Title: Bubblegum Inc. 

Author: evo_eevee

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 4/5

I think your summary has everything there! It's very well done, and I think it's great. I did have some small problems, which I'll discuss now.

Firstly, grammar. I noticed that, inside the book, you used (—) em dashes when writing. However, a hyphen (-) was used in your summary. I recommend you change that so it's consistent.

I also found some other errors with titling "Bubblegum Inc.". Throughout the story, I noticed this was a recurring error. You forget to capitalise the "i" on "Inc." or the entire name itself—and it should be capitalised as it is part of a title and a name.

Another error I found was this sentence (I believed it needed a comma):

He smokes cigarettes, charms his way into the hearts of women and becomes a deadly premonition when paired with his human - Sasha or squirt as he's called her since she was eight.

Firstly, there should be a comma after "Sasha", due to the fact that if this was read aloud, there would be a small pause there. Secondly, I recommend "Squirt" to be capitalised (as it is a name—or, in this case, nickname) and also for there to be a comma after "women". In the end, it should be:

He smokes cigarettes, charms his way into the hearts of women, and becomes a deadly premonition when paired with his human — Sasha, or "Squirt" as he's called her since she was eight.

Other than those small problems, I believe you have a wonderful summary, and I couldn't wait to dive right in!

Grammar: 2.5/5

Your grammar was actually pretty decent when it comes to basics—it was just that some bits could be a little confusing for you.

Firstly, and this is a recurring error, "Squirt" should, preferably, be capitalised as it's a nickname.

Another error I noticed was the difference between "who's" and "whose". "Who's" is an abbreviation for "who is" and, to make it simpler to explain, "whose" is used pretty much everywhere else. It basically means "belong to or associated with which person" or "of whom or which", if you need a proper definition.

There were also times when words didn't have an apostrophe, like this example from Loading Screen (all examples mentioned are usually recurring unless stated otherwise):

"What about you, Lucas? Whats your plan for the day?"

I recommend you change "whats" to "what's".

Another huge problem of yours was tense changes. I don't blame you—they're really, really hard to get right—and I want to give an example of a tense change.

Rachel crosses her arms, igniting a glare so heated it could fry eggs with one nasty look. [This sentence is preset tense, with verbs such as "crosses" and "igniting" being from that tense.]

I held my breath, for both me and Sasha. ["Held" is in past tense (present tense is: "hold"), and it's "Sasha and I".]

Tenses usually changed between two paragraphs (but these two sentences were right next to each other), so I highly recommend you keep your tenses consistent (I believe most of it was in present tense).

Another problem I noticed was:

"Have you been on Instagram lately?" He asks, holding the empty cup in his hand.

Since dialogue is (technically) part of a sentence, the verbal tag (in this case: "he asks") doesn't need to be capitalised. However, this was the only error I noticed of that type.

"Truly" was also spelt incorrectly, and was written as "truely".

Another error is when it comes to naming animals (like Foosball) it should be capitalised as it's a name. Any name should be capitalised, and I noticed you had some problems with that.

I also want to warn you about situations in which you didn't use a comma when needed. If you aren't sure, I always suggest reading it aloud to see when and if you give a small pause.

I also recommend sticking to one spelling of "Johnny" or "Jonny" Cascade and "Bradley"—not "Bradly".

(Also, sometimes you didn't capitalise "I".)

Lastly, there were some typos, such as "says" instead of "stays" and such, but these can be solved with a reread. Also, in "Round Three", the "t" on "three" wasn't capitalised (this is for consistency's sake as Round One and Two were capitalised).

Overall, your grammar isn't too bad—it's just some typos and consistency errors (with the occasional recurring error) that can be solved with a quick (but careful) reread and edit.

Characters: 4.5/5

I loved each and every character quite a lot. I felt every single one of them were pretty realistic.

For example, Sasha's pretty hilarious. I loved how sarcastic she was—and her commentary was priceless (can definitely see that coming from you). I adored her relationship with her imagi, Benzo. It was kind of parental—and then there was the question of, well, how much they liked each other in another way, too. If I had to be picky, I would say that someone like Sasha has been seen before—but never this sarcastic, so well done! She was definitely one of my favourites!—and that's super rare because I usually hate the main characters.

Benzo was super cool, too. I loved the description of how he looks—he sounded very different but unique in his own way. I love how much they grudgingly care for each other. If I were to be really picky, I'd say the "bad boy" personality is kind of reused a lot—but what I love about Benzo is that he isn't seen as someone who has a hard exterior and soft interior about fifty chapters into the book. I love that you can tell his real personality right from the start, which makes me feel he's genuine.

There isn't much I can say here, just that characters were pretty realistic, and I loved how different they were to the clichés they are similar to, in some way. I did have some problems and times in which they didn't feel realistic, but I'll get to that a bit more in writing style.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

For the most part, I found your writing style pretty amazing. It was filled with sarcastic commentary and showed most things. There were just times where it slipped—and I know your writing isn't usually "telly", as such, so I think these small paragraphs can be solved with a reread.

They were usually scenes in which characters were described or something was going on. It was recounted in such a way that everything was just given to us. This also impacted character personalities slightly as the story was narrated by them—so it made them feel a little robotic. (These didn't happen too much of the time, and can be solved with a quick edit.)

I also recommend slowing down the pace of the writing as I would have loved a little more insight to their world before jumping straight into the main problem—but this is me being picky as well. 

Overall, however, I believe your writing is fun to read and not very "telly". I enjoyed reading it a lot, however, there were some slips. Sorry there's not much here, as I did enjoy most of the writing! (Tense slips were mentioned in grammar.)

Plot: 4.5/5

I enjoyed your plot immensely. I think it's super original—nothing like I've seen before. I adored the concept of imagi (and the rules they had to follow). And the corrosions, magicians, and the entire concept of a world with these people in it and Bubblegum Inc. itself. It was such a fun and fresh read.

I, also, adored the way chapters were titled, as well as the profile of those characters. I believed that was such a nice touch!

If I had to be picky, I'd say that Benzo's character type was reused a lot, so it was kind of cliché in that sense. However, I think you did wonderfully plot-wise! Not much I can say here, just that you have wonderful imagination and have weaved it into something cool and innovative.

OVERALL SCORE: 19/25

This story has wonderful potential—as proven by the unique plot and immersive writing style. I think your biggest problem was grammar (and characters that are a tiny bit cliché) but I adored how amazing it was. I recommend this story to people who are a little older and are into fantasy (as there was quite a handful of explicit scenes). If you tidy it up a bit with a quick reread and edit, I think you'll have a wonderful beginning in your hands!