Title: Hunter

Author: Mercy26_

Reviewer: Jumping_Jiminys

Cover: 4/5

This seems to follow the 'badass female' trope -- not that that's a problem, but she is the red skittles of the skittle bag (very common), and I'll be looking on whether, despite her commonness, she's still original.

Summary: 4/5

You briefly went over what's to be expected of the story. From the magical book and also the girls disappearing. You did well with not overexplaining in the summary, being ambiguous nearer the end and hinting that there's more to this story than some people disappearing.

Spelling, Vocabulary + Grammar: 3/5

"I tried STRAIGHTENING my hair..." - Chapter 2

I would remove "...and it looked like nothing I'd find in my town." This kind of gives me the impression that Cecile is experiencing something in her past life, or her future, but all of it is set in another world or dimension at least, which adds to the "what you know of your life is a lie" trope. - Chapter 3

"I felt like I should KNOW what was happening..." - Chapter 3

"He THREW me towards a nearby tree..." - Chapter 3

"We entered the hall, taking out SEATS" - Chapter 4

Sentence Structure + Paragraphing: 4/5

New paragraph for "I always knew they were strong..." - Chapter 1

New paragraph for dialogue. "Nothing dad..." - Chapter 1

In my opinion, I would remove the part "she knows too much" and keep it "mumbling something over and over again." I say this because this sets up the whole "what you know of your life is a lie, your parents are actually from a magical kingdom and you are the princess" trope, which is overdone. Keeping it vague keeps the mystery alive. - Chapter 1

New paragraph for dialogue when someone else is speaking. "You know I'm picky..." - Chapter 1

New paragraph for dialogue when someone else is speaking. "You're corny..." - Chapter 1

Description: 3/5

I believe your best work was when you did the scenes in italics. You did a great job capturing the fear of Cecile in chapter 3. It was exciting -- the dialogue was heart-pounding, that was my favourite chapter. This book reads as though there's more action to come, and I look forward to it.

Plot Development: 3/5

This one was difficult. I'm not sure about this one. Some things were done, in my opinion, almost to force the plot along and not in a good way.

For example, in chapter two, we find one girl has a tattoo. I felt having Cecile oddly interested was okay. Still, she kept on reminding the reader, "this is strange" "what is going on" "nagging feeling" -- which is excellent once. Yet, when you repeat it throughout the other chapters, when it is revealed as a reader, I'll be thinking, well, she said it a hundred times over, making it less *mind blown* and more of a puff of smoke.

In my opinion, I would've ended the scene in the bathroom with: this girl has got a tattoo, none of my business. Therefore, making the fourth chapter a bit like, "Holy moly, there's more? These markings are connected?" -- which would make the ending of chapter four with the book revealing it's the third page even more, like "Oh boy, here we go, somebody is getting it today!"

By doing that, the third chapter would make Cecile and the reader confused by the whole dream sequence, but will quickly get their answers in the fourth chapter.

It's just maintaining suspense without your readers being confused and also knowing what to expect. It's a balance.

Characterisation: 3/5

Cecile: The lone wolf, she's sceptical, hates romance, despite all this "got the hottest guy gunning for her for reasons unknown." To me, she's pretty (I think) and only has one friend so far -- nothing suggests she'd be a front runner for the hottest guy in school, but hey, it's only the second chapter.

Update: after finishing the four chapters, I am unsure on what makes Cecile appealing, besides Aria liking her (for reasons I am unsure about), I don't know why she'd be likeable. I believe that's down to not being able to see other aspects of her -- perhaps she's smart or, in general, just a lovable character.

Is the Tom the guy who will show her the "real" world and explain all this to her because he's from that world? Because that is the vibe I am getting, and I am praying it is not true.

Character Interactions + Relationships: 3/5

The part with the book left outside her door, was that her bedroom door or the front door? If it were the bedroom door, wouldn't her first thought be, which person in the household sent me this, as that limits either her brother or her mother? If it were the front door, then the mystery of who gave her the box would still be upheld.

I wanted to know how "new" this Tom guy was? He seems to know Cecile as though they've seen each other around, but Cecile doesn't give us any context on how Tom knows her. Is he new-new, like, just moved a few weeks ago? Or is he only referred to as the new guy because he's the latest member of their year and has been there for a whil?

Creativity + Originality: 3/5

There are most definitely some original points to this story, with the girls being targeted. I don't think this will be one badass female, but a plethora of them -- almost Wonderwomen vibes. However, there seems to be more popular tropes than uncommon. With the personality of Cecile, the hot guy liking the lone wolf, the gossip best friend, the strange and/or absent parent/s, high school drama that should make the news, the small town where nothing exciting happens to.

Writing Quality: 3/5

I think your overall writing is excellent. Some pieces needed looking over here and there, but nothing that made it painful to read, which is an excellent thing.

OVERALL SCORE: 33/50