one sentence -> "I scanned the floor looking for any exit available while walking quickly." [C3]

Remove "a" -> "....I saw Madison was only mere steps away from me." [C3]

Missing possessive apostrophe "...it consumes MOST of your WOLF'S energy let alone doing it with no words." [C3]

Sentence Structure/Paragraphing: 14/15

New paragraph for dialogue "If I see you out of your room..." [C1]

New paragraph for "Today it was business..." [C1]

Description: 3/5

There wasn't a lot of description, and as a result, I felt a bit detached from the story. I understand you have face claims but I would still recommend you adding description nonetheless. That being said, you turned it around at the beginning of chapter two.

Personally, the gif mid-scene threw me out the story a bit. I feel that you should've described Chira running through the forest. Her emotions, her anxiety, the looming threat of those guys as she tried to work out whether her ten seconds had finished. The gif kind of conveyed that but for me felt a tiny bit like a way to excuse yourself form writing that section as after the GIF she's near her intended hill.

Plot Development: 2/5

I was a bit confused by the prologue there were a few things that I thought need clarification, but I believe that might be revealed throughout the story.

1. Why was her mum a lesser evil?
2. How did she save humanity?
3. What would've happened to Ethan if she didn't sign the contract?
4. Why were she and her friends misfits?
5. Why had it been raining blood?
6. Why were the races fighting in the first place?

Some other questions I have.
1. How does one know if someone is using glamour?
2. How does one put up a mental barrier?3. How close is her relationship with Ethan? It seems as though they know each other to have sold her soul to him but not enough to know what his parents look like and that he has a motorbike?4. What does selling her soul have to do with the story?5. What is Chira? She is a werewolf (revealed at the end of chapter 1) however has powers like a witch...

Chapter 2 questions:

1. Who's her friend and who died?2. Why if she's seen her dead friend decide to proceed closer? Closer to the problem, especially when she hasn't been spotted?

My main concerns are your pacing, especially in chapter 2. Chira notices her dead friend, which is revealed just to be a spell to appear that way. However, it turns out, that is after her and that Roxanne was only pretending to be her friend.

The conveniently she's casted two protections spells and realizes there's a back door despite regarding this place as her solace and being here all the time? But it's all okay because she gets out unscathed despite saying she knows they are strong magic wielders and revealing that her powers are both uncontrollable (despite being able to change a traffic light near the end of chapter 1) and limited and that the end of chapter 2.

Chira seemed to take it in her stride, finding out that her so-called friend and three others where here to kill her. I think a bit more emotion and betrayal would've gone over well to highlight how heartbreaking it was when Roxanne turned on her.

How does your magic system work? If not already done, I would highly suggest you write down your magic system to ensure there are no continuity errors or overpowered characters.

In chapter three, Chira refers to Noen and Madison by name despite her not knowing it.

Characterisation: 3/5

The main character has a lot of commonly used troupes: abusive parent/s, uses comedy as a defence mechanism, vulnerable sibling/s, forcing them to remain in the bad environment.

Character Interactions + Relationships: 3/5

Characters pranking each other is slightly cringy and cliche nowadays. I think there are so many other ways you can show a banter, light-hearted and humourous relationship without having to pull pranks on each other.

Creativity + Originality: 3/5

The book is still in its early stages in terms of story progression. From the character aesthetics, we learn you can get hybrids, and I am intrigued to find out what a soul keeper is. Werewolves have witch-like powers which are different (I lowkey was thinking similar for my book) and would like to see what they draw their magic form.

Writing Quality: 3/5

You get inside your characters head with the narration, and when you do, it's well done. It's just about keeping that consistency throughout which I know can be difficult.

OVERALL SCORE: 49/70