Title: Frozen Grimoire: Paroxysm Blasphemy 

Author: Sarakel_15

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3/5

In general, I think you have a really enticing summary—it sounds very dark and mysterious! However, it could be a little confusing at times, and there were some grammatical errors.

In the first line there was a phrasing error:

"We risen from the ashes as one-To be awaken as light against the darkness of night like fireflies flying at the dim sight."

So, let's dissect this. Firstly, some phrases are incorrect (such as 'we risen' and 'dim sight'), and make it seem a little confusing. I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to say, but I tried to stick along the lines (corrected phrases in bold):

"We have risen from the ashes as one-To be awakened as light against the darkness of night like fireflies flying in the dim light."

Next, let's go over grammar. Firstly, you are missing a comma after 'night'—without it, the sentence is a little confusing and hard to read. Secondly, in this part:

"... as one-To be awakened..."

(-) is a hyphen, which is used to put two words together (e.g. blue-eyed). If you use it without a space between it and the words, it's technically incorrect. You should use an em dash (—) or an en dash (–)—which is a longer hyphen, basically. However, they are different as they are dashes and are supposed to be used in this scenario. I understand you're going through editing, so I noticed the use of em dashes—and it was used correctly, however, there's no need to capitalise the word that comes after it. It is still technically part of the sentence and, therefore, does not need to be capitalised. I suggest you change it to:

"... as one—to be awakened..."

Or: 

"... as one – to be awakened..."

So, with the added comma, phrasing corrections, and dash, it should look a little like:

"We have risen from the ashes as one—to be awakened as light against the darkness of night, like fireflies flying in the dim light."

There were similar phrasing errors in the summary, so I suggest you do a quick reread to see where they are. There was also another comma error in this sentence:

She, a young mistress known as Sarakel M. Historia, retrieved from a parallel world after being lost for almost decade now stood with great responsibility in her hands.

Firstly, there should be a comma after 'decade' (as, when reading it aloud, there would typically be a pause). Also, it should be 'lost for almost a decade'. So, in the end, it should be:

She, a young mistress known as Sarakel M. Historia, retrieved from a parallel world after being lost for almost a decade, now stood with great responsibility in her hands.

Overall, you have a very mysterious summary—with a wide range of vocabulary—but there were some times when you were missing a word or two that made phrasing unclear, and there were some missing commas.

Grammar: 3/5

There were quite a few errors with grammar, but that's okay because grammar's extremely hard.

The first error was hyphens (and capitalised after them, too), but that was already explained above, so I won't repeat it. (However, I did notice the edited version of Act 1.0 that you used em dashes instead of hyphens.)

Another error was using (?!). Using a question mark and an exclamation mark together is actually grammatically incorrect. I understand its use for emphasis, but it terms of grammar and professionalism, it's actually incorrect. Depending on the situation, I suggest you use either a question mark or an exclamation mark—but not both, or multiple of each.

Another error was, sometimes, you hyphenated words that didn't need to really be hyphenated. Words like 'let-out'—which can simply be written as 'let out'. This isn't exactly an error, but words like that aren't commonly hyphenated.

Another error was verbal tags. Verbal tags are basically anything like "he said", "they replied", "she stated". In a sentence with dialogue, they are technically a part of speech. If you put a period (.) at the end of dialogue, and put a verbal tag after, it is grammatically incorrect. Here is an example of an incorrect dialogue sentence:

"We couldn't predict that though, Lady Nachetania." the other replied, a solid courtesy was...

It should be:

"We couldn't predict that though, Lady Nachetania," the other replied, a solid courtesy was...

You do not need to capitalise after a period (.), an exclamation mark (!), a question mark (?), a dash (—), and ellipses (...). These show continuation of the dialogue sentence, and are allowed to be used before a dialogue tag. You can still use a period at the end of dialogue if no verbal tag comes after it.

I also noticed some tense changes. Here are two paragraphs where tenses change:

"Uh, okay. Thank you for the inspiring words, Lady Nachetania." she emphasized, bowing in a courteous manner... ["Emphasized" is in past tense.]

He has parmesan-hued hair... ["Has", in this case, is in present tense. It should be "had".]

Another recurring error I noticed was incorrect usage of "its". "Its" is used for when something belongs to a non-human. For example, if Ms Historia had a bag, you'd say "Ms Historia's bag". Now, if a cat or an animal (or object) owned the bag, you'd say "its bag". Another similar-sounding word is "it's". This is a contraction for "it is".

Overall, you know the basics, but there are some recurring problems you might want to fix.

Writing Style: 3/5

In terms of vocabulary, your range was extremely vast, and the writing sounded pretty mature. However, there were cases where you used the wrong variant of a word. I put these in writing style because they focus more on writing then grammar, exactly (even though they are grammatical errors).

In the chapter "Introduction":

Did God now lost His trust?!

It should be: 

Did God now lose His trust?

There were also some phrasing errors similar to those in the summary (this example is from the Introduction chapter):

False prophets been sprouting as fast as a wildfire from every nations...

It's supposed to be (some other smaller corrections have been made):

False prophets had been sprouting as fast as wildfires from every nation...

Another similar error was:

Her gazes immediately traveled towards the chiffon-hued...

'Gazes' is actually a verb—but in this case, it's used in the place of a noun, so it should be:

Her gaze immediately traveled towards the chiffon-hued...

These errors happened often, so I suggest you do a reread to find them and do a quick edit.

In terms of general writing style, I felt vocabulary was definitely a strong point. However, describing every aspect and going into detail about unimportant things can be considered as 'flowery'. While the descriptions are beautiful, I suggest you use them when it would seem natural—like appearance or a setting instead of mundane tasks.

Another issue I had was that there could be a lot of these sentences in a row:

She grappled...

She treaded...

She began...

These sentences all begin with actions (there was a little break there, but the premise of the sentence was the same), and can get repetitive after a while. These are used for emphasis, sometimes, but using it a lot can make the writing seem a little awkward. I suggest you change it up a little so there's some difference.

Overall, you have great vocabulary, but there are some smaller errors you might want to fix.

Characters: [no score -- will not be added to final score]

As there was only a prologue, I couldn't really judge the characters.

However, from what I could grasp, I loved the physical description of the characters. I did feel as if dialogue was a bit robotic, and it was a little hard to get what they were saying. Realistically, people would speak more casually—even if they are talking to a noble. I think, in that sense, you might want to make it seem more realistic.

Other than that, I quite enjoyed your characters. I did feel as if your main character was painted to have no flaws (correct me if I'm wrong; I may be reading too much into this). I'd advise you to try and make your characters—or, at least, your main character—as human as possible, so that readers can understand her struggles and her story. Of course, I may be reading into this, so count this as a suggestion.

Overall, I am very excited to see where this goes!

Plot, Aesthetics + Originality: [no score -- will not be added to final score]

From what I could make out from the chapters I read, your plot seemed extremely original. I loved the idea of her travelling to a parallel world, and the war between the two of them (the worlds) seemed extremely intriguing.

In this case, I was truly hooked! I wanted to know more about this new world, how Sarakel got there, what would happen next... I think you have a fantastic plot, and this was definitely one of your strongest aspects.

A focus point of yours was aesthetics. I absolutely loved the graphics of this story. The cover was absolutely magnificent, by the way. From the start, I could definitely feel as if I was stepping to a fantasy story, and I could get an anime-styled theme from the cast. You have a very beautiful-looking book, and I loved the way it was introduced with a poem!

OVERALL SCORE: 9/15

Overall, I think you have a wonderful beginning of a story. There are a few things to work on, but you have an amazing and unique plot and a wide vocabulary! I would love to read this series once completed. Keep writing! I hope this helps.